There is a reason why men who date women that are much younger than them are called “sugar daddies”; emphasis on daddy. The conclusion that a lot of people will draw about a man who is in his 50s and beyond and dating a woman in her 20s or early 30s is that she has “daddy issues” and he is desperately trying to avoid the fact that he is getting “old”.
Of course there are instances when two people meet and feel a connection and the fact that they have a 20+ age gap is not too significant to them and they go on to enjoy a wonderful relationship. But the question is, should a 24 year old woman, for example, really be dating a 53 year old man, who may be around the same age as her father?
Two experts, Dr David Delvin, GP and Christine Webber, s*x and relationships expert, respond to a woman in her 20s who plans to marry a man who is over 20 years older than her, asking if her man is too old, below:
A few things occur to me.
The first is whether or not you’ve thought long and hard about the relationship with his kids. It may take years to sort out things with them.
…I don’t think that it matters very much what you do in bed, as long as you both enjoy yourselves.
When you are 40, he’ll be heading for 60. Many such relationships do work. But my firm belief is that it would be unwise to rush into marriage till you feel more sure about things.
Let’s see what Christine thinks…
Look, you could marry a lad exactly the same age as you, and it could go wrong within a year, while you could marry this guy and be happy for always. One can’t tell.
Having said that, there’s no doubt that 20 years is a huge age gap.
This means that you don’t have the same childhood memories – things like TV programmes, films, fashions, books, etc. It also means that it’s unlikely you’ll like the same music or want to do the same activities.
These sorts of things may not matter a lot at the moment, but if the excitement of this relationship wears off, you might find that the differences suddenly seem insurmountable.
Also, I don’t know if you’ve given enough thought to being a ‘step-mum‘. This is not an easy role. None of us are trained for it. And at 24 you’re very young to take this on.
But you would have to – because your man owes these kids, and does not come to you as a free and unencumbered male.
…But does he pamper you?
I agree with David that you should definitely not rush into marriage with this guy. Why not enjoy it for now and see how it goes. But don’t commit to anything long term while you have such serious doubts.