Healthy Love: Why Do Women Want “bad boys”?


bad boyBy Staff Blogger

When women go looking for a man, you would think they would go for a nice guy who is dependable, faithful, and strong. This is not the case however, for many women. Some women are turned off by the typical nice guy. They are looking for a “bad boy,” – the man who doesn’t want to commit and is easy to brush them off without a second thought. Why? Because they like the thrill of the chase and the challenge of getting a man to settle down when he normally wouldn’t.

The best way for women like this to meet men of this caliber is for them to go to bars or parties and find a guy whom they do not know at all or very well. Once the physical part of the hook up is over however, some of these women feel emotionally spent. They criticize themselves for getting into that situation and letting him walk away without a second thought. Yet they go back and do it all over again, repeating the same pattern.

Women who seek this type of man often have low self-esteem. They don’t mesh well with nice guys who will compliment them and take a sincere interest in them. The positive attitude of the nice guy is too much for them to handle, so they will date someone who validates their low feelings of self-worth.

Women need emotional intimacy, no matter what type of guy they are hooking up with. Women who seek out “bad boys” learn, after a few dating cycles, what works for them, but eventually they will have to look at themselves and their behavior and figure out what they need to have a sustained relationship that lasts longer than a night and isn’t filled with regret in the morning. They must accept dates from nice men, accept the positive reinforcement, take compliments as they are given. The more they associate with the nice guys, the less likely they will be to year for chasing a “bad boy”.



  1. I disagree. The women who go for “bad” guys are young women. Women who are not really ready to settle down and start a family. These women are, just like young man, looking to LIVE and have a good time. Sow their wild oats so to speak. In my experience, women who are ready to settle down usually make better choices

    • I totally agree at a certain level. The caliber woman the article discusses may come around to the nice guy eventually. After years of self abuse and abuse from “Bad Boys,” they come around with a lot of emotional baggage. That’s not the worse part either. Lets check why STD’s are so prevalent in the black community, and either the know a don’t tell or they don’t know, which is far worse. However how a small apart of the larger picture that is, it is very relevant. Just saying!

  2. Definitely some truth to the story but not the whole truth! the average woman that seek this type men is doing just what men have done for women for years and that is RESCUE them! and why the hell they try to ‘rescue’ someone that don t want to be rescued is what leaves them bitter, financially messed up, emotionally scared for the next man that comes along and often times beat down and tore up before they ‘wake up’ and realize that he was what she thought he was in the first place!… many women have got to learn to love and preserve themselves more before they offer themselves on a silver platter to someone that will do nothing more for them than use them abuse them and throw them away! you don t have to experience everything ladies let someone else s story be your experience in what NOT to do!

  3. Alan, I have to respectfully disagree. I know plenty around my age or older (46+) who also are attracted to the “bad boy”/”thug.” They call it a “preference” when its really nothing more than emotional immaturity. I find it hilarious when the men they chose treat them exactly as they would expect…then they b*tch and moan about the choices they made. You look in a garbage can, expect to find garbage…and don’t complain.

  4. Bad boy are great for some women.The problem happens when a woman wants more than an exciting screw.Bad boys by their very nature are not husband,father material at this time of life.So if a black woman wants what music videos say is a s*xy man, go for it .Remember if you get knocked by him he’s not going to pay child support, He may not hold a job. You can’t take him anywhere outside the bed room. You get beat or even killed. Yet your life will be something you can sit in church years from now and ask “What was I thinking back then”.

  5. Barry B. Raymond on

    I REALLY don’t care about these women; just the children they produce. and when the mother takes out her frustration on the kids of the “No good Bad boy” they chose. they’re a lot of ” consiquence kids in this world. and most come from the lack of judgement on the part of the moms. As a man ; i’m not hesitent on sayin’ that women can/should control how these situations evolve.

  6. Bad Boyz ain’t No good…. Good Boyz ain’t no fun! are the lyrics to Mary J’s song which is semi true, I once dated a “SO CALLED” Bad Boy it was Interesting/Daring. (my mom Hated Him) which made me like him that much more. However, i was eighteen but After dating him till i was about twenty my eyes wer’e Now open I wanted Nothing more to do with this Guy. I often time think back Now that i’m now 43 yrs old like WOW… what was i thinking. He had No Job, No Morals, very little Money, No conversation, No Car, just Super Handsome. Handsome is not gonna cut it had the bills starting rolling in. “REALLY” ughhh!!!!

  7. I am a witness to being attracted to a so call bad boy. I wasted six years of my life with that man. He was good for only one thing. He barely kept a job, no drivers license, and multiple children that he refused to take care of financially or even be present in their lives. Then one day I woke up and said wth and never looked back. I got my life back and I am happier so much happier. So, sisters run for the hills when u that man all tatted up, baggy jeans, wife beater and that killer smile,and still lives with his MAMA!!!!!!!

  8. Its because usually the sex is awesome. Its ok to date bad boys if you remember the cardinal rule. DON’T TRY TO CHANGE THEM. Take it for what it is and when it fizzles, keep it moving. Also bad boys are not just thugs. Its the “I don’t give a ….attitude” its the “pimp” mentality. That’s why preachers always have loads and loads of women. Its all in the attitude

  9. The (erroneous) assumption some women make about bad boys is that they’re “dangerousness” is a positive. That is, they’re tougher, more street smart, more fun, more sexually prolific, and therefore more desirable than nice guys. All of that is b.s. on top of b.s. If it’s danger some of these women are looking for, then they need to go ride a effin’ rollercoaster.

    Nice guys have many of those same bad boy qualities, but they know how not to disrespect themselves by disrespecting women.

  10. I respectfully disagree when its said that women who want/chase/date ‘bad boys’ are immature, young, & have low self esteem. Yes, there are some (alot) women who fit that description….however,the lifestyle that a ‘bad boy’ lives is usually the complete opposite of how your average ‘nice guy/good guy’ lives therefor a majority of women go for the ‘bad guy’type because of that alone, lifestyle…..excitement!!!
    Not every ‘bad boy’ is abusive, broke, ‘in tha streets’, nor do they all financially use & abuse women. If…IF they are that type, it is not always predicted & it sure the hell isnt always obvious!!! Stereotyping is were immaturity & low self esteem come into play!!! Along with being small & simple minded should be a crime!!! Its always the next person judging someone else! #bullcrap #GetOverIt #CarryOn #;)wInk;)

  11. For some of the commenters, not all girls are like that. I do not date PERIOD and anytime I have thought about it I am afraid of "bad boys" because of things I've gone through. I have a friend who's been similar to what I have and she became promiscuous. It's not about learning, it's not about "waking up"(I forgot who said that) but it's about a cycle that is nearly impossible to stop because of the things that you go through. For my friend and I it was sexual abuse, and boys that mimicked the people that hurt her when she was little came and found her, where as I am terrified of anything that reminds me of people from when I was little let alone actual males. So it's very different.

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