Black Man Says a Black Woman Who Is $exy But Can’t Cook, Clean and Has No Substance is Useless

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$exy black womanBy Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

So, I’m scrolling down my Facebook timeline and I come across a post (and the image to the left) being shared by one of my Facebook friends. The post was written by a Black man who appears to have run into too many shallow Black women.

I think it has been said enough that true beauty starts from within so hearing someone say it is nothing new. While the brother who wrote this random post may be perceived as being a little harsh, he is actually making some very valid points. I actually believe that what he has brought up works two ways.

He takes issue with Black women and is telling us that Black men are basically tired of Black women who have nothing to offer except “$exy” but, like I said, the idea works both ways. There are many women who get involved with men simply because they feel a $exual attraction to them and nothing else. In many of these scenarios, the women will fall pregnant and then realize that “$exy” doesn’t pay the bills; not even child support that is mandated by the courts.

So, if you’re a Black woman reading the random thoughts below, first read it as it is and and use it as a peek into a Black man’s mind. Don’t take offense to any of it; I didn’t agree with some of the choice of words the brother chose but I did not take offense. Then, take the word “woman” and replace it with “man” and use this as a tool to really question yourself about the kind of man/men you have allowed into your life. Did you you look beyond “$exy” and do you do so now?

Here is the Facebook post: (let me know your thoughts).

Random thoughts:
Are black women $exy? No doubt! When it comes to $exiness sisters have no equal. But can I be honest with you? I’m actually TIRED of $exy black women. Now hear me out on this, please.

$exiness don’t mean jack snot. Not in the grand scheme of things. Visually appealing, yes. But I can’t eat $exiness. $exiness won’t help pay these bills or pay off our student loans. $exiness won’t qualify for a mortgage, or get the IRS off my back long enough to make my next big business move.

$exiness won’t help me raise these kids. Neither will it teach my daughters their true worth and value in this world.

We got way too many ‘$exy’ sistas out here with nothing else to bring to the table. $exiness is the totality of their package. And that’s WACK!

Most black men looking for a relationship want a USEFUL woman. Visual appeal alone won’t cut it. Besides: there are so many black women competing to be the $exiest, it’s not even a race worth entering.

Can you cook? Do you clean? Do you have mothering skills Do you love your father? Respect him? Respect other black men in general? Have you divested yourself of prior relationship baggage? Can you hold a conversation about REAL world events? And no: Love and Hip Hop doesn’t count!

Do you have a REAL relationship with a REAL God: or do you follow the fake one many American Christians have invented for themselves because he’s more tolerable than the actual Truth?

These are the kind of questions discerning men are asking nowadays.

So if $exiness is all you bring to the table, you can keep it. I’d rather have a woman of pure unadulterated SUBSTANCE. And I’m sure I speak for most conscious-thinking brothers out there on this one.

There’s a new breed of black men out there ladies. And we ain’t settling for second best or taking any shorts. Either come correct or go get with Tyrone. That’s all many of you are use to dealing with anyway…

 Nomalanga helps Black women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , a former College Professor and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s Facebook page or Follow her on Twitter 

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92 Comments

    • Bobby Richardson on

      Lets not pick on Black Women alone here now!! Any American Woman cooking and cleaning and mothering and respecting their man (lol)!!! THAT SHIP DONE SAILED MAN!!!

  1. that is so true, all that was said. that’s the kind of man I’ve been looking for an able to find but its all good. I’ve been taking care of me for a long time and will continue to do so find the right now.

  2. James whitfield on

    Well it is a new age but it is hard for me to reply because I like to take care of my woman and live to see her happy so cooking and cleaning does not bother. Unfortunately it wasnt enough so I am currently single and I dont believe they are useless just misunderstood so I wish them luck with the future

    • Charlene RICHARDSON on

      I can say I see your point but most times we choose the wrong person for us now I say us because include me as well. But when looking for a mate we tend to not know what we want or we want things that are not real. But there is nothing wrong with spoiling your mate as long as she or he does the sane for you too.

  3. I agree. So many are faking the “total package.” Shallow and petty always surfaces once the “sexy” wears thin.

  4. I understand the author’s caution to read this man’s opinion and not get angry, but I can not do that. Are you a useful man? Are you a man of substance? Why is the IRS on your back, if you were a real man you would handle your finances and not ask your “sexy” to clean your mess? Why would you have kids with someone you feel can’t raise them? You want someone who cooks and clean? Can you buy food and provide a place to clean? (I doubt it, you can’t afford a condom.) You have already shown us that you have bad credit and are under employed (if employed at all). You have shown us that you have poor judgment because you keep meeting the same woman. I’m not sure if that is the woman you like or the woman you know you deserve. So those are the women that you attract. The reason you can only find “sexy” is because that is all you have to offer. I think your post is more about you beginning to smell yourself rather than “Sexy.”

    • Thats right Lori!!! You saved me from writing a novel, LOL! All that u have said I agree with, wholeheartedly! These men need 2 get themselves correct and have something of SUBSTANCE 2 offer, then maybe they can have the kind of mate they desire. Kudos madame Lori…..everyone needs 2 hold themselves accountable….it is NOT all about one paticular gender. God bless;-)

    • Yes Yes Yes Lori. I read the first two lines of your response and stopped! I had to. We share similar positions. I read this a few week ago on Michael Baisdens thread and responded at length from this position: “a brother scorned.” Basically my opinion was he kept choosing wrong and in the end those kids and the child support started killing his pockets. Then he woke up and when he did, he lashed out in anger at every chicken head that used and abused him. Sometimes brothers learn the hard way.

      • Why is it that when a man speaks against the dysfunction of women , especially black women… women always have to attack the man for speaking truth concerning their dysfunction?? with replies of Vice Versa and Men need to get their selves together before they speak?? Yet when they speak about black men .. they just expect the black man or any man period to just say you are right or remain silent?? straight foolishness…. What the man said was true and can’t be disputed… yet instead of pointing to a lie told, you attack him for speaking Truth..

        • I agree on what was said now ladies my sister he didn’t say all black women ok just the ones that think all they need is to be sexy and on that 1000% agree we want more then a pretty face and big butt hell I want it all want u to be able to do it all I can I can cook clean pay my bills wash my clothes to good mam u want pk we want a good woman too it go’s both ways.

