Dating: Why One Writer is Absolutely Fed Up

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By: Krystle Crossman

Writer Olivia Johnson says that she is tired of dating. She got back into dating but then quickly realized that she was fed up with it and shares the five reasons why dating is so awful for some.

1. You tend to lose yourself and who you are while dating. You think that you have found a great person and then begin to change who you are to try to be the person you think they want you to be. You spend money on new clothes, new shoes, and things like hair and nails to try and impress them. You turn into someone that is not you.

2. We try to act like we don’t care when it ends to make ourselves feel better. This actually hurts more than heals. If you push your feelings aside and try to lessen the emotions that you have you will cloud your judgment and may try to jump into something sooner than you would have before. You need time to process.

3. It is expensive and taxing to date. You get emotionally involved and then it ends. You become attached to someone and then they decide that they don’t want to date anymore. You spend money on primping and going out.

4. It is hard to be vulnerable and can end up hurting you in the process. Letting your emotions go and breaking down those walls can be a very hard thing to do and the healing process that leads to being vulnerable is emotionally draining.

5. Social media makes everything more confusing. Relationship statuses on Facebook are a huge problem for many. If he likes a status that you posted does that mean he really likes you? He sent you a tweet, he must be smitten. Or he is just sending a tweet and liking a post on Facebook because he is friendly. Social media leads to overthinking.

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17 Comments

  1. I’m married but I haven’t ALWAYS been married. Dating (African American dating) is a a beast! With hip hop lyrics preaching anti-love and pro-infidelity…. Black dating is hard on a woman! I truly believe that if I was still single, I’d move to Europe and try my luck there. Do your research!

    • @Hidaya & Tavina….

      Great post! especially moving to “EUROPE”, along with mixing & mingling amongest all races creeds and colors.

      Throw the “MICROWAVE DATING MENTALITY” out the window into a pile of rubish and sat that bytch on fire… Don’t even allow (DATING) into the equasion period.

      Just start having fun, enjoying “YOU” without giving up your lucky charms… don’t even kiss them, no touching, don’t even allow them to cross-over your threshold.

      Be yourself, be your own woman, dress to your own (unique perfection) that accomadates you and only you, (not him / not her / but “YOU”) because it is and should be “YOU” that matters to “YOU”…

      Celebrate “YOU” at all times like its the end of the world… do it til you get tired and then do it somemore, just keep your (God) at the top of your equasion at all times as your (#1-FAN) which equals “COMFORT” in mind body and spirit… *That’s how you know your giving your God something to work with while your living your life to the fullest traveling abroad and whatever tickles your fancy.
      Don’t be afraid to put your foot in the waters, and as you travel you will (GROW AND MATURE) along the way forgetting those old desire to be married, then one day *(HE WILL FIND YOU)…

      God’s word is his “LAW”… God does honor his own “LAWS”… A man who findeth a wife findeth a (GOOD THING), so he shall find (FAVOR) with God.

      A woman is not suppose to look for a man / husband… it is against the “LAW” of God.
      Allow God to choose your husband so it will be ever-lasting… and be anxious for nothing.

      PS. Before you start your mental journey on your ship… buy you a “LOG BOOK” and write a letter and list to God telling him what you want in a husband.
      Put the log in God’s hands on the alter, leave it and walk away, trusting God has it without turning back. Its about do you trust and believe God can do it for you without any interferance from you whatsoever…wink!!!

      • Thank you for the solid reminder that as women of God, we are not the hunters. Your message really resonated with me.
        It is also important to remember that we will never be able to compare nor compete with most of the women in the dating world because we are not OF the world. I needed this.
        Thank you!

