Ladies: What We Do To Our Kids When We Raise Them Without Their Fathers

58

Mom and sons and daughterBy: Krystle Crossman

There is a trend that is becoming too much the norm in society right now. That trend is being a single mother. No father in the home means that the children grow up without a male figure to look up to. This can be extremely damaging to a child even if they seem like they are fine. Here are some statistics about children that grow up without a father in the picture.

1. One in five kids that grow up with their father being in prison will end up going to prison themselves.

2. Children that are born to single mothers tend to have more aggressive behavior than those children that were born into a marriage.

3. Children who have fathers often do much better in school, especially if the father is involved. Those who do not have fathers in the picture are twice as likely to drop out of high school and also more likely to have to repeat a grade.

4. Without a father who is involved in the child’s life they are more likely to turn to substance abuse. This is especially true for those children who had fathers that abused drugs or alcohol themselves.

5. Children that live with single mothers are four times more likely to live in poverty.

6. Family structure has a lot to do with the child’s behavior when they are a juvenile and if their father is not around they are more likely to commit a crime.

7. Children whose mothers date men other than their father are more likely to suffer abuse and neglect, often at the hands of their mother’s significant other.

8. The infant mortality rate is twice as high for those babies born to unmarried mothers.

9. Teen girls without a father are seven times more likely to get pregnant when they are a teen.

10. When a father is not present in the home a child is two times more likely to become obese.

Share.

58 Comments

  1. none of what is said here is true I know many kids mostly boys who grew up with single mothers and they turned out to be great young men.

    • You are right about that, I have seem it myself, some of them turnout to be achievers, with single mothers. it all depends on how they raise them

    • Read the post / response below to me from a real loving black-man / Brother.. I received it today from the article concerning: Yolanda Adams dress-code (MOOMOO)… Bless this Brother Regie, now go read his information after you read his post to me and I love all of you my beautiful sisters… Redbone

      Alas, an awakened Sister in the cause of our plight here in the wilderness of North America. Let me just say thank you for your sincere (100%) response. Let me also apologize to you and all who have seen this grudge match or dialogue play out with Mr. Hill. I am not judging Mrs. Adams, because she is so amazing to me regardless. But, this was a platform that I chose to get involved with because I received it in my inbox. To be even more real, I love Beyonce, but Blue Ivy is going to hear the xxx-rated lyrics in her latest album one day as well as see the revealing outfit(s) she wears in the name of entertainment. How is she going to explain it, I am not sure. I have some past demons or skeletons in my closet and I hurt everyday because my 2 daughters know about some of them. So, writing and doing positive things is one way I can help them overlook the negative and see the positive in their dad. I (Brother Regie) love you Black Woman and will do all in my realm of possibility to support you no matter what. Remember this, “there is no such thing as a no good woman, because every no good woman was made no good by a no good man, and a Nation can not rise higher than its woman or women” (THEM). I will be on a panel radio show tonight at 9 PM central time concerning Black male-female relationships. Stay tuned for more information and once again Ms. Redbone, thanks for keeping it “100″.

    • Another “POST” from Brother Regie…
      Single mothers take some time to read his post in the article concerning Yolanda Adams, I promise it will be very very uplifting for your spirits, this brother is speaking truths…

      My Beloved Sister Redbone:
      I thank The All-Mighty Creator for you and all those who have awakened to the knowledge of self. Our sisters are in a dyer need of support more than judgement. We have let you all down so many times that yes, the woman has to play both Father and Mother. But, God sees everything and hears everything. He will not let your enemies’ deeds and actions go unpunished. You say that you let the Spirit lead you to say and do what you feel is correct. That is the best method in my humble opinion to deal with the wiles of satan and his agents. Jesus did refer to someone coming after him in the Bible. He said” But when He comes, the Spirit of Truth, He will lead you into all Truth. Falsehood and Truth can not hang out together, so the time has come for Truth to bust the brains out of the well dressed lies that have been force upon us.

