Healthy Relationships: Does Submission Give Women Power or Make Them Slaves To Their Husbands?


submissionBy Lorie Hardy

I know a lot of women shudder at the word “submissive”. They think that it gives men the power to treat them like a slave. They have these visions of women back in the day being knocked over the head and lead around by their hair and not having the power to do anything about it. Some women have visions of a man telling them what they can do, where they can go and even what they can wear. That is not the correct definition or vision of submission.

The definition of Submission is a woman giving the man that she loves and respects the power to lead over their family and make the final decisions. But that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t consult you or consider your opinions when making those decisions. By you being in submission to him, he in turn should understand the responsibility of you agreeing for him to make decisions and lead the family. And he should understand that you two are unified and he should give you respect as well and include you and not just run off and make decisions without consulting you because you have made the decision to be submissive and allow him to lead.

Submission doesn’t give any man the power to treat you as a slave, take your rights or your voice. Submission should only be given to a man who is worthy of such. You have to be aware of the type of man you are being submitted to and know that being submissive isn’t a life sentence. If the man isn’t worthy, making bad decisions or treating you badly, then you must make that decision to stop being submissive or never start in the beginning. You are giving him that power and you have the right to take it back if he isn’t being responsible and respectful.

Submission is power. It takes a strong woman, especially in these days and times, to submit to a man and it definitely gives the woman some power, but mostly importantly, it lets that man know that you trust and respect him to be the head of your family.

So don’t think that being submissive is giving up your rights, becoming a slave or not having a voice. It’s a mutual respect given by both parties. And remember to make sure he is worthy of you being submissive or it’s your fault for giving up your power.

How do you view submission? Let us know in the comment section…

Lorie Hardy is the author of “There Are No Good Men Because There Are No Good Women”. She has a passion to empower women and children in all aspects of life. She is a weekly guest on the “Straight Talk” Internet show. She is a writer and director. Visit Lorie at,, or on twitter @empowermnt4life



  1. I completely disagree with this article. Both my wife and I run our home. I do not want my wife , an adult to submit to me. My wife has gifts that I lack. We contribute to the home in different but equally important ways. The whole idea that a woman must submit to a manhas contributed to domestic abuse.

  2. Bullocks in a male-driven world, where women's rights are negated every day and every four years. The origin of the term "submission" is totally different from what you're trying to sell here. That original definition is what men STILL use to dominate us, and strip us of our intelligence and contributions and abilities.

  3. I don't see any arena this would be healthy in. Brainwashed women and archaic logic is definitely at play here and no article can turn that around. And yes I'm happily married, eight years.

  4. Vanetta Rather on

    if this is coming from a biblical perspective the Bible says submit one to another. This means the woman isn't the only one submitting. Men too are called by scripture to submit. It makes for a healthy relationship of equal compromise which is the only way everyone feels valued and respected.

  5. Vanetta Rather on

    if this is coming from a biblical perspective the Bible says submit one to another. This means the woman isn’t the only one submitting. Men too are called by scripture to submit. It makes for a healthy relationship of equal compromise which is the only way everyone feels valued and respected.

    • What you say is true…. But The Bible says that wives are to submit themselves to their husbands. From what i can see many women are marrying men that they don’t respect enough to submit to.I don’t fully Understand why this is or why a woman would marry a man that they could not submit to,( Perhaps They are taught this by their mothers aunts Etc. ) perhaps it is a Result of The Powerlessness Of Black Males to provide for and protect black women During Slavery. as the economic realities of economic parity are still non-existant. And Black men are judged by black women in this area consistantly.

  6. Thank you so much for writing this! I always teach that submission does not have to be bad thing, many women shudder at the word. Perhaps just say Stop trying to be the man in the relationship. 😉 Beautiful article and yes there is power in submission!

  7. Great article, and as Vanetta said the submission should be mutual. Sadly in Black America, men are more prone to submit than women. I hear my male friends adhering to a "curfew" set by their wives and doing things their wives put on their "honey do" list. On the other end, my sisters are quick to point out that no man should tell them what to do. Its said because even when a man is worthy he's often treated like one who is not. I thank God my wife and I learned this lesson. It makes for much more peace in the home.

  8. You are an ignorant, jealous, man-hating female without the natural love of a man to respect true love enough to see correctly! How dare you try to make money off of shame while this ancient homoSEXISM is the root cause of poverty and immorality in the black race!!! Every person is their own leader and to whorishly sell that off to another person is to defeat your own power and ambition! How can you respect yourself for trying to spread this hate! Yes, a woman should be provided for along with the children she bore in her body for the man but not in terms of submission!! Especially when it is so clear that the woman is naturally greater in leadership. If anything the men should be submissive as they naturally tend to be as long as they keep major money coming. You are backwards!

  9. Submission is simply a euphemism for taking second place in the household. Well, I have been married for nearly three decades and my wife understands that being the head of the house only leads to complications. She has resorted to ‘leading from behind’, since during her first marriage, she tried to direct her former husband, he balked and the result was a divorce. Fortunately they had no children from that marriage. Now, with me I am the leader of my household and all monies and responsibility wrest with me, no matter how the money comes in. She gets all she wants and more, is less frustrated with a black man and is far more content that living alone and having to live a life of continual and trampling sexual partners. Many of us create problems in our lives because we continue to follow the path of least contentment, and it is destroying our homes, our livelihoods, wealth accumulation and children.