        • These chics responses are prime examples of why most black women are undateable. Other women dont have this disrespect towards their men or black men that black women have. Its 2013 n we dont have to deal with this anymore if we dont want to. Personally I am done arguing with these brainwashed negro bed wenches

    • His entire post was filled with ‘what ifs’, not actual things that have happened to him. It’s just like a woman to try and turn this kind of important information around, and try to put it on the man. We have far less men on facebook, taking selfies, or propping their asses up on the bathroom sink trying to look sexy. We have far less black men shaking their asses for likes, or wearing outfits 3 or 4 sizes too small to try and accentuate any curves that they may, or nay not have. We have too many women who are so quick to prop their legs open, and pop out babies with no-good thuggish men, and then wonder why they are struggling so hard? Yes, a man is supposed to wear a condom, but a man isn’t the one who will get pregnant, and have to carry a child for nine months. If your body is a temple, then you should treat it as such. Women are faulted for just as many as these problems, as men are. I see far too many messages on facebook, talking about men should treat women better, but I hardly ever see any messages about women should treat themselves better, or that they should treat their men better. You wonder why your black men are dating other women besides yourself? Well, it can’t always be the black man’s fault for that. It has to be something about black women that turns some black men off to them.

    • Omg Lori I so love you for this comment your not only funny but extremely smart. I can tell your a principles women. I dont even have to comment on this post because you did such as great job lol but let me add that black women are not the problem its black men while not all Most are. Of course there maybe some black women that lives up to this post its a small precentage and its the sane thing in any other race. Its not abrace issue its a gender issue

    • To Lori, you and all the women who agree with you completely misunderstand what he is trying to say. Therefore proving his point. Instead of being upset by what he says and judging as well as attacking him, you need to read it again and read it properly. I’m a woman and I do agree with him, he’s not referring to all black women, but truth be told a lot of black women out there are becoming more and more like what he said, thinking that their looks is all that’s needed. So read it again with an open and understanding mind, hopefully then you’ll get it.

    • CLAPPING!!!! Lori, you said EVER-RE-THING I wanted to say.

      This is utterly ridiculous. Black men always wanna cry about Black womben talking about them, but they’re the first ones to come at us with some foolishness.

    • Just like it would be your fault if your choose a no-good thuggish nigga, who’s only substance is that dick between his legs, oh, and his bad boy attitude.

  5. Coming from a women’s prospect, I agree she should be able to do the above things. Seeing that my son married someone that can’t do 90% of the above, it is mostly on him and he works too! After two beautiful sons he is not going anywhere, at least until they are on their way to college but he has learned a high price lesson, beauty is not everything and this lady has a Masters degree and a high paying job but her parents have done everything for her all of her life, being an only child. Of course women want a man that can make repairs, work, hold an intelligent conversation, do the yard work, help with the kids and cook. I taught my son who has 2 degrees all of the above for I knew what a women needed in a man but I must say he got the short end of the stick. I am finding out that a lot of young women today have not been taught the very basic skills of living and they are too lazy to learn. Those that are educated enjoy working outside of the home more so than in the home.

    • Jah Larry Dread on

      “I knew what a women needed in a man but I must say he got the short end of the stick”…We (black people) need more mothers like you.

      “ I am finding out that a lot of young women today have not been taught the very basic skills of living and they are too lazy to learn”…so true.

      “ Those that are educated enjoy working outside of the home more so than in the home”…It does not matter how you slice it or dice it: The household is a reflection of the woman the lives there!

  6. As a Man who cooks & cleans for his self & often for my Girlfriend, I agree but believe a Man should be able to bring the same qualities to the table also

    • Charlene RICHARDSON on

      Yes it is so true but right now for the most part men want a trophy on there arm in stead of someone that can do the basics sorry to say.

    • While I am accustomed to doing all of the domestic chores, it should be a shared responsibility, especially, if both persons are working.

  7. Jah Larry Dread on

    I just read this comments stated above and I agree with this brother 98.7 percent! I’m at work in what would be called north Jersey. My co-worker just walked in from taking care of some business in south Jersey (Trenton). She just stated, “Why is it you can always tell where the black folks live?” Like many of OUR neighborhoods there is no shortage of trash on the street. “$exiness won’t help me raise these kids. Neither will it teach my daughters their true worth and value in this world”… If a child sees their mother throws trash on the streets it becomes the norm or ok to do so. In most people lives married or not YOUR mother is first teacher. It cost nothing to clean up where you live! If a woman has young children make time to learn how to cook at least Sunday dinner. Trust me, if sex is all you can bring to the table, then sex is about all you may get.

  8. I love this brotha’s affirmation.. Because his facts are true… Me being a divorced, well educated black man in todays world, it’s a scary, and depressing issue to see our sistas in that mental state. I have a 20yr old son who is dating a white girl because he was telling me the sad state of black women today..

    My son who’s starting his third year in college, tells me that black women aren’t up to task, or standards that he was lead to believe black women should be.. Trying to date a sista, is like dating a mindless reck… Nothing to talk about except Love& Hip Hop/ or Basketball wives.. Or some rachet women going on you tube shaking her ass for the world to see, but have no clue about politics, or the essence of being a good black women. As an older black male I see what my 20yr old son is talking about. That is why he is dating a white girl, and his friends are dating women outside of the black race. Because these young men, were taught by their moms and dads, a good woman should be able to cook you a good meal, keep a clean house, able to sit down with you and have an intelligent discussion on what they have read in the newspaper, or news web site… And frankly, white, latin, Asian, and Middle Eastern women bring that to the table, and much more, along with the sexiness…

    This is from the mouths of young black men I talk too. And being an older black man in this dating world, I’m seeing the same thing from the women in my age group… Nothing being brought to the table except ex-relationship drama, and how much the next weave gonna cost, which more than likely, she’s looking at you to pay for.. And no self-worth because they are worried about how sexy of a MILF they want to be..

    So, I must tip my hat and give him all praises for him speaking up that sistas better step it up, before they’ll be left out..

    And this should apply to some of these ignorant, ghetto, ungentlemanly brothas as well…

    • I’m not sure how old you are but you certainly sound ignorant. Why are all you black men looking for reasons and excuses to date outside your race? As far as bringing anything to the table, Black woman have their stuff together much more then black men today. Most African-American men are cocky, nasty, act too much like woman, chat too much, complain about everything and they are brain washed by white society. Black men have a lot of self hatred and looking for a woman who they can control. White woman are the biggest whores in the world. White society will never except you no matter how many babies you make with their woman. I personally haven’t dated a black american man in more than 22 years. I feel that they are losers, stuck on themselves, looking for a woman to take care of them, most of them are on the down low and furthermore, they don’t love themselves. It’s truly sad how Black men come out everyday and let the white man and other cultures here him put down and degrade black woman. This is the same black woman who they come from, who carried their children that they chose to abandon and the same woman who held them down when therewas no one else around that would except their sorry asses. It’s such a difference when dealing with other men from different backgrounds especially men from different countries. Black men don’t know how to treat woman at all, In my opinion and observation, they are all losers and will never amount to anything.

      • With that reply you have proved my point exactly!!

        And me sounding ignorant? I must have been telling the truth!! I can see you rolling your neck, trying to explain your pathetic view on black men.. But here’s the thing? How do you know what blk men are dealing with, if you aren’t a man at all? And especially,a blk man at that!!!!!You’re nothing but a bitter, black woman, if you’re a woman at all? And NO MAN, no matter what color he may be would want to deal with your abundance of ignorance, and lack of intelligence… I am not even going to waste my intellect on someone like you, because what you’re doing is giving decent blk women a bad name… Good Day!!