        • @Schauna…

          Bless you my sister…wink! Somethings that sound so easy seem to be so hard for many. People gotta start waking up, God is shutting down all the avenues on easy street. Its either his way from here on out or its (NO WAY)…

        • @Schauna…

          I had to come back and re-read your comment / post again because this thing is very very very real for all of us / especially black-sisters aka: TRUE GOD-WOMEN who really actually do “KNOW-SEE-&-UNDERSTAND” that God is not playing with us when it comes to the “HUSBAND THING, THE SEX THING, AND ALL OF THE ABOVE”…

          TO WHOM MUCH IS GIVEN – MUCH IS REQUIRED OF THEE…

          Redbone likes sleeping in peace…
          Redbone is God conscience…
          Redbone is Christ-minded…
          Redbone is (FREE) forreal and it cost me dearly, but it was worth every last bit of what I had to walk thru to obtain what I am now (ENDOWED) with, I want and desire the samethings for all my black-sisters.

          If I turn around and go back the opposite direction “REDBONE WILL DIE”… So I have everything to lose and ain’t 1 [email protected] thing in this “NATURAL REALM / not even a man of flesh worth me losing what I have fought so “long and hard” to obtain in my relationship with my “CREATOR / GOD”….

          When Redbone says she walked thru the fires, that’s exactly what I mean and I ain’t afraid to tell my testimony on any given day /cause God has been soooo “GOOD TO ME” no matter how much suffering I’ve had to walk thru just to learn how to (sustain my self from having (S*X), allowing that ole mentality of (gotta-have-a-man) to die out of my flesh just so Redbone could learn how to recieve and walk in the realness of my (CREATOR) who has become:
          MY GOD,
          MY MAN,
          MY HUSBAND,
          MY HEALER,
          MY FINANCES,
          MY PEACE,
          MY WILL, AND
          THE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN, MY SEED AND MY SEED’S SEED).. Redbone wants all that her “GOD” has for her lacking no good thing on the face of this wretched earth and in the kingdom to come…

          Redbone knows she can’t make all her black-sisters see the light / but God said: HE SENT ONE TO PLANT & HE SENT ONE TO WATER… Its time for some real change…

          WHAT STRONG PROUD BLACK-WOMEN IS TRUELY READY TO STOP COMPROMISING HER GOD / (stop) MAKING HIM SECOND BEST TO A PIECE OF (FLESH / MAN) THAT HE CREATED IN THE FIRST PLACE….

          REDBONE….

  2. All the reasons given sound like reasons of
    an insecure woman!!!
    When dating don’t focus on what is going to become of it. Think about having fun,
    And what will be shall be.
    When dating focus on yourself and what you can improve about yourself
    Could be education, better job, attitude adjustments.
    All the rest will fall into place!

  3. Good Morning Ladies…

    In our black community there are a lot of people who are standing up against being “SINGLE”, especially black-men, Note: I’m not going to even call them our men anymore because for the simple fact (they are just men like any other men), but the “DIFFERENCE” is: (THE MAJORITY ARE NOT DATING AND WIFING THE BLACK-WOMAN)… but (YOU) have to be honest with “yours-so-truely” kill!ng off denial so you can become free in your minds and spirit.

    Stop listening to people who are giving you “CONTROLLING MILITANT ADVISE” and start listening, respecting and believing in the heart of that “STILL SMALL VOICE” that’s on the inside of you because it is your “CREATOR” who is speaking to you at all times. If we start taking the time to slow down, stop panicking, relax, take deep breaths & exhale, and be anxious for nothing then we will began to “HEAR OUR TRUE GUIDE”…

    Too often I’m reading and hearing “CONTROLLING [email protected]” online in these blog rooms trying to tell me and convence me that I’m just a “dysfunctional bitter mad-azz black-woman” LMBO! mad because I can’t get a [email protected] black-man…really!! and now the Redbone is really laughing because its really comicable and it sounds so stupid and so [email protected] shallow minded and controlling… especially when its comes out of some of the mouths of our own sisters, not that part is the real bytch… some shyt you just gotta laugh it off SMH!

    Now remembering God’s word is “LAW”, (IT DOES NOT SPEAK AGAINST BEING SINGLE IN THE WORD OF GOD)… Jesus said blessed are those who remain single because being married comes with “CHORES” in so many words and a better way of putting it. Don’t believe the Redbone, just take sometime to go read it for yourself…wink!!!

