Are Modern Marriages Just Too Much Trouble?


downloadBy: Krystle Crossman

Marriage is hard work. It requires focus, communication, and most of all love. These days it seems like no one is willing to do those things that it takes to keep a marriage together. Almost half of all marriages are ending in divorce. People are content to live eternally single. They don’t want a partner, or if they have one, they do not make that forever commitment. This change has researchers wondering what it is about modern day marriage that has people running for the hills.

Some researchers feel that it is too easy for people to get divorced these days so they will break up over one little fight that years ago would have been resolved between the couple. Now all you have to do is drop a little money, sign some papers, and you are on to your next problem. One of the main theories though is that as time has gone on our expectations of what marriage should be like have been raised so high that it would be very difficult to satisfy those expectations.

The problem with having high expectations is that you become so dependent on your partner that you lose your independence. Many have different requirements that they feel that a spouse should fill such as what kind of job they have, how much money they bring in, and whether they help around the house. If these requirements are not met, the marriage becomes an unhappy one. Couples are relying more and more on the actions of their partner and are not thinking about their actions as well.

There are solutions to this modern-day marriage crisis but it all starts at home. If you truly want to remain married, it is time to drop these expectations and lower the bar just a bit. Think about what you need to survive and use those as the expectations for the marriage. From there on out anything that is done past the survival skills seems like the partner is going above and beyond and makes for a much happier marriage.



  1. Marriage is a wonderful institution, I highly recommend it. Blacks as a people cannot do well in every sense of the word if our families are weak . Marriage takes work.

  2. Great Article Krystal…

    Great food for thought in all espects…
    Marriage is a ministry unto God… but most people don’t know and understand the true meaning of the “LAW” created by God.
    How can a man enter into something he has not taken the time to seriously question his creator aka: The Original Designer about…

    Man throws relationship and marriage together like its a sandwich. Everybody’s sandwich is different, due to all the different ingredients it takes to make it a sandwich. Everymans taste buds are not the same, some taste buds reject certain foods, some have horrible allergic re-actions, but in todays society most taste buds reject certain fillers inside the sandwich but fall for the outer appearance at first mouth-watering sight, once bitten yuki comes into the game.
    Man need to “LEARN” how to “ASK, WAIT & TRUST” God to “PUT TOGETHER, BUILD OR CREATE” his sandwich of perfection… and perfection “DOES NOT” simply mean perfect… it just simply means (DESIGNED AND CREATED FOR YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL PURPOSELY).

    Your spiritual taste buds is nothing more then your so truely “YOUR SPIRIT-MAN / YOUR TRUE IDENTITY”…

    BOTTOMLINE: Most end up in divorce because they truely don’t know their creator, their in a hurry to marry, do what mommy & daddy did, (mis-understand scripture: Its better to marry then to burn, outside appearances, (out-grow their mate) needy, money hungry, absolutely no insight into what real [email protected] intimacy is really all about, so they get bored with their partner and step outside the marriage… its an endless trail of madness, every choice but the right choice = spiritual immaturity…


    • Marriage was created by “Man”, its an legal contract between 2 individuals & the government, there was divorce so “Man” created the modern institution of “Marriage” around the beginning of the 18th century to protect the financial interest of the children of that union. The loving bond of that union is creation of God’s Blessing. During “Biblical Times” a man taking a wife “which is actually mentioned in the Bible not “Marriage” was similar to the modern process of buying an used car. Still the same process till this day in parts of the Middle East, which I witnessed 1st hand while serving there. Love, respect & admiration & family are sacred gifts bestowed upon us by “God”

      • @Al Hill

        So your saying that man was here first, and man created God… right? Wow!!! That sounds so disconnected and scary… and I’m not stating this comment to be disrespectful.
        You may not be stating that, but that is exactly what you just said…wink!

