Men Who Sleep With Other Men But Aren’t Gay

216

thBy: Krystle Crossman

There are straight men, there are gay men, there are bisexual men, and then there are men that are attracted to and sleep with other men but do not identify as gay. Now you are probably saying to yourself, “If a guy sleeps with another guy, he is gay or at least bi”. Not true. There are some other reasons that straight men may have feelings for other men:

1. They were s*xually abused as a child and are subconsciously acting it out as an adult. This could be to try and take away the pain they still feel or to help them desensitize themselves.

2. They may be escorts or be in a gay p0rn movie because they need money.

3. They may be interested in certain experiences such as bondage or using a d!ldo during s*x but are too afraid to act this out with a woman.

4. It could be their first s*xual experience and they may just be experimenting.

5. Men have high sex drives and sometimes they cannot find women to help them out or cannot find women that don’t want money or an emotional connection so they reach out to men to satisfy their urge without emotions.

6. Men who seek acceptance from their fathers can sometimes seek out a male partner because they want to feel some form of male acceptance for the time being.

7. They have a s*xual orientation towards men but an emotional connection with women.

8. They have a constant need for attention because they are narcissistic so they will seek out the attention of men.

9. They may be s*x addicts.

10. They want everyone to see their bodies. Men, women, it doesn’t matter. They like to show it off to whomever will look.

11. Lastly they may be in prison and are in need of a release. Since there are no women around, they will seek out another male.

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216 Comments

  1. Sorry Krystle, everything you mentioned is gay! Homosexuality in male and female is a selfish disregard for God's commandments. Paint it up how ever you want, it is homosexuality, sry!

  2. Sorry Krystle, everything you mentioned is gay! Homosexuality in male and female is a selfish disregard for God's commandments. Paint it up how ever you want, it is homosexuality, sry!

  3. EVERY ONE OF THE SO CALLED REASONS WHY "STRAIGHT"MEN SLEEP WITH OTHER MEN ALL POINT TO THEY ARE GAY…BUT IN DENIAL.THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY THE HIV/AIDS EPIDEMIC IS RAMPANT IN OUR AFRICAN AMERICAN COMMUNITY…DENIAL DENIAL DENIAL!!!

  4. They are gay! All of those so called reasons are EXCUSES!!!! THEY'RE IS NO WAY AROUND IT! Why are men always given these lame excuses for their behaviors??? Gay is what gay is! To each his own but; stop with the excuses!!!!!

  5. Colored girls! Janet Jackson's husband said," I'm a man, who just happens to like sleeping with other men!" He gave her HIV! Some men are still coming out of the closet. Politicians, priest, preachers like Eddie Wrong, mostly married men at that. Has been around since Sodom and Ghomorha in the Bible. I call them undercover brothers!

  6. Janay's Childrenovereverything on

    Exactly Samuel Williams. This is sodom n ghomorha all over again the bible speaks on that. N these are the last days so there's gonna be a lot of crazy shit going on.

  7. NONSENSE! but to each his own… EVERY living life deserves respect, freedom and rights, but if a male would even THINK about having sex with another male, HE IS GAY! (PERIOD). There is NO SUCH THING as "trying it once" or "just went through a phase" for a true hetero male…Trust us! when you are hetero, its no confusion or dilemma. Peace to all gay, straight & bi people, but all the kinda, sorta, maybe, possibly, technically, sometimes, is worst than just being who you really are. Be realistic & open with yourselves & the world. Be safe, considerate & fair…Be truth.

  8. As a young black male who has had sexual encounters with men, I do not identify myself as gay for the following reason. I was sexually abused by an older man when I was a child, say 11 or 12. This should never of happened. I told no one about and and blamed myself for it happening. Around the age of 15/16 I found myself intrigued by the male body but I couldn’t understand why. Shortly afterwards I sought a man to perform the exact same act which was performed on me as a child. I felt awful afterwards and had no emotional connection to what he did to me. I hated myself for doing it and promised myself it would never happen again. After prayer and fasting, and some six months / year later, I would myself seeking the exact same thing. I was not interested in any other act but the act that was performed on me as a child.

    It was only recently, say a month ago, when a friend commented on a gay person and said he felt sorry for them as they were probably abused as a child, that I realised my actions stemmed from this ordeal. For info, the friend who said this does not know about my childhood abuse or the actions that have followed since.

    I’d be grateful for some of your views in what I’ve shared as I’m sure they’ll be a range of views of what I’ve said.

    • Are you still finding yourself seeking out men to perform that act or have you found a way to stop? Have you ever had any successful relationships with women? What you said is very interesting. A lot of people have outside opinions but you have actually lived this.

    • It’s so horrible what happened to you and to so many other children, boys and girls alike, that caused them to enter into dangerous and harmful behaviors. Sodomy is just like any other sin i.e drugs, excessive alcohol, lying stealing, and some people aren’t healed from certain things instantly. Some even have sexual addictions and just like an alcoholic, this may be something you’ll always have to fight, or not. I do believe in praying and fasting and continuously trying to get a closer relationship with God, and I believe that if you see this for what it is, an attack of satan on your mind that is trying to destroy you, and keep praying and fasting, you will be healed. Seems to me this is more of an emotional healing, an assault on your mind. I recently even sought out christian counseling, even though my Mom didn’t approve. She says that the Bible says Jesus is the Great Counselor, which is true, but as long as they didn’t talk about anything weird and only out of the Bible, I found it has helped if for nothing else, just to talk to someone who is unbiased and not family or someone at my church. These are just my opinions, and I hope this helps you. God Bless

    • Annon, thank you for sharing your story. Instead of asking random article readers for advice on your life, please seek the services of a professional counselor or therapist. Your life experiences and future decisions deserve better than an anonymous comment or post. Good luck. I wish you the best.