      • Sandy you contributed nothing to this conversation but opinion, an ignorant one at that. While I do believe both black men and women have obstacles to overcome, as someone who hasn’t dated a black (American) man in over two decades, you need to rethink your message.

        As a young educated black man, I know for a fact that yes I’m a minority (within my own race and among others), and unfortunately society and black women themselves have our young brothers believing that it’s “cool” to be an ignorant thug in and outta jail with multiple babies by different women. If women wanted to change the world they could, stop settling for these dumb assholes and I guarantee you men who have to rethink their approach.

        At a basic level men do whatever they have to for women. When the bar was lowered, the majority of men obliged. Fortunately not everyone has lowered their standards and this is why you see the author trying to motivate both black men and women to do better. Now you see white folks joining into the ratchet behavior (media wise, they were always worse than us, but we get all the acclaim).

        Unfortunately we may have already lost a generation of young men and women, the key is not to let this trend continue, and your negative “observations” are definitely not what we need. If you’re going to contribute leave some advice…

    • Jah Larry Dread on

      “Nothing being brought to the table except ex-relationship drama, and how much the next weave gonna cost, which more than likely, she’s looking at you to pay for”…SO TRUE. If not her weave her nails! Over 24 years ago, I chatted with a beautiful sister from Harlem who does hair. She stated, “If a grown woman cannot maintain their own hair and nails, then she is not a real woman!”

    • Many Black womben feel the same way about Black men. So, let your son have his white girl (which he probably would have wanted regardless of the state of Black womben given how YOU think) and Black womben should move on as well.

  9. What he’s want many sisters have been looking and desiring in a man for a long time. We aren’t as hung up on looks as they are. We look for long term love, whereas he’s a short term kind of fellow out to “knotch up his belt until you can see through it.” We think husband material.

    He’s going through a ‘new phase’ of his life. He’s just waking up from his shallowness. Poor guy. When thinking dating, we’ve kissed sexy goodbye a long time ago. Now it’s what DEAR BOY, brings to the table? Or we just hold out. Some of us crossed the race line. Oh well, so have a lot of brothers. If you can’t hang then toodle loo. Best wishes. Looks like God and Goddess will take a little longer to find one another again. It’s a shame since everyone (including other races) is waiting on us!

  10. Hey, I am an African-American woman in her mid to late 40’s. There are a few things that I do agree with. I think that this brother has a point but in my opinion, He is putting a lot a responsibility on the black woman. Men and Women both have certain duties that come along with being a man and woman. It’s true that black woman focus more on being sexy but neglect the most important things in life that really make them a responsible woman. It’s funny because all the things that this guy mentions that he would like in a woman is what me and a lot of other woman posses but it’s still not good enough for most black men today. You just can’t win with certain people..I say why not please yourself.

  11. My brother I understand what you are saying. However, the fault is with both man and woman. The choices we make are ours alone. Life has always been blinded by beauty never by substance. I have noticed we as women of african descent no longer face forward, we now face with our buttocks facing you. We have now been objectified by our beautiful buttocks. If you notice white women are viewed in all of their glory and we as women of african descent our viewed by our backside.Do women of african descent have the substance? Yes we do, however the structure of society will never show that side. It is more comfortable for them to see women of african descent fighting with one another, fighting with their man, not taking care of their children, on drugs, not in college, prostitutes,shaking their buttocks,loud mouth, rude, angry. It would seem some of us have fallen into this mess. Everyone has a right to choose who they prefer to be with. If a man of african descent chooses to be with a woman from the above catagory it is his choice. ‘But, understand there is a flipside to all of this madness.There are women of african descent who are of substance, salt and sand who are the best cookers, cleaners,, lovers, mothers, and very secure within themselves to share the load with their man of african descent.

  12. First of all, the average “Tyrone” can’t even spell his own name correctly. As a teen and a young woman just getting out of college, I fit the very description of the woman this man speaks of. Even with a college education, men could not see past my looks. I was able to clean, pay bills, run a business, however I could not cook worth a damn. I still can’t cook worth a damn. I have someone to do that for me now. I live a beautiful and exceptional life now. I am much older now. I have a 36 year old son and a 14 year old beautiful daughter. They both know that looks can get you a little ways, but a good education can take you anywhere you would like to go. This is a very nice article.

    • THAT’S RIGHT COURTNEY…

      Say it again and again and again and AGain!!!

      CALLING ALL SISTERS!!!!!!

      Get yourself a WHITE-MAN and leave these blackmen in their own steps… They will treat you better, lay down the “RED CARPET”, and not complain or control or take you for granite… H*ll they’ll even hire you a MAID and a GOURMET COOK…
      Dump all this drama a$$ [email protected]

      NOW GO GET YOUR WHITE(brother) and live life to the fullest…
      PS: Blackwomen think about this: blackmen walk away from blackwomen they become RARE SPECIMENS until they are no more…LET THEM GO!!! RUN LASSIE! RUN LASSIE! RUNNNNNNNN!!!!!

  13. I agree with the author somewhat.
    To me it’s not just about BLACK WOMEN (PUERTO RICAN woman are sexy as hell too).
    But a lot of women feel that SEXINESS is a hook to grab up a good male.
    But in actuality US REAL MEN want what u can bring to the table to enhance our greatness & Vice Versa.

  14. Araceli Gutierrez on

    To the brotha that stated that black men are going outside their race because white, Asian, middle eastern or Latin women because they bring more to the table, I think you’re coming from a very narrow mind set. I’m a black woman who happens to have parents that hail from Cuba, so that makes me a Latina as well. But I’m upset with the state of the black male mind today. It appears that black American men cannot take responsibility for their own faults and continuously blame the black women for any reason to date interracially. If you prefer Asian, white, non black women, that’s fine, but the amount of black women that have things going for them far outweighs the accomplishments of the black man. I know far more black women with degrees that aren’t discussing drama on basketball wives but are involved in their communities and making names for themselves. I know very few black men doing the same. I’m not putting the blame on anyone but all I want from the black man is to take some responsibility to why his relationships don’t work. Stop blaming all your shortcomings on black women! Search inside yourself and determine if you’re the problem! Black women tend to have a lot on their plates with raising families and households on their own, but many of us still have faith in the black man! Can you have a little faith in us???

    • Araceli, I see what you’re trying to articulate.. Wanting us blk men to have a little faith in you? Well how can we live off that faith, when you have rap artist, and media showing you the WRONG images of blk men.. I am a brotha who served in the military for 21 yrs, as an officer and fighter pilot.. I hold both an undergrad and masters in engineering. And what I have encountered are the sistas who tell us were too educated for them(booshie)or the sistas who believes brothas gonna hold them back from their progress. And finally the sista who expects for you to be “Captain Saveaho” and has NOTHING absolutely NOTHING to offer, to the table… And decent blk men like me, gotta deal with the wannabe thugs, gangstas, or rappers.. Time has dealt the blk men a real crappy hand of cards, and when we do find that one sista, it took us at least 100 to find that one.. And sometimes, it gets frustrasting because its not us, its some of these sistas bringing nothing, but asking for everything!!