        The Gov did not create marriage… God did… the first marriage was to his church aka: His people and not a 4-wall institution.
        God created the Gov who is man because man asked and complained… they wanted a God whom they could see with their natural flesh, but it came with a “GREAT WARNING)…

        God created all things, it is man who has taken all things out of context since the beginning of time. Serving God is knowing God, but is totally not a way of the 4-wall institution. So this is not about the physical church.

        • The “Institution of Marriage” is an contractual agreement & when that agreement ends, it takes a court & a judge to dissolve it & not another “ceremony” by a Priest or Minister. God created “Love” but there is no mention of Marriage in the Bible & remember God didn’t write the Bible & Jesus never read it. So do you believe that; Hindus, Shieks, Muuslims & Bhuddist Marriages are less sacred because they don’t read your Bible, wow how bigoted

          • @AL Hill… Where do you think mans inspirations wisdom and knowledge came from… you think it just fell out of the sky! How “Bigot” of you!! and I can name many forms of bigotry in your life just by your communication alone… unless your trying to start a war up in here… and don’t put words in my mouth… Hindu Jews and all alike believe in God, even Satan himself.. and I’m not here to debate with you concerning your karnel mindedness… A man who is without a spiritual connection is like a ship floating in the wild seas without a captain going absolutely nowhere. “Nothingness breeds Nothingness” A never ending story.

            There are some positive blackmen in this room posting on this article whom I feel deserve respect, so don’t try to start a war up in here with Redbone, you cannot and will not move me.

          • How in the He££ can you speak on anything about me “you don’t know me not even my name”, you sound as. Crazy as a “soup sandwich”. I enjoy the institution of marriage as did my Parents & Grand parents “you” & when you put away the “fantasy” it takes work & when you get an divorce it takes a lawyer. I just love how you half a$$ Christians put everything on “Grace” to excuse any actual work, sacrifice or obedience in your faith

          • @AL Hill…
            Disenfranchisement has sunk the ship and you are a major “Culprit”

            No one who has posted on this arrival has tried to shove anything down your throat, so don’t get angry with us because you don’t understand the language of the spirit.
            You label us as (YOU CHRISTIANS), and your militant demeanor is negative demonic and down right outlandish when it doesn’t have to be unless your sent by the enemy.

          • And you don’t know me to be calling me a bigot and a religious women… thats just like calling me a bytch! Back-atcha…

          • My reference to “how. Bigoted” was toward your reference to “Marriage” being “Biblical” in nature therefore “Christian” only. I’ve never made an reference toward you the person “unlike you” because I don’t know you from a “can of paint”. I have friends of various cultures, ethnicities & religions & I listen, learn & respect them all. For if God created all “Mankind” go to reason that he would create different paths to him

          • @Al Hill… My 23 yr old son wrote this and posted on Facebook…
            We don’t serve a whiteman’s Americanize God / Idol

            Since the dawn of my lifetime the subject of religion has always been a topic of debate.
            A debate in which 9 out of 10 conversations ended in a yelling match over who was right, or who was wrong… and guess what! if your wondering nobody ever wins those arguments… pretty much bothsides usually walk away furious, and agitated.
            Now I bring this subject up, because during one of these conversations in which I was included, a young muslim woman said to me, “Maybe it’s not that any religion is wrong in its beliefs, or even right,” maybe the only thing that matters is your commitment to those beliefs!” Meaning its not that God cares what religion you choose to praise him in. What he cares about is your unwaivering effort, and commitment to praising him in that way. So in other words it doesn’t matter if you’re Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or even Buddhist. As long as you show him you’re commitment to loveing, and praising him in that way he will honor you.
            If you’re wondering how can I even suggest this if none of these religions even have anything to do with each other? I would just simply tell you to
            educate yourself, because knowledge is power my friend. Now if you look at most major religions they all start off with God creating Earth, and then the all so famous Adam, and Eve… so yeah in the end we’re all praising God anyway.
            Now if you want to come at me from another angle with, “well some religions don’t even believe in God like Muslims”, because they talk to some guy named “Allah”. If this person is you I will still politely reply with educate yourself guy!
            There are roughly 6,500 different languages in the world, and you think everyone has the same name for our Lord aka God. Well I’m sorry to tell you no,
            the world doesn’t work that way… Allah is how you say God in Arabic.
            If you still don’t get it, look at the English word “Yes”… that same word is pronounced
            “We” in French, and “Da” in Russian… so in retrospect how can you exspect everyone to say Gods name the same way in every language, you can’t!
            So now I leave you with these my finale views on religion, and God. I’t doesn’t matter how you praise God, just do it. An when you’re praising him
            whether it’s on your knees, standing, or even swimming it doesn’t matter. Don’t forget to thank him for allowing you to wake up, and enjoy another day of life… another day to see your family, kiss your wife, hangout with your friends, or hold your child as you watch them fall asleep in your arms.
            Cause when you think of all the ways your life could end in an instant. You realize how every extra day you have on this earth is truly a gift from God. So don’t waste it, and “live life,””Love God,””and Treat Others As You Would want to be treated.” Now to end off my letter, in the words of the Great Rodney King, “Can’t We All
            Just Get Along?”

