By: Isabella Carson
Writer Heather Leiva was on her new husband’s computer one day. He had sat he down and showed her where the files that she needed were and then went upstairs. Curiosity over a folder named “Private” got the better of her and she opened it. What she found was something that took years to get over. She found homemade adult movies of her new husband and his ex-wife that were made years before. She was hurt and angry and confronted him about it when he came back downstairs. He apologized and stated that he had even forgotten that they were on the computer. Now, years later, Leiva realizes that she learned some things from watching every one of her husband’s home movies:
1. Stop comparing yourself to your spouse’s ex. They are an ex for a reason and you shouldn’t be anything like them. You don’t need to compare your looks, personalities, or even bedroom activities because you are a completely different person. The relationship didn’t work out with your spouse and your ex so why would you want to make sure that you have things in common with them?
2. Your partner has had ex’s before that he or she has slept with. Instead of thinking about how you compare, think about thanking them instead for all of the practice that your partner got which in turn helps you out!
3. All relationships are different. Your spouse may have acted one way with their ex but act a different way with you. That is because you are two different people. You and your spouse interact differently with each other than your spouse and his ex because there are different personalities involved. Something that your spouse may have done with their ex in the bedroom may be something that you are not too keen on and so they do things differently with you. This doesn’t mean that they think less of you. It shows that they are in tune with your needs only.
4. Trying new things here and there can really help your relationship. You don’t want to fall into a rut as so many couples do so don’t be afraid to try something a little bold or daring to keep things going.
5. You are the one to blame for the past that is dug up. If you go around looking for things from your spouse’s past be aware of the consequences that come with digging up old and buried information. Often times it will do nothing but cause more grief and pain.