How Dating A Much Older Man Affects Your Relationship and Your Future

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downloadBy: Krystle Crossman

Some women are not interested in dating men their age. They tend to run with the older crowd. Some women even date a man with a large age gap, sometimes up to 20 years difference between them. Most say age doesn’t matter, but does it? There are some questions that should be discussed before getting into a relationship with an older man to see if it has a chance of becoming something long-term.

1. First you should think about how you will feel hanging out with an older crowd of people. If he is older than you, it’s a good bet that most of his friends are too. Be aware that they may not be up for bar hopping or club hopping like some of your friends may be. The older crowd may not listen to any of the same music or have the same taste in movies and events as you so you may find yourself at odds when it comes to finding something to do as a group.

2. Do you want children when you are settled? If so you may want to ask him if he is going to want children. If he is older he may have already given up on the idea of children. He may also have kids from a previous relationship, so you need to ask yourself if you feel that you are up to helping raise someone else’s children when things get serious.

3. He may be the s*xy older guy now, but as you age, so does he. Think about when you are 40 and he is 60. You will be hitting your prime and he will be slowing down. When you are 50, he is 70. Think about whether you will be able to handle caring for him as he gets older while you are still relatively young.

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34 Comments

  1. Wow! Great article…
    You left no stone un-turned… I had the experience of dating an older man 12 yrs my age, and the pleasure of having a man who is almost 30 yrs my age as a best-friend for life, who knows every intimate detail about me… We are extremely compatible and would be great partners for life-long partners in marriage but (age and time) bring about a change, and men change /slow-down sexually with age, where most women are still full-stride… It does make a difference especially if their natural food-intake has not been healthy over yrs. And many men end up with prostrate cancer or heart issue’s and can no-longer perform if they want to live longer lives… My first love was with an older man at age 38… I had the time of my life and I learned so much, we parted as (FRIENDS) still to this very day, but I’ve come to understand with maturity that our relationship would have had a terrible strain on it as he got older. Even though sometimes I still miss him today, I still have my wonderful memories, a smile on my face, and joy in my heart when I think of him… The real question is would I marry him today if he would approach me? The answer is NO!!! *AGE DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE…

    • I am 27 years old and my husband is 43 years old.We have been together for 6 years and married for almost 2. In your article you hit some areas that I go thru now with my husband, but thru it all we still fit. He has 4 other children with 3 different women and his oldest is 21. We also share 2 children ages 2&4. It can be much at times, but our relationship is nearly perfect. He doesn’t trip when I choose to go out with my friends or o anything else I choose to do as a 27 year old woman. Yes there maybe times where our age shows, but that is something to be expected. We both make good money and I’m not a shopper like that so he never had to worry about a “gold digging” issue. Just recently he has come across some health issues and I have held him down through it all with no complaints. So basically I’m saying age doesn’t matter. Its just a number to determine how many years we’ve been on this earth. Its about maturity.

  2. Yes, I second that notion, AGE DOES MATTER. I’m speaking on behalf of myself and the fact that I only wanted to date older men. Well, I had one get married on me, one that still lives with his ex-wife, n the last one…heck, he didn’t want to have nothing to do with the younger lifestyle. I knew we weren’t compatible when I posed certain questions to him and every answer was no! First question, Would u go on a cruise with me? No. I’ve been on a cruise before and I don’t like them (I love cruises!). Next question, would u parasail with me? No! I did that before n I don’t like it. (I’m a free spirit n adventurous!) By the time I got to the third question, I knew he n I wouldn’t make it. He had been there n done that n I was just getting started. Hated I had to let that go but his gal had to live!

    • Really Humm…
      Buckwheat says if the dollars are there it can work, but I beg to differ / not true at all…
      *Money can’t buy real down-home lovin and special intimacy…
      *Money can’t buy great communication..
      *Money is not the teacher of great loving wisdom and knowledge coming from a real older gentlemen..
      *Money is just an addition to the fun…

      Once I had my first love-affair with an older man my preference became nothing but older men. I totally enjoy their company, so its not about the money, its about choices…
      I was also blessed to have a converstaion with an older gentlemen who was very much so attracted to me… He advised me not to marry an older men.. His words were:(once we reach a certain age we can no-longer perform sexually, and you’ll be nursing us for the rest of your young life).
      LMAO… then he said: OLDMEN HAVE WORMS OMG!!!