          • I care more about the squirrel that ran past the fronts of my truck than anything you have to say about faith or religion, your the women that argued hard & long that women need not be married to have children, even though the books of “Hebrew, Galatians, Corinthians, Mathew & Revaluation prohibited “fornication”. So your “spirit” is something you read & recite & not necessarily live “or adhere to obedience”. As the Grand Son of an old school Mississippi minister & Sunday school teacher “my Sunday school teacher” so did they. Also never heard them mention that God separate “Souls” by race or culture, he is God “to all mankind”. So just let’s agree you live with you God & I will live with mind because I must live by “obedience” not just knowledge of scripture

          • Okay that’s it…

            To all the strong positive respectable spiritually grounded blackmen in this room / plezz close your “EARS” cover your “EYES” and turn your “HEAD” because Redbone has to stump the he{{ out of a flea…forgive me brothers, but I tried, I hate satan and his emps, snakes, bugs, vermons, rats and feins… and we have a live one in here.

            To AL Hill II:
            You are one stupid ignorant Muthfkr, and I mean with a capitol “M”… just a plain ole demented fkn fool. Your so fkn evil, so fkn blind, so fkn out of touch, so fkn “JEALOUS”, envious, karnel minded, accuser of the brothern, fkn-dead-blind-walking-corpse, lame-brain-idiot… my list has no end to it when it comes to your fkn “STUPIDITY”.

            Dumb a$$ fool you already have a wife at home to control, so stop trying to control all other blackwomen. Be satisfied with what you got or is she the one who is actually beating your donkey and your just a wounded puppy always looking for fight with Redbone. I knew when I posted on this article your stupid “JEALOUS ENVIOUS DONKEY A$$” was going to start some shyt with me because you can’t control me. Like I’ve said many times: AL Hill II hates blackwomen, especially if their strong minded blackwomen that he can’t run over.

            Your daddy really fuked your sorry a$$ up. You remind me of a fkn (TERMITE), SOMEBODY PLEZZZ CALL PEST CONTROL FOR THIS BYTCH.




          • Al Hill II..

            That’s right your in chicagie right!!! Just keep dodging those bullets, or maybe!!! catch one for me because I could use it for a souvineer…wink!

            I’m sorry Lord, please forgive me, but some fools just don’t know when to stop, so peter has to cut off a [email protected] ear…Redbone

          • Evil doesn’t have a sense of humor it just “fools” you, a joke about a Black Man getting shot is as funny as a joke about a Black Women getting raped. My parents raised me better, you just showed & demonstrated who & what you really are, no one can make you angry no more than they can make you hungry “your responsible & in control”

          • Speak for yourself… When I post do not fuk with me AL… I am not interesting in anything you have to say. Your just a [email protected] demonic judge for your ownself. You don’t fkn know me on a personal level and I’m totally not interested in knowing you or anything you have to say. Get lost you [email protected] ignorant a$$ fool!!!

