Healthy Love: She’s 24, He’s 53 ; How Old Is Too Old?

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older men

Richard Williams & much younger wife Lakeisha Graham

There is a reason why men who date women that are much younger than them are called “sugar daddies”; emphasis on daddy. The conclusion that a lot of people will draw about a man who is in his 50s and beyond and dating a woman in her 20s or early 30s is that she has “daddy issues” and he is desperately trying to avoid the fact that he is getting “old”.

Of course there are instances when two people meet and feel a connection and the fact that they have a 20+ age gap is not too significant to them and they go on to enjoy a wonderful relationship. But the question is, should a 24 year old woman, for example, really be dating a 53 year old man, who may be around the same age as her father?

Two experts, Dr David Delvin, GP and Christine Webber, s*x and relationships expert, respond to a woman in her 20s who plans to marry a man who is over 20 years older than her, asking if her man is too old, below:

David writes:

A few things occur to me.

The first is whether or not you’ve thought long and hard about the relationship with his kids.  It may take years to sort out things with them.

…I don’t think that it matters very much what you do in bed, as long as you both enjoy yourselves.

When you are 40, he’ll be heading for 60. Many such relationships do work. But my firm belief is that it would be unwise to rush into marriage till you feel more sure about things.

Let’s see what Christine thinks…

Christine adds:

Look, you could marry a lad exactly the same age as you, and it could go wrong within a year, while you could marry this guy and be happy for always. One can’t tell.

Having said that, there’s no doubt that 20 years is a huge age gap.

This means that you don’t have the same childhood memories – things like TV programmes, films, fashions, books, etc. It also means that it’s unlikely you’ll like the same music or want to do the same activities.

These sorts of things may not matter a lot at the moment, but if the excitement of this relationship wears off, you might find that the differences suddenly seem insurmountable.

Also, I don’t know if you’ve given enough thought to being a ‘step-mum‘. This is not an easy role. None of us are trained for it. And at 24 you’re very young to take this on.

But you would have to – because your man owes these kids, and does not come to you as a free and unencumbered male.

…But does he pamper you?

I agree with David that you should definitely not rush into marriage with this guy. Why not enjoy it for now and see how it goes. But don’t commit to anything long term while you have such serious doubts.

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19 Comments

  1. Dr. T. Adams on

    Please check bak on this in ten years; i. e. @ 63 and 34 !
    Then, we will see whatbthevSituation will be.

  2. Be happy. Live a good life together. Make wills to provide for each other. Buy stuff. Vacation. Enjoy. Put marriage on the back burner! Your age difference will be a massive stumbling block later.

  3. I’m 64 and I’ll bet I’m in better shape than a lot of 50 year olds
    . You can’t judge by age, but a 24 year old lady would kill me. I would die happy, but it would kill me.:-)

  4. I married a man that is 44yrs. older than me he has 3 children(his eldest is 71) which made me a stepmom. I have a 24yr. old son. So many people doubted that our relationship would make it, but with a few obstacles over the years nothing major I am so proud to say that I am now 46yrs. old he is now 90 and we have just celebrated our 10yr. wedding anniv., you have to do what works for you it isn’t for everyone, but some of us really do make it work. IJS!!!

  5. Gee whiz, people can fall in love at any age. It is definitely about knowing who you are as individuals. It seems people should just accept these two for being in a relationship that works for them. My husband and I fall into a closely similar age difference category. I do not have daddy issues and nor is my husband my sugar daddy. At first, our relationship developed as just friends. Then, we dated for a while and decided it was time to get married. Fortunately, neither he nor I had children. We maintain a very well balanced level of respect, love, trust and honesty within our marriage. I say relationships are what you make them and not what other people think they should be.

  6. I married a guy who was 28, I was 43. When we met, we both thought we were in our 30’s. We talked long and hard about our 15-year age difference. I had a teenage son, he had no children. I explained that “my factory” was shut down; no more children for me. Everything was great for 5 years, until he wanted to have a child. Even if I could have children, I didn’t want anymore. I would have to have surgery, to reverse my tubal; plus, I could not see myself having a healthy child at 49 years old. Needless to say, I had to let him go. Regrets .. no. Within a year, I was introduced to my current husband, who is closer in age; he’s 10 years younger .. lol. We’ve been married for 6 years. My ex .. he still doesn’t have any children.

  7. apparently, AGE is not a barometer for whether a marriage will work out or not. Most who do marry end up marrying someone within a certain range of their own age and it works out maybe 50% of the time. So, who’s to say a May-December, as they are commonly referred to, will not work out or that they are together for reasons other than love? it is what it is and if they like it, good for them.

  8. Ok…look at the pic. She has her designer stuff, hair and nails done…he needs a dentist bad. Conclusion…she is reaping financial benefits. That’s the long and short of it. Whether or not she ‘likes’ his personality, his kids, it doesn’t matter as soon as the finance is cut off ole boy will be needing to look for some romance … and a dentist. I’m just saying…

  9. This man is Venus and Serena William’s dad and his new wife. She just had a baby. He is over 70.

    She needs to make him spend some of his money on himself and get his grill/teeth fixed.

  10. Deanna Lewis on

    thats what i said. i was like 53 he looks tooooooooooooooooooo darn old for 53. i usually like 53 but if 53 looked like a great grandpa i would run

  11. I dnt care wht anyone says, a person who dates someone significantly older DOES have daddy/mommy issues. As for the significantly older man….YES he is a “sugar daddy” as well THT IS A MUST…..otherwise the younger woman would NOT give him the time of day!

    I do thnk May-December relationships can work but eventually there will be “issues” tht aging brings about and sometimes Viagra may not help. Overall, I say ENJOY! I know I am… my hubby is 15 yrs older:) and we’ve been married almost 12 yrs.

    btw…YES, Venus and Serena’s dad should see a dentist asap….danG! I would be embarrassed if I were w him.

  12. Jackie Berry on

    This is just NASTY…we ALL know he cannot do the things she needs him to do sexually, because his heart will not let him. Pops needs to stay in his own "age" lane, and leave the young women to the Young MEN! It won't last….she proabably already has young lovers as we speak!

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