When Chris Brown physically assaulted Rihanna, it seemed obvious to most people, looking at the photos of her swollen face, that she should leave the relationship and never return. Now, for months, there has been speculation that she may have gone back to her on-gain-off-again lover. More recently, Rihanna came out a admitted that she had gone back to Brown and she felt that people should leave her alone to learn from her own mistakes, if in fact, going back to Brown is a mistake.
If, like most people, you’re puzzled by Rihanna’s decisions, here are some reason why women go back to their abusers that may help you understand:
1. People Change
While it seems that all Chris Brown has been doing, since he physically attacked Rihanna, is get into even more trouble, all related to his rage and inability to control his emotions, the truth is that some people really do change. We often hear about the abuse cycle, which continues to escalate and sometimes even turns deadly but there are cases where abusers and their partners get professional help and they learn how to love each other without hurting each other, physically. Aggression is learned and can be unlearned if there is a lot of work and commitment to change. While many people have opinions about Rihanna and Brown, we can never know what kind of help they have sought or are seeking.
2. It’s a Family Thing
Some people have had abuse modeled for them in their childhood and it may seem less abnormal to them. Also, abuse cycles can also span generations. A woman is raised by an abused mother who was also raised by her own abused mother. Again, without professional help, it may be difficult or even impossible to break this pattern.
3. She’s in denial
About four years have passed since Brown and Rihanna’s unfortunate altercation. It may be that as time has passed, her memories of the bad part of the relationship have faded but the memories of the good parts have stayed alive. It is not uncommon for women who believe that they are in love to minimize a man’s shortcomings just so that they do not have to make the tough decision of ending the relationship.
4. Loyalty and Commitment
While Brown and Rihanna are not married, it is quite possible that she is very loyal to him and their commitment to each other is stronger than most people think. In the last few decades, marriages end in divorce much more easily and much more quickly, but there was a time when being committed meant that nothing would end the relationship, not even abuse or infidelity. Some women take their marriage vows more seriously than anything else and nothing will convince them to end their marriages.
At the end of the day, it really is up to the two consenting adults what happens and the rest of us can only hope that they have sought the help that they need to move forward in a much healthier way.