          • Absolute “Phoney” just find some more crap to say “Amen” & “Praise the Lord” to after all faith is about sounding good & not being good right must be so sad & lonely being an hypocrite

    • Excellently insightful. Have tried to say more but you’ve said it all; eloquently, spiritually. Thanks much and thanks to God that I and my late husband thought enough of each other to invest the time and energy in our marriage.

      • OMG!! Mrs. N. Wood
        You have just blessed my soul and given me strength, if you only knew. We can share so much of our gifts with people, but if they are not spiritually connected to the Lord and have no engineered circumstances by God to bring forth their experience they will never be able to recieve the benefits of the messenge sent by God.

        ALways keep me in your prayers, my road is no joke, but I wouldn’t turn back for nothing in this world for I have crossed over too far.
        Where I am is more real then where I came from.

        Redbone / Blessings and Much Love

  3. Ok, so I know I’m only 23, and never married, but I’m going to say something anyway. What’s with people thinking it’s okay to sleep with other people while your married. I mean don’t get me wrong I like to drink, party, and smash different chicks to. An by admitting this we can all see that, I am far from perfect.

    Now with that being said there isn’t much I take to seriously, but marriage is most definitely one of those few things I take seriously. So I’m saying this, Dudes, and Dudetts it is not ok to do, or have these things while your married.
    A mutual agreement to sleep with other people, Sleeping with someone else when your spouse doesn’t know about it, aka cheating! And last, but not least sorry guys threesomes. Now I say this, because common-sense dictates if you still want to sleep around with other people then don’t get fucking married! Deeee, Duhh, Deeee stupids! And for all you people who want to tell me I don’t understand, because I’ve never been married, and you on the other hand have, or haven’t been married forever. In which case let me guess it’s complicated. Well guess what! your right, I’ve never been married, and I get the “it’s complicated” part, because you love that other person, or you at least think you love that person. So what I have to say back to you is, (right is right, and wrong is wrong), and at the end of the day you would have saved alot more money, and spared someones feelings if you just seperated before your misdeeds, or just wasn’t in such a rush to get married anyways stupid.
    And as someone wise told me once before “the magic isn’t in getting married it’s in staying married”. So before you cheat, or make some mutual agreement with your significant other, please sit down and talk to them first, have sex with them first, and for the love of God don’t go have sex with someone else other then that person that your married to…
    So with that being said I leave you with this last advice, if your sitting, and thinking about marrying someone, and your only thoughts are: * Bro did I sleep with enough people, Fuck I can’t sleep with other people anymore, and the famous: * Is this really going to be the last woman I sleep with, Really Guy! suppose to the way you should be thinking, will I be a good spouse to this person, can I support another person financially, or most importantly am I ready to make this forever monogamist commitment to this person that I truly love. I think its safe to say if your thoughts are the first three I mentioned, your probably not ready to get married, who would of thought? To Easy Brah!!!

  4. Modern marriage is NOT the problem. Modern people ARE the problem!

    Each successive generation is more selfish and less compromising than the previous one. Marriage requires a certain level of spiritual/moral values, a certain level of selflessness, and the willingness to compromise.

    Unfortunately, these qualities are becoming more and more rare in today’s society, which is why so many have children with folks they don’t even like, there are fewer marriages,fewer marriages are GOOD marriages, and there’s so much “baby mama drama” and “bady daddy drama”.

    Even the folks who are “shacking up”…who think going through the motions of marriage without formerly getting married and/or calling their union marriage will help them avoid the problems above…are finding out that it doesn’t.

    Furthermore, we as Black/African folk SHOULD know better and we have NO more excuses for our failing family orientation! It’s sad that we have collectively adopted the lack of moral values of those who enslaved our ancestors! As a people globally under a state of economic, cultural, political, and even military-style siege, we dont have the luxury of time for excuses, nor can we afford to be caught “slippin”, knowing that the marriage is the foundation of growing a family, which in turn is the foundation of communities…which in turn is the foundation of nations and “national-ism” of all kinds. And especially for us African/Black folks. Consequently, we as a people should have zero tolerance for folks who try to discourage African people for preparing for marriage and becoming “marriage material” in the general sense.