    • Hi Annon…so sorry that the rape has happened to you, but from a realistic perspective…obviously the rape has made you a gay male because having desires for men is not post-traumatic…I believe that’s bull! Now if you had no desire for sex at all…I could get with that, but to take be attracted to the same situation that violated you….that’s nonsense! So at this point, I just hope that you are an honest enough brother to have enough respect for women and share the truth with them about your sexual preferences….and maybe you should come out the closet instead of claiming that you’re not gay, because for you as a man to desire sex with another man…you are clearly gay…sorry if my opinion offends you, but the truth is the truth! Peace to you

    • Hi Annon…so sorry that the rape has happened to you, but from a realistic perspective…obviously the rape has made you a gay male because having desires for men is not post-traumatic…I believe that’s bull! Now if you had no desire for sex at all…I could get with that, but to be attracted to the same situation that violated you….that’s nonsense! So at this point, I just hope that you are an honest enough brother to have enough respect for women and share the truth with them about your sexual preferences….and maybe you should come out the closet instead of claiming that you’re not gay, because for you as a man to desire sex with another man…you are clearly gay…sorry if my opinion offends you, but the truth is the truth! Peace

    • you’re emotionally & mentally sick and you’re making excuses. I hope you are seeking therapy and leaving the women alone also. When is the last time you’ve been checked for HIV?

    • Good evening,Mr. Annon

      Getting to the point, three things:

      1. Your profile SPIRITUALY and SCIENTIFICALLY explanes how MOST folks are morphed into this LGBT and related lifestyle
      2. I’m going to approach this from the spiritual and moral side, since I believe God is the ultimate fix for this, and that there is enough physical and spiritual evidence in this world to proove it.
      3. Most folks on forums like this are not trying to solve a problem but looking for a fight, or other trival matters, so if you find any help here, know that it’s rare.

      The two people I know personally who are gay had tramatic experiances and a lack of proper relationship with the opposite sex as they grew into puberty. It’s common knowledge that at least 1 was sexually molested.

      Considering this is a year old, Mr. Annon, assuming you’re even following this post or care anymore, I say find encouragement in the fact that several men whow turned to God to help them purge these unnatural desires from them have succeded. Sixty minutes even did a special several years ago on two folks who helped men eliminate their same-sex behaviors, one from a spiritual point-of-view, and another who did this from a “purely scientific” point of view.

      Even Gospel singer Donni McClurkin bravely states that he used to be in this lifestyle due to his past sexual abuse. Though I wish he’d be even more brave and ADMIT that homosexuality is NOT Ok…and as brother Henry Herbert says in the McDonald Street Church of Christ in Crestview, Florida…”just because they came out of the closet, don’t mean we have to go Back in”! If they can be outspoken, so can those who refuse that lifestyle.

      It takes prayer and support from committed folks with with real spritiual/religious zeal, but it can be done. Even many of those who don’t like Christianity, Islam, Traditional African Religions, etc., show so much scientific evidence of the unaceptible medical risks, the consequences of objects going into a body cavity that is desinged to excrete waist instead of recieve it…etc. I’m sure you get my point.

      Don’t give in, and allow your spiritual and moral compas to grow. Ovoid those who don’t like having one. Last but not least, even for the non-traditional religious folks, Dr. Umar Johnson has done a lot to point out evidence that same-sexuality is not natural and not healthy, etc.

      With God’s help and our prayers, I believe you can beat this.

      peace and blessings.

      • Amen Sam… what a confirmation, thank God, we have to be so careful how we post. I remember one day God told me:(some peoples we have to love them into the kingdom with loving kindness)… My heart goes out to this man… many people are in deep pain within. I believe even though his name is “Anonomous it took a lot mentally for him to come forward.
        The negativity posted in this room is one of the biggest reason African America community can’t move forward into “UNITY”…

        Redbone

    • Annon,

      I would ask if you’ve ever sought therapy to address your concerns since you didn’t mention it? My feeling is it seems or sounds like more confusion about what you experienced vs identification with any particular label with regard to your sexual orientation. The acts seem to be more of an urge to address the symptom and avoidance of the problem that brings on these painful emotions, that’s what I take away from your sharing because if you were to take the act out of the equation you would still be left with the feelings you experienced. I pray you seek help to address why you are acting out in the same ways you were traumatized and maybe the healing can begin starting within, NO Judgement…best wishes

        • Thank you Redbone, I guess it was an oversight. I commend the gentleman for his courage whether he used a pen name or otherwise. Clearly my take away was perhaps this was a cry for help. We all have a story and our own crosses to bare, to thine own self be true. .. Societal pressure nowadays has a way of making people feel compelled to judge others through social media and not always with the best intentions, thanks again

