$exless Marriages: Their Hidden Secrets


Couple sitting up in bed, both looking away   Original Filename: couple.jpg
By: Krystle Crossman

What do you do when your s*x life fizzles in your marriage? This is actually very common in a marriage and can begin anywhere from two to ten years after you get married. Many people are quick to talk about a great s*x life, but when there is no s*x life, the often avoid the topic.

Often, when men and woman talk about how much they have s*x in a marriage, the frequency may be the same but the responses to a question such as how often they have s*x may be different. In the movie Annie Hall during a therapy session this question was asked and the man responded that it was three times a week but described this as very rarely. The woman on the other hand said the same number but described it as constantly.

If you are wondering if you and your partner have hit a dry spell, ask yourself first if both of your needs are being met. There is no set frequency in a relationship. Some couples have s*x once a week, some once a month, others multiple times per week. This may be normal to all of them but not others so you can’t base your assessment on the number of times you have s*x with your partner. The best thing to do if you find that one or both of you has needs that are not being met is to talk about it openly. How can a problem be fixed if neither of you really knows where the problem is?

You also need to understand why you are having a dry spell in order to get back to normal. Is there an underlying issue in the relationship that is causing you to not want to be intimate with your partner? Again, talking about it comes into play as while you are discussing one problem, another may be revealed. There are many questions that you should ask before giving up all together such as:

– Is one partner furious at the other for some reason?
– Is there a medical issue that is causing the dry spell?
– Is someone cheating?
– Is one or both of you overwhelmed by childcare?
– Are you overwhelmed by stress from your job?
– Has the relationship always been in a dry spell?

The bottom line is that when you find that you are not having s*x as frequently as you used to, there is usually an underlying cause for it. Finding that cause and trying to fix the problem is key. The best thing that you can do for your relationship is to be open with your partner and talk about it, because they cannot read your mind and know what you are thinking or how you are feeling.


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