      • Jerald my life experiences has been similar to yours 10 years as a Marine Corps reservist 1 year active duty “desert storm” (infantry machine gunner”. I have 2 undergraduate dgrees & a masters in engineering also & have faced much of the same criticisms from other African-Americans & women in particular. Even though I’ve dated women from several different nationalities & am particularly attracted the African-American women as was my wife & the Mother of my only child my son

      • Jerald…
        You are so right on time… I’ve been reading many of these post and you guys really do have a great legit points… I also have a son in the military 23 yrs old who will not date a black-women… I understand his feelings very very clearly as to why and I also stand behind him 100% on his personal choices to date whomever he pleases.. He started out dating young black-women, but he was mis-treated by them… it was always about how much money he had in his pockets, games on-top of games, and OMG! he wasn’t THUG-ENOUGH!!! I raised my sons to be positive black-male rolmodel gentlemen, nothing less. I also raised my daughters the same-way and I prefer them not date or be in relationships with black-men because I want healthy lasting relationships and marriages for my child.
        Its ugly on both sides of the fence… and the filthy things my eyes have seen witnessed and experienced concerning black on black relationships is enough to last me a life time of not being able to trust my people period in any situation.
        My son has a friend in the military who was dating this girl who is of a different race… long story short the girl got pregnant and the guy went to his white commander for counseling. The commander advised him not to marry the girl just because she got pregnant, but he should man-up his responsibilities concerning his baby. I agree whole heartedly with his commander, but the African American fukn BUFFOON sargent told my sons friend to just go off and (leave /forget) about the girl and the baby because international laws will protect him. Then he went on to brag about how he got some German woman pregnant in Germany and he just went off and left the bytch with his baby!!
        I thank God I raised my children with great morals and to understand that bad Karma comes back… so its truly about the choices we make in chosing our partners no matter what race we choose. Drama is everywhere… and there are some well-rounded healthy-minded good spirited black-women out there, you just have to go to God to find them, but remember this: When you step to God for one of his women, he’s going to require something of you also.. will you be able to give just to receive?
        Most black men, but not all blackmen (very very few in numbers) want a sistah to have all the values from the body to domestics and education, and they will marry her, but they won’t be faithful husbands.. some only want her to be a token on his wrist for the eyes of their macho friends and the world to see, but will not marry her..
        I was blessed to have dinner with a brother who shared a story about his 11 male friends who were all married to good blackwomen with all the qualities you speak of, but he told me that out of the 11 friends only 2 were faithful to their wives.
        Black-women put on clown suits to catch a blackman, but don’t stop long enough to realize that clown-suit has to come off and the real face behind the buffoon has to look that blackman straight into his eyes. If a blackwomen doesn’t love herself before she puts on the clown-suit, she won’t love herself when she takes it off, and misery loves company… visa versa!!!

  15. happily marrief on

    true the post was made by an ignorant poor excuse for a black man who obviously was seeking an excuse to justify his love for the most shallow and promiscuous group of women. all the issues that he whines over go to prove that he does not have himself together. he seeks out sexy women then put down a whole race of women cos he can’t make wives of them. he needs to get real. white men marry their mates, that work for their families, they try to handle finances so the irs don’t get involved, they don’t put their women down, knowing that his race of woman is who vote him, he ours his woman first, he doesn’t complain about rating and cooking all the time. I watch news on a regular basis, I have a college degree and I bought s house on my own. i’ve always had nice cars and good jobs. as hard as I tried I could never find a black man who was not trying to play the field and could appreciate what a black woman has to offer. my white husband never missed an opportunity to show and tell me how much he loves me and how happy he is that I chose him.

  16. happily married on

    correction;”they never put down the race of woman who bore them.” when black guys with this belief think about opening their mouths to voice such an opinion about a whole race of women, they should consider the fact that they are speaking about their own mothers, sisters, and daughters as well

  17. Araceli Gutierrez on

    As an Afro Latina, who identifies with both being a Latina woman and being a black woman, I have to say this article disturbed me. This isn’t me coming down on brothas or me finding any excuse to interracially date, this is me trying to figure out why white supremacy is so ingrained in our heads that black men and woman constantly go head to head with each other in an effort to explain why they hate themselves.

    Black people are the only people that will go on record saying that they hate black women or men. Why is this? Why as a marganilzed group of people are we constantly seeking approval and trying to fit the standard of white people?

    Too many times I hear, “I don’t date black women because…, or I don’t date black men because… It’s almost always followed by some vain reason.

    To the man who said white, Latina, Asian or middle eastern women bring more to the table, your world must be small because I know far more black women bringing more than just cooking, cleaning or looking good to the table. Most black women that are successful have so much faith in black men that they would rather date someone not on their level than to date outside their race. But it doesn’t seem like a black man will do the same. I know plenty of lazy white girls who can’t cook(had white roommates in the past..never again), I know plenty of Latina women who keep dirty houses, who are on welfare and don’t want to work and I know a few Asian women who, if they had a choice, they would choose to marry white, not black. It seems as though black men are constantly blaming black women for their shortcomings, when perhaps black men need to look inside themselves to see if perhaps they are the reasons why their relationships don’t work! That perhaps black men are so quick to choose a woman on the way that her face and body looks but don’t bother to find out if she has any goals other than to marry rich!

    And as far as black women, we are also not innocent. If you prefer to date interracially, then do so. But stop giving excuses on why you do that involve downing the black man. There is just no reason for this. Dating interracially does not validate us. It does not make the world see us in a better light, it does not destroy the white supremacy embedded in our poor souls, I should know because I’m actually in an interracial relationship. But I’ll never make an excuse for it just to do so. There is no reason I’m not with a black man other than I’m just not with one. Nothing a black man did drove me into the arms of a “white” Colombian, I just chose to date him.

    All I want is for black men and women to do is search inside themselves and stop blaming each other for why we aren’t getting along. It’s just sickening!!

    • Araceli Gutierrez…
      OMG!!! You could not have said it any better… matter of fact you summed it all up… African Americans as a (whole / one-body) are on skid-row when it comes to black on black relationships… matter of fact its so unreal these days /so darn un-approachable…
      Our biggest down-fall is lack of immaturity due to false addictions and perceptions behind money power and who we see every-time we look into the mirror.
      I’ve walked throw a lot of sickness and illness in my body, changes period… now God is healing me as a whole. My mind and my thoughts are very very stable and healthy (I will not lower my standards to be in a relationship with a man who can’t even see or discern my natural qualities as a well-rounded spiritually whole women /inside and out.
      Real beauty starts from within the heart and soul, not the fricken flesh…

  18. I enjoyed the article and the comments. However, it just amazes me that a man will say he wants a women with substance, yet it will be “those” same type of sexy women, who they jeopardize their relationship of substance for.

