Kathy Henry: Don’t Shame Young Women About Their Natural $exual Urges; Educate Them


ashamedBy Kathy Henry

Slut-shaming is one of the many tools used by American society to embarrass women who are sexually active and have the nerve to actually enjoy $ex. Whether by choice or force, women who have $ex are ridiculed in cruel and demeaning ways. Example: Cassidy Goodson. Cassidy is a young girl who last year was charged as an adult in the murder of her newborn son. She hid her pregnancy from her family and subsequently strangled her son to death. She faces life in prison if convicted.

According to a news release from the local sheriff’s office, on Sept. 19, 2012, Cassidy Goodson went into labor in the bathroom of her family’s mobile home in Lakeland, Florida. To hide her cries of pain, she placed a towel in her mouth and ran the water in the faucet. She used a pair of scissors to pry the nine and a half pound baby out of her womb and into the toilet, where she squeezed its neck until it stopped moving. Then she cleaned up the bathroom, showered with the dead baby, and placed the infant’s body in a shoebox along with her soiled clothes and towels.

Three days later, after smelling a strong odor coming from Cassidy’s room, her mother found the deceased newborn and placed a frantic call to the police. Upon questioning by homicide detectives, Cassidy confessed to choking the baby to stop him from breathing because she “didn’t know what to do with it.” Autopsy results have confirmed that the cause of death was asphyxia from strangulation and blunt force trauma.

The comments about this young girl on various blogs and Internet news sites were absolutely vicious. She was called an evil, selfish little “ho” who should have kept her damn legs closed The level of ignorance and vitriol directed towards this little girl brought tears to my eyes because I was in the same situation myself. I become pregnant at the age of fifteen and hid it from my mother, friends and various family members until my belly became too big and I could deny it no longer and went crying to my mother.

Until you have walked in the shoes of a scared, teenage girl who is pregnant, you will never understand the paralyzing fear and intense shame that she feels – for having $ex, getting pregnant, and the fear of being looked at as a nasty slut. This paralyzing fear makes a young girl scared to tell her parents for fear of being looked down upon and judged. This same fear makes a young woman in this position leery of confiding in her peers because young girls often have big mouths and can be more judgmental than the adults.

But since American society is an intensely unempathatic and judgmental one, no one cares about the plight of this little girl and other little girls like her: young, pregnant and scared. However, we are left with two central questions: how do we prevent these situations, and once they occur, how do we deal with them? The answer on the front end seems simple, but in reality it is not. Social welfare programs for the poor are frowned upon these days and have been subsequently gutted since the Clinton administration so the problem of teen pregnancy has no easy answers.

The good news is that teen pregnancy has been on a long-term decline in the United States since the late 1950s, but the birth rate amongst teens remains one of the highest in Western industrialized countries. In 2010, more than 365,000 American teenagers bore children, with the highest rates for African-Americans and Hispanics. Meanwhile, our government funds $50 million annually for the promotion of $exual abstinence outside of marriage, despite the fact that abstinence only education is not working, has never worked, and will never work because American society is one that is heavily $exualized and equally ignorant about $ex.

Instead of shaming young women and girls about their natural $exual urges, we need to educate them and the young men they have $ex with about birth control and c0ndo0ms because biologically speaking, women and young girls cannot get pregnant by themselves.

Kathy Henry is a freelance writer and blogger at The Black Feminista



  1. The biggest problem facing black america is its perverse glorification of the black female ho. These hos have no shame in their game look at out out of wedlock stats…72% out of wedlock birthrate while the Asian women have the loest at about 12%. We made hoing popular got nasty tricks twerking on social media, got black women dressing and acting like sluts, got black women pushing out multiple babies with either multiple dudes or multiple babies with the same trifling dude. Birth control is accessible in thpoorest and wealthiest black communities but some black women are too nasty and trifling to use it. Lets talk about the high std and HIV rates among black women. Black women dont even pretend to have standards and self respect. Thats why more and more black men use black women for sex but marry white and non black women. Now society doesnt want decent people especially decent black women to judge thes black sluts but we should make them feel okay foe being sluts? Our race is doomed we arent getting better as a people we re getting worse and as a black woman i’ve never been so ashamed of black women as i am today. And these sluts have the nerve to get mad at the few decent women fot calling them out on their sloppy asses but they dont have a problem with everybody calling out black men for their mess ups. Disgusting.

  2. Sorry, this article doesn’t cut it. The girl knew murdering that baby was wrong. If she ever had a doll as a little girl & someone snapped the head off, she would’ve known it was wrong & would’ve been totally dismayed over somebody doing that to her babydoll, much less a baby!

    Why are you, author, so concerned about “sexual know-how” for girls/young women, when most probably don’t know how to open a checking or savings account, conduct themselves for a college or job interview, or what good character traits to look for in a potential husband.

    Why so much emphasis on exploring what’s between their legs when they need to be developing what’s in their hearts, minds & souls! Maybe if they knew what potential talents & gifts they had, they wouldn’t be so all-consumed in gratifying their sexual urges.

    If this is what’s deemed important by folk, we are indeed in trouble as a race. SMH.

Leave A Reply