Healthy Relationships: The Little Clues an Abuser Gives You Before He Finally Assaults You


Terence howardBy Staff Blogger

Much of the discussion of abuse in romantic relationships tends to focus on men who physically assault women. Abuse, however also happens emotionally and verbally and for a lot of women, they experience all types from one abuser. Also, not all abusers are men; some women do abuse their husbands or significant others.

Below are some clues that abusers often give before they finally assault (physically or otherwise) someone:

1. Being too clingy РIt may seem sweet when your man wants you to be together a lot or even all the time but be mindful of this behavior. Many abusers want to isolate their  partners from friends and family. A big alarm is when thy act hurt or offended when you spend time with loved ones and even try to make you stop or feel guilty about it.

2. Veiled insults and sarcasm – It’s one thing to play around and joke with your partner but if you notice your man is being hurtful with his so-called jokes and says a lot of sarcastic things to you or about you, take note. Sarcasm is passive form of anger and with time, it could get worse. Also, insults that start out as jokes can also become worse and include a lot of criticism.

3. Rushing to commitment – Some people meet and they both feel like they’ve known each other forever. They may even have a cliche like that it was love at first sight. That may be okay for some people but you need to be aware if your new man feels this way and you don’t. If it feels like he is rushing the relationship and asking you to commit quicker than you are comfortable doing, that is a red flag.

4. Insecurity and lack of confidence – We all feel a little insecure at times and we don’t always feel confident but if your new man is so insecure that it is hard for you to ignore, take that as a warning sign.

Relationships are about learning and growing and in a healthy relationship, you should feel loved, appreciated and at ease. There may be times when the relationship is a little challenging but you should never have o stay in a relationship where you feel disrespected, threatened or suffocated.



  1. I think that women need to understand that men are violent because they feel entitiled to behave that way. Something or someone upset them so they strike out. They may apologize purfusely after they hit you but the bottom line is that they feel that they have a right to abuse another human being. They can control what they do. Notice he never hits his boss at work.

  2. Having gone through a controlling and abusive relationship, the last thing I want is for my girls to experience the same, but recently found they both have. Talking about it with them has helped me come to terms, but my girls still haven’t recognized getting away is the best answer before it gets worse.

  3. We need to educate young women about the various signs of a partner that could be abusive. Women need to understand that abusive men lack the capacity to truly love them. Why stay with someone who is destroying you. Stop lying to yourself and leave. Things rarely get better.

  4. hakimah ismail on

    I would like to add, that a lieing man is an abusive man. It is his way of controlling you. He knows something that you don’t know, it’s his power. It’s like a slap in the face when he stands and tells you a cotton pickin lie right to your face and you know its a lie. It really hurts, it destroys the relationship because there is no trust or respect.

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