  3. I dated a man for the past 9 mos.he dropped me due to he was dating 2 women. He is 70 and I’m 50 and he really hurt me. Everyone is giving him I praise but no one cares about the hurt the pain and the lies he did and told me. I’m hurt and the memories are destroying me. He’s dating another woman and I’m by myself. Praying for forgiveness daily but the pain is still here…..

    • Nannette…
      Its still about choices… so sorry for your negative experience… there are heathens of all ages… Your pain and broken heart will pass… use it as a positive learning tool to move forward in your life. I have 2 daughters 29 and 34 yrs… when I’m out with them I sit back and observe older men gawk at them with only one thing on their mine: *(PUSSY), and my daughters hate to hear me say that word, but I believe in bringing the truth home when it comes to my girls because I know how cruel men can be who are only looking to aka: BANG a young PUSSY.

  4. I don’t agree and there are plenty of women with older men. Most men don’t mature faster than women. Women are looking mature & responsible men& if they can find it that great for them and family. Lou Rawls had a child at 70 years old. We have to take care of self regardless of age or sex. We must be taught how to mature and responsible for self and have great families. I look for a woman based on maturity and how we can go. I was once married to a woman who was a few years older than me and she was horrible. So today, maturity, respect, drive, love , friendship , prayer and growth, and her age must say I’m an adult.

    • Read & Think…
      What your saying is true too, that’s why I said its about the choices we make when choosing a partner… and many older men especially with class do look for younger women with a higher maturity-level. I’m 53 yrs young and most of my friends are 20 to 30 yrs or more older then I am. I have always had a blast partying with the older crowd. (NO DRAMA) or shall I say 85% less drama and more laughter and good times, and good health plays a great part in it…

  5. Sisters and brothers,you can find a person with close mine, play games and just don’t care in any age, gender or race. A close mine is a close mine.

  6. I was 40 years old when I met my guy who was 28…I was concerned about the age difference and honestly I thought it was going t be a passing fling…8 years later I think I may have found my soul mate.This man has stuck my me through thick and thin and has brought so much joy into my world.He came into my life after a terrible 5 year relationship and I wasn’t even looking to get involved with anybody.I cant help but think that god brought him to me.He is so much like me it is like dating myself!

    • Sharon Perrotta on

      @Kim…Ooooh my how that resonates with my Love life…I met my last husband we both were the exact same age as you and your significant other.I had two sons from a previous 9 year relationship…We dated for twelve years prior too getting married…He was as to MEEEEeee as you said”Heaven Sent”…He was an awesome provider, lover, friend,….emotional supporter, we grew spiritually, as you said”My soul mate!!!..we met in 1999…and the Lord took him hinge in 2011….I know in my heart that I will NEVER EVER find that you’re of Love EVER again…I’m 57 now, And I’ve been celibate since losing the Love of my life…Saying that to say this…Love that man like there’s Noooo tomorrow, because tomorrows US DEFINATELY NOT PROMISED!!!!..(sudden Massive Heart [email protected] 46,…Blessings for your and your home

  7. Age only matters when the compatibility is look at sexually and not unconditionally. If matter is 80% of a relationship where mind is just 20% then yes, there will be problems because is the body break down, you would not be faithful because it wasn’t the mind that brought you together.

    Now if MATTER is 70% of the relationship, and the body breaks down at being only 30%, then there is a big difference when you say age doesn’t matter. It is moreikely that this relationship will survive the defects of the body and love is unconditional.

  8. SweetUnderstanding on

    I dated an older man for 7 years and he was almost 30 years older than me. He lied about his age! When I found out, I decided not to see him…. but, he was persistent. I really loved him, but realized it would never work if I married him. Viagra worked for quite a while, but faded…. He is now very ill, and in a nursing home. I go see him, but it is so difficult to see him that way. I am depressed and crying for days afterwards. I know I did the right thing not marrying him.

  9. I’m 21 and with a 33 year old we have been together since I was 18 he’s much more accomplished than me we were in a deep love but this past October when I found out I was pregnant he said he didn’t want the baby and made me get a abortion I wanted kids he dose not with me I’d what he said then he said maybe if you had a better degree guess I should have asked these question now I’m all broke up I left him but he won’t leave me alone we don’t want the same things wish I didn’t fall in love mg heart is torn.

