Lately there have been many reports about the many dangers of Human papilloma virus (HPV) which was first thought to affect women much more than men. Then more reports came out that suggested that there was a link to HPV in men and men who ventured “down town” in their intimate relationships.
With those kinds of reports, it makes it difficult for women who may already be too shy to make a request for their man to venture “south of the border”.
Before you can get him down to business, you need to figure out why he’s been lax. Chances are it’s not because he’s lazy.
1. Mixed Signals
Nearly 63 percent of guys in a recent Men’s Health survey said that what keeps them from going down on a woman is her “no thanks” vibe. It could be that if you turned him down during your period or immediately post-gym, your guy may have gotten the impression that you’re not into oral at all. So clear things up. After the next time you take a trip downtown, during the afterglow, say something nonaccusatory like, “Hey, you’re so good at going down on me, and I’m dying for more,” suggests s*e*x therapist Lori Hollander, founder of the Center for Real Intimacy in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
2. Tunnel Vision
Guys can be so focused on sliding into home that they forget how mind-blowing—and necessary—[email protected] stimulation can be for you, says s*e*xuality counselor Ian Kerner, Ph.D., coauthor of The Big Fun Sexy Sex Book. If your partner heads south only sporadically and doesn’t stay long, Kerner suggests you tell him that your [email protected] from oral s*e*x are often more intense than they are when he’s inside you, and that you’d like to finish that way once in a while before moving on to intercourse.
3. Performance Jitters
Can we all agree that a man’s tool is way easier to figure out than yours? Instead of fumbling around down there, some guys skip the whole thing for fear of embarrassing themselves. If your guy gives you oral but doesn’t seem able to get into a groove or if he constantly changes tongue techniques, he probably doesn’t know what he’s doing and is insecure about it. Kerner’s fix: Drop a line that’s both encouraging and educational, like, “I’ve been having these fantasies of us fooling around, and then you go down on me and really gently use your mouth, just tiny licks with the tip of your tongue.”
Here are some tips to guide your man to “the promised land”:
1. Try Lip-Syncing.
Take his hand while he’s going down on you and lick, kiss, and suck on the skin and fingertips, showing him how you’d like him to take care of you.
2. Make Some Noise.
Coo, ooh, and ahh your approval when you like what he’s doing, and quiet down when he strays off course. Help him go faster or slower by adjusting the rhythm or your sounds—he’ll move in a way that matches your tempo.
3. Lead Him On.
Warm things up by charting a course with your fingers for him to follow. You’ll point the way: Anywhere your fingers go, so should his mouth. Start with your inner thighs, then move to your lower stomach, then help him zero in on your sensory epicenter.