    Black men are tired, really? I can’t tell. Which is why black women are around here now getting ass shots, hip injections and fat sucked out the midsection, to be sexy because black men has shown interest in “those” type of women. Black men have fucked over that beautiful woman of substance for those “sexy” aka can’t cook, always clubbing, etc woman…

    We will have better black women, when we have better black men. Just like we will have better black men when we have better black women.

    We need to first stop attacking each other and help build each other.

  19. SOME black woman “not all” need to learn how to cook, clean and respect her man. I’m not saying the husband should watch, he should help out also. You know the new rumor that black woman say is “if you want to be successful in your career, you have to be single instead of married”. That saying is so ignorant and disrespects the institution of marriage. I remind my wife all the time that Harriet Tubman free slaves, had a meal on the table and had time for sex. The only thing she didn’t have was a good perm.
    Hey maybe if black woman stop getting there hair done half the time, things will change.

  20. After reading the whole post, it made me more upset. At first glance, I thought the article was on point. I have too many friends that are in that category. But after reading the entire post I became mad as hell. I have never been the one to put looks over substance. I was not brought up like that. My grandmother and the women in my life have taught me that cooking, cleaning, raising children goes hand in hand with education and beauty. They taught me to never depend on others to take care of me or the children I may have. A real woman can do it all herself but it is better to do it with your partner. Over the years of dating, I have found that alot of men first judge women by their appearance. They mostly go for the pretty girls not the ones that can do all that they are requesting. We are afterthoughts of when the man gets tired of having to do it all because he bargained for that arm candy. But honestly I am tired of doing it all! In a relationship it should be 50/50. We want a man that can cook, clean, raise kids, and bring home the bacon. If I can work, cook, clean, and raise kids so can you. I shouldn’t have to cook, clean, raise the kids and work everyday while you just work then when you get home do as little as possible. It just ain’t going to happen Captain! Right now I have a real black man! Everything is 50/50. Now don’t get me wrong it wasn’t that way in the beginning. His expectation was like most men. But I had to point out that I was making way more money than him. If anything I wanted my meal ready when I got home, house cleaned, kids taken care of, etc. I was the bread winner so I deserved it. This is how most men think. If they are bring home the bacon then you should be doing this for me. Wrong! We are equals! I serve NO MAN JUST GOD! From then on we both worked, cooked, cleaned, and raised the children. My point is if I have to work, cook, clean, raise the kids, etc the majority of the time and all you have to do is work and come home and expect everything to be laid out for you then WHY DO I NEED YOU?! I can do this all by myself and not have the extra headache! My husband sees the logic! He has had the useless princess before. Also the situation of the women doing everything while he brings home the paycheck. Eventually they get tired and see that this is not a bargain. And now he is in a 50/50 and loving it! Just like a man doesn’t want a useless woman we don’t want a useless man! I want a man that can grocery shop and do laundry as well as look nice, work, have decent credit, plus know how to raise law abiding kids. It’s funny to me that when a man has a daughter he doesn’t want to see his little girl or princess out there serving another man (doing everything) but he wants her mother too!

  21. I am so tired of Black men picking on black women . this applies to white women , asian women etc etc . I consider myself very sexy at 40+ I cook I run 3 companies and I can demolish and renovate the shyt out of a house and yes as you can see I am a sista . Women like me don’t want to put up with the bull crap this brotha brings and from reading the article he is full of it ! Complete me don’t add to my struggles ! Help pay his student loans? yeah negroe so you can bust up and leave after you get debt free ! Technically I as a woman should be kicking my feet up holding down the homefront while your busting yo ass to make life nice for me and the kids , thats your role , thats what your supposed to do ,Read your scripture brotha , but here you are expecting the woman to hold you up ,work just as hard and raise the kids ,feed yo ass and sex you up ? That looks a bit lopsided to me , at that rate the woman will die before you and you’ll be on your way to new pooty ! Man up and stop stereotyping black women , you’d be suprised what some of us sexy black women bring to the table , it aint all ass and tatas believe me !

    • Girl you have said a mouth full I couldn’t agree with you morer, the black man had that slave mentality burned in his brains hundreds of years ago and it’s passed on from one generartion of black men to the next and so he EXPECTS the black woman to be his SLAVE and when she refuses he runs to the massers daughters (WHITE WOMEN) decendants of those who enslaved his forefathers for all his comforts and needs only to find out that he’s being enslave all over again just in a diffrent way and a diffrent time period it’s funny but SMH

    • I love your post too… Its all about choice too and I’m so d**n tired of black on black relationships period, and sugar-coating a**holes… 1/2 truths BS all the f**kn time… it just seem to never end.

  22. These nasty post, comments, and back and forth bickering are nothing more than the lasting effects of slavery. I’m a 46 year old black man that loves black woman and wouldn’t have it any other way. Until we evolve as a black race we will continue to suffer in our relationships and our children will suffer in their development in regards to relationships and careers. To the author of this original post…Good luck man.

  23. Oh, well…Let’s add to that. “A Black Man” who has no job, can’t keep a job, shuns his children to help create a Black family full of single mothers, and treat a Black woman with malicious behaviors and put Black women down even after they birth them is useless and A great part of the scum of the earth and hopefully your not trying to boost yourself to success with such a down turning way of treating women who brought you here. How dare you exist with such an arrogant attitude towards your mother, grandmother,and daughters. How dare you exist with such a selfish pride for yourself, that you can point out your feelings about Black Women, yet look yourself in the mirror and forget that you are apart of the problem rather than the solution. Get a life!

  24. I believe both genders needs to be held accountability. But when you look at society as it is now it is constantly telling black women what they are doing wrong. What they need to do to better themselves. Pretty much like this article is doing pointing out what they think black women are doing wrong. You have all kind of books for women on what they need to know about a man or how to get a man. Constantly telling her how she needs to get rid of her baggage. I see women spending their hard earned money on how they can make their relationship better. But what I don’t see is the same kind of hype with men on how they need to better themselves in relationships or how they need to work on their baggage. Don’t get me wrong women are complaining about what men are not doing. But I don’t see a lot of press conferences, movies, books on how Men need to step up to the plate. I just hear a lot of gibberish nothing concrete on how black man and black woman can come together and make it work without pointing the finger about who is right or wrong. It takes two to make one relationship work.

