Jada Pinkett Smith Calls Out Mean Spirited Judging Amongst Women

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jada1By Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

I just read a message that Jada Pinkett Smith posted to her wall and it really got me thinking how some of the meanest and hurtful things I have had said to me and about me and have come out of women’s mouths and then, at the same, time, I have also been loved, comforted and “filled up” by women. I too have used my tongue to cut, rather than build up, in my journey of evolution. As women, we are at times the “victims, and then at times, the “culprits”.

It takes time for a woman to really get to the point of knowing who she is and along the way, she will stumble. Unfortunately, there will be those who hold her hand as she stumbles and there will be those who give her the final push that causes her to land flat on her face. What Jada encourages us to think about is whether we want to be the kind of woman who views what is “right” under such narrow confines that we hurt, exclude and judge other women.

I am reminded by her message that I can not, on one hand, say that “I have the freedom to be…” while I bind another woman with my own judgements and assumptions about who she is or who she should be.

Be free and let others be free.

Here is Jada’s message:

Mother. Woman. Freedom.

A woman who is a mother does not have to lose connection to her body, her beauty, her sensuality, her intelligence, her purpose or her individuality in order to be a mother.
BUT…if she decided to let it all go…that’s her choice as well because a woman, who is a mother, has the right to identify for HERSELF what BEING a woman and a MOTHER means to HER.

What it means to be a woman…is subjective along with every other title she could possibly hold. So, when we, as women, band together, as a collective, to judge other women’s decisions on how they choose to live their lives, it makes me question if we women honestly believe more in freedom and equality for ourselves than the need to…fit in, play by the rules, be liked and accepted by those that govern the standards or having others satiate our need to be in control and to be…right. (We often use each other to simply be…right.)

Woman is vast, and her essence is made of a hundred million things so we will always encounter, through other women, aspects of woman’s nature that will feel foreign to us. I would suggest, we get to know that essence which may be foreign to us before we knock it. It could be that very essence which we would have knocked that may show us how to be more of the beautiful creatures we are or…it may create an opportunity to extend ourselves as sisters to share our wisdom, revealing alternative paths to assist our woman friends to get to where they are going. But we, as women, must practice honoring the freedom of one another if we are asking the world to honor the freedoms of women as well.

J

Nomalanga helps Black women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , a former College Professor and Mrs. Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s Facebook page or Follow her on Twitter

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36 Comments

  1. HEY, WHAT ABOUT MEN? HAVE YOU ALL FORGOTTEN ABOUT MEN? YOU SAY MEAN, DISRESPECT, HURTFUL AND STUPID THINGS TO BLACK MEN EVERYDAY. SO THE FOCUS SHOULD BE NOT SAYING HURTFUL THINGS TO ANYBODY, NOT JUST WOMEN.

    YOUR LOYALTY TO WOMEN IS BOTH SEXIST AND DISCRIMINATORY. ONE DAY BLACK MEN WILL GROW TIRED OF YOUR SEXIST ATTITUDES AND YOU ALL WILL DO BAD ALL BY YOUSELVES..BOO!!!!

    • Mr . Davis:
      My impression is that Jada was speaking strictly from a woman’s point of view to other women. I am sure the exclusion of men was not her intention.

    • Good morning Mr. DoverDavisJr.

      I think your missing the point. Do you not see the state of our woman or are you one of those African Americans that have bought into the crab & the barrell syndrome. Just because we speak to a specific gender does not mean that we are practicing discrimination. The truth is if we can start to nurture one another in a healthy uplifting way then just maybe we can/will be able to up lift the men as well. Do not act like we don’t have a reason to be disenchanted with what we see in a lot of our men, because we do, and by the same token I realize that the feelings are probably mutual.. So with that being said instead of being part of the problem become a part of the solution. Enjoy your day my brother!!! P.S. just food for thought..