          • Sista42 you be blessed and encouraged. You are one amongst a few who are mightyly blessed to see and discern the pain of some of God’s children.
            Whomever the man is, he was speaking the truth, but sometimes when things like this happen it is “GOD ENGINEERED” for the purpose of testing the hearts of his people concerning unconditional love.
            African Americans fell this test on a “DAILY BASIS”, and it goes all the way back to the time of Moses when we were lost in the wilderness and our God had to destroy some many of us so that an “UNTAINTED GENERATION” could move forward without being cursed. So it is today still the same old avenue all the [email protected] time. I must say I’m looking for God to clean all this mess up, many don’t believe, they think its a joke, but “WOE TO THEM ALL”… I wish I could really meet the man on a 1 on 1 basis because there is total deliverance for him but he will “NOT FIND IT IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY OR IN THE BLACK CHURCH”, these black-folks are too mentally demented with so much judgement evilness and hatred in their hearts.
            The hatred in their wicked hearts is what draws a great deal of hatred from the white-devils upon our heads…

            Negative Draws Negative & Positive Draws Positive

            A fools can’t be saved, and he{{ is enlarging itself….wink! Just think! Do you want to suffer and deny yourself to follow Christ just to end up in the kingdom of heaven standing next to a bunch a fools…wink! Think about it. God’s is weeding out, and this man will make it into the kingdom before any one of them will because God “LOOKS AT THE HEARTS OF MAN / NOT THE CORRUPT-NESS OF MANS FLESH”… God is a spirit, those who worship him (WILL) worship him in spirit and in truth.

            LovU my sister / Redbone

          • Thank you too and I could not have said it better myself, I enjoy your commentary. I say until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes…There are no coincidences

            (((Hugs&Blessings)))
            Sharon

    • Dear Annon,
      I was very intrigued and grateful to see your post in response to the article written on men who have sex with men. I, understand what you are saying about being abused. I PROMISE YOU that I am NOT saying this simply because you stated this in your post, but I have long believed that ALL gay people were that way because of something that occurred during their formative years. I have a very close friend that is heterosexual but has had BOTH bi-sexual and homosexual relationships. She ALSO has 2 homosexual children. She disagrees with me, just as the homosexual community does. I believe the ONLY reason for the dissention is because, to admit this, would mean to admit that SOMETHING IS WRONG. PLEASE consider for a moment, gay people CLAIM that being gay is NATURAL. IF that if true, then, if you took a group of gay women and put them on an island, they would become extinct by the process of NATURE. NATURE would tell the world that they should not be here in 1 generation. You aren’t wrong, you DID have those inclinations because you were molested. I know gay women who want NOTHING to do with men because they were molested by men as children. Different people react to molestation in different ways, but I believe that if you talked to the gay community, not ALL, BUT probably the majority have been molested. Just like my girlfriend.

  9. Gordon Andrews on

    If a straight man has sex with a male he could hate himself and turn that hatred outward at others. All of those reasons are plausible.

  10. Gordon Andrews on

    So why hasn't God struck down any gays since sodom n ghomorha? I will tell you why. It was an act of NATURE not God!

  11. Gordon Andrews on

    Manzie Williams : Greedy? NOT! I bet you didn't you know that some native Americans revered Bi's as wise men and women because they could see both sides of straights? I think they were more socially more evolved than we are AND they were around a LONG time ago. They also took care of the earth instead of DESTROYING it like we are. So are they wiser? YES!

  12. L Dawonderingtramp Wallace The questions are Bro., "Is there a God? Did He create the earth and all that is in it? Is He sovereign over all? Does he have the authority to set our agenda? The question is NOT "which sin has the worst rating", sry!

  13. Gordon Andrews a great amount of confusion in the premises you use here. Read the bible for wisdom. Even if you don't believe, you will think more clearly. In a sentence, last I checked Native Americans or any other ethnic group has a corner on wisdom!

  14. L Dawonderingtramp Wallace Raping 13 year old virgins and getting them pregnant is worst than being gay, but not a good comparison. Raping is the violation of someone's person against their will, which is not only a crime, but a sin as well. Being gay is neither a crime nor sin. Sodomy, the action which defines being gay, is a crime in some areas as well a sin in the eyes of God (Leviticus 18:22). And it is not only a sin, but an abomination (which is the same as sickening).

  15. If you believe any of this *ish I got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. There's another in San Francisco, I got a nice 2 for 1 special going.

  16. As they say, "If there is sh*t on your d*ck, you are gay." Perhaps it is situational, like men in prison, but most men in prison don't resort to this so one would think that those who do had some type of inclination for this to begin with.

  17. Misses Shabazz on

    Bullisht…. if your manhood is lacking enough that you voluntarily have sex with a man, you're a fag. Rape is different, but if you willingly do it… you homo.

    #straightpride

  18. Sheila McInnis on

    I don't know that I believe this. But if a man enjoys sleeping with men, he should do just that and stay away from women. Being on the DL is wrong and if you like men, why involve the emotions of a woman???

  19. This article is a hot mess. Stop with all the excuses of why men may sleep with other men. Its called “lying to themselves and trying to lie to others”.

