When you are in a relationship, it is normal to feel a little insecure at first. Once the relationship has settled however, it is time to remove those fears because you could end up destroying everything.
When you get into a relationship with someone new, you cannot help but compare it to old relationships. It makes you wonder if your new partner will reject you, if you have done something that has upset them, or you think that it is too good to last. Once you begin thinking these thoughts, the self-sabotage begins.
Being insecure means that you are seeing problems in the relationship when none exist. Watching for all the signs of something going wrong and feeling this way can often end up with you ending the relationship because you feel it’s easier. The following are tips to help if you find yourself becoming insecure about your relationship.
1. Stop thinking that imagination and reality are the same thing. There are ups and downs with every relationship and these are normal. If you dissect every low point and turn it into a huge problem that doesn’t even exist, you will not only frustrate yourself but your partner as well.
2. A big sign that you are insecure in your relationship is when you begin to exhibit controlling behavior. This includes being overly certain about how everything in the relationship should be. If you keep telling yourself that the relationship should be exactly how you want it to be, that is considered a form of being over-controlling.
3. A little space every now and then is a good thing. Take some time apart every now and then just to give things a chance to grow and breathe. This doesn’t mean break up for a while, but rather take a spa day for yourself without your partner, or plan a girl’s weekend getaway.
4. You are not a mind reader, so don’t think that you know everything your partner is thinking. If you stress about what they are thinking at all times you are going to drive yourself crazy because they probably aren’t thinking what you are imagining at all.
5. One of the biggest hits in a relationship is when you begin comparing the new with the old. Don’t put your partner up on a pedestal next to an old partner and begin to make a list of comparisons. A better way to handle this is to make a list of all the bad traits from your previous partner and then a list of why your new partner is nothing like those traits. This can help you to see the positive traits and helps you not to think that your new partner is like your old one.
6. Reassure yourself at times that you are in a stable relationship and things are good. Don’t do this if you are in a bad relationship of course, and don’t lie to yourself, but if things are going right, make sure that you tell yourself that so your thoughts don’t wander and become reckless. Also reassure yourself that no matter what happens, you will be okay either way.
7. Finally, just be happy with all of the good things that your relationship has. Focus on all of the good about your partner and the relationship that you are building. Relationships are a lot of work and cannot be all fun and games, but if you are always focusing on the bad or what you think is bad, you will never fully enjoy being with that person.