    Black-women have a right to be “SO HAPPY & FULLFILLED” without allowing controlling figures to continue masscre-ing our selfesteem…

    Dr. T. D. Jakes has a book that’s been out for a while called “(THE LADY, HER LOVER AND HER LORD)”, I guarantee you once you pick it up and began to read it… you won’t wanna put it down. It will have you laughing off your rocker sometimes, especially when Dr. Jakes starts rapping to the spirit of the black-woman.

    Short story: I was at the gym one day walking the treadmill and reading that book, forgot where I was and started bust-up with laughter LMBO!!! men started walking up and asking me what I was reading, I couldn’t stop laughing. I simply told them LMBO! They said “I WANNA BUY THAT BOOK FOR MY WIFE /FOR MY GIRL”…

    The next book by Dr. Jakes is called: “SO YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN”… Its about the “CRIPLE MAN AT THE GATE” / which is actually speaking about the dysfunctional men of today and yesterday.
    The book called: WOMEN THOU ART LOOSE” just speaks about the criple women / dysfunctional women, and most of us have already read them, many have gone to the conventions Dr Jake has every year.
    There’s also videos and tapes called: “MAN POWER 1 2 AND 3”, Dr. Jake ministers to black-men, get the series ladies and start empowering yourselves so you can start learning what your up against if you don’t start taking your time with your own personal life getting to know your creator, falling in love with him, and allowing him to take you through your process while getting you prepared for your “MATE”…

    You “MUST” be celibate ladies if you want a blessed union with your husband… and guess what!!! ha ha ha… The man must also be celibate and clean in temple before your creator will even allow him into your life just for the purpose of marriage alone with everything else added.

    Have A Blessed Day / Redbone…

    • Christopher on

      While I respect the intentions of getting women to understand the necessity for standards and moral obligations, the generalized statements of “Black men aren’t ‘wifing up’ Black women” aren’t necessary.

      The simple fact is that just because what you witness may not line up with what is truly happening statistic wise does not make it true and the fact is that 80% of the time, Black males do end up marrying Black females. While this is not the norm of what is publicly acknowledged, it is what happens.

      Now, in regards to dating here in this country, the goal is making sure the person you’re pursuing doesn’t forget who you are and by doing things that are out of the ordinary such as having moral fiber and not giving into casual sex or just perhaps wanting conversation could show something a little different than what many are used to and therefore leading to a change in what happens in the dating atmosphere.

      • @Christopher….

        If you were reading my post with a focus instead of maybe a manly ego chip on your shoulder / desperately seeking for a negative doorway opening you would have never missed my point of stating that everybody makes mistakes. Many women /young and older walk through many stages in their lives and some don’t feel comfortable enough to talk about it, in other words this is a womens thang and you need to step in with a more open mind. Cutting it short /Women are from Venus / Men are from Mars… every body’s walking through some type of healing process trying to survive and escape what’s literally destroying our black on black relationships… Many black men step to black women in these blog rooms because they can’t handle the black women having the gumption empowerment and boldness to hold her head high up in the air and move-on with her life rather she decides to be single or re marry into another race… You always wanna find fault in us / always an ugly controlling factor.

        What would you and all black men rather the black women do!!! ? Sit around and (WAIT) for the black man to have a change of heart and start loving and respecting us with patience again while life passes us by and you guys are fully living your lives to the fullest with white women and women of other colors…!!! ?

        Remember the black woman out weight the black man in numbers… meaning its not even enough of you guys to go around…wink!

        Yours So Truely Redbone

      • @Christopher…

        I’m on the westcoast… sorry brother but your statistics don’t match what black women are morally shown with the naked eye every waking moment of our days. Do I need to go deeper?? Because I truely can… I’m drowning in the facts /statistics don’t even come close because its designed by the white mans lie or our youth who are still on simlac… no disrespect….wink!

  4. spider9man3 on

    After reading this article is appears that the writer should be fed up with herself. If You want some to be into you then do just that. Hey, this is me step on or step off. You crazy girl.

