Jada Pinkett Smith to Women Like Gabrielle Union Who Marry Men With Kids: “Woman up!”

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Jada blendedBy Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

News recently broke out that Dwyane Wade proposed to actress and model Gabrielle Union and she said “Yes!” Before the dust had even settled from that big announcement, more news came out and this time the reports said that Wade had gotten another woman pregnant during the time that he and Union had taken a break from their relationship.

Wade already has two children from his marriage; two boys that he has been applauded for really stepping up and taking care of in spite of his marriage ending. Now, Union will inherit three step-sons (or two step-sons and a step-daughter) when she marries the love of her life.

Jada Pinkett Smith took to her Facebook page to give advice to her “friend” who remains un-named but her advice could very well be some advice that Gabrielle Union needs to hear, as well as other women who marry men who already have children.

Pinkett-Smith’s advice is below:

A letter to a friend: Blended families are NEVER easy, but here’s why I don’t have a lot of sympathy for your situation because… we CHOOSE them. When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the package…Period! If I didn’t want that…I needed to marry someone else. Then I learned if I am going to love Trey…I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him…his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other… but we have learned to LOVE each other. I can’t support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can’t say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT’S selfishness…NOT love. WOMAN UP… I’ve been there…I know. My blended family made me a giant… Taught me so much about love, commitment and it has been the biggest ego death to date. It’s time you let your blended family make you the giant you truly are. J

I think Pinkett-Smith’s advice is wise and “on point”. What do you think?

Nomalanga helps Black women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , a former College Professor and Mrs. Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s Facebook page or Follow her on Twitter

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36 Comments

  1. Aundre L. Byrd on

    Jada, You go girl! No one could not have said this
    any clearer! It’s choice. If only more girls were
    women and boys men, we as a people would be so much more powerful. The children are not to blame and for that matter neither is the babies mothers. It’s the men we fall in love with and should equally be held accountable. Men will only do what we as women allow them. Hence we can show the giants we really are by being true to ourselves and to the ones we say we love!

      • I agree Dimples, woman to woman. It doesn’t work if only one woman is thinking in this mentality. And women really should not get in between a man and his child, no matter how they feel about that child’s mother.

      • It will only work if the child’s mother has truly moved on
        and does not STILL HAVE FEELINGS, AND A SINCE OF HOPE OF GETTING BACK WITH, FOR THE FATHER!

        It will also work if the two parents aren’t still hooking up on the down low because of unresolved feelings that are still there. Because if this is still happening, the mother of the child will manipulate the situation and try to make the new lady in his life insecure about her relationship with him.

        I’m not telling you what I think, I’m telling you what I know.

        • WOW!!!! Truth humm and who exactly are you that you would know, or better yet which one of them are you really speaking for humm…. just saying / no disrespect..wink!!! Just food for thought.

  2. SouthernPrincess on

    Now sure who she is talking to but it “obviously” isn’t directed at Gab Union. The content of her message doesn’t align.

    • Freedom of Speech on

      I was thinking the same thing.
      I feel Gabriel, is a smart young woman and will accept or reject the man she loves.

      If this situation was a secret, then she will have to decide how she wants to trust and love him.
      I for the most part, respect Jada, but on this one, other than maybe Gabriel’s parents, minister and a marriage counselor, she and her husband to be will have to work through this,
      All marriages that bring children from former relationships or marriages, do not turn out bad.
      It will, naturally, have challenges, but with Faith and Love and Trust and spiritual guidance, they can work together.
      I would not want to see Gabriel take a back seat to some other woman, she deserves more.

      Gabriel, is a beautiful, talented and very intelligent woman.
      I think sometimes, Jada, feels she is everyone’s guru.
      I wish Gabriel the best, in whatever decision she makes.

      • How is what Jada said telling a woman to take a “backseat” I hear it as saying get in the drivers seat and do the right thing. As far as it not being for Gabrielle, we like the author of this piece don’t know who it was for since it was simply titled “to a friend”. And yes Gabrielle’s soon to be husband has two other children and if you love the man you have to make room for the kids and at least try to be civil with the other parent(s. My stepmom was wonderful and my mom and she had no problems. Why can’t you accept the baby mama I mean especially when they had been broken up long before you entered the picture.

        • rarebird…

          This is not about the mama’s, this is about sneaky slimy Dewayne Wade. Actions speak louder then words and Gabby is too intelligent and beautiful a woman with a fantastic career to be putting herself in a position like this.

          *(Gabby’s positioned herself on the bottom of the pole period… Its so sad because I had such higher standards for her especially with all the roles she plays. I expected to see her with a NEWLY fresh marriage /LOVE AFAIR where she wouldn’t have to deal with no baby-mama drama because that’s what she really deserves.

          MOVE-UP EVE AND SHOT-DOWN GABRIELLE

          Will Smith only had one son when he got with Jada and the child was much older, circumstances is totally different, but this business with Mr Wade AKA: drama babies dude is out of control and Gabby is a fool if she marries him when she can have so much better. There’s a whole big ole world out there plezzz!!!
          ****If Eve can do it so can Gabby!