    Men or even woman abused need to seek help and counseling to address those feelings, emotions, hurt and damage. No one should ever be abused. But do not say you were curious, and wanted to experiment or sought pleasure because thats how you were taught. Please Please please seek counseling if this is your reason for sleeping with the same sex and do not want to take on the title of being GAY. This is unacceptable. people need to be responsible for their actions and be honest with themselves.

  20. The only one I might slightly agree with are those in prison. There are a lot of situational gays in institutions. To each his own and he who is without sin cast the first stone. If homosexuality is truly a sin then they have the Father up above to answer to, not me. Some of you are judgmental but have your own faults that you too much answer too.

  21. WOW! I’M LOOKING AT HOW MANY PEOPLE RESPONDED TO THIS BS!
    AIDS DON’T JUST COME GAY PEOPLE, YOU CAN GET AIDS DOIND YOUR NEXT VACCINE SHOT, AND IF I’M LYING WHY DO THE AFRICANS WHO DON’T PRACTICE HOMOSEXUALALTY HAVE IT.

    • @william, ease up on the caps lock dude. The reason that people who do not practice homosexuality get AIDS/HIV is because they have sex with someone who either has had sex with someone who has HIV or they have sex with someone who has acquired HIV from IV drug use or blood products. Straight people can get AIDS from having sex with someone who is infected.

    • William in no way do I mean to disrespect you right now but, WHERE are you getting the misinformation that people can contract HIV or AIDS from vaccinations? How the conversation steered towards homosexuality to AIDS not only startled but it immediately saddened me. This type of ignorance is not just sad its dangerous. The highest rate of HIV and AIDS is in HETEROSEXUAL African American women and men. Not only because of the high rate of our men who engage in sex while in jail with other men, and bring it home to us. But because so many of us practice unsafe sex and don’t get tested. We spend so much wasted time and energy with the misguided notion that this is a Gay disease, we fail to CORRECTLY inform ourselves, educate our children on protecting themselves, and reaching out to our communities as a whole to stop the rampant spread of this disease. Testing, the use of condoms during sexual contact, and abstinence are our main weapons. Now we have this dangerous trend of men engaging in sexual activity with other men. The danger is not that they don’t identify themselves as Gay, its that if their lying and secretive about having sex with them; more than likely they’re NOT protecting themselves! Who knows who else that other man is sleeping with. Unprotected sex with multiple partners is painting a target on yourself for the virus. The SAME as having sex with multiple straight partners is dangerous. Please educate yourself! As a black woman who loves and respects black men I can’t stand to see one spout such archaic unadulterated IGNORANCE!!

      • Tina, I don’t mean to insult YOU, but you are the one who sounds misinformed. You should probably do some reading yourself. WHERE do you think AIDS & HIV came from? Did you think it just invented itself? There is documented PROOF that it was invented and it HAD to be INJECTED at some point in time. It is NO coincidence that MOSTLY people of color are infected by it and it showed up in Africa.

  22. MissBlessed Cur on

    Gordon Andrews , yes Natives have been around for a long time but Blacks are the 1st humans on earth remember life began in Africa. Yes, Natives & Africans (naturally) took care of the environment and each other but remember what happened when some greedy Europeans stepped on the soil & that's when the destruction started to take place. Not blaming all Europeans or being ignorant or racist but pointing out facts. Also, there are black Native Americans as well. When she says greedy I believe she's saying that they're just being selfish by wanting both sides.

  23. Vernencia Jessie on

    Cut the bullshit sooooo if I become a serial killer but first list the reason why I'm became one then I'm not one?????? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Stop with the excuses accept ownership you're bi or gay it is what it is.

  24. Steve- i di not know he was gay but it doe snot surprise me. And Derrick, you are right about no in between. Even if a person says they are b-sixual they are still gay!

  25. Christopher D. Bernard on

    [email protected] last where was Sodom and ghomorha, if your fairy tale white god did destroy these city as you proclaim why is homosexuality came back and how did it come back if all things are possible through your fairy tale god … some of us black people need the bible taken away from us then we would learn to develop some critical thinking and then move on to make better black race.

  26. Christopher D. Bernard on

    Samuel Williams you are need to stop read the bible and develop yourself with blackness. stop think about go heaven and try build a heaven here on earth for our black people.

  27. Reco Spencer on

    The thing is I read this article and thought what about the women sleeping with women as well? Yeah I heard about Tyson years ago, but hell I don't know him and thus I never cared.

  28. Gwendolyn Carter on

    ABOMINATION ABOMINATION ABOMINATION. They are gay. Closet homosexuals. Nasty. No woman deserves to be subjected to such abomination.

  29. This is bulls* A man who seeks out d* is a homosexual or a bisexual whether he wants to admit it or not is immaterial. Denial just ain’t a river in Egypt. FACT: Straight men with high sex drives always find women to f* FACT: Straight men want p* and they know how to get p* they have that down to a science, cash is not necessarily involved. The glaring exception is men in jail.

  30. What in the exact hell is this article attempting to portray? How disrespectful is this to gay people. This is stupid! What makes a man gay..um sleeping with another man. Gay is a sexual orientation if you're apart of that orientation i.e sleeping with men you're gay. You can ask any GAY person and they'll say gay. Stop shaming gay and making excuses for men to say they not gay when they are indeed gay. Too many brothers hiding in the closet bcz we want to act like gay is some horrific disease seriously. If you gay be gay, I'll have much more respect for that than hiding behind dumb azz excuses.

