Iyanla “Fixes” Couple After Man Says He Jokingly Proposed to Wife Of 20 Years

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downloadBy: Krystle Crossman

When you are proposed to it is a magical event. The man that you love gets down on one knee, looks at you adoringly, and asks if you will be with him for the rest of your lives. You say yes, accept the ring, and then one day walk down the aisle and get married. Sounds like bliss right? But what if you were brought on a television show with your husband of 20 years and that TV show was Iyanla, Fix My Life? Where would your mind race to knowing how others who have come before you have professed that they have had affairs or have an entirely different life than you thought they had? That is probably what was running through Jennifer’s mind when her husband David brought her on the show.

After a little investigating it was revealed that David was a former pastor, father of two sons, and has been married to Jennifer for 20 years. However, he had another life that no one knew about. He was living a double life where the former pastor would hook up with random s*x partners from chat rooms online. He also has a pretty severe [email protected] addiction. He moved out of his home with Jennifer two years ago and lives in his own apartment. He still comes over for family dinners weekly. Jennifer wears both of their wedding rings; one on her finger and the other on a necklace. One of the most painful things that she had to hear that day was that he had only proposed to her as a joke and that the marriage had been over before it even started.

He went for 20 years with this secret. He wasted all of her time when she could have been in a happy relationship with no secrets.

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30 Comments

  1. The part that’s so mind blowing is most of these dudes look like shut, unclean and very unattractive, they just always have this uncanny look.
    It just goes to show how desperate black women have behaved over black men for yrs… but now many many eyes are opening up and the black women are divorcing black men and running like “Jack-Flash” to finally have a life they’ve always deserved from jump street…. Who said we have to be married to a bunch of cow manure / filthy drama…. Let’s keep it real / a man with no God is not a man..

    • ELois P. Clayton on

      It was wrong (and sad), that this “man”, couldn’t be honest with her, but on the other hand, toooo many women try to ENTRAP men, because they have money or they want to get as much of their money as they can;some by even LIEING that they are pregant by a man OR even having other relations while with him(or ehr), in their attempts to get money(falsely), from a man.
      Many men are MUNIPULATED into believing that they are about to become fathers and some evn are fooled until a relationship BOND is accomplished with that child.
      By then, it’s almost tooo late, for the mother has falsely LIED to the courts;leaving that man into believing that they were the father when the child was made by another man.
      That kind of “woman”, IS a goldigger and is after nothing but money!
      I think such a person should be prosecuted jsut as severely as the courts “punish” a man for child support AND when the courts find out that a woman has LIED about WHO the father of her child is, that woman should pay through thr nose, for she is no more right or have any lees responsibility as a man.
      It is wrong, either way and should NOT be seen as anything less!

      • @Elois. P. Clayton…

        You certainly have a point, there are all kinds just as there are many other senarios, I’m speaking about stories (testimonies)… everybody’s story is not the same, the stop sign has many (MULTIPLE ROADS) to chose from, and there are many blackwomen on all those roads. I use to be on one of those roads, but not the one your referring to.

        Mine was staying in a destructive marriage because I was taught through the COGIC religion and by watching and being taught by my parents to stick with your marriage even if it destroys you and your children. God rescued me out of my missery, I’ll never for get that day I “CRIED OUT” to God, a scream that came from “DEEP” inside of me, a place I didn’t even know existed. Next thing happen before I even knew what was actually happening my childrens father was serving me divorce papers.
        I was so happy I didn’t know what to do because I was raised:(YOU DON’T DIVORCE YOUR HUSBAND)…
        A couple months before that day came to pass (I woke-up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, looked at the man on the otherside of the bed / my childrens father, but I didn’t know him, he was a complete “STRANGER” to me). Months before that other supernatural significent things where happening to me… (I was coming from a road trip CES show Las Vegas / turned into my neighborhood / Riverside Ca.:God said “There’s going to be a divorce”…. screech!!! Stop the car I told my husband… I asked him: do you still love me lol lol… he looked at me real strange lol (yeah) was his word… I said okay!