  2. What is Ms. P. Smith talking about. What is she calling mean spirited. You never now what these Hollywood types are really venting about underneath. With all the right standards being so very wrong now ,you never know what standards they live by. If its Judeo Christian values it is considered bigoted, mis-interpreted, and mean. If its the opposite of Christian values it is the perfect mindset for the world; the John Lennon “Imagine” nation…

  3. Jada has long milked her fame. Nothing she says interests me, anymore. She had long lost sight of her path as a black woman. She can take her place in the seat to the left- next to Kanye

  4. And just what the heck is Jada yapping about and if she wasn’t married to Will Smith, would anybody care? Please, save the “wisdom” for your kids and your “grown relationship.”
    In all fairness this blog was for her Facebook fans.

    P.S. black women are miserable and cuss out everybody they meet. Don’t be mad at me because your baby-daddy stiffed you on the child-support again this week or he now foolin around with your former best friend. Why take that $3!p out on me just because I said “you look good today.”

    • To generalize black women in such a way shows your profound ignorance. I apologize that you feel more comfortable in your choice to surround yourself with only black women who have baby daddy’s that owe them child support rather than those that are married, doctors,accountants, engineers, lawyers etc. and business owners. This really is a reflection on you rather than black women. Have you ever thought that perhaps your limited derogatory views of black women project themselves through your salutations (if you even acknowledge a black women in passing ) and this perhaps is why you are greeted with a less than pleasurable response.

      Signed, the married esquire with no baby daddy or child support

  5. She wanted to be in the public eye and play superwoman so this is what comes along with it. Maybe this is a call for her to re-examine her life and act like someones mother and not a best friend. What about some of the things she has said? Don’t feel so good when it comes back to you! Check yourself, and move on!

  6. Jada is having a nervous break down because WILL SMITH won’t let her whoop some damn sense into those bratty azz kids.

  7. Mean spirited women, really Jada? Miss I must be heard, I will be seen. She is a hypocrite and she is rude. That show that she produced about her “supposedly” life with Will and his first wife was her brainstorm, I heard her say this myself. Sheree Zampino Wills first wife said she was offended because it portrayed her in a negative light and it wasn’t true. When Jada was on Oprah Winfreys show with Sabrina & Venus Williams she totally dominated the segment because she kept over talking them. This was quite rude and disrespectful. Jada should start practicing what she preaches and stop speaking out of both sides of her mouth.

  8. I am glad my mother chose to think about her children and their future first–her “freedom” came second. I had numerous friends who had mothers like Jada describes. They spent a lot of time at my house.

  9. Good morning to All,

    After reading all these responses I think she proved her point. Sometimes you guys really need to take a look at the message and not the messenger than you might be able to appreciate it in the spirit it was intended!!!!

  10. Hilarious! There are forum trolls doing exactly what Jada Smith is speaking out against. Calling this woman names and questioning her character and don’t know nothing about her except for a tv/movie facade. Sad it is.

  11. Like Biggie said “money,ho*s, and clothes is all a n*cca knows. Black women partically throw a lot of shade and hate on other back women based upon what they wear or their hair. Like all of this can dictate the character of a woman. I don’t care if someone wears Walmart jeans, with purple hair all that matters to me is what is in their hearts. Judge them based on their character and not their appearance.

  12. Jada Pinkett is speaking very eloquent in this article but behind closed doors all of these women who speak negative about her and other black women like her please know that you are not her so call Sista’s you are just a bunch of jealous self hating, insecure,low self esteem women who wished they looked like her and have the life she has and so for this reason she’s hated on it’s said she’s to old for this too old for that her children are out of line she’s not a good mother and so on and so on.We need to be encouraging to one another instead of being jealous and tearing down each other look at the positive side rather than the negative side of Jada Pinkett

  13. I understand where you are coming from, Harold. I was one of those mothers who was not “hanging out” in the 1980’s. I wasn’t “cool” — and black women didn’t think much of me. I had very few black female friends.

    Thirty years later it’s a different story….their (now grown) children show me a lot more respect than they do their “party-hardy” mommas.

    And amazingly, their mommas get angry at ME, as though I caused the situation.