    • Jennifer…

      No it doesn’t… its a great article, its just that so many of us are not ready to except the truth so change can come forward. Our nation (BLACK), needs healing and mending, we gotta start somewhere, we gotta start casting down our feelings of shame and low-self-esteem and not allow the evil-one cause us to feel insulted when our God sends us a messenger with direction. We as black women are not carrying this burden alone, our black-men are just as much to blame also… but its time-out for blaming and its time-in for change and fixing.. In Unity God Commands The Blessings

      • I was raised with a father in the home and I have not seen the difference. It is not true that single parent homes are not good homes. It can go either way with or without both parents ion the home. It starts with home not waiting on the school teacher, first from home.

        • Lera…

          You are also right on time in your post, matter of fact just about everyone who posted on this article “has” a valid point… even the person who wrote the article… its all about making you think and respond… Lera “I” was raised in a home with both parents “mom and dad”… My dad was an Elder assistant pastor, my mom a teacher.. There was a lot of domestic violence in our home, controlling religion and traditions that destroyed the lives of me and my brothers and sisters… an act of God (personal relationship) is what has restored my life and total separation from the 4wall
          religious church settings. I stayed in a HORRIBLE marriage for 16 yrs
          too damn long which took a negative affect on all my children but most damage was done to my 2 oldest children… The healing process has been long and lengthy… but if I had stayed in the marriage because that’s what religion and tradition has taught us, me and my 4 children s lives would have been totally destroyed by now. GOD is the one who open the flood gates for me and my children. I raised my 4 children with no child-support at all… When that opened fool left or shall I say “I busted him with the Mexico women from the boarder” LMAO… TOO FUNNY!

        • Lera… Continued…

          LMAO!!! when I caught my kids father in the back of our store/Business having sex with mexico I actually fell into a chair and started laughing. Why? because it was my way out of a marriage I never really wanted to be in in the first place… I ended up in that marriage / relationship running away from my childhood religion and tradition / aka: domestic violence.
          That Mexican woman saved me and my children’s lives when she hooked up with my X. All she saw was money and 14k gold jewelry diamonds etc, but she didn’t see: THE BIG PICTURE behind the scene…
          Today she is worse off then I was… I escaped with my babies…

          Lera I’m laughing because I have a new life, and my old life is a thing of the pass and I’m only 53 yrs young and young at heart too. I started out having my babies at 18 yrs old… I married their father after I got pregnant with the oldest child. I believed I was doing the right things for my children by staying in the marriage all those yrs, but it wasn’t the right choice at all… Its like DUCHESS said: YOU CAN’T PAINT EVERYBODY WITH THE SAME PAINT BRUSH…
          Every women has a different story to tell and a RIGHT to tell her story as it happened to her… its all about the healing process, we all gotta get the BS out of our systems, so just pour it out and let folks say whatever they wanna say because in the end you WIN because your God loves you and your God does care about all your trials that you and your children are walking threw. Trials only come to make you stronger and build character for your true destiny…

    • While I agree that the writer should have listed her sources, I can vouch for all of these stats as they are evident in my life and the life of my first born. I married my second child’s father when my oldest was three, but the difference between the two is crystal clear even now (10 years later; his biological father makes no effort to be apart of his life and he resents the rest of us for it). We know better, so we must do better and break this cycle.

    • Jennifer…
      I have 4 grown children that I raised all by myself, all 4 of them have the same father, but even though I was married to him he still wasn’t in the house.. He was always running wild in the streets using drugs, alcohol, you name it.
      When he came home he always caused havoc, so you might as well say he was an absent-father, because I’m really the only one who raised my 4 children.
      Eventually he ran off with a mexican woman (*which was the best move he did for me and my children).. My oldest son ended up in prison, my youngest son was too small to remember anything about his father so he escaped and he is now a sargent in the military at the age of 23yrs old… My oldest daughter graduated from college but she is so wrapped up into the bling bling life and high-rollers that she has lost sight of what’s really important in-life.. Material things is her pacifyer exchange for our broken home, and she’s been threw so many broken relationships..
      My youngest daughter just struggles with mental pains of rejection and bitterness caused by her father, which caused her to be in 2 bad relationships since high school.
      Even with all that there is still more underlining circumstances issues that I didn’t share of things I’ve had to walk thru personally myself and with my children, but the bottom-line is (We All) came out on top / we WON in the end.. None of my children are married and my girls have no babies.. I prayed, cried out to God on behalf of my children /seed.. now I’m blessed.. We made it threw the most difficult parts of the storm, we made it threw the (PROCESS), now we reap the blessings.

