Could Marrying For “Love” Be The Reason Behind So Many Failed Marriages?

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downloadBy: Krystle Crossman

Valentine’s Day is a holiday where loved ones spend the day telling each other how much they are in love and buy gifts and candy. It is a holiday where singles either sit at home, sad and alone, or they go out and celebrate their single life. All over the world couples will become engaged because they are so in love. There is a theory that takes observations from history and explains that marriage and love don’t always go together as we seem to think that we do.

Back in the days of Ancient Greece, if you were in love you were thought to have a sickness. Getting married was so that you could start a family, not so you could live happily ever after with the one that you love the most. Marriage was also a way to bring families together, such as two royal families. Arranged marriages were an everyday occurrence. Evergreen State College professor Stephanie Coontz wrote a book about the history of marriage and how love has taken over as the main focus in modern days.

Love used to be thought of as a threat to the true meaning of marriage which, back then, was families being brought together, financial arrangements, or workforce expansions. Coontz said that in the late 20th century people were as horrified over the thought of someone being in love with the person that they were married to as some people are over same-sex marriages today.

Physical attraction has always been a part of marriages but it is expressed in different ways. There are some cultures (in Tibet) where the women will get pregnant by other men and then have their families help raise the children. There are no active father figures in these cultures.

Other cultures will take on multiple spouses at once, which is called polygamy. University of Utah professor Don Herrin says that polygamy is really the most enduring form of marriage that there is. Could this be because everyone knows that there are others involved in the marriage and the person that marries multiple people is getting everything that he or she wants in a marriage without having to find one perfect person?

Once the economy shifted and women were able to play the role of breadwinner, they began to stray from marriages that were arranged for financial security only. They were able to take care of themselves and depend on their wages as opposed to having to marry a man to take care of them. This affected the changes in the way that marriages went and opened up many doors for people.

Nowadays people are marrying for love and we have a higher divorce rate than ever. The traditional “family” model is falling apart. People are marrying for love and then end up stuck in a marriage that doesn’t work because they aren’t compatible in other ways too.

Do you think it makes sense to get married for romantic love?

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13 Comments

  1. Yes…marry for money…..it’s always good in any denomination.

    Much to my great irritation a Caucasian friend of mine used to say, “We white women get paid, you black women get played.”

  2. First off not many people have actually taken the real patience & time and waiting period for God to show and teach them what “LOVE & MARRIAGE” really is and what it actually represents in the sight of God.
    God is the one who created “Marriage”…
    *MARRIAGE IS A MINISTRY UNTO GOD*

    What does that really mean? Please don’t give an answer from somebody’s opinionated flesh, what does God say. How can anybody actually know what “true-love is, relationship or an honest relationship is” if you have not experienced it with your God first… anything other then that is only temperal which lead to mundane relationships / marriages with no purpose. I do understand the purpose for arranged marriages between families, its about business and establishing. So I also agree with Cindie and some points in this article. Everything in the natural realm these days is all twisted-up and backwards anyway. Until we learn our true identity and turn back to our God we will never get it right.

    • Stephanie A. Smith on

      Oh so true and not just with marriage but in all things even nutrition our heavenly Father has created, provided and knows best…all truths a s wisdkm are found in His Word that He has provided and tha why I use food as a preventive and as medicine. In genesis He gave us “EVERY SEED BEARING PLANT AS MEAT” and that is why I do not eat seedless man altered grapes. Bles you and know that al the answerd we need are in the bible especially the gift of marriage as a reflection and little piece of and example of our marriage with Christ…for those who have SUBMITTED to Him and the gift of sex IN MARRIAGE …not the counterfeit of sex outside of marriage and all of the consequences including hurting innocent children….and did-ease.Love unconditional and rooted in Christ is foundational in our marriage/committment to Christ and so is marriage between ONE man and ONE woman. Man is toled to Love his wife like Christ loves the church (we that belong to have committed in all ways yo Him ). So real love is given to us m Yhwh..God almighty in heaven as so we are to share it with others expressed in different ways and in a very special intimate way with a spouse in marriage. LOVE is an action word. Peace.

  3. They say a happy man marries the woman he loves, but a happier man loves the woman he marries. Love at the onset of marriages is overrated, I believe core values & core traits are most important. Falling in love & it ultimately leads to marriage blinds you from the real evalutaion of how both of you fare financially, time schedules, values etc. I believe in walking & working in love more than falling in love. Like the word says ,you “fell” like lucifer & it’s always to your lusts. Love grows on you rather than hits you. Love is a gift & less of an emotion. Truthfully, I wasn’t “drunk in love” with my with my spouse, but I knew she was perfect. Now she is my definition of what love is, a gift for those who seek God!

  4. LOVE IS NOT A FEELING THOUGH IT CAN PROVOKE EMOTION…IT IS AN ACTION WORD….FOR THE BLESSING OF THE OTHER NOT SELF…ROOTES IN AND FROM OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN BETWEEN ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN AS WAS WITH ADAM AND EVE.

  5. I married my wife because I fell in love with her. Over time I have come to realize that love is a commitment. I am committed to helping my wife realize her full potential. I understand that I cannot own or control her. My wife is the heartbeat of the family. Everyone needs someone out there who is pulling for them. No man is an island. I know that black folk are not doing as well in this country because of the breakdown of our families. When can talk about the effects of racism that are real. But we cannot overlook how the breakdown of our families has hurt us. My wife and I had nothing when we got married nearly twenty years ago. We worked hard and struggled together. We grew up and matured in the marriage. I would not marry someone that I did not love. What we must understand is that love is more than a feeling, it is a principal. There will always be someone else out there who is more handsome,smarter,younger or has a better body. Our actions must be anchored by a principled love. When we act on principal we do not want to hurt others. Someone who is hurting his significant other does not love that person in the truest sense of the word. That relationship is null and void.

    • Cambie you are speaking and sharing out of maturity, everybody is not where you are, and the blind can’t see no matter how you slice it so your relationship with your wife is a blessing.
      I was once married to “BEAUTY & the BEAST”, never again, real beauty comes from with-in, not outside-in…

  6. If you marry to please God and give love and affection to your significant other to please God, love comes after marriage and if both of you are striving for the same goal of serving God, you are both heading for success and great bounty.

  7. Love has to be more than just a feeling. Many people marry for the wrong reasons. Some people are not suited for marriage. Narcissists and sociopaths should never marry or produce offspring. Marriage has to start with a high level of affection and attraction. With time reality sets in. I could not work on a relationship with someone that I never loved. Why would I put myself through that. My spouse would come to despise me also. The greatest gift in life is the gift of love. And no, I am not a romantic. Research Supports this. Love makes you better.

    • @Cambie

      I disagree with you concerning your quote: *Cambie:”Marriage has to start with a high level of affection and attraction”.

      That is so backwards and totally not like God, that’s one of the biggest reasons why relationships and marriages fail, because that is not a solid foundation based on God’s principles for man, that’s nothing more then “LUST OF THE FLESH” kar-ni-ality at its best which equals (IMMATURITY)… like I said: (I married sexy fine beauty from head to toe, but underneath he was a [email protected] beast)…

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