  5. I totally agree. It is so hard to date. Myself recently in the dating game due to divorce and I am so fed up. Tired of the lies and game playing. Where are the real men in any nationality. It is so confusing and the men on the down low or whatever. What happened?

  6. @Christopher…
    Let me rephrase this little comment… I was away from home on my cell trying to answer your post..

    You always wanna find fault in us / always an ugly controlling factor.
    (Most) but not all blackmen always wanna find fault in the blackwomen / always an ugly “CONTROLLING FACTOR”…

    You know the blackmans “DOUBLE-STANDARDS” are so darn mind boggling / azz-backwards / so totally unstable these days… its enough to literally push a blackwomen off the edge of the [email protected] cliff… matter of fact most of us can’t even make any sense of it… and its really really sad, ego, selfcentered, selected, I’m gonna have it my way because “I’M THE MAN” or God said the women is the weaker vessel which is totally taken out of context…

    Mr. Christopher… Redbone is not by any means trying to have a war with you and any other brother who visits this article, but brother something has got to give somewhere, its been too long coming…

    Let me ask you a question? Just go with me here for a minute… okay?

    Are you a black-woman?
    Are you a woman period?
    Do you have any over-powering female hormones?
    Do you have the brains of a female / or even born with 1/2 the brain of a female / woman?
    Do you have a monthly cycle?
    Have you ever in your life experienced thought patterns of a women or a blackwoman?

    Mr. Christopher if you say yes to any of the above then I’m open / all ears…
    If “NOT” then I rest my case!!!!!

    Like a man who is a hunter would say:
    A “BEAR” is not a “BUCK”… A bear can’t walk and live the life of a buck because it hibernates in the winter, and a buck can’t walk and live the life of a bear because its up running around in the freezing cold of the winter. Neither one of them can feel how the other one is feeling because they are not and never will be the same even though they are both animals, but 2 differnt species.

    Redbone smiling down on you…wink!!!

  7. I’m tired of trying to date, too. Let me add another reason:

    There are more unhappily (so they say) married men out here trying to “creep” than there are single men wanting to date.

    And I ain’t no “creeper.”

    • @Cindie…

      I keep laughing at your post because you are so right on it. The stuff out here in this wicked ole world I’m observing and hearing is off the chain.
      You don’t know who nobody is anymore, its like taking a gun and putting 1 bullet in the chamber and pulling the trigger. Most of the time I see black-men with a date drooling over the women without a date, and if the date turns her head away too long looking in the other direction its too late. This is just black on black clubing mentality to me, its extremelly TOXIC…
      Lately I’ve been drawing myself back into my home where its “SAFE”, because its not safe out there.
      When I hangout with the foreigner they don’t act like that at all… very very respectful and polite and gentlemen they really are, even their conversation are different / the flow is just relaxing and not all intimidated. Fun is not suppose to be confusion…

  8. “There are still some wonderful people left in this world! They are diamonds in the rough, but they’re around! You’ll find them when you fall down– they’re the ones who pick you up, who don’t judge, and you had to fall down to see them! When you get up again, remember who your true friends are!”

    ROBERT MYSTERY

  9. “People would walk in and walk out of your life, but the one whose footstep made a long lasting impression is the one you should never allow to walk out.”

    People will hurt you, God will heal you. People will humiliate you, God will magnify you. People will judge you, God will justify you. People will hate you, God will love you.

    Let’s have a change of mind, change of heart,change of attitude, change of walk because all of these little changes will lead you to a place that God has prepared for you.

    You are lucky enough to have something that makes you different from everyone else. Embrace your individuality. Self-worth comes from one thing: thinking that you are worthy. So appreciate what it feels like underneath your own skin. You are amazing just the way you are.

    Never forget that God only gives what he knows you can handle. There is no situation that you are experiencing alone. God walks beside you always..

    ROBERT MYSTERY /
    AKA: [email protected] /
    A PROUD BLACKMAN PULLING FOR ALL BLACK-SISTERS

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