        So Ms Elois and Ms. Florence I shared all of that to say this: You can’t paint every women with the same paint brush, some folks have walked through situations your life hasn’t even touched, and my X-husband is a (crack-head & an Alcoholic)…
        My father ruled us through the bible by his own set of rules with an “IRON-FIST”. I learned by walking through the school of hard knocks, but God has been with me all the way and he still walk with me today. I was a little girl 17 yrs old in college away from home in another state when I met my husband. I wasn’t inlove with him because I didn’t know a [email protected] thing about love or marriage… all I knew was I didn’t wanna go back home to my parents home and literally live inside the church (Monday night prayer / Tues night bible Band / Weds night Youth night / Fri night Reg church night / Sat chior rehersal / and Sunday (9:45am to 3:00pm sunday school and worship service, home to eat then back by 6: oclock that evening til 11:00 pm before midnight…start up again on Monday til the day I left my parents home heading to college as my way out… I was a member of “West Angeles Church of God In Christ Pastor Charles E. Blake”… Los Angeles Ca.

        Do not sing me no sad songs: This sister / blackwomen is “FREE”…

          • @Latin…

            Denzal and many many more. I started with West Angeles when they were just a small church on w.Adams… I was in love with that church… my daddy use to drive us down one weekend a month from Las Vegas… that’s when I started to get free… it was just a stepping stone to bigger heights on the trail to my personal relationship with God… They’re trying to clean it up now… many COGIC preachers are sitting in prison now from rape to molestion charges again black women and young children both male & female.

  2. Stories like these drive home a point that I make often. The greatest threat to marriage and the family is not same sex marriage. The greatest threat to the family is heterosexual men who take their vows for a joke. What a mean hurtful bastard. The pig was a pastor no less. The church needs to leave gay folk alone and teach their congregants how to truly love.
    We need to pull our heads out of the sand and stop saying that we must not judge others. This man was wrong and he ruined this woman’s life. The church’s whole approach to the family is wrong. They usually begin the discussion by saying that men are the head of the home. This would work if all men were magnanimous and caring. This theology sets up many people for failure. Many men think that they are laws onto themselves. The patriarchal school of thought ignores the sinful nature of all of us.

    • You go Cambie… that’s why I don’t step foot into them. I watched that mentality all my life / black men use the word of God to setup their own rules to rule over the black woman.
      Nobody wants to talk about, they want to keep it hidden (blackwomen took a lot of physical beatings off their husband’s in the name of church)… I will no longer sit idle anymore about any subject concerning the black family relationships and the black church.. and I become appauled in my flesh when people want me to sweep BS under the rug and pretend like everything is honky-dorey…

      • Have you read the book “The Ebony Exodus Project.” I am not suggesting that you read it, I am demanding that you read it. It touches on the very topic we are talking about, but from a black woman’s perspective.

        • @Regina…
          I have not read that book, but it does sound interesting… but let me day something to you: I am a PK kid… born and raised, nothing at all to brag about / more like being appaulled ashamed and thank God I’m free because (MANY) are not, they are still (TRAPPED) inside those 4-walls along with the spirits of (controlled religion, controlled tradition and the demonic spirit of (FEAR). Call it what you will, but know this (I) have a personal testimony. I never talk about issued nor events I know nothing about and God is bonafied in my life, I’m not just a bunch of talk although there are somethings I’m not lead to share at this time unless God give me the (GO)… I move by the spirit.

        • @Regina
          My father was a (Preacher / Prophet / Assistant Pastor)..

          I was born bread and raised in the COGIC whom to me are the worst destroyers of our black communities period… and no one can change my mindset concerning that religious tomb… from there I entered into Apostolic Religion (I out-grew them), from there I went a womens healing ministery, from there God called me out of all of it.. My feet don’t even touch their ground unless God send me on an assignment…
          I bumped heads with my father in his last days before he crossed over…

    • Since you brought it up when it wasn’t part of the topic; the church should continue to preach against all sin. That includes being Gay and being a liar and a cheat. Sin is sin and it will all send you to Hell.

    • “The church needs to leave gay folk alone and teach their congregants how to truly love. We need to pull our heads out of the sand and stop saying that we must not judge others. This man was wrong and he ruined this woman’s life.”

      It seems that you’ve contradicted yourself. The Bible says that ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God. You either believe all of the Bible or you don’t. There is no exemption clause in the Bible for homosexuality or any other lusts of the body, as a sin. Homosexuality is right at the top of God’s sins that are an abomination to Him. Why should we not equally warn people about the consequences of this sin as the Bible states. No judgement, just the facts. If this makes you angry, please take it up with God. It’s His Word.