  10. It is so difficult to put people in neat little boxes. Really, it is the stage, not the age. I have met some really mature young ladies and I have met some very immature old ladies. If two people meet, regardless of their ages, put everything on the table, discuss the positives and negatives honestly and decided between themselves if they can have a relationship, then why shouldn’t they go for it? If they genuinely love and respect each other, have similiar interests and goals, work hard to make the relationship work then why should age matter? Not every “old” man is sick and feeble. I am 68 years old and I can still play tennis and basketball with the youngsters. I am not sick and I take no pills for anything.I also don’t need viagara. The key to good health when you get old is to take care of yourself when you are young, and to continue taking care of yourself as you age!!Also, when you learn better, do better. I stopped going to senior citizen centers because they are so depressing. Most of the people there are just waiting to die. I have too much to live for to just rot. Also, there are many young men who are chronologically young but they have old sick bodies. So age, in many ways, is really a state of mind. Everybody is going to die, but who is to say how long somebody can live if they take good care of themselves. Jack LaLane was active into his 90’s. There are many men who take care of themselves and at 80 and 90 they are still young. So to the young ladies who gravitate to older men, if you are doing it for the right reasons, and the man is young at heart and taking good care of himself, you don’t know how long the realationship will last. It is the quality of your life that matters, not how long you live. Most of you who marry guys your own age end up by yourselves anyway.Really, you shouldn’t date or marry a young man who is not taking good care of himself or an old one who is sick and decrepit because he didn’t take good care of himself. Remember this young ladies, you do what makes you happy because in the end you will be in that casket all by yourself!

    • You made some very valid points but I also agree as the writer said that you also have to take into consideration you social time. I dated an older man, 14 years my senior, and we got along great but when it came to socializing he wasn’t able to mix well with my friends and when I was with his I did begin to feel somewhat old. Their main concerns and topics of discussion just weren’t mine at the time.

    • Ericaf…

      LMAO!! girlfriend hit the nail dead on the head. say it again!!! But Ronnie does have a point too, its just that good men are far and very few… and many look so damn (NASTY & PERVERTED) when their eye-balling babies in the cradle. All their azzes see is P***Y for (Regeneration Juice) and a token on their arm. Not much changes, they just get wiser because they don’t have all their duckies line-up in a row anymore, so their game changes.

  11. Ronnie
    I am 61 yrs of age. I am very healthy, strong, successfully employed,& considered handsome & sexy. Most of the men I know my age although have a lot of wisdom & experience, lack in the physical. They have pot guts & could not even do ten push-ups.
    On the other hand most women my age are fat( not thick which I love).
    A lot of older women are just plain bitter( a complete deal breaker ).
    Women say they want a younger man for the sex, but older men are more experienced in the love dept. I prefer a woman who knows this & is emotionally & physically healthy regardless of age.

    • Ambiance86

      I have 2 aunts 63 and 65 yrs old, both are beautiful knock-outs forreal!!, sexy as all get-out, not angry, not bitter, eat healthy, work-out, extremely youthful, flat stomach and shapely booty, retired and self employed practise’s the whole nine-yards and very very single and satisfied to the max.
      I am 53 yrs young, and I walk 12 miles per week, and drive to another location (sports park) to do 14X’s double-step inclines up steep steps… So your post is not even half true…
      My aunts will run circles are you and if you saw them your eye-balls and tongue will fall right out of your head.
      My aunts advise me not to date and marry older men because they are only looking for someone to take-care of them /nurse them, and black-men don’t communicate…wink!
      One of my aunts dated a younger guy in his early 50tys… She met him on the walking trail… He thought he was going to run circles around her sexually LOL… really!!!/ She thought he was going to have a heart-attack, and he has asmtha, and he is in his mid-50tys…lol
      Many african american women in all shapes and sizes are very very healthy these days, much so better then african american men. I thank God my 2 daughters have their heads on straight and will tell an older man in a hot flip *(You know your too old for me, your old enough to be my father), no you are not allowed to date me..LOL
      On the other hand I want my 2 sons to date older women before they decide to marry younger women. Its all about the choices we make in life…
      To all the heart broken women in this blog-room, be strong and think of your pain as a test… its not about getting an A… its about the learning experience that brings forth wisdom and knowledge /broken-hearts heal… I’m a witness… My older guy hurt me real bad, but I matured into a smart witty beautiful free-spirited blackwoman behind my experience… so it was worth the experience, but NO I will not marry an older-man for a life long partner… You will not be fair to yourself.
      My knew guy is 55 yrs old and very very mature. He told me he does’t fly on airplanes, I told him I do… he said I guess I’ll be flying too and he’s going to teach me how to ride a motorcycle and make love to me before he touch my body…
      Don’t be afraid to grab holt to your ME-TIME for healing /preparation time for Mr. Right because he does exist. Just let God spoil you and fulfill the void by making love to you the right way… and his is unconditional off the scale..
      Let God pick your man / husband

