When people hear that a couple they know are getting a divorce, they are either shocked because “they looked so happy” or they saw it coming because the couple seemed unhappy with each other. As for the couple, if they were paying attention, there were typically many signs that should have alerted them that their marriage was on shaky ground.
Michele Weiner-Davis, a marriage expert and “divorce buster” says that there are some clear signs that can alert a couple that their happily ever after may not end so happily after-all.
Below are the signs:
1. You’re thinking about having an affair
There are many reasons you may be tempted to have an affair. You may want the excitement that comes from a new relationship. You may want passionate sex with a different partner. You may be longing for attention and appreciation. You might enjoy risk-taking. You may be longing to connect with someone who you think is more similar to you. You might want to escape daily responsibilities and routines. There is no shortage of reasons you might be thinking of straying.
Regardless of the reasons people are unfaithful, affairs signal trouble in marriages.
Going outside the marriage does not solve marital unhappiness. In fact, affairs often create unintended problems. Once emotional energy goes outside a marriage, the issues needing to be repaired take a back seat. Problems linger and become worse.
Lies, deceit and the guilt and shame that are often by-products of affairs lead to avoidance and separateness. Suspicions run high. Trust corrodes. If your marriage wasn’t in trouble before the decision to stray, it will be.
Assume your extra-marital fantasies are merely strong signs you need to do what it takes to get your marriage on track.