  25. The problem that I have is this: Why is it always black women with the problem? Yes, we have some. But black men have just as many! And why is it always black women in general? I am friends with numerous black men who run into the same problems (if not worst) with white and hispanic women that they do with black women. Yet, that is hush hush and they will throw black women under the bus. I just don’t get it. Most of the problems ( I think) that arise in black relationships is the fact that black children are being raised without BLACK MEN. The BLACK WOMAN has to raise the child by herself and the male child grows up not understanding his manhood and female child grows up not understanding her value. Instead of dealing with the indirect issues – lets deal with the direct issues. BLACK MEN – start raising your children and stop dropping seeds off with NO water and HELP raise YOUR BLACK CHILDREN and then maybe your BLACK daughter would know how to be a better woman to society and to her family. Then maybe your BLACK son would know how to treat women and pull his pants up. The easy way out is to jump with a white woman and have her take care of you AND then look down on us. I admit, we (as black woman) need help. But you (black men) shouldn’t call the kettle black!!!!!

  26. Oh and another thing….White men (who secretly wanted us anyway…lol) are beginning to really see the beauty and strength in black women. Things are starting to turn around for white men/black women relationships. I’ve dated inter-racially. AND for black women to be so triflin – they (black men) sure do get mad and bothered, when we are with a white man! lol
    Thats why I don’t limit myself. If you are not loved and appreciated by your own – MOVE AROUND BLACK WOMEN! GOD GOT SOMEONE FOR YOU, WHO WILL!

  27. Do you know “What Are The Makings Of A Man / Woman”. To keep it smple with n dissin. Womn r t b highly respected, b if s doesn’t carry heself thusly, exemplary, teacher, nurturer o t fam, t b prized. Thn tht’s one way o a vague, lose fam. The men are the leaders, mechanic, builders o t fam, with substance, sustenance, exemplary, trainers, planners, decission makers. Some womn don’t have t d anythng b t beautfy, glamrize thselves, get edcation, presents, shake t tuts n expects t get only f Petern Paul, switching any any 5 guys. Some r like expencive cars t maintain, s they dn’t wnt t d anythng, cook, clean house, look good bt t b supportd everybit, presents every week, or he ain’t worth it. Men work 5times hader t b n maintain wmen. These r facts, why m r critical who h claims t b wife, r fam is lost. The boody is tempory fun. Let’s get real, thts why we all go outside seeking differen fish

  28. But what about the woman you meet who is sexy, smart, has the ability to cook and clean and carry a thought provoking conversation… Why are those women still single…

  29. I get what the brotha is saying but i feel brothas need to work on themselves as well. I just removed myself from a relationship with a brotha who had no substance! He kept that musk on faithfully until we moved in together. He cooked but so did i. That’s all he did. I paid for everything 98% of the time,cooked and cleaned up after is dirty ass and what dId i get in return talk down to constantly! And told what im doing wrong can be doing better daily! Im paying and doing everything! Wtf its not his fault but MINE! Next mate will better and i think my ex for that 🙂 basically im saying pick your mate better. I know a lot of brothas have given up on sistas but i will always love them. I can’t say i hate black guys because when i look in mirror i love me so damn much!:-D

  30. I saw a video the other day going around FB showing these little black girls ranging from probably 7-11 and these girls had absolutely mastered the art of booty shaking and doing the booty dance. I personally don’t know how they got their little bodies to do all of that. Anyway the thought that came to my mind was, where is this skill going to get them except for the strip club? What are their grades like, what do they want to be when they grow up. It was so very sad because I think to myself. Other races are teaching their children science, math and how to read a globe and reach the top financially and these little black girls have mastered the booty dance. We have to do better.

    • beautifulchocolatelady on

      Very true I’m glad BM have been dead to me a long time ago since my early twenties and now I’m 33, you could not pay me to date one. I feel so bad for those sistas that care about Bm (whether educated thugs or just your everyday thug) and their opinions I can’t wait to see the day when 95% of Bw stop supporting and caring about BM, even when their being shot down and killed by the police. Fortunately some of us are already there.

  31. It was illegal to love a black man in America when America started, and the law hasn’t changed. Black women are simply obeying the law the white man has written into her mind. They’ll obey the law to their deaths. When black women were treated like black men, they loved us, now they’re talking like they don’t need us. Laws and judges separate our families, and the black woman abandons the black man at the first hint of imperfection because that’s exactly how the white man wants her to behave. Black men need to change also. The white man wants us all calling each other nigger, that’s been the way since America began, and still to this day, it’s nigger nigga nigger. In general, we have no mind of our own as a people.

  32. I took no offense at all to this. He speaks the truth on multiple levels but at the same time the roll can be reversed as stated. The only thing I hate about statements like this is they generalize women of color. These issues are not just issues of women of color but anyway. He is speaking to the beautiful black woman so I will stick to that. Men look on these social sites and think they know what all black women are about. Men think because out of the billions of sista’s in the world the few hundred-thousand or maybe even million they see on these social site that defines the black woman. Well honey I am so sorry to tell you how mis-informed you are. Most of these young ladies flashing they booty are children, misguided children. The rest of them just have no substance but they do not represent the majority of black women. I hate that we as a people go around mad about how another race discriminates against us or stereotypes us yet we do the same thing to each other. If you don’t want a woman to look at you like the last under-educated, self-destructive,disrespectful black man she has run into then please do not group all of us into the same pot and fry us. There are many strong intelligent women on and off these websites but if your trolling looking for the negativity you fly right pass that beautiful black queen raising her kids on her own, going to school and holding down a job. I see what the author of this statement is saying but just remember not every black women’s goal is to just be a sexy sista.

  33. Tiffany, In answer to your question about why even good black women remain single, it’s because of the damage done to our reputations, both men and women, by the wide spread embrace of rachet, ghetto culture. As a Black man, with a high paying job, and post graduate education, I realized late in life, that I was not going to be able to overcome the sigma placed upon me by the predominately dysfunctional aspects of our culture. Our image has been so tarnished by what’s happening in the ghettos and urban centers of America, that even the most educated and accomplished among us carries the baggage of ghetto life. So, when you see me coming down the street, you probably see another brother trying put another notch on the bed post. And when I see you coming down the street, I imagine another Nene Leakes or Basket Ball wife, headed my way even tho it may be an unfair stereotype. It’s bad enough that we have to deal with the racism of the larger society. With that said, life is short and I’ve made the decision that the odds are more in my favor if I put race in second place to personality traits when looking for a life time mate. That’s exactly what I’ve done. I respectfully suggest that you do the same.

  34. I can agree with the arguments of both sides.The author wasnt necessarily saying that all black women are like that. Also it cant be said that all black men are as we are potrayed either. Now some of the posts on here, are little iffy. I have the love of a great black woman. I have dated interracially and can honestly say that it isnt just black women that have these issue’s. I read through all of the commenys and found some valid and others just either further firmed up what replied to their comment or just sounded bitter. Theres one comment that when i read it i was completely lost. Now back on subject. We as black men and women both have issues to work on. I can agree with the author that there seems to be a culture of ” I look good, and thats all that matters”. It doesnt just apply to women, men are showing it as well. In summary, if you want the qualities of a home maker, make sure you possess them as well. Eitger that or just tune out the one’s who are only about “sexy”.