  31. Charles Jackson on

    Charlie, if you're going to pretend that you know about God, then you would know that the first command is to Love! Since we're talking scripture, most folk know John 3:16, but often stop with just that one verse. Meanwhile, they miss out on the meat of the message. Verse 17 says "For He sent not his son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through HIM might be saved." Now surely if he didn't send his son here to condemn anyone he didn't send you either. You need to not only check yourself overall, but check you heart, bruh.

  32. Based on the definition by Merriam-Webster, these men are still homosexuals.

    Definition of HOMOSEXUAL
    1: of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex
    2: of, relating to, or involving sexual intercourse between persons of the same sex

    • Definition of BISEXUAL
      1a : possessing characters of both sexes : hermaphroditic
      b : of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward both sexes
      2: of, relating to, or involving both sexes

  33. Averie Carter-Bell on

    If it's in the Bible, and I point the sin out to you, then who is judging? You can't call it judging if it's right out of the Word of God … don't kill the messenger is all I'm sayin'

  34. Stephanie Gibson on

    Dumb, dumber, & dumbest MESS every. Gay is gay no matter what you say. Embrace your GAYNESS n live your the only one that has to ANSWER GOD!

  35. Andie Steward on

    The "author" of this "article" is a complete, delusional, unadulterated IDIOT that is contributing to public ignorance with these senseless rationalizations. STOP LYING TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS! Just because you write something does not make you erudite or an intellect. You just soundly proved this! UGH, thank you for making " Healthy Black Women" sound as dumb as a doorknob. Where is the unsubscribe button/link?

  36. Two men lay down, two homosexuals get up. My aunt contracted HIV/AIDS from a man who was sleeping with another man. If you like men cool do your thing, but don't be selfish because its a lot of us straight men looking for wives and we are not trying too contract anything from a woman who has had a conflicted ex-lover.

  37. Like many have said its either you are or you are not. Men love women and men have high sex drive. So get on top of a fat girl take one for the team! or be gay and take meat in the butt. You got choices thats all I am saying.

  38. Take all these Booty Bandit’s to an Island like them Faggit Ass Greeks & Roman’s (Italians)this is some BS from Europe No Black People lived this lifestyle on our Planet until we came into contact with these Devil’s! This is a trick to get rid of a Negro like Abortion & integretion with a burning desire make it out of the crossfire! No matter what you say these Pharmacies will love for Negroes to be Gay so they can sell you some more AIDS Drugs Dumb Sissy! At the End of the Day being a Homo is a Behaviour so stop coming onto other Men/Women & Negroes will leave you alone! Because it’s a shitty Deal

  39. A man sleeping with another man. The reasoning behind this is
    1. He's gay
    2. He's Gay
    3.HE'S FUCKING GAY
    Accept that your gay and come out the closet. It's 2013, not. 1962; nobody cares anymore.

  40. Steven Smith on

    None of these reasons make no damn sense at all, either you're gay or straight. Stop trying to confuse these people with this BS!

  41. Each and everyone of these "explanations" says "you are gay" any time a man who is not a doctor or is not a father taking care of his son's hygiene, but willingly touches a penis….he's gay….there's nothing wrong with that just embrace who you are, without the foolish excuses smh

  42. Wow in this day and age I didn’t think people were still ignorant enough to believe you can contract HIV or aids from getting vaccinations! Ignorance and not protecting yourselves during sexual contact are the main ways its spread. So often people feel if someone doesn’t look I’ll they’re not infected. As to the situation of men being incarcerated and engaging in sex with men because women aren’t there, those men come home and bring it to their wives, girlfriends and unborn children. Why? Sex is illegal in jail, therefore condoms aren’t available for protection. Not knowing your status not only hurts you but everyone you have sex with. If you engage in sex with the same sex…you’re gay. Stop trying to rationalize or make excuses for your behavior. Does it make the act NOT a homosexual act as long as you don’t call it that? No! That’s the very definition of homosexuality. To say you’re not attracted or have feelings toward the person you’re engaging in sex with is ridiculous! Sexual desires and attraction ARE feelings. Just because they aren’t ROMANTIC feelings is besides the point. Heterosexual people have sex all the time without romantic feelings or affection; its the SAME with homosexuals. Just because you’re ashamed to accept you’re gay because of religious teachings or beliefs, societal norms, family upbringing, or any other factors doesn’t change the fact that: sex with the SAME sex is Gay! Period!

    • Thanks Tina for your well informed and articulated post. I totally agree on all the points you presented. What I found to be both puzzling and scary was the fact that as a society of people, we have become conditioned to justify and rationalize the most absurd nonsense. What happened to accountability for one’s own actions? Along with “free will” came the ability to make choices so if a person decides to sleep with a person of the same s*x, then at least don’t insult people’s intelligence by trying to convince us that’s its something other than what it really is. Just saying..I can post up in the garage and change my name to Lexus but that won’t make me one! Okay?! lol

