There are few women who don’t have at least one desperation story where even if they were a self loving and self respecting woman, for a moment in time, they acted in such a desperate way that it is actually embarrassing to think about; let alone, talk about.
The truth is that we live in a world that sends us a lot of subtle messages that lead to this desperation; you’re not thin enough; smart enough; beautiful enough, light enough, etc. Part of the development of a woman on her journey to becoming a woman with a healthy love and respect for herself is realizing for herself that most of these messages are lies. Many women believe these lies and it leads to desperate behaviors that leave behind a lot of shame, guilt and embarrassment.
Jada Pinkett Smith calls the process of throwing out the lies and developing “womaning up”. Below she shares her thoughts:
The other day I watched a taping of Sharon Stone on The Queen Latifah Show, and she brought up an interesting point. She spoke about the idea of how our culture cultivates desperate women. This rang so true for me for we all have suffered at the hands of desperation, especially in our relationships with men. Many of us have been taught to believe that how people treat us is a direct reflection of our self-worth so we become desperate about our looks, desperate about whether he is being faithful, we become desperate about being good enough. My journey towards “womaning up” has taught me that how someone treats you is a direct reflection of who THEY are and that I have to be responsible in feeling good about myself in order to create good feeling experiences. Once I took on this responsibility for myself, I no longer carried the weight of desperation in needing to be good enough.
It’s time to woman up and be rid of desperation with knowing that being good enough gives us the power to stand alone and to also choose wisely the people we decide to love, without the influence of desperation.
Take responsibility for your thoughts about yourself and other women. There is no point in complaining about how other people see you and treat you when you have not learned to love and nurture yourself and become mindful of your thoughts about yourself. When you have developed a healthy love and respect for yourself, you will notice that you don’t take other people’s behavior personally because it is not about you; it is about them.
Nomalanga helps Black women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , a former College Professor and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s Facebook page or Follow her on Twitter