          *****Gabby wake yo a$$ up before its too late!!!

          • Hey Redbone (like the name) I totally agree with “slimy ass Dwyane Wade”. I would also add “fashion flop.”

          • @YourGirlFee…

            I see that you have eyes to see… This article is really not about the babies mamas, this article is truly about Dewayne Wade.. Dude is real shabby shakey in character, shabby dresser.. Money does not buy real character. He has issues, everybody has issues, but Gabby has chosen beneath herself and the saddest thing about this whole ordeal is its very very obvious as far as the eyes can see.. It stanks to high heaven. I don’t discern any of the mothers having issues with each other behind the kidds, its not that kinda a party, its all about Dewayne sexing all 3 of them at the same time. 3 RING CIRCUS, he’s a hoe forreal, but he perpertraites a gentle and he’e far from it /slick and sleezy he is…

  3. This remains to be seen….. Seriously great advice, but Ms. Union’s situation is a bit different. She will now have to learn to love two different women for the sake of three children that will have to learn to love three different ladies…..all for the sake of one man. Shoes like these can be easily worn if you are taught from childhood how to wear them. But are any of these personalities up too the challenge? That’s the question that remains to be seen.

    • Amen! I’m not sure that Jada would have felt that way had the pregnancy occurred after her engagement to Will. Her marriage was to a man that already been married and had a child. Different situation, however it’s handled.

  4. Gabriel Union has been no stranger to openly criticizing Dwayne Wade’s 1st wife. The point that Jada is making is very direct and on point in that Gabriel Union has to make peace with Wade’s boys’ mother to peacefully co-exist and not just taunt the relationship in a self-serving way. If you listen to Gabriel Union speak long enough her attitude and insecurities are very telling. WOMAN UP!!!

  5. I thought he had only 2 boys previously. Where is this girl coming from? I thought this last baby was also a boy which would make 3 boys. Can someone clarify? As far as Gabby. She knew what she signed up for. He was hoeing when he was banging her. They can play all this nonsense to the public about being friends until he broke up with his wife but there is a reason his wife was clowning. He is trying to paint a picture of her being crazy but she wasn’t crazy when he was with her in high school and college. It is what it is…she signed up for it and now this is what comes along with many NBA players. Women will always throw puccy at them because you have stupid women out here. She should know because she was at a game waving hers around when he met her if the truth be told. It’s life…move on…deal with it. Now we will see just how much you love him. You can also feel a little of the hurt his ex wife felt.

    • Bernard…

      Keep saying it over and over again, because he was screwing all of them at the same-time in some form or fashion. He’s a very very sneaky man, he’s no different then all the rest, unless he’s sleeping with another man. What has this world come to, and when will we stop compromising and excepting (MAKE-DO) attitudes…

      • @bernard … I said the same thing too! He was a hoe when she met him and will be one when she marries him. That’s how she got him…when he was cheating on his wife with her. So she understands being a “part of his sex team” hence that’s why she accepted his proposal. She knows exactly what she’s dealing with!!!! I’m sure he’s not “rawing gabby” because she is definitely not getting pregnant by this hoe!!!

        Maybe she is marrying him because she loves him and have taken his “bad behavior” out of the equation. Remember she has low self esteem issues too because she was raped when she was in her teens. Those wounds run deep. I hope she gets the mental help she needs to deal with him if she truly goes through this with this man as a life partner. Just remember Gabby, if he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you. There was a reason you two took a break in the first place…was it because you knew or found out he was cheating with the very chic that he got pregnant? She probably got pregnant on purpose to get you out the picture. I hope women aren’t still trying to play that old game because look where it got her … Two men who fathered her 3 kids and no marriage proposal from either. Women are so stupid in the 21st century. Another bastard born in this world.

        • T…

          Oooh thank you T.. cause I’m not stupid nor am I clueless. Its sad, then this is what happens when your not mentally stable, you compromise your life, goals and values to feed your broken dependency.

  6. I applaud Jada, the same goes for Gabrielle Union, Marjorie Harvey and anyone else who has exes. How can one love a child from another union and not respect the ex? I dont care who acts like a fool, you must always keep your dignity or your relationship wont work. Look at Winnie Mandela and Michele Graca, they showed great love for each other.

  7. Women must learn to respect one another. Look at a very good example of Winnie Mandela and Michelle Graca. Gabrielle Union and Marjorie Harvey, must respect the exes, as it serves no purpose to act like fools, its about ACCEPTANCE.

  8. ABSOLUTELY, hats off to Jada for hitting the nail on the head. Sharing her strength,hope & experience was a profound wake up call for women who choose men with children and vice versa. Put your big girl panties on, She Did That….