    • This is going to sound real unpopular. Homosexuality has nothing to do with this. Not sure just how that topic got tied into this. Everything is not a platform for Gays and Lesbians to speak against their exclusion from the church. Furthermore the church is not the problem, the problem is the individuals who are in the pew pulpit. I don’t understand how people want to follow individuals who are just as flawed as them.
      But the issue here was not that he lied is it that MOST if not all women don’t listen to what a man tells them. Women somehow think they can “change” a mans minds when they tell you something. If a man tells you he does not want kids and you get pregnant and he leaves you can’t get angry, he was honest, or is he tells you he’s not ready to get married it is not that he does not want to get married maybe he just does not want to marry you.
      She knew something was wrong, but she had a fantasy movie playing in her mind that told her he was the one. She CHOOSE to ignore all the signs. So don’t feel sorry for her she contributed to her own situation.

  3. Colleen Birchett on

    I didn’t see the show. I wonder how anything like this can be “fixed”? I also think we have to be careful not to draw the conclusion that this particular marriage is a prototype of all African American marriages, and certainly not all marriages of pastors. Because we have been stereotyped for so long, sometimes we have a tendency to engage in the stereotyping of each other. This may be just one weird dude. There may be some others in 20-year marriages that started out and lasted as jokes, but these are the exceptions rather than the rule.

    • Ooh!!! Ms. Colleen Birchett if you just only knew all the stuff that’s hidden under the carpet by blackwomen who are Pastors wifes etc…
      I don’t even know where to begin, and not even sure that you could actually handle the real truths.
      When God called me to the ministry my first words to the Lord were “I’d rather be dead”… I watched my mother who was a missionnary, church secretary, treasure, sunday school teacher and a pastors wife too. I watched other women… I watched this madness for years until I was old enough to leave my fathers house.

      I watched preachers beat the h*ll out of their wives and an hour later stands in the pulpit and preach blackfolks straight into h*ll…

      I watched a preacher still married to his wife
      seat another blackwomen in the pulpit as his wife
      and turn her son into a sissy.

      The same women who sat in the pulpit as that preachers wife was beat down by him and then thrown and locked out of the house butt naked at the front door.

      The state Bishop of las Vegas is passed on now for years now, but he had a wife and he had mistresses whom he housed on other properties paid for by church tith payers.

      I have a family member who had 7 children, father went off and left his wife and children, never paid child-support, married another women and was a pastor with his own church in another state.

      I watched COGIC robb other ministeries small and great of tiths and offerings so the bishops could live high on the hog lifestyles.

      I’m stopping here because the list is just too [email protected] long to keep going. Black folks need to wake the h*ll up and stop living in denial. Black folks are sick in their spirit and in bondage. Then they get angry at those who find their way out of all the darkness and become free… but what they really don’t understand is it cost us a great sacrafice unto God for that freedom that we walk-in. It cost us our family and friend etc / like JOB…. Its real, once you’ve crossed over too far there ain’t no coming back… and you really don’t wanna go back… Peace / Redbone

    • And your probably right Mr. Hill, I wouldn’t doubt it one bit because I’ve seen it as a child. It has happened to the best of black women because that’s what Religion teaches / The Color Purple… I am not in denial of many blackwomen walking with their heads stuck in the sand, I’m just not one.

  4. Lets’ put this in context “The Color Purple” was a work of fiction. Black women have NEVER walked with our heads in the sand. If you examine history closely it is clear that black women have always been the back bone of the Black Family.
    In terms of The Black Man being the head of the family.. there is nothing wrong with this, but you have to put it all in context with what the bible states. You can’t take bits and pieces and use it as you please.

    This is the reason why almost 90% of Black women won’t ever be married, this is also the reason why almost 70% are single mother’s. Black women have been taught that Marriage is something they should not aspire to have so they don’t even bother to ask for it, let alone desire it. If you examine women in any other culture, there is not an issue with a “Man heading a household” but Black women interpet that as meaning I have to give up “control” I don’t want to listen to my husband. However, if you speak with any couple who has been married at least 25yrs, that man will tell you that they are a team. That he could not make a move without his “Help Mate” his wife.

