Healthy Love: Divorce Or Separation; Which Should You Do?


porsha n kordellBy Staff Blogger

So many couples today are finding it harder and harder to stay together. Some will make a serious effort to try and work it out and stay together, while others give up entirely. How do you know when it is time to call it quits, or if there is something salvageable in your relationship?

When it comes to questioning a divorce or separation, ask yourself this…do you both want out, or does just one of you want to go? When only one of you wants out, a separation may be a good way to go. They may just need some time and space to think things through, and perhaps realize what they would be missing. It also helps the transition from being married to divorced and can help with the court proceedings as well.

Do you know why you want out? Again, separation may be for you so that you can have time to really think things through before ending it all. Separation could also be helpful if you are having the same problems over and over with each relationship that you have. This could mean it’s not the relationship, it’s you.

Some people have religious beliefs that state that divorce is a sin. In this case, a legal separation could be the way to go as you are essentially getting divorced (splitting assets, living apart, dealing with child custody issues) but are not fully divorced. If you want to remarry at some point however, the divorce must be finalized.

What would it take to make the marriage work? Try counseling if you are willing. You may find some underlying issues or may get a chance for some great advice on how to help the issues you have.

Make sure that you are really positive that you want a divorce. Sometimes a separation is all that is needed to “scare” couples back into each other’s arms. It can also give you a chance to see how your children adjust to the whole situation.

Think about your assets and your spouse’s assets before you finalize a divorce. If you are separated you are still entitled to assets and work-driven bonuses. If you are divorced, you do not get any of it. Also think about medical insurance. You may need it, and can still be on your spouse’s if you are separated.

Make sure that divorce is really what you want, and make sure that there is nothing to work on before calling it quits.


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