    Common sense dictates that on an individual level, certain folks are not “marriage material”, some folks are just not the right fit for marriage, etc. However, this should NEVER be applied to the vast majority of African/Black folks who actually care about their humanity…and survival as a people.

    There are a variety of African/Black folks out there who understand this and provide relationship counseling, family advice, etc., whether religious-based, African-centered, or the like. I suggest we seek them out and SUPPORT and PROMOTE the efforts of the ones you have a preference for, so that we can get back on track as a people.

    With open hunting season on Black folks…literally…only strong Black families will be able to survive.

    • @SAM…

      Per your post: Marriage requires a certain level of spiritual/moral values, a certain level of selflessness, and the willingness to compromise.

      Amen Sam… Spiritual and moral values is and has always been at the top of the list. The problem is most people today do not know how to seperate what true spirituality is verses religion, so it keeps a great divide and man continue to live in the dark.
      Man will never have a center and a balance in his life or his personal make-up without that knowledge and tunnel insight.

      Individual spirituality must be (MUST START) at the top of the list of life in order for everything else to “BRING BALANCE”…
      God created man… / Man did not create God…

    • @SAM…
      Per your post: Marriage requires a certain level of spiritual/moral values, a certain level of selflessness, and the willingness to compromise.

      Amen Sam… Spiritual and moral values is and has always been at the top of the list. The problem is most people today do not know how to seperate what true spirituality is verses religion, so it keeps a great divide and man continue to live in the dark.
      Man will never have a center and a balance in his life or his personal make-up without that knowledge and tunnel insight.
      Individual spirituality must be (MUST START) at the top of the list of life in order for everything else to “BRING BALANCE”…
      God created man… / Man did not create God…

      Sorry sam Lonnie is my son… I forgot to remove his name from my ap..

      • Good afternoon, Redbone.

        Although I feel what you’re saying, even though I feel that religion (when practiced with the correct mindset and understanding) is an essential component of spirituality.

        I know that only someone with a strong spiritual and moral compass will possess the self-sacrificing and compassionate traits necessary to have a positive marriage, or to even consider marriage at all. And while I’m by no means an expert, I’ve been married 16 years and was born in the early 70s…the generation that is lucky to stay married past 5 years nowadays. Prior to and during marriage, it’s my consistent effort to place God’s will 1st that has helped me do my part thus far.

        Well, I realize that most folks that join conversations on topics like this…whether it be the internet, talk show, radio program, etc. are sadly not looking for the real answer to fix the problem. So I’ve learned to limit my commentary participation in ways that may draw folks seriously looking for a solution.

        I suppose that those who are serious will examine offered solutions. Unfortunately, the majority will get what they truly came for…arguments, fights, debates, and other non-value-added stuff.

        In the end, they will have to answer to God for that behavior as well.



        • @Sam..
          Good morning and thank you so much for this post.

          Its not easy walking in my call, I get caught-up in so much mess in these blog rooms, sometimes I guess its my training ground (boot-camp) to another level and place in God. I am not against the communion / spiritual institution of marriage, but I am against disobedience to God, but also realizing man is not perfect. I’m finding out there is more peace out in the world these days then it is on these blog forums.

          Anyway it was a real blessing and encouragement to recieve your post this morning, especially since your a blackman. No disrespect but issues are out of control these days amongst african american male and female counter parts, especially concerning the institution of marriage.

          I am so proud of my chidren, I owe it all to God, I know they will all enter into blessed marriage unions with spouses of Gods choice for them, and I won’t have fatherless grandbabies / God’s promise to me. My oldest daughter and first born 34yrs old is getting married to a man of God who has a calling to the ministry. Ha ha.. I don’t think she knows it yet.

          I have been single for almost 20 yrs, and I’ve turned down 3 purposals of marriage in 2 yrs because “God” did not tell me these men were my husband, and they are good blackmen, just not the one God has chosen for me. I am ministery material, I can’t join myself to anyman just because he offers me his hand in marriage.

          I do not wish to be married to a man who is not my equal or less informed spiritually… I have enough sense to know that marriage covering will not last, so I will continue to wait on God for my mate, but also enjoy my single life because when God says okay “Redbone” its time now… I must be obedient to the call because my marriage is about ministry… it is what God has created and trained me for, for the past almost 20 yrs, it is my (call) that I “MUST ANSWER TO” in that timing and season of God.

          Sam it has not been easy, but in the end to my new beginning it will be worth all its weight in Gold. I am excited because God is going to use me to teach our black-women how to walk through their process inpreparation for marriage according to God’s will and God’s will only.

          Last words: The institution of marriage has been destroyed in our black community because we walked away from God to worship all other God’s…

          God is claiming all his stuff back, things will be darkest before the dawn before total change comes to our black community.

          2 Chronicles 7:14

          Then if my people who are called by my name will “HUMBLE” themselves and “PRAY” and “SEEK MY FACE” and “TURN FROM THEIR WICKED WAYS”, I will hear from heaven and will “FORGIVE THEIR SINS and *(HEAL) THEIR *(LAND)…

          Blessing to you Sam / Matthew 13:10-17


  5. teddybarexxx on

    I love the article! In my opinion the reason why marriages are failing is the lack of GOD and we get together on false notions. We hook up vs establishing a solid relationship with someone. We choose a person based on how good they look, how much money they have, the sex is good, or even worst that person were their cheating buddy (you know that’s the person you get with as the answer to your already failing relationship). I feel the answer to all our life’s problems is GOD we need to get back into letting him be the true head of our lives and allow him to guide us.

    • You go teddybarexxx…
      I know that’s right!!! But the word of God says: “MAN LOVE THE DARKNESS”… it is what it is lol…

      Its one thing I’m learning every waking moment of my days: GOD’S WORD IS “LAW”… when we don’t keep his simplest “LAW” we have simply broken that “LAW” and that is always followed with consequences that bring “unbalance” to man. Every “LAW” that our creator has given us falls under the Ten Commandments, there is no seperation and there never will be unless you have been severed from your God, which means you are nolonger under the “LAW”… = OUTER DARKNESS…

  6. Jay Z and Beyonce.
    Jay z’s chart and Beyonce’s chart indicates major stress this year, marriage is in danger, communication break down and feelings are not strong anymore. A break up is indicated between now and the late fall of the year, they may call it time off from each other, but the truth of the matter is that it’s over and it’s just a matter of time on who makes the move first.

    Celebrity Prophecy.Com / Robert Mystery at [email protected]

    Posted Over 30 days ago:



  8. @Sugar Hill….
    I’ve been looking at your post all morning telling myself to rest, don’t answer that post because I’m on a pleasure road-trip… But my spirit is saying something different.

    I just have one question for you, and you don’t have to even answer back:

    First allow me to say that I can tell your a very mature black-man of integrity by the words you posted at the end of your share: *(IT CAN BE BETTER THAN THE LOVEMAKING). TRUST
    Rather you realize it or not you spoke volumes of power, like one word has a thousand meanings.

    The question is: Did you ask God about this woman before becoming seriously involved and marrying her, and if you did, did you “WAIT” for God to answer you back…hum

    When you are truly “GODS PROPERTY” he doesn’t half-step with his provisions for you especially when it comes to a wife. God is true and honorable to his word /aka:LAW

    The man who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, so he has (FAVOR) with God.

    She was out of line, and her house was not in order by God’s critera. This is not a religious thing, this is a God thing.


  9. Marriage aint too much trouble for me and my hubby our marriage is traditional he is head of the household and my friend lover provider protector and Im his friend lover right arm and helpmate just becuz i work like he does and bring some money home dont change his role or my role. I aint tryin to be the man or the head of household if i wanted to be head of household i would have stayed single and had some kids to struggle to raise alone. I like that I got a husband and dont have to do all the heavy lifting.

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