      My Solution was: ***I asked God to sever all (soul Tyies) and the (Bloodline) between my children and their father so that each one of them could heal and move forward with their life in all the blessings that God have for them. *(its according to your belief), ask God what you will.
      My oldest sons finally coming home from prison as a real man. (God set positive blackmen behind bars in his path to mentor him). My son couldn’t read or write and had no diploma when he went to prison, now he’s coming home with no lack or no need except to move forward with his new life. My oldest Dau is getting married finally, my youngest just got her job as an airline stewardest, and I’m retired starting my own businesses… So there are happy endings… The kids father is TOW to the curb, he looks worse then skid-row. The word of God says: a man who does not take care of his children is (Better off with a milestone tyed around his neck and casted into the deepest part of the sea… God’s word doesn’t lie…

      SINGLE MOTHERS (just focus on your children and make God their true father)… That is word, and I’m a witness it works…

      • Uh redbone. You didnt win at all. In fact you just proved the article’s point as well as showed us all an example of the delusional single mother of today. You come off as bitter and ignorant. Its obvious you werd the kids problem not the father. Wow just sad.

        • Christopher…
          Go to h*ll Christopher Columbutt, naw better yet get yo punk-a$$ back into Eddie Long Bed so he can lick yo nasty a$$ again… humm cuz you know you like playing the sissy bytch.. RIGHT!!!

  2. SouthernPrincess on

    What IF the father isn’t interested OR if he is NOT a positive force. Is this article suggesting just having a father in the home is good enough…

  3. SouthernPrincess on

    BullCrap: This is poor food choices!! Nothing more/Nothing less!!! This is one of the more invalid articles I’ve read this YEAR!

    Really: 10. When a father is not present in the home a child is two times more likely to become obese. {now that’s funny)

  4. Thanks a Million,

    Because this side of the story needs to be told. Could it be that are girls cant find or better yet keep a man because she did not have a healthy relationship with her father or a positive role model.Let me be clear I grew up with a strong black woman who raised 7 boys one girl and made sure we had positive role models through uncles and cousins. It’s a self destroying myth that i don’t need a man,you do the kids do our society does and so does our world. Did you most of the men in prison did not have fathers growing up hmm. So ignoring this fact is increasing the chances of your son going to jail and my daughter losing out on a responsible husband and father because your Selfishness at the highest level, your own self destruction.

  5. So explain to me this, I grew up with a father in the home, who has been very abusive, disrespectful to his wife and children,especially to his wife and daughter never showed interest in his children’s school life etc etc etc, well to some it all up, My mother (God rest her soul seven months ago) has always been the back bone for us, and in spite of our short comings, she never gave up on her children, however my father still manipulates my brother, and for me, I don’t live in the same country as he does. When my mom died, being the person I am, he was invited across for her funeral,(it was the right thing too do), but he abused his privilege by bad mouthing me and my deceased mother to my husband, who he was meeting for the first time, and there is no forgiveness for that. So sometimes its a good thing not to have a man around. And some of the comments about the outcome of single home parents/children are wrong. Its never good to PAINT EVERYONE WITH THE SAME BRUSH!

  6. What’s the difference between a single mom raising kids and a single mom raising kids as a result of the father dying tragically when the kids were infants or toddlers? Are the results the same? I do not agree with what appears to be skewed information…

  7. This article is providing true facts, the only way a single mother can overt these results is to first watch who you are sleeping with, and if you already have a child (boy)at least allow him to observe a male family member if you are unable or unwilling to have a man in your life. Regardless if the man is a good or bad one. You must make your child understand to learn from their mistakes and to imitate their good habits. You must help them to determine the difference between good and bad. At least keep them in activities that are male dominate. Believe it or not I learned this from my mother who raised me to be the man I am and I am proud of that.