  43. Wow in this day and age I didn’t think people were still ignorant enough to believe you can contract HIV or aids from getting vaccinations! Ignorance and not protecting yourselves during sexual contact are the main ways its spread. So often people feel if someone doesn’t look ill they’re not infected. As to the situation of men being incarcerated and engaging in sex with men because women aren’t there, those men come home and bring it to their wives, girlfriends and unborn children. Why? Sex is illegal in jail, therefore condoms aren’t available for protection. Not knowing your status not only hurts you but everyone you have sex with. If you engage in sex with the same sex…you’re gay. Stop trying to rationalize or make excuses for your behavior. Does it make the act NOT a homosexual act as long as you DON’T call it that? No! That’s the very definition of homosexuality. To say you’re not attracted or have feelings toward the person you’re engaging in sex with is ridiculous! Sexual desires and attraction ARE feelings. Just because they aren’t ROMANTIC feelings is besides the point. Heterosexual people have sex all the time without romantic feelings or affection; its the SAME with homosexuals. The excuse of having a high sex drive, wanting to engage in other sexual acts and use toys and not being able to find a woman to “accommodate” you; is bs too! A straight man with a woman hes sexually incompatible with under NO circumstances would turn to men!!! If you have unconventional desires or a high sex drive let that be known before you settle down. Seek out someone as freaky behind closed doors as you are. Stop lying, and using a relationship with a woman to hide behind. It does NOT make you heterosexual because you don’t want to admit you’re gay. If you’re ashamed because of religious teachings or beliefs, societal norms or family upbringing, lying to yourself doesnt change the fact. Having sex with the SAME sex is GAY. Period!

  44. youRnotalone on

    It doesn’t really matter what you call it, what box you are grouped in or how you identify. The real issue is that being molested (girls and boys, whether by a man or woman) is a TRAUMATIZING experience and usually leads to very negative and often self-destructive ways of living or coping. First and foremost to save your sanity and well-being, get counseling. If it is not readily accessible to you, seek a very trusted individual who will be objective and not blame or judge you. This is hard to find, especially in the black community, so that’s why I say a “very trusted individual” you already know who you trust in your life. If you are truly not gay and don’t want to have sex with men, you have to replace that negetive feeling & act with a positive feelings & acts. Find a way it is within you. start picturing how your life would be if that traumatizing act had not happened and live that way.

  45. These comments are a riot. You’re telling me that in 2013 people are still looking for ways to not be “grouped” into a Gay/Bisexual category? Its crazy… U purposely seek out sexual encounters with another man but aren’t Gay? That sounds pretty Damn Gay to Me! If u were molested as a child my heart goes out to U… That’s a terrible tragedy that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy’s child. But to continue to point the finger at an incident that happen years ago, as an adult, that’s insane. At some point u deal with those feelings & move on. U don’t seek out the company of other men because Uncle Ray Ray touched u… U seek out the company of other men because u ENJOY it. We’re so quick to blame events of the past to excuse our behavior instead of just owning up to it. U are attracted to MEN! Get over it… Live your life. Who cares…? If u want to have sex with Panda Bears that’s your own personal business. But to blame that on what Uncle Ray Ray did sounds crazy. Even prisoners… They have sex with men because they make a choice to. Like they chose to commit the crime that ultimately landed them in jail.

  46. Sad, sad, sad. I know brothers in this lifestyle. They are so emotionally and spiritually lost.

    In public they carry themselves with arrogance and often claim they are superior because of their lifestyle.

    In private, they unravel and are full of nothing but problems.

    They are so desperate to convince themselves that they are normal that they will say or do anything.

    They make such fools of themselves by proclaiming they are not gay even though they sleep with men everywhere. They even make fun of straight people…that’s right make fun of straight people.

    They could care less about dating, marrying, and infecting sister’s with hiv. Of course, many sisters prefer to hook up with openly gay brothers, I see it all the time. Arm in arm at a cocktail party and it is obvious he is gay.

  47. Leave it to the ultra conservative Black community to have only one person say anything 21st Century about sexuality. An article was written with new information about gender and sexuality and you all are rejecting it? You are rejecting information?! You are rejecting wise counsel instead of expanding your knowledge? Read your Bible about that, while you reading!

    You choose to stay in your comfort zone your Nword-Zone/the Plantation. A mans’ prostate and perineum muscle are what goes crazy when he is ejaculating. Its in all men, gay or straight and it feels good to be stimulated there. Its by your anus!

    You have to like guys to be gay not have physical needs that know no gender! Being gay is intentional. FACT: Turn the lights out and a gay man can do things to all you macho guys your body would love. Turn the lights back on and if you get sick knowing that a man pleased you, you probably do not like men. This is of course if you do not have to do it on Springer or Dr. OZ! and only pretend not to like who did it to you. It would prove that your body does not know gender, but it responds to stimulation.

    You have to want to be gay to be gay or you are experiencing some or all of the things the article mentioned above.

    Furthermore, as more very exotic looking male to female transgendered women come into this country there will be even more to write about men and their sexuality. American men are not used to the high cheek bones and feminine bodies of male to female transwomen/transexxual, and trust me many will be taken in by this ignorance. So what would you call a man like this? He is attracted to the WOMAN he sees but she has male parts if pre-op and surgically altered female parts if post op. Get informed and check why you are so angry with this topic of discussion! Your conservative comments are very, very, scary, like KKK lynching scary.

    If you are not ready for this new sexuality then go crawl back to the massa’s plantation because the world is changing and you will be too stupid to function in it!

