Iyanla Vanzant: What All Women Should Know About Not Having a Father


iyanlaBy: Krystle Crossman

Iyanla Vanzant is an author, TV personality, and motivational speaker. She has given some tips for women who have no fathers and those who have suffered s*xual abuse. She also gave some disturbing statistics around women who have have grown up fatherless. She says that six out of ten women have been s*xually abused and out of those six, half were abused by someone that they knew. Here is some of her advice for these women:

– If you have been abused, tell someone! It doesn’t matter if you knew who the person was or not, you need to tell someone.

– Do not leave young girls alone with men, even if they are an uncle or close family friend. Make sure that there is an adult female around at all times.

– It is impossible for a person to be unaffected when they have a parent that has left if they are under the age of 13. The parent that is still around tries to fill the void by replacing the parent with more love and attention, but what they are actually doing is compensating for the missing parent.

– Women need to live through their creator and live values of love, beauty, grace and kindness and it is hard to do that if you are running around swearing at others and judging others for how they live their lives.

– Don’t chase money. Chase a vision for everything that you are; your talents and your gifts. Don’t just look for another job. If you need to get a job to get you to your ultimate vision, so be it, but keep looking to that vision.

– Be clear about the person that you are. Define yourself and let others know what you are all about and stay true to yourself.



  1. Conscious Voice on

    Iyanla, I do understand your concern, but all men are not pedophiles or dare to harm their own flesh. Young women benefit from a relative that positively demonstrates how a disciplined man treats young ladies and women he loves. I say this because with four sisters, I have close to 10 nieces and grand nieces. Each of them have spent time with me alone. As a matter of fact, they insist on it. I must also tell you, I’m a bachelor without a live-in lady. My two youngest nieces ages 14 and 17 always spend a week with me each summer. I doubt that neither them nor their mothers would discontinue that. The youngest one’s mother spent time with me when she was younger. So don’t cast all men away as being potentially deficient. It only punishes the many for the actions of a few. Much love.

  2. My story is the flip-side of society concerning single parenting. I raised my daughter alone from the time she wss released from the hospital at birth. She’s presently a model citizen, independent, and successful.

  3. Kathleen Harris on

    I would love to have you fix my life…I have issues with procrastination and fear of success. I have missed many opportunities that were afforded to me primarily because I took to long to act on them or simply because I was just plain ole afraid of what that success might do to me and the people around me. At 53 I am at a stage in my life where I believe I still have a lot in life to do and I can not afford to let time continue to pass by without having fulfilled the things that God has called me to do both artistically and spiritually. I would like to know where these issues may stem from and how to work through them so I can do more and be a more happy and content woman, wife, mother and friend. As a result of not living up to my full abilities and not doing what I feel I am suppose to be doing has me often frustrated and angry with my spouse and my kids. I suffer with migraines, muscle tension and fatigue. Iyanla, I have read just about every one of your books, if not all of them, so I know you can get me on the right path to a greater self-awareness and life that I so truly deserve and desire.. Thank you Kathleen H.

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