  10. Too much attention is paid to women being submissive to a man. What would you call a man who brings his paycheck home and gives it to his wife? There are lots of men who are happy to submit to their wives because the benefits will be great.

  11. I for one love this article! When I do marry the love of my life I am more than willing to submit. I have made poor choices in past relationships and the men were so weak that it seemed like as if I was the man in the relationship. It threw me off and out of my element, making me harder and more aggressive than I felt I needed & had to be. It also left me with deep regrets, because I had to play both roles in the relationship. So the new man in my life is the type that takes charge. He is NEVER abusive in anyway, shape or form. I for one am glad & relieved! It will take time for me to get used to it, but I welcome the change. He doesn’t take advantage, is very loving, caring, & considerate. He also values me, my feelings, and opinions. So yes, I submit, glad to do it, lol!

  12. Look I’m so exhausted and damn-near disgusted by this that I will just call bullshit (on about 80% of this) as succinctly as possible:

    1. This article feeds into a larger, very problematic, dynamic of how this racist, classist, sexist, society handles the love lives of Black Women, which basically manifests in the assumption by just about any person who takes a notion that it is appropriate to give all of this unsolicited advice. This is not the kind of behavior that is acceptable toward someone you understand to be an adult. It has just been open season, and BW are partly to blame for allowing themselves to be condescended to in such a way. The commentary and advice usually ends the same way where BW are told in essence YET MORE things they need to be doing for the man or HOW THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND MEN—ENOUGH.

    2. In romantic relationships in general, roles and their execution should be decided and operated between THE TWO ADULTS INVOLVED IN SAID RELATIONSHIP, and according to WHAT BEST SUITS THE TWO ADULTS INVOLVED IN SAID RELATIONSHIP. I do not need Steve Harvey or anyone else defining roles or submission (a product of a role) for me and my GROWN ASS MAN. WE will define what submission means FOR OURSELVES if it means anything at all. My man is more than capable of speaking for his damn self. You, Steve Harvey, and whomever else taking this expert or advisor and counselor position DO NOT KNOW ME OR MY MAN OR WHAT I HAVE ALREADY DONE TO COMMUNICATE SUPPORT AND LOYALTY OR WHATEVER. THERE WILL BE NO WHOLE IN MY MAN’S MASCULINITY OR MANHOOD WITHOUT THIS SO-CALLED “SUBMISSION”.

    3. This submission that many Black Men are looking for is something that they require without defining it for their respective woman, AND without qualifying their expectation with some BASIS. In other words, THERE ARE TOO MANY BLACK MEN WHO HOLD THIS EXPECTATION OF BLACK WOMEN IN A WAY THAT THEY DON’T OTHER WOMEN, TO THE SAME DEGREE OR WITH THE SAME INTENSITY AND THAT DON’T CRITICIZE AND CENSURE AND TAKE A PARENTAL TONE WITH WOMEN OF OTHER ETHNIC GROUPS THE SAME WAY, ALL THE WHILE NEGLECTING TO TELL THOSE WOMEN (BW) WHAT QUALIFIES HIM TO LEAD!!! There are many BM who seem, if their behavior and their ignorant or just plain stupid-ass demands are any indication, seem to believe that they are ENTITLED to lead if for no other reason but that HE IS MALE AND/OR A BLACK MALE.

    4. Capabilities vary from relationship to relationship, and BOTH PARTIES BEST BE INVESTING IN THE RELATIONSHIP THAT BOTH HAVE AN INTEREST IN, whether that means division of labor in the kitchen, with laundry, readying the children, running errands, etc. THERE IS NO ATOMIC PHYSICS INVOLVED HERE, the man may not be a good decision maker. THERE IS NO DISCUSSION ABOUT DECISION MAKING TRACK RECORD HERE, which contrary to the belief of too many BM out there, a BW DOES HAVE THE RIGHT TO BOTH EXPECT AND INSPECT.

    Look, Black Women need a serious break from all of these people male AND FEMALE counseling her about what she needs to do with her man. It is presumptuous, it is simple-minded, and it is insulting.

    So many of these submission-minded men don’t or can’t explain WHERE THEY ARE GETTING THIS FROM AND WHY THEY FEEL THEY PROPERLY CAN EXPECT THIS FROM THE BW. Even those that can and do offer an explanation, it usually has something to do with God or Christianity, which is a whole other world of problematic because most BM are not educated about the tenets of that faith, don’t even practice that faith (especially if we use it church attendance is a chief indicator of such practice). THESE MOFOS ARE TAKING THE PRINCIPLE OF SUBMISSION THAT THE BIBLE OR CHRISTIANITY OR MAYBE SOME OTHER FAITH TEACHES, ADAPTING IT TO THEIR SPECIFIC PREFERENCES, AND THEN BARKING OUT DICTUMS REGARDING HOW TO MAKE HIM “FEEL LIKE A MAN”, BUT HAVE NEVER CRACKED OR HAVE NOT CRACKED ONE HOLY BOOK IN UPTEEN YEARS AND EVEN THEN HAVE NOT STUDIED IT PROPERLY (like with original language).

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  14. we cnt argue wit facts a man bringing a paycheck hme is nt a fool or his nt submiting da woman submited to him so its a mst for him to do dt as he mst tke a good care of his family.submission frm woman dont mean dey are opressed it means dey knw deir place in a relationship nd all woman against submision the question is do dey have morals nd are dey having happy healthy relationships? lets nt let time change who we are are fathers nf mothers dey jumped da broom ones bt ee r frm one to anothr relationship were are we going wrng?

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