  8. I raised three kids with out there father and they all are fine. Very independant, God fearing, and educated children. I had to keep disclipline and lots of love in the home. I did not bring another man into the home. I taught them that we are nothing without God. I didn’t teach my kids rules and behaviors if I didn’t do them. We teach by exambles and love. It helps and it also go along way when raising children. It’s Hard. Yes, but we Parents has to learn that when we have kid our life is over and what we need and want is over until they are adults. It’s all about them. If you not ready to make lots of sacrifices then don’t have any.

  9. It takes two to make a life why would it not require two to love and nurture that same life. I get that some people are just heartless selfish clowns and there is no cure for what ails them. I truly believe my childhood would have been less problematic for my dear mother if my father would have been involved. Hey she did a great job with her support system. Thanks mom you the best!!!!

  10. WTH!!! Is these statistics bull$#*%!!!! I know too many single moms that children grow to be great! And it will be the same for me even though my husband (daughters father) passed away. I can’t believe they would post something so depressing!

  11. Im sorry but as a black woman who uses birth control with my man and has no out of wedlock babies Im embarrassed as hell by this mental illness and irreponsibly pushing out babies. We are only 12 pecent of the dayum U.S. population but 72% of black babies born out of wedlock because these trifling [email protected] insist on letting random nuccas treat their pucci like a dayum trash can just opening their legs and letting ALL these random nuccas dump all up and in the cooch, what the [email protected]@k is WRONG with yall??? Then yall are in such DENIAL about how this affect those kids and yall are too dayum selfish to care because its all about getting that pucci pumped, right?? Long as you tricks get to cum thats all that matters, long as yall getting that random dyck its cool never mind MOST of you aint raising these kids worth a sheit. Black kids at the bottom of the barrel in academic success. Your sons are drug dealers thugs gangbanger and killers and your daughters are repeating your nasy trifling habit of being desperate for random dycks. Can one of you trifling azz females answer a question what the hell is so hard about going to the dayum clinic and getting a dep shot every 3 months or going on birth control pills and why dont yall buy the econony size box of rubbers and keep them in your nightstand so when the nuccas show up to [email protected] you all of yall will be protected? Real talk yall [email protected] so fast and so hard most of yall dont know who fathered your kids and these nuccas dont know which chick having their [email protected] The community is already [email protected] up but yall havent seen anything…just wait until ALL these these kids who dont know who their fathers are and that their baby mammas dont know and the bay daddys dont know. Next plague to hit the black community is gonna be UNINTENTIONAL INCEST AND INBREEDING. Thos half brothers and half sisters gonna be hooking up and [email protected] and not knowing theyre half brothers and half sisters. Bet yall never thought about that sheit right? Its probably already in effect because these kids are doing too much crazy sheit that smells like mental illness or damaged chromosones. And its not like yall taking trips out of town or out of state to [email protected],yall [email protected] right in the hood. Yall [email protected] nuccas that live next door, across the street, down the block, up the block, around the corner, next door, and dudes within a mile radius so dont tell me these [email protected] kid wont start hooking up not knowing they [email protected] their half brother or half sister. And im putting the blame where it belongs, on black women, yeah its YOUR fault. Yall have ZERO standards when it comes to the men yall [email protected] any nucca can get it because your self esteem and self worth is ZERO and the only way yall can feel good about yourself is if you got random dycks up in you. And yall stupid enough to think these nuccas love you they dont LOVE YOU they just LOVE to [email protected]@K you, DUMP THEIR [email protected] in you and on to the next frifling femal and yeah these nuccas will [email protected]@k anything that resembles a cooch no matter how trifling fat ugly uneducated classless or ignorant you are because they dont care about none of they just want your pucci and they dont care how many unprotected dycks you had up in you PRIOR to them gettin it in they just wanna get all up in it and yall let em. Then after yall let em pump yall up with all these [email protected] kids then yall embarrass yourselves by pretending to be victims which is [email protected] the ONLY women who get a pass if they was raped or severely mentally disabled the rest of yall signed up for this sheit when yall opened your legs to men that dont even consider you a dayum FRIEND let alone wife and mother material. Then yall wanna blame the white man and the govt for YOUR lack of self control. Well the govt wasnt in your bed or the car or where ever yall was [email protected] with a whip and and a noose telling yall to [email protected] unprotected or he was gonna whip you or hang yalls azzes. And i dont wanna hear SHEIT about what white women are doing, that theyre doing it too so now yall wanna be like white [email protected] well its way more of them than us and their out of wedlock birthrate aint nearly as high so now what?? Asian women out of wedlock birthrate is 12% now why is OURS 72%??? In case yall didnt know you own your own dayum womb and your own dayum pucci. ONLY YOU are responsible for protecting YOUR ability to reproduce AND protect YOURSELF from stds and hiv and aids. Men dont own your womb and your pucci so stop acting like they do. If the black community wanna turn thie sheit around it can be done so lets recap…black women you have options. Stop opening your dayum legs to every hard dyck and start assessing the man behind the hard dyck BEFORE you give him some pucci. OR if yall gotta ride ramdon hard dycks and yall know the nuccas behind the random dycks just see you as pucci can yall use some birth control and make the nuccas use rubbers? It aint that hard no pun intended. One more thing a brillant sista by the name of Mary McLeod Bethune who founded Cookman-Bethune University had this to say about womens role in representing their respective races. Yall need to read he sheit because she’s DEEP, this is what she said:

