Healthy Love: Red Flags Of a Relationship That Is “Doomed”


accusingBy Staff Blogger

Have you noticed that your partner has been acting differently lately? Is he not as warm and kind as he used to be or more distant than he was before? Take a look at how he was when you were first dating, and look at how he is acting now. This sudden change in attitude or behavior could be signaling the death of your relationship. Here are some red flags to watch out for:

1. He calls you fat: Even if he says it ‘jokingly’ it is still hurtful. How you take care of your body is your decision, not his.

2. He ignores you: If he is refusing to talk, constantly distracted, or tunes you out, this could mean that it is almost over. He is checking out and you shouldn’t have to jump through hoops to get him to listen to you.

3. He says one thing but then goes and does another: If he nods and says “yes dear” but then goes off and does the complete opposite, watch out.

4. He yells at you when he is drunk: Everyone loses their cool now and then, especially when drinking. But if he does it all the time and blames it on the booze, there could be an underlying issue that he isn’t telling you about.

5. He forbids you to talk to family and friends: This is a huge red flag. No one can tell you whom you can and cannot speak with. This could indicate a control issue, or even a jealousy issue. If he seems truly concerned about something, listen and consider his advice but he does not get to “forbid” you from contact with friends and family.

6. He sleeps around when he’s drunk: He will blame it on the alcohol. Cheating is cheating, no matter how drunk he was.

7. He lies all the time: Lying and breaking promises creates a hostile environment where trust is broken.

8. He puts you down: If he is being disrespectful take a step back and think about his words before reacting. Is he really saying it to be mean or are you reading deeper into his comment than you should.

9. He is abusive: Abuse comes in several forms; verbal, emotional and physical, among others. No kind of abuse is ever okay and that is a major red flag that the relationship is on shaky ground.

10. He doesn’t want to commit: This could mean he is either afraid of commitment or just doesn’t want to commit to you. Think about what you want for the future and if he doesn’t want the same, it may be time to split.



  1. Derek Lindsay on

    Bullshzz. Blame everything on the black man why don’t you!!!
    Maybe he is just tired of you and has gone as far as he can go. All black women are not the angels that they claim to be. Stop hating on the brothers simply because you are a messed up individual

    • Hello have a legitmate beef..but I (who am female) read the article and did not come out with it being an attack on the black man!! rather it is instructing black females or any females what to look out for that will indicate the end of a relationship…period. It didn’t lay blame on the man or the female,so where did you read that??…yes, and you are right, the brother can be simply tired of the female and/or her crap..granted, but the woman needs to be aware of the signs that the end is in store!!

  2. Let me guess, a female author, if these red flags are waving, then yes there is trouble on the horizon. But if he is cheating, it takes a mate. The difference in a man and woman is men may be like dogs, but women are like cats. Dogs crap and want cover it up, but a cat craps and cover it up!

  3. Maybe she is the one doing the above list, we get burnt out to maybe not to quick to sleep around but tired of not being noticed, hidden from the world work home Church there is life outside of these place, beautiful places to see and visit. Now if your spouse was lazy unattractive I can maybe see you not wanting to be seen with him or her but if I just saying wake up my brother not you see me now you won’t

  4. Pingback: Red flags of a relationship that is “doomed” | YNaija

  5. A fat, self-hating Black woman must have written this article. Sister, what do you mean that getting fat is your business? Are you crazy? It is well documented by almost everybody who studies the subject that obesity (fat) is not good for you. It causes a multitude of problems. May I remind you of a few: heart disease, diabeties, cancer, high blood pressure, and who knows what else. Plus, it does not look good. Almost 90% of Black women over 20 are overweight, and those younger are not far behind. When your fat butt gets one of the above mentioned diseases it impacts your family and friends. Look Sis, if you love yourself, how can you justify getting fat? Being fat is a character issue! It doesn’t say much for you, but it tells everybody else a TON about you. Why would any self-respecting Brother want a ton of lard on his arm? Maybe, because of her fat butt, he is so turned off that he begins to gravitate to other Sisters. Why not? If she disrespects herself so much that she will get fat she probably does not have any respect for him either. So he, as any self-respecting Brother will do, starts seeking a Sister who will accord him some respect. Her getting fat is a big, big red flag for him, too. What she is telling him when she gets big as an elephant is that she does not care about herself or him. There is no excuse for anybody, male or female, getting fat and staying that way.

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