  12. I’ve dated older men that where very sexy, in shape, with great looking bodies. But they was insecure about the age difference thinking I wanted other men. No more children. Homebodies and although I am one I also like to go out. Sex…..the experience was there. I’m very sexual, like performing several times a night and love morning sex. With them it was that one time and no morning. They say women reach their sexual peak at 40. If I’m this highly into sex now. What will I do when he gets older and he barely wants? I date younger and it’s great. I get massages, all night sex and they are willing to learn and please you. The maturity level makes me forget they are so young. Younger guys are wanting older women now. The ones who do are very mature.

    • LaLa 32….

      LMAO!!! OMG!!!
      You tell it sistah!!! bring it on home girlfriend. You have told the truth putting it all in a nut-shell…
      Most old men are cradle-robbing selfish old farting-bastards. Being in a committed relationship with them will always come to an end eventually because its only good for the experience which brings forth maturity in a young woman, but you better believe that’s all she has coming is an experience…
      My 29 yr old daughter was approached last week by 2 older men. One of the men told her that (he could teach her somethings)…lol Really!!!
      My oldest brother has a wife 20 yrs younger then him with 3 new babies… He loves his babies but his azz is real tired too… and he’s educated with a degree and can’t even get a job… his wife is the bread winner… and he’s a health-nut too…

    • LaLa32…

      You are correct… women do reach their s**ual-peak at 39 /40 yrs old and its off the chain lol… I’m 53 and still going strong… my aunts are in their 60tys and they are just as alive as 30 yr old young women.
      Most women their age are dating and committing to younger men.. I desire both my sons to be in relationships with an older-women before they decide they really wanna settle down and get married. Why? so they can have the experience of how to treat a women, especially how to communicate with women, and how to adore and fall inlove with a real womens heart-mind-soul-and spirit…

  13. Very shallow article! Age is age and love is love. Love can overcome age and all obstacles! Very shallow article indeed.

  14. I am currently in a relationship with an older man. I am 48 and he is 60. I am really glad I found this post because it has really opened my eyes to a lot to a lot of things. We have been together for almost 2 years. We are on different speeds. He’s a homebody and I’m not
    We are so different in many ways. At first, I was attracted to the qualities he had and thought I could deal with them but now…no I can’t. The old saying….opposites attract…maybe true for some but not in this case! Now don’t get me wrong he is a sweet guy, treats me well and wants to marry me but the age difference is what frightens me
    I was a caregiver for my disabled mother for over two years before shr passed. I stopped working and cared for her fulltime. Then he came into my life shortly after that and I don’t think I was thinking clearly at the time. I think I needed someone to fill that empty void in my life from just losing my mother. Reading this article and these posts has really given me confirmation on what I have been thinking about and that is whether I should continue in this relationship. You guys have opened my eyes up to some things I have been dealing with in this relationship. I know I can’t continue in this and I’m gonna have to find the strength to end it.
    Rose

    • Model38…

      Do it Rose… because you do deserve a life. I’m going to share something with the ladies in this blog form.

      **Don’t you guys realize your love-juices give an older-man life and vitality!!! do you guys really believe these older men don’t know what their doing being in relationships with younger women.
      Don’t you guys realize they have already had their days (party-times / aka: women going and coming) and now their old a**es are ready to settle down with some great-leg like its f**kn heaven and then deny you the rights to a life they have already experienced… plezzz
      GET OUT OF HERE / PLEZZ lets keep it real!!!

  15. Very shallow article! Age is a number and love is love. Love can overcome age or any and all obstacles! Very shallow article indeed.

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