  35. I feel the need to chime in here. There are a lot of women saying “Well, if he picked a better women” or “He attracts what he puts out” etc. While they are correct, they are missing a crucial point. A man is largely held responsible for his poor choices in life. Whether is a career, woman, etc, if a man makes a misstep in judgement, he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. He isn’t coddled, or made excuses for, by ANY gender. The problem is that in the US, especially in the black community, black women have been allowed to, for the most part, skirt responsibility for making bad choices in men, and life in general. When they’re pushing 40, with out of wedlock kids, bad health, poor credit, etc, they blame everybody under the sun, except themselves. The sad part is, next to nobody calls them on it. If someone has the audacity to ask said women to be responsible for herself and stop asking for a pity party, it’s like World War 3 breaks out. These “Sexy” women who have nothing to offer except fading looks, have no one but themselves to blame of they don’t have the man or the life they crave and desire. When we start holding more bw responsible for their bad choices like we hold bm responsible for their bad choices, the black community will be the better for it.

  36. Its funny that so many Black men complain about what Black women bring to the table when many of them don’t have a table to bring anything to!!!

    I know far too many Black men who will “holla” at any good-looking woman on the street or in the club, but then complain when she turns out to be shallow and/or a golddigger. YOU made the choice that LOOKS were more important than substance and then you get upset when looks are all she has to offer.

    And to the idiots who really tried to use this stereotype of Black women to justify dating outside of the race, JUST STOP. You all know damn well you’ve always wanted white women/any non-Black woman. No matter what we do, you’ll want that because you’ve bought into the Eurocentric standard of beauty. I’m sure some of you just honestly fell in love with a non-Black woman and THAT’S FINE. No need to try and make Black women villains because of it.

    Sistas, we really have to stop getting upset at things like this. We have two choices; we can take it or we don’t have to. When I hear foolishness like this, I laugh and make my resolve stronger to strengthen Black women. That way, we can totally DIVEST from Black men like this. We won’t have to worry about what they think of us because WE SIMPLY WON’T CARE ABOUT THEM ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

    Since we’ve obviously been such disappointments to Black men, then I encourage them to look elsewhere. I am sure white women will be more than willing to hold them down the way we have…teeheeheehee.

  37. As the author of this article suggested “take the word “woman” and replace it with “man” and use this as a tool to really question yourself about the kind of man/men you have allowed into your life.” Here’s my scattered random thoughts on this article and comments…

    When a man expresses his feelings and or thoughts seeming to down or demonize the black woman, we treat him like the devil himself. These are his thoughts and opinions. I think if you take it to heart then you have some to all the issues he has expressed about the “sexy useless” black woman. No I don’t agree with everything as he generalizes all black women, but on a percentage tip 90% of what he says is true. I’m not talking about what I read, I’m talking about what I see. Re-evaluate your anger…all of you.

    The problem I see is we are always complaining about each other not doing this or that yet who’s actually striving to make things better.

    Then this blindness like sistahs aren’t dating outside our race…come on now, it’s happening almost as much as black men with white women or any other race.

    We make too many excuses on why we aren’t together as a people. It use to be days in time where we’d never stray from each other now look at us. We have lots of work to do. My granddaddy told me, “In order to ever get a 50+ marriage like your grandmother, you have to be willing to go through something to get something.”

    There’s no love like Black Love, let’s get back to it.

    Btw, I totally hate the phrase, “Holding you down” or “hold you down.” No, thank you. I ain’t ever striving to hold my people down. I’m here to lift my people up to be found. ~KHMET #Mytruth

    FYI: Take a read at this excerpt from the Willie Lynch Letter. Then, put it in the context of today’s black man, woman and child with this conditioning of this modern day mental slave nation and world:

    THE BREAKING PROCESS OF THE AFRICAN WOMAN

    Take the female and run a series of tests on her to see if she will submit to your desires willingly. Test her in every way, because she is the most important factor for good economics. If she shows any sign of resistance in submitting completely to your will, do not hesitate to use the bullwhip on her to extract that last bit of [b—-] out of her. Take care not to kill her, for in doing so, you spoil good economics. When in complete submission, she will train her offsprings in the early years to submit to labor when they become of age. Understanding is the best thing. Therefore, we shall go deeper into this area of the subject matter concerning what we have produced here in this breaking process of the female nigger. We have reversed the relationship; in her natural uncivilized state, she would have a strong dependency on the uncivilized nigger male, and she would have a limited protective tendency toward her independent male offspring and would raise male offsprings to be dependent like her. Nature had provided for this type of balance. We reversed nature by burning and pulling a civilized nigger apart and bullwhipping the other to the point of death, all in her presence. By her being left alone, unprotected, with the MALE IMAGE DESTROYED, the ordeal caused her to move from her psychologically dependent state to a frozen, independent state. In this frozen, psychological state of independence, she will raise her MALE and female offspring in reversed roles. For FEAR of the young male’s life, she will psychologically train him to be MENTALLY WEAK and DEPENDENT, but PHYSICALLY STRONG. Because she has become psychologically independent, she will train her FEMALE offsprings to be psychologically independent. What have you got? You’ve got the nigger WOMAN OUT FRONT AND THE nigger MAN BEHIND AND SCARED. This is a perfect situation of sound sleep and economics. Before the breaking process, we had to be alertly on guard at all times. Now, we can sleep soundly, for out of frozen fear his woman stands guard for us. He cannot get past her early slave-molding process. He is a good tool, now ready to be tied to the horse at a tender age. By the time a nigger boy reaches the age of sixteen, he is soundly broken in and ready for a long life of sound and efficient work and the reproduction of a unit of good labor force. Continually through the breaking of uncivilized savage niggers, by throwing the nigger female savage into a frozen psychological state of independence, by killing the protective male image, and by creating a submissive dependent mind of the nigger male slave, we have created an orbiting cycle that turns on its own axis forever, unless a phenomenon occurs and re-shifts the position of the male and female slaves. We show what we mean by example. Take the case of the two economic slave units and examine them close.

  38. This is all hilarious, black people attacking each other left and right showing the true state of our people and the mindset. Its quite a shame.
    This man’s facebook post is something that is a true testament of his own faults. Honestly the only question I have is what he considers to be a REAL God vs a fake God that black women seem to be following…that was the most ignorant statement ever.

  39. Some of what he says is true in many ways case in point Evelyn Lozado what doe she have too offer Carl Crawford other than her body and now his baby and on the other hand he needs too ask those same questions of the black man it’s not just the woman two people are always involved in any relationship and so the question should be what does the black man and woman bring to a relationship equally besides his or her looks and of course the person that wrote this article was not offended because he’s probably a man

  40. Very good article! Even the carnal type males get with these so-called sexy females, and end up throwing them away after the act is done. These females are not the true definition of sexiness at all. They just have their collective be.hinds out, and this has become the new “classy/sexy” for many females….especially the ones doing the news and weather stories on the local news! What is it with the skin-tight dresses these days? Two-sizes too small… They don’t quite understand that they’re just representing “sk.ankiness” And this is why a lot of males treat decent women like these sexual bu.ffoons act! SMH!