    THE TRUE WORTH OF A RACE MUST BE MEASURED BY THE CHARACTER OF ITS WOMAN.

    Now think about this…if we are supposed to be reppin’ the TRUE WORTH of OUR race too many of us are doing a sheitty job with this ignorant out of wedlock sheit. And from where Im sitting the measure of the black womans character on a scale of one to ten with ten being the best and ZERO being the WORST, we are at three.

    Black women you gotta do better because your ignorant sheit is making RESPONSIBLE black women like me look bad and we dont have no dog in this sloppy azz irresponsible out of wedlock fight so we ALL end up looking bad because of YALL. So PLEASE BLACK WOMEN WE GOTTA DO BETTER.

  12. Oh let me say this that aricle was on point and yall are in denial and denial about the obvious is a mental illness is like a plague in the black community. The stats dont lie and every point was the truth but like I said the mental illness of denial is in full effect. A senator hes dead now named Patrick Moynihan wrote a report in the 1960s called the state of the negro family and he foretold all this sheit going on today in black america. The report is long as sheit but basically he said that communities where women are head of household and there are no husbands in those households and no fathers to teach those boys how to be men that the those communities would see violence ignorance and mayhem and that it would be deserved becaus of irresponsible behavior. Did dude lie no he didnt go read his sheit. Another thing yalls ignorance is driving away intelligent, educated black women and black men who dont have a dog in this fight and dont think like the rest of yall. Soon as they get that education or good trade and that money they are leaving the hood and leaving yall azzes behind. My parents dipped and took me and my brother and said [email protected] Newark NJ. They moved to Morristown NJ and when I got my degree and secured a career for myself I bought a house in the same town and when my brother left the military he and his wife bought a home in Lawrenceville NJ. More and more of us are running away from ignorance we cant relate and we dont want to. That list was accurate and yall talking about its wrong. Yall cant look at the urban black community see all these f’d up people and kids killing each other and see the list was right what the hell is wrong with yall oh my bad mental illness. Oh well me and mine aint part of the madness so yall on your own. We cant stop yall frof’king irresponsibly and the white man and the govt cant only yall can do that. But consider thatnthe majority of black boys in the juvenile justice system were born to single mothers and not raised by their fathers. The majority of black men in prison were born to single mothers and not raised by their fathers. It takes a man to teach a boy how to be a man. Long as black women keep [email protected] MALES instead of being the kind of black women aspire to be the kind of women that black MEN desire for MARRIAGE sheits just gonna get worse and middle upper middle class and upper class blacks and the black elite will distance ourselves from you we dont want no part of urban mental illness.