  14. SMDH at the responses in this thread. Yall couldn’t even throw up some positive vibes about Jada’s message. Yall couldn’t be sweet in one blog comment section about a woman who, although a bit weird, seems like a sweet and sincere sista? I swear yall are so messed up, black women don’t know how to be sweet, soft, feminine and gentle some of yall are ore like our brothas than our brothas. Yall are so emotionally draining and toxic no wonder we stay on the list of least liked females in the country. I’ll throw Jada some some love for her thoughts. Just damn. Thamks for reminding me why I have TWO black female friends, most of yall are evil to the bone. I don’t know if the chemicals in the perm seeping in your brains or some chemical in the weave tracks that seeps in, but yall are just ugh.

  15. I’m gonna have to throw up some apologizes to my youtube Tommy Sotomayor…I cussed this guy out for two years about the things he says about black women, especially darkskinned black woman. But dude was right about everything. The hair hats, being the worst stewards of children, being promiscuous and irresponsible sexually, about being the enemies of brothas, being responsible for their sons ending up gang bangers, drug dealers, thugs and simps, for calling on the lawd one day and sucking and fucking the next, AND how yall hate any black woman who is thin, lightskinned and attractive, being the most violent women on the planet, ugh…yeah he’ll get apologies from me.

  16. Dear Devon, I am the Dark skinned mother that raised 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls. None of whom are thugs.Both of my young men have graduated from college holding executive and management position at the age s of 24 and 21and my light skinned daughters are doing well with their families and they are very good moms. Don’t stereotype me I am the enemy of no one. Who was your mama for you to spew such hatred and I am truly sorry that you have not gone outside the box to meet intelligent, loving, nurturing Black Women and MOTHERS. Your loss….and your friend Tommy too.

  17. @ Stella – no disrespect intended, but did I call your name? If you got it going on like that, why did you feel the need to respond. And please MISS me with that “hate” label, anytime anybody points out what’s wrong with black women, here yall come accusing people of hate. Did I say ALL black women, no I said black women, as in black women to whom it applies. Now tell me did I lie, are there or aren’t there black women who fit the description? If somebody black male or black female says something about black women I don’t jump in defending myself because none of it applies to me. If you are the woman you claim to be, you could have scrolled right on past my post. and my mama AND my daddy did a great job raising me, one of the many things they taught me as a girl is that kissing ass will get me many hangers on but telling the truth will draw enemies. Most people can’t handle the truth. Next time I post in this forum if you don’t like what I’m posting, then coast on by me. And remember the old saying, if you throw a rock in a pack of dogs, the one who yelps is the one that got hit.

  18. My granddad would Say: Girl you should have been LAWYER, Girl you should have been DOCTOR, Girl you should have been a TEACHER & I would reply: Daddy I Am All Of Those I AM A MOTHER. I DO believe JADA like myself notices ALL MEN HAVE BOND & WOMEN HAVE this FEMALE BOND except The Black Woman. THE Theory THAT Black Women can’t work together IS A CHALLENGE “WE” must be conscious of. Challenge Your Self Your role as DAUGHTER, SISTER, MOTHER, AUNT GRANDMOTHER & NEIGHBOR. DEFINITELY “WE” ARE 1.

  19. Devon I believe the forum is open to respond to anyone’s comments and I chose you. I’m not defending myself I made reference to myself I’m defending those women you and Sotomayor feel the need to talk about so badly. No on here is trying to be a hanger on….we need to defend one another, educate and lift up. I believe that was implied in the original script from Jada. If you wish for me not to respond to you in thr future most certainly I can oblige.

  20. @ Stella you defended yourself by feeling the need to describe your life and how great a mom you are, how great your kids are, etc. That is a MAJOR character flaw of many of my fellow black women, and it’s silly. When people post about the high out of wedlock birthrate and berate black women about, I have nothing to say because it doesn’t apply to me and don’t offer any defense of women who guilty of it. The only time I’ve made reference to the problem was when I said that I get tired of black women looking at me like they’re shocked when I tell my age (25) and that I have NO CHILDREN, and then they ask me when I’m going to have kids and I say when I get my wedding ring and my marriage license. It annoys me that things being done the right way in the right order is weird to black people. Anyway like I said I didn’t call your name, so there was no need for you or any black woman to run up in here giving me a synopsis of their life story when I make comments about the bad behavior of black women.

  21. @ Olivia Pope if that comment was addressed to me, you can kiss my black ass AFTER I drag your ass. If not, oops my bad.

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