  5. florence Johnson on

    Would you all PLEASE STOP!!!!! blaming the church. There’s always going to be people within the Body of Christ that do these things and more, study 2 Peter chapter 2 it describes the character of this kind of man in detail and who someone like this man represents, and its not God. For example just because you had a bad experience with a counterfeit bill, would you go to your bank and withdraw all your money out and throw it away, because of one counterfeit bill, NO! of course not. So why is it when people hear about or encounter counterfeit people in the body of Christ the blame is on God or what you all call “The Church”. If you run into a crooked lawyer or doctor do you stop utilizing their services, NO YOU DON’T! Not to excuse his actions but you mean to tell me that for 20 years this women didn’t have a clue as to what was happening in her marriage relationship, NOT ONE CLUE!!! There were some red flags somewhere she more than likely chose to ignore. God’s “Church” I don’t know whose church you go to, but God does not condone and never did condone this kind of behavior, within the body of Christ. Study don’t just read but study 2 Peter chapter 2 get a real understanding, we will always have these kind of people within the body of Christ, and it takes studying and know ing the word of God, having a discerning spirit, to be able to recognize this kind of spirit when it is among us, and not be so desperate as some of us women kind be, I feel for her and her children. Redbone you are right that is what RELIGION!!! teaches, not the word of God. It never ceases to amaze me as to how people will quickly jump to conclusions about God, because of the counterfeit people who deceitfully use his name as a cloak for their, ungodly deeds, perpetrating ungodly acts, then continuing their deception by causing people to believe that this is what the real “Church” looks like. NOT SO!

    • Please define “The Church.” Are you talking about the parameters from which the bible was interpreted from the Greek Scripture or from the Catholic teachings or from the Council of Nicea standards?

  6. I watched preachers who were perverts watch me and my sister when we were just little girls, but they never came anywhere near us because my father wasn’t no joke, he would have killed them forreal…
    The stories are endless. I saw beautiful blackwomen get setup by pastors and old foolish church mothers to marry some ole fogey no-good preacher, one was an x-pimp… This is the same church today that it was yesterday that you are defending. Where is God at in your picture??? Because the God I know and love beyond this natural realm is “HIGHER THEN HIS WORD”, because God reveals to whom he will. Men read the word, but only (GOD CAN GIVE THE INCREASE) not man, and not Semanary School…

  7. Read Matthews 23rd chapter…

    Read the whole chapter. I live by it… There are many passages of scriptures in the bible that most people don’t even know exist. Some information can always be found but not understood because only God can reveal his mysteries.
    If you are so caught up into the spirit of religion you keep God closed out of your life which is in a box.
    Walking and living in a personal relationship with God is “A WAY OF LIFE”, it has absolutely nothing to do with the 4-wall church. The body of Christ are the people not a 4-wall temple build of stones and wood.

  8. The idea of a spiritual elite that has a special connection to God is completely absurd. “The Church,” is an institution that was set up by men in the service of men. As men, we need to stop making excuses for our bad behavior and do what is right. The church is too busy trying to make a fast buck to help anyone. Look at the life of Christ in the bible. Think about what he said. “Love seeks not it’s own. “If you want to understand how men have manipulated the word of God read Spinoza. He lived in the 1500s.

  9. I married a guy because he wouldn’t leave my house & I didn’t want to live in sin in front of my 9 year old daughter. I was miserable the whole marriage.

    • @LeahO…

      Some people believe, some people don’t… the less you believe of the right things the harder you fall, but the good news is you learn, especially after you get tired of going throw test after test after test because you refuse to listen to the still small voice with-in. I hear people always quote the bible stating: “Its better to marry then to burn”, but then you still burn when you marry someone “GOD DIDN”T CHOSE FOR YOU”… it always does come to an end in some kind of way… women learn harded then men, and some of us are smart and catch on the first time around. We all have done it for some kind of reason, but trouble is always a real eye opener and a lesson alway well learnt for anybody.
      Once I divorced I never wanted to get married again, and it really wasn’t what I really desired the first time around… “Marriage is what I was taught”… Every since I was a very very small child I use to plan and write my life out on a piece of paper… marriage was never in my plans, I only saw adventures and fun. I had a whole Barbie Layout and marriage still never entered in… I use to design Barbie clothes & furniture when I was a small child. Religion and domestic violence killed my dreams… it took me years of spiritual therapy and healing under a relationship with God to get to where I am today, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I know for a fact Marriage is on its way again for me because God said so, but I’m in no hurry because I’m enjoying being single & free on a level many people have never experienced and probably most will never experience because it comes with a price.
      Ms LeahO if you want to get there just simply ask “GOD” and wait on him… but rest assure you will walk thru the fires of no turning back if its a true call from the heart. Redbone

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