    • Now this is a real message / messenger…

      But Devon they still gotta pick themselves up and keep moving, cuz whats done is done, they can’t turn back the clock. All they can do is pick-up the pieces and keep moving. Me and my children are working towards leaving America, so don’t think I don’t feel your fraustrations, I’m very very tired of this RAT-RACE and “US” not excepting responsibility for our own actions. I live amongest foreigners at the present time because God planted me here so he could show me something. I’ve been watching and observing for the past 6 months and I’m so ashame of my people, I want out and I’m getting out, and God has already approved it. The black race in america is on skid-row because we won’t except change, but we kling to man-made religion… Now let me say this: I raised my sons to respect women period.. My son in the military got his girlfriend pregnant (Korean), he wanted to marry her.. The white-man advised him not to marry her just because she Got pregnant, he told him that’s not the way my mother raised me. The black man told him to just leave her and the baby because international laws will protect him and he won’t have to pay child-support.. then he went on to brag about how he got some woman pregnant in another country and went off and left her and the baby. So what do you think about that Devon? My son told me women in Korea don’t walk around with babies out of wedlock, but the american military base is loaded with them, and its not all african american women.

      • Redbone you sound like a sensible woman. A woman makes a bad choice one time…okay. But two three four five babies thats not a mistake thats just nasty and trifling. And sure there are single mothers that do a decent job of raising kid and the kids turn out good but these mothers and these kids are a small minority they arent the majority just look at the mess black america is in. If the majority was women like you it would much better. Women have to be careful who they lay with and theyre too quick to lay with men. Lotta women doing the casual sex thing and then when they get pregnant then they want to talk about those raggedy azz dudes. They know the dude is raggedy because hes just there to get the cooch, he doesnt love or respect or cherish or want to wife up the woman and the women knew this from jump. But they think good cooch makes men fall in love but it doesnt. Its stupid to have babies by men who dont see you as wife and mother material. If a woman just has to screw just use birth control and hand dude a condom and if his dyck is allergic to latex she should tell him shes allergic to out of wedlock babies stds hiv and aids and tell him to take his allegic to latex dyck and go home!

        • To Devon and Lera…
          Devon thank you for your response, after I read your post this afternoon heading to work my spirit was so grieved.. I walk 3 miles 4 days a week and God ministers to my spirit about many things concerning our black community, especially our black women.
          Devon this is what the spirit of the Lord ministered to me as I walked today: God said your post is a solution, but its only a solution to all the problems on the surface.. He said once they stop spitting out all the babies out of wedlock the problems that caused the chaos is still there deep underneath the surface. It has always been there because it is a generational curse that started out in the wilderness within the 12 tribes of Isreal.
          God said the “SINS” of our forefathers would fall on the first second and third generations. God reminded me of these words he told me a couple yrs ago: God said he can’t even get his women into relationship with him /aka: filling in the “VOID” because they keep putting “MEN” in the place that is reserved for God only.. Our first relationship was always suppose to be with God first before a man. Threw a relationship with our God we are taught how to be in a relationship with a man. When your in a bonified relationship with your God he becomes your HUSBAND until he brings your husband to you… *The HUSBAND finds YOU, you don’t find him, and when God sends him he is drama free & CELIBATE just as you are/ and is not trying to get the COOCHIE…
          Real GOD-WOMEN don’t give up the COOCHIE We lose because many of us have not been taught, many of us are impatient, we want microwave, we always want the junk that God didn’t choose for us.
          Until black women return back to their God in a full fledge relationship these negative behaviors will not stop.. and I’m not talking about going to no damn 4 wall religious church either, I’m talking about spending some quality time talking to your God journaling to him every night, meditation, crying out, just being real about yourself without all that damn sugar-coating bullshyt prayers that he don’t even hear, its called keeping it real about yours truly.
          God said there are many women who have read this article who have been raped and molested by their fathers uncles men etc.. some of you even have babies by them.. and are afraid to come forth and pour out the trash because your afraid of being judged by your sisters. You ended up pushing out all these babies looking for love in all the wrong places when He (GOD) has been standing there with his arms open-wide to you all the time, just waiting to love and heal you from all your infirmities (but you keep running back to these men who are dead in their flesh) to fulfill a void.
          Some of us are CHOSEN to walk certain paths for the sake of ministering to others… meaning its your DESTINY and your GOD is gonna pull you through all the tuff times so that you will be able to STAND and tel your stories for the healing of the nations… WAKE UP ALL MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK SISTERS and PICK YOUR-SELVES UP OFF THE GROUND….

        • Getting pregnant with my first baby at the age of 18 yrs old was not a mistake and I didn’t get married just because I was pregnant.. and I didn’t pop-out my babies over night, and my mother didn’t pop-out hers either. She had 5 and I had 4 beautiful babies, not one of them are a mistake.