  48. To add Tyson’s picture above an article with this subject matter. He is not gay and this is an implication that could cause un wanted consequences to his carreer. The author should be a bit more responsible with his or her selection of picture. If there is hard evidence of this behavior coming from Tyson Beckford then call his name and bring the proof. If not please take his picture down and replace it some other image. Maybe one where faces can’t be distingiushed. If you want to be a real writter of truth. If ur just writting gossip then continue your good work.

  49. What I am interested inknowing is who was the expert know all about men well enough to make a blanket statement about men and their motives for these many motives and how did they come up with this know all about why men do what they do when it comes to sex with another man but are not gay.

    • If you take meat and you are born a male. Except the fact you are gay. It’s no in between. You have to except the fact that women want to be with a man. Who is not sucking , licking , kissing, and taking meat from another man. Gay gay gay gay and a freak. Because it no reason to be gay. You can just fuck women in the ass.

  50. Huh??? New sexuality??? This is so ridculous. …yes people do respond to stimulation but part of the stimulation they respond to is VISUAL!!!! Lingerie, strippers, dancing and so many others. And if u are hetrosexual man, a big black brother with pecks and not breast and penis and not a vagina can not turn you on. In the dark you still can feel and your mind is still imagining and creating visual stimulation….so to say we aren’t attracted to gender is ridiculous. …I am a bi sexual woman and each gender does something completely different sexually….so they are not the same and dark or light doesn’t change what stimulates you. ….

  51. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are two different things. Ideally you should have both for the same person but you can definitely have one without the other. Bottomline is, if you are sexually attracted to your own gender, you are gay, or at the very least, bisexual.

  52. I don’t care how you look at it he is a GAY man!!! Gay Gay Gay!!! If that’s what he want to be a gay man so be it. He is the one who have to answer to GOD

  53. As a woman and a person who was raped I can tell you first hand that it is possible to seek out *** acts with a person of the same sex and not be gay. Some people after a rape can and sometimes seek out someone to repeat the act of sex that hurt them in the past because they are looking for a way to take back the power in themselves that was lost during the attack. Look at it this way some young women who were raped will become hyper-sexual to prove to themselves that when it comes to the act of sex they are in complete control. If you have never been raped or molested, please do not judge the actions of someone who has, that may be the only way they know to deal with their trauma. But yeah the other reasons seem to be bulls**t.

  54. Excuses. Any man who has sex with another man is gay or bisexual. Simple. If u r doing the act, your gay or bi. If you are a man who’s attracted to another man, you will eventually give into what you lust for, gay or bi. Cut the excuses. Doesn’t matter the reasons, a man is NOT straight if he’s intersted in men. Gay, bi, and bicurious means eventually you will experience it.

  55. Gay is what Gay does …..if it walks like its gay its gay…talks like its gay its gay….if the men sleep with other men they are either gay or bi….end of story! Sorry this arrival can not use excuses as a scape goat!

  56. This is BS. I work in public health HIV/AIDS and this is why you refer to the behavior – men who have sex with men- and NOT the label “gay, bisexual, bi-curious, etc”. There are many men who don’t identify as gay but will admit they have sexual intercourse with men. Get past the labels and you will get down to the facts (most times…).

  57. Interesting. I’ve always considered people by and large to be ‘sexual”. Some like to express it one way and others like to express it another way. If we remove the ‘who we are doing it with’ factor then it just comes down to getting the orgasm. Plain and simple. Because I have been socialized to believe a man should not touch another man sexually it is definitely a turn off for me. Intellectually, I don’t care who does what to whom as long as they are not involving me in their choices and hiding it from me. Be honest about who you are. Some will accept your choices and some will not. It will be easier for you to find those who will accept it if you are honest up front.

  58. Ms Mariette on

    Wow….I can’t believe how so many of us are fooled and lied to…..If you are having $ex with the same gender – U R Gay! Period! This is one of the many reasons the “w” supremacist are taking over…due to our lack of knowledge and to make truth of our own understandings…and lack of responsibility. If a women made $ex films or went to her neighbors or folks in the community outside of her marriage so she would have the excuse of not being emotionally attached to the $ex act, then she would be labeled as a “HO”! A $lut and bi-$exual prowler! In need of serious help after they took her kids away! And her family gone…all because she wanted a little $ex, this article is REAL damn stupid and trying to plant seeds why some folks are truly messed up and need clinical help and Jesus in their life!

    • It,s all mental illness . But nobody wants to say what it really is for fear of being hounded. Real people know the truth the devil is a lie . It’s God way this it and that’s all . Anything else is the devils work . It’s a lot of demons running around this planet.

      • Amen Vencent…
        It is mental illness, and it actually goes deeper then that, and everybody ain’t ready for everything and God does not have a guage on SIN / Sin is Sin in whatever fashion or form.
        Many black men walk in fear of acknowledging they were raped as little boys… visa versa black women and this issue is one of the biggest reasons our African American Community is so screwed up… Lies and cover-ups = Bondage

  59. There is also the nonsensical ‘shame’ drummed into young peoples minds that being gay is wrong.

    So they deny their desires, marry women, put on the show and lie to everyone, stopping off at booth stores and sex shops or rest areas or wherever before going home to the wife and kids.

    I’ve been with these men and seen it dozens of times.