    • BizG…

      I really do appreciate your reply, and that’s truthfully coming from the heart. I don’t agree with some of your choice words but at the same time I’m not going to knock you for using them either, because this is what happens when people are tired of watching and dealing with all the bullshyt going down between african american males and females…
      Let me began by saying:I am a proud african american black-woman… truth is the truth and the truth needs to be told, its really past-due.
      I consider myself an outsider / out-cast because I never follow the crowd. I raised 2 sons /respectable black-men and I-myself don’t want to see my sons in relationships and married to those type of women period. Black-men have many issues too, but today this artical is about US/BLACK-WOMEN… Nobody likes being chastised, but the word of God says:THE-TRUTH-SHALL-SET-YOU-FREE…
      I have several nick-names in which black-men refer me to: Sexy /redbone /ladydee… all 3 names are a part of my true character personality traits, the names have absolutely nothing to do with how I dress. I don’t hangout 24/7 in-front of the damn mirror packing makeup all over my face like a damn clown and I never turn into a fukn electronic ROBOT once I put my clothes on and walk out the door, and I don’t patronize overrated /over-charged beauty salons, but don’t get me twisted I do (ME) very very well, and might I add with enjoyment…
      I have always considered myself a very sexy women even when I’m at my worst, because I’ve always been blessed and fortunate to understand that true-sexiness comes from within, its about how you really feel about yourself on the inside.
      Its about real maturity, loving on one-self regardless of what media and society portrays sexy is or sexy should be… and the fact that REDBONE is not the one to make other peoples pockets fat from purchasing endless cheap poison-ness temperal BS.
      I raised 2 beautiful daughters, one who’s still on the right path while walking through her process and the other who seems to be lost /and really can’t see in this superficial world of bling bling bullshyt.
      I have been to several clubs and entertainmnt lounges lately where I have actually set back and listened and observed what black-men are saying about black-women. I also communicate with some brothers behind bars… they are all speaking the same language when it comes to our black-women, and they are all correct. But when does all the fighting stop.
      When people are grawling at each other nobody can receive the importance of the issues at hand.
      Insecurities in our black-women is the real monster killers today. Until they are able to face the real women in the mirror every morning and not cover her up with a damn clown-face and learn to love herself as her God created her to be she will never change because all she sees when she looks into the mirror is an ugly unsatisfied soul /not proud at all about what her God created… she does not like the inside of her soul period. It is what it is rather its received or not, and I already know that some will become angry at my post, but let the truth be spoken and the spirit of God minister to their souls and minds. *God told me to go back to NATURAL…wink!!! A natural woman is a wellrounded whole woman, and not a religeous women either… so don’t put the fukn church into this, my God is a way of life…

  41. Question why is it that an article about a man/woman opinions about relationships and real housewives of Atlanta will get the keyboards humming but political and health care issues get zilch? We are a young race(the American Black) we have to grow up soon and we better get our priorities straight.

  42. I am a black man that as dated out of my race but that being said I love black woman also but they don’t seem to love them selfs and constantly have this erge to prove to them selfs and the world around them it’s true the black woman now of days 25-45 yrs of age CAN’T COOK or CLEAN properly if they cook its comes out awful like it was rushed or no interest was put in it lack of effort Sexy does not feed children sexy doesn’t get the bills paid looking sexy and having nothing else to offer to the table is a complete Joke I agree There is a new Breed of blk men out there who are stepping up to the plate when will the blk woman acknowledge that and start helping back nd don’t tell me we be doing that in the past crap you guys are using that as a EXCUSE to be LAZY

    For all the black men out there who pants are pulled up and sleeves pull down keep striving for greatness atleast that can’t be looked past

    • @Mike…
      Blackman sell-out if you cook like you articulate then all sister’s are in trouble… keep your black donkey monkey-a$$ with the white-girls who kiss their dogs and suck your duck and kiss your mouth all in the same breath…

  43. Looking at the comments just justify why I have decided not to date black woman anymore. There inability to have a conversation without getting personal. Most black females I’ve talked to seem to think they can control a man it’s not a 2 way street. The thing is I’m an adult and nobody tells me what to do.A vagina isn’t the only thing. A lot of guys get hooked on the vagina. If that’s the only thing a female has to offer then that’s not the female I need. A lot of black women think that they can just get by because of their vagina same with women that have corporate jobs, Even black women that have college degrees. Black men aren’t perfect neither is black females But it would be nice to meet each other halfway. And to the female courtney that says black female get yourself a white guy. I’m sorry to break it to her but the majority of white men are going to put up with the stuff that black females do or say that’s just not going to happen. I know a lot of white dudes aren t really attracted to black females, yeah they may have sex with her but marriage I don’t think so. When you see a white dude and he does date outside his race its with an Asian or Chinese girl Latino and this is well documented. I’m not making this up. There is a reason that American black females are the least desirable race of women on earth. And there are multiple poles with different men of all races opinion on it.

    • Complete bullshit. No amount of polls, blogs, articles will ever determine my worth, value or desirability. Ever. Furthermore marriage is largely based on the woman inspiring that to happen and her driving the relationship to that point. Most women know when they are getting used, race has nothing to do with whether a man uses a woman, but it’s his lack of integrity definitely determines that. These tactics that black men have continued to tell us over the years to discourage us from dating interracially are no longer working. They are fear tactics used to control. I know damn well I’m marriage material and will ONLY choose to demonstrate that to men who I want, not who are simply available simply because they are in my ethnic group or basically all the ridiculous internet polls by some fat teenagers in a basement saying that’s who I can get. Not gonna happen. I see no need to waste time dating black men anymore. My boyfriend is Indian and a totally gentleman, reliable, kind, and we have mutual respect for each other. I have crossed the fence with no intention of going back.

    • Hate to break it to you Mike, but all white men aren’t racist, or users who lack integrity. If a black woman is a good woman, he’ll snatch her up to marry. I have friends and colleagues who are or were married to white men. Your statement based on internet polls defies what I see in my daily life. Also racial pairings have a lot to due with who you are mostly around. Proximity.

  44. This article is such BS… apparently, there’s a certain type of black woman that HE’S attached to. I heard a wise define insanity as doing the same thing the same way yet, expect a different result. There’s a axiom in mathematics called The theory of probability. How plausible is it that out of a pool of however many beautiful sistah’s you date who are no doubt as vast and varied as the bothers in size,shape,education, economic, religious beliefs and on down the line all share the same problem for your perspective ? The only common denominator that these very different women share is YOU. So is it possible that all these women you encounter are just fine and YOU ARE THE PROBLEM ???
    Peace

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