Healthy Love: Are Second & Third Marriages Destined To Fail?

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bad relationship

By Staff Blogger

Marriages are supposed to be life-long, “til death do us part”. These days, the divorce rate is at an all-time high, not only for first marriages, but for second and third marriages as well.

 The divorce rate, currently, for people in their first marriages – meaning neither have been married before, is 40-50%. Half of all first time marriages fail. That is a very large number. It is even worse for those who have been married previously. The divorce rate then jumps to 60-67%! That is nothing however compared to those where at least one partner has been married twice before, in which the rate is 70-73%!

So why do people not learn from their mistakes the first time? Some rush right back into marriage or serious relationships without stopping to look at why their previous ones failed.

Here are some things that people should look at more carefully after divorce:

Why did they break up? What role did they play? These are questions that should be answered before moving on. Some people are too optimistic about relationships and move on quickly. Some are afraid of being alone. Others lack basic life skills such as finances and household stuff, so they get married again to avoid these skills.

When people enter into second or third marriages, it becomes more complicated with the involvement of stepchildren and ex-spouses. This is e recipe for a lot of drama that the relationship may not be able to handle.

At the end of the day, it seems that it may be a good idea to make first marriages work, because the data shows that when that first marriage fails, things are more likely to only get worse in subsequent marriages.

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7 Comments

  1. My divorce will be two years come March 2013 after 18 years together and 16 years married, I decided not to date instead concentrate on me and my daughters. My ex started dating an old girlfriend while we were living together whole going through our divorce, they are currently engaged to be married. He didn’t even stop to breathe he went from a wife and family to his girlfriend with a ready made family. I see disaster written all over that relationshi, he never would acknowledge our problems on our marriage and left us damaged goods especially me and our oldest daughter, I can’t imagine him getting it right this time. As for the me the ex wife I stay clear of them so it won’t be drama on my end, I don’t want it and don’t need it because I’ve already had it.

  2. “Once bitten twice shy.Never ever get married again” – marcus davis

    Speaking for myself, I totally agree. Some people get married out of lust or conveience. Love, most of the time play a very small role in a marriage. Besides the few reasons listed above about why a lot of marriages collaspe, two other reasons to add is lack of communication and the idea of marriage (the gained benefits). But instead of putting those sacred vows to work when problems arises, one or both persons is ready to call it quits.

    Knowing from personal experience, going through a divorce can be emotionally devastating which is something I don’t want to ever experience again.

  3. I have been divorced twice. The first marriage was to someone I felt obligated to marry, so I did. It did not get better with the first marriage. The second marriage was with 18 months of the first divorce. By the end of the second marriage I was able to look at ME, and I began to be a whole person. I have been divorced for 20 years and I finaly feel that I can be married. I am financially stable and I enjoy my life as it is. However, I would like to find a husband with all the old fashioned values and spirituality.
    I hope to be in the 20% of marriages that last after the second divorce when I do get married. (I believe I have learned some valuable life experiences. I dropped my fears and esteemed myself as loving and loveable….lessons learned.)

  4. I have been divorced twice. The first marriage was to someone I felt obligated to marry, so I did. It did not get better with the first marriage. The second marriage was with 18 months of the first divorce. By the end of the second marriage I was able to look at ME, and I began to be a whole person. I have been divorced for 20 years and I finaly feel that I can be married. I am financially stable and I enjoy my life as it is. However, I would like to find a husband with all the old fashioned values and spirituality.
    I hope to be in the 20% of marriages that last after the second divorce when I do get married. (I believe I have learned some valuable life experiences. I dropped my fears and esteemed myself as loving and loveable.)

  5. Phillis Fallick on

    Divorce causes major issues with health insurance benefits. Many families have employer provided and/or paid for health insurance benefits that cover the entire family. It is not uncommon to see situations where the other spouse is a stay at home parent, with absolutely no access to health insurance benefits, or employed at a job with either no health insurance benefits available or those benefits available at a substantial cost. After a divorce, the spouse with the family health insurance coverage can no longer cover the other parent. They are no longer “family” members who can take advantage of one health insurance policy. How to then ensure that everyone stays insured does become an issue for negotiation and/or divorce litigation.*..

  6. Hmmm…
    I think it depends. I’ve done it 3 times. And honestly each time was WRONG! The 1st I was way too young,and we had a child already, the 2nd he was way too young – I was just lonely, & the 3rd – I was grieving the process of my dying mother wrong man & time. Now that I’m older, wiser, and have learned about my own needs and faults it isn’t something I would “just do.” I honestly only wanted to marry this one man, but it didn’t happen. It left me feeling more insecure. I had to get in touch with self.

    I believe in marriage and I love all that it stands for. Divorce is a process that is draining in every way possible. Had I any sense the first time, I would’ve stopped there. I do not believe that because one has married more than once it’s doomed to failure, in spite of my own failed marriages. I believe that if the people involved do not have it right and continue to be set in their wrongs, then yes, they are bound to repeat them and marrying the same type of people or ones with similar issues. If you do not fix yourself, then surely the same poor choices will be made as well. I’m not angry at any of my ex’s nor do I lay blame. I did not have to marry them, yet I did. Knowing better, but hoping things would be different, young & dumb.

    Would I ever get married again? Yes, but only to the one that got away;-)

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