Five Ways to Know if a Man is Really Yours, or if You’re Just One of Many

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by X-man

Sometimes, my female friends have difficulty determining if a relationship is real or if it’s not.   Finding something steady is like seeking a job in your field:  You’d like to know if the job is permanent or a temp position.  Not knowing the difference can be a problem, since a high paying temporary position might cause you to pass over something that pays less, but offers more security.  This is one of the biggest mistakes I see my female friends make, who can’t tell the difference between a man who views them as a sexual conquest, vs a man who sees them as a long-term mate.

If you’re not seeking commitment, then ignore this.  But if you are, here are a few ways to know if your situation might be the real deal:

1) He calls you consistently, every day – When a man establishes a pattern with you, that means that you’ve gained some territorial rights in his life.   He is thinking about you every day and looks forward to talking to you at night. He sees his time with you as an oasis to get away from the stress he has been feeling that day.   You’re becoming his pillow and his rock.

2) He seeks you out on holidays – Holidays don’t lie, especially Valentine’s Day.   If he doesn’t seek you out on the day meant for lovers, then he doesn’t love you and probably has no plans to do so.  But Christmas and Thanksgiving can tell a lot too, since he might at least want to connect in  meaningful way, even if he won’t yet bring you around his family.

3) He is open and honest when you ask questions about other women – Ask your “man” this simple question: ‘When’s the last time you slept with anyone else?”  If he dodges the question or gives a vague answer, that means that he has info he doesn’t want you to know.  A man who sees you as commitment-worthy is going to communicate with you in some important kind of way.  A “playa” knows how to keep his business quiet.  If you don’t ask questions, he won’t volunteer any information.

4) He gives you plenty of his time –  A man can give money to a lot of women, but he only has so much time. Don’t measure his love by how much he spends on you, measure it based on whether he gives you plenty of time, without acting as though he always has something to do.  A person who values you wants to be around you, no matter how busy they may be.

5) He doesn’t go AWOL – One sign of a true playa is that he disappears for long periods of time.   If you heard from him last Thursday and he pops back up on Monday, that most likely means he was with another woman.  Text messages don’t count, since you can text anyone from anywhere.  Also, short phone calls in transit don’t count, since he may be trying to call you while he’s away from his girlfriend.   If you go more than three days without more than 30 minutes on the phone, that could be a problem.

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13 Comments

  1. Ok I have a question for you, know it all people ok.
    check this out how about i do everything in the world for my lady right like cook her food iron her things out for her in the morning before she goes to work make her coffee for her when we first got together we had sex every time we see each other and then made love after i moved her her with me and moved things forward if you know what I mean now hears the killer Im hiv pos and i told the from the get go two year later i cant even get a damn hug or kiss and we have had sex since feb of this year what do yall think about that!!!

  2. Ok I have a question for you, know it all people ok.
    check this out how about i do everything in the world for my lady right like cook her food iron her things out for her in the morning before she goes to work make her coffee for her when we first got together we had *** every time we see each other and then made love after i moved her her with me and moved things forward if you know what I mean now hears the killer Im hiv pos and i told the from the get go two year later i cant even get a **** hug or kiss and we have had *** since feb of this year what do yall think about that!!!

  3. Pingback: 5 ways to know if a man is really yours (or if you’re just one of many) | The Talkative

  4. Gregory Simmons on

    Afrikans ( Colloqually called Afrikan Americans, ‘blacks’) are some of th emost ignorant people in the USA, many are semi-illiterates,living as assimilators living out a whitemare ideology based on their slave masters mistresses misphilosophy of white supermacy, be in relationships, employment, health, entertainment regardless of the field.
    They are living in fantasy and illusions, as a result based their idea partner on white ideology of mongomy, where whites create places where females are used and abused, adverting products/goods/servives etc, be in fashion, entertainment, music, films, media etc…Many of the males have had multi relationships based on the above premise… in my opinion its complete idiotic that in so called 2013 these ‘Afrikans’ have not developed their own ‘family’ lifestyle including our own Ancient indeginous /relationship marrige ethos.. rather than always use mono-culture which esentially is soley Eurocentric and then expect to get solutions to the issues/challenges which confront us a a nation of people just ome out of chattel enslavement, now under the influence of neocolonialism..

    I think that Dr Watkins along with other media outlets has a duty to re-educate our people out of their whitemare quagmire..I suggest that most of the churches and mosques should be promoting celebrating documentary fims such as Hidden Colours to give hope and clarity rather than constant gossip and garbage of some banal activity of some of our wanna be so called ‘celebrities’ Afrikan Americans kill each other with impunity it is they who are their greatest enemies, not the rabbles of teh KKK etc groups. it is they themselves who create the conditions which allows other nations/races communities to direspect Afrikans, especially as the men are like females on their periods..

    The sad truth is that everytime I wrote a comment to get it publish .. you do not because the truth hurts…

  5. Lynda Williams on

    My relatives warned me the very first time they met him that he was a playa. I ofcourse didnt see it until later on. He has shown me all the above signs. I wish i could warn every woman what a user this man is. His name is Linwood branham and I found out not long ago that he is shacking up with Geraldine Dotson whom he says is just a friend.

  6. I think Gregory Simmons is one of the dumbest people. I’ve ran across in my whole life. And I’ve seen some dumb people. Opinion or not it dont matter what color u are. Cause I’ve see some dumb ass white folks in fucked up relationships that lead to death. Fantasy some hell. Black people don’t stay in relationship ships for eighty years knowing their husband or wife is cheating. Call it what u want statistic or not. No matter what the race. You just got some people who will settle for any type of love. So Gregory. Dont be dumb all your life.

    • He’s obviously a racist. The topic is about relationships not race. He is talking about “Blacks” instead of the issue at hand. He loves us “blacks”he just cant get enough. To him we are the topic. Lol

  7. I call BS on calling consistently part especially considering that I’ve been happily married 5 years now…..I for one dont like to talk on the phone and rarely stay on the phone 10 minutes let alone 30…and I dont care if Jesus himself was on the other line

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