  13. @ JoAnn….you cannot fill the void your kids feel over their missing father. Go to Oprahs website and watch fatherless America and watch all those men from all walks of life still f’d up because they had no father. No disrespect but only selfish women bring children bring children into the world BEFORE securing a good husband for themselves and a father for their future children. Your situation is an anomoly most single mothers arent raising educated kids. I am an anomoly because at 25 years old and being with the same man since the age of 19 Ive never been pregnant because we are responsible adults and use birth control and will continue to use it when we marry in June. We wont be pushing out babies willy nilly even in marriage we will plan family thats the common sense. Anything less is not acceptable. No out of wedlock babies for me. Im BETTER than that.

  14. @ Roz the difference is the kids whose father died arent [email protected] kids and have known the love of a father I cant believe you had to ask that question. This is why I dont do too much socializing with black women because I cant tolerate the ghetto attitde. Ive got three likeminded sista friends who like me cant get with this mentality about out of wedlock its irresponsible. We had and still have fathers and our fathers are still married our moms so we cant relate the single out of wedlock mother mess and wont support it.

  15. This is just another example of the massive chaos in the black community. Too many sistas love to say they’re a “Scroong” woman and chase after sorry men.

    • You may not be one of the no-good black-azz dog mutha-buzzards blackmen that’s planting his weak-azz seeds everywhere but yo azz better be careful how you judge these women cause the damn apples don’t fall to far from the tree and black women can’t produce black babies without our weakest links / aka: THE AMERICAN BLACK MEN

  16. Hello Family Friends and Associates…
    I was given a message from God through a messenger weeks before I transition from Arkansas returning back to the west-coast.
    The message was:* (God is sending you back to the people of the desert, God wants you to keep your mouth shut and watch, God wants to show you some things.

    Since I left Arkansas I have been on the road traveling back and forth between California and Las Vegas for 1 full yr, two places I swore I would never live again. But for those of you who really have eyes to see, ears to hear and the mind of Christ know that when you are truly chosen and called by the most high God… you don’t get to choose your road you must travel. I won’t speak or give the breakdown of all the tenacious trials I suffered while on this path set for me by God, but I will share the revelations he has endowed me to bring forth to you.

    Now that I am settled into my own tent, but only for a short season I was led to drive around the corner from my tent to sit and relax at Starbucks coffee house this past Sunday for 10 hrs. (NO THIS WAS NOT MY PLAN)… In our spiritual walks we always often believe we are guiding ourselves, until God show up on the scene…
    As I sat and relaxed in the atmosphere of Starbucks I began to notice that everyone around me, from the outside veranda to the inside establishment was not Americans. Most were people of color from Africans to Ethiopians to Cubans to Iranians etc etc etc… I began to realize that this Starbucks is a regular hangout for many of them. (Please note: this is no average small Starbucks), tables take up the whole walkway of two other establishments next door… so you can imagine the clientel…
    I observed patrons with the same skin color as my own, darker lighter whatever, hanging out and chatting with friends for hours on end, some leaving, some coming, some coming from work, you name it, all foreigners speaking many different languages. Many driving top of the line automobiles, but all dressed in work attire or relaxed mode… case in point (NONE OF THEM BLINGGED), not one was flo-showing at all, all had a conservativeness about themselves. I discerned peacefulness and safety in the whole atmosphere… I also noticed the men were gentlemen, they were not sitting around eye-balling the women nor were they goo goo gaa by the mouth… the women were the same, all respectful and enjoying each others company and never a law officer insite, even at 1: to 2:am in the morning when I’m stepping out of the gym that’s stationed in the same shopping center.
    I left heading for home about 10:pm, stopped to pickup a bite to eat (carryout at Wingstop) in the same shopping center. As I waited for my order an African American male walked into the establishment and put in his “order to go” also… (French braids, name brand tennis shoes, pants hanging off his azz, show-off sports attire, old Cadillac with low beam lights, you name it, it was endless)… my spirit began to observe, discern and pickup what I saw by the spirit… The way he dressed, his whole demeanor was *(black-man lost in white America)… God said this is what American really looks like, