Almost everyone wants to find a great relationship with that special person. When we find it, we are blissfully happy and don’t ever want to let them go. But where do we draw the line between not wanting to lose the relationship and being obsessive about not losing someone? Being too clingy can push someone away just as quickly as if you were too distant. Being too clingy or needy with someone can make them feel smothered or like they don’t have any freedom. This could end up destroying the relationship you were so intent on keeping. Here are five ways that you can stop being clingy or needy so that you don’t lose your love.
1. Admit you have a problem. As with any issue, you need to admit it before you can make steps to correct the problem. Take a step back and look at your behavior with a critical eye. Your friends may have told you that you are being clingy, so look at what you are doing from an outsider’s point of view.
When you become clingy, you are often driven to this by negative feelings of jealousy or insecurity. Take a look at what is causing those feelings and distance yourself not only from your partner, but distance yourself from those people that are making you feel the need to cling to your partner.
2. Check your body language. Your body will tell you if you are being clingy. When you drive by their house, or see their photo, what do you feel? Are you anxious? Does your chest immediately tighten because you aren’t with them? These could be signs of being too clingy. Make sure that they have their space and that you have yours. Their body language will tell you if you are clinging as well. They may make less bodily contact and eye contact with you because they are craving the space that you are not giving them when you are around.
3. Diversify your day. We often have the need to have conversations, companionship, approval and other things of that nature. Sometimes your partner will give you all of those, but then you begin to believe that they are the only ones. Go out with friends and have a conversation with them. Get support from a family member. Branch out and go to different people for different things as opposed to always going to your loved one. This will help you to keep some distance from them and will give them some room to breathe.
4. Give only what you get. Don’t shower you partner with lavish gifts, money, or attention. Give them what they give you, but not too much more. If they take you out to dinner, reciprocate and take them out to a restaurant the next week; don’t take them out for a day trip to another state, for example. If they give you a gift for a holiday, purchase around the same value amount. If they give you a necklace that is a hundred dollars, don’t buy them something that costs ten times that amount. The same rule should be applied to calling and texting. If they aren’t answering your texts, don’t keep sending them. Wait for them to engage in a conversation. The same can be said for calling on the phone. If they don’t answer, don’t keep calling every hour. Call them once. They will call back.
5. Finally, don’t be adhesive; be cohesive. Make sure that you are not creating a one sided relationship. Help them and support them without being too overbearing as this can create feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. Make sure that you are with them and giving them what they need, but don’t overdo it.
If you can correct your clinginess with these five steps and they are still pulling away or feigning interest, it may be time to move on. Take a look at your behaviors and make sure that you are giving your partner a reasonable amount of space and not being too needy. This will help your relationship to last much longer, rather than chase people away.