    One time in the 1990’s I met up with an older gent, married, 3 kids. Nothing happened just a few beers.

    He was getting up there in age and I asked him how long could he be living this lie, since there were more days behind him than before him.

    He later called me days later and thanked me. He told his wife (with whom he had no sexual relations with for 20 years after their last kid) and the wife insisted on a divorce, which made sense. 2 of his 3 kids understood him, one was angry & upset.

  60. That’s bullshyt. No one is going to believe any of that nonsense. You are either gay or you aren’t…People have to many excuse for being gay or bi…if ur gay except it and move on.

  61. Wow this is an old article.
    Its loaded with so many mean spirited judgemental people.
    Abuse alters and changes everybody’s life involved.

    I know several young women who were raped and have not walked through the healing process. One of the young ladies to this very day attracts stalkers. The other young lady is like a magnet that draws abusive men.
    People are always so quick to judge situations they should be thanking God that it has not touched their lives, and then many are perpetrators who walk in the spirit of fear and demonic behavior behind closed doors, they are also guilty.
    God’s love is unconditional for the soul even though he hates the sins of the flesh.

    Romans 9:31-39 Nothing Can Separate Us From The Love Of God

    John 8:7 He who is without “SIN” cast the first (STONE)..

    Krystal tell that young man to continue seeking God’s face for a “personal relationship”. Tell him to participation God with patience faith and guidance. God will guide him to the right place for healing, but he must realize everything done and completed by God is not an over-night process so take his focus off man and stay focus on God.

  62. No justification in this behavior period you are either gay or bisexual no matter how you come up in life at the end of the day you sleep or lay with what you like or comfortable with that is it. No in between or getting around it own it it is who you are so what. Next!!

  63. No justification in this behavior period you are either gay or bisexual or straight no matter how you come up in life at the end of the day you sleep or lay with what you like or comfortable with that is it. No in between or getting around it own it it is who you are so what. Next!!

  64. Deborah Jackson on

    So u do the act then don’t want to be judged?
    So be damned if anyone else gets hurt, women or children
    other folks cause its about u.
    Get some help and get into the “Word”.

    • @Deborah…

      There you go with the sterotype… Are you in the word? Really!!! Because if you were really in the word you’d be able to discern this gentlmens issues which are deeper then his surface, and you’d be in God’s face loving him unconditionally and praying for him instead of accusing him of things he most likely is not doing dah!!!

  65. Kevin Simmons on

    I try to rationalize with the above comments, I can only speak for myself but man love or the lust of intimacy with a man is never.truth be told I can’t get aroused knowing a woman had sex with a man. It may sound bias but bi-sexual women is a turn on I’m saying this to say I lose my erection at the very thought of man sex.

  66. jane harvest on

    You are gay. The sooner you come to terms with this regardless to how you came to voluntarily participate in these sexual experiences, the sooner you will be able to accept yourself. You’re gay. End of story

  67. MsLittlejohn on

    Gay is gay. It’s unfortunate some are that way because they were preyed upon as a child, but, gay is gay.

  68. I can’t help but wonder how a website called HealthyBlackWoman can censor words like S E X or S e x u a l i t y.

    Doesn’t that defeat the idea of health?

  69. I can’t help but wonder how a website called HealthyBlackWoman can censor words like S E X or S e x u a l i t y.

    Doesn’t that defeat the idea of health & information?

    • I read your post Distant, its there and it was great, not like many of these clue less a$$holes who don’t understand that everyman has his cross to bare…

  70. In the real world you’re either all man or a gay man. When a man takes it up his ass he’s gay!!! Remember a plug and a socket makes friction; not a plug and a plug!

  71. I am a gay black male came out at a very early age in elementry school, i just knew i was different, im 26 now. Im more torwards the “feminen” category of lgbtq (i hate having to be catirgorized by the way). But i think “straight” black men like to have sex with other males because its a different type of attraction and more importantly man “straight” guys seek other men to have sex without emotional attachment and can get pleased a whole lot better because we can take it to levels as far as we wanna go as to where some women may be limited to sexyal activity. Example: women usually give head not because they want to but because their male partner wants them to so they just wanna please there man. “Bottom” gay men do give head because we actually like to do it any many like myself are good at it no questions asked lol, i feel power in that because i know i give good head. Yeah there are the cases of being in jail/prison long times and men have to fufill our sexual needs one way or another. But many are in denial that they are gay or bisexual. Lets face it: if a man has sex with another man their gay or bisexual. But with black men who are “bottoms” such as myself, for a “straight” black guy seeking another male partner certainly works for me because i looove black masculine “straight” men. I like the attraction and for them to be dominant with me. Im openly gay but if it means letting them stay on the down low then im all for it because im getting what i want to. There is the downside on that to because i live in south central so im around alot of “straight” black men who gang bang, and some i have had sex with, but that same person ive had sex with from the hood will talk about you like a dog in front of me and his homies bu i know the real deal: nigga you comin back for this ass latter, lol. It’s hard for “straight” BLACK MEN to feel comfortable saying like other men because we are seen as the most masculine, sometimes seen as a threat, and strongest in society, so publicly saying they like men is a hard hit for them, its alot of weight to carry. Its totally different when a white, asian, ext is openly gay, no one cares so there judged less. But this all i have to say

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