  9. I totally applaud Jada’s letter and her opinion… something is deafly wrong with all this babies mama’s and one daddy BS… This BS is so f*kn sickening, and just because your an entertainer with money don’t make it right. You can’t buy righteousness…
    If a man has babies all over the place, rather babies mama’s are pushing babies out all over town its still something wrong with that black-man too.
    The whole bunch is f*kn dysfunctional, I don’t care how you put it. CREEPS ME OUT

    CRACK ME UP: (*They took a break from their relationship and he got another woman pregnant)!!! REALLY GABBY!!!!! Gabby do you have “LOW-SELF-Esteem” or what!!

    Gabby hasn’t had the last word til he does it to her, “LOOK AT MONICA”… Its a good thing for a black man to man-up and take-care of his kids but all this broken-home b*llshyt is crazy, and I’m very very disappointed in Gabby for choosing this man for a life partner because she can do better and she’s a beautiful sister / sad-thing WOW!

    • If some women are willing to accept multiple ex-wives, multiple babies’ mamas, and the crowds of kids in those situation, more power to them. But life is too short for confusion. People were upset at Phaedra Parks of “Real Housewives of Atlanta” when she said wanted a man who was “clean”, that is, with none of that exes and kids drama. But she had a point. I don’t want to be bothered with that either.

      • Hillari…

        And that’s my point… all of it is nothing but drama and confusion… either you have eyes to see or you don’t. But one thing is for sure, he was still caught-up with all of them at the sametime.
        When your still married to somebody and walking through a separation or divorce you do not go out and open up another doorway pulling innocent people into your BS because you know, and I know, especially if we are true sensible blackwomen that emotions and the heart are still fully involved to the max… we are both blackwomen aren’t we??

  10. JADA CANNOT TELL ANYONE WHAT TO DO WITH ONE OF HER CHILDREN RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE HOLLYWOOD STRIP CHASING A KARDASHIAN! SHE NEED TO GO TALK CARE OF HER CHILDREN FIRST!

    • renee…

      Ooh yes she can!! Because its about the message not her personal life and the growing pains her children are walking through at this time.
      Somebody needs to tell Gabby the truth before she becomes another statistic black-women falling under the trashy ugly-fate of another NBA-Blackman…
      What goes around comes around period!!!

      H*ll she’ll be standing in line with:
      Monica
      Haley Berry
      Dwayne’s X-wife
      the list is unlimited and has no end, just a d*mn revolving door… and some people keep saying that its alright if that’s what some blackwomen wanna do, but ask yourselves this question? When does it end, and would any of you want your own daughters caught up in relationship / marriage drama like this… I’ll bet you these blackmen posting in this room don’t want their sons or daughters caught up in this kinda BS… Its about no-longer compromising and making wise profitable choices for your life… Gabby has too much positive things going on in her life to even be getting all caught up in some BS like this… It ain’t that much money in the world plezzz…

    • You sound like a jealous hag, this is not about her kid and who he is attracted to and the girl is not a Kardashian she is a Jenner…get it right

    • Jeff P.
      *********LMBO*********

      Ahuh! and that’s specifically why my daughters don’t date men with kids. Believe it my brother its a two-way street and its happening to all of us, because its truly about: (to each its own / choices), not on my watch…

  11. I can see why Gabby is not tripping over the new kid … She said years ago that she would NEVER have kids of her own . So if D Wade wants and loves kids, then she’s like “have at them” because you won’t be getting me pregnant! So remember he has custody of the two boys and if the new mother starts tripping, she better recognize that he’s coming for her and if he can prove she is crazy, will snatch that one up too.

    I’m sure Gabby is nice to the two boys already but you know he has nannies and a full staff to take care of the boys when he’s away training and is a full time dad all other times. Gabby is working and doing her thing career wise and is neither responsible nor tripping on “the choices he created.”

    As long as she has been with DWade I have never seen them out as a “family”… Not so much even a pic of her interacting with the kids. So although he has kids, she is just playing the woman of the house. No maternal instincts at all.

    She probably wouldn’t care if another one popped up out the woodworks! It doesn’t effect HER financially!!!!

  12. I applaud Jada for her profound words. She is very right. As a child in a similar situation it was very hard for my step father and us as kids to learn to adjust but is a difficult task. All the D Wade bashing is not necessary because no one knows the circumstances and details in how this child came about. This situation is starting to become oh so normal in not only the black community but society period. Unless you know G U personally and know that she is everyhing that I’m hearing, dont be so quick to lay judgment on who D Wade is as a man and a father. Just because these people are wealthy does not mean they are no longer human and exempt from making common mistakes we make as individuals.

    • Hum… then I guess you stepped in at the right time huh!! LMBO! because it seems that now she’s preggo with child too… really!!! Ha ha 3-RING CIRCUS… Like we all said: D-WADE THE HOE has been fvcking all 3 of them at the same-time and those who have morals and decent integrity will not compromise the truth and its standards.
      Its Pathetic like everything else going down in our black communities that excuse’s are killing all of us off.. Is there a clock on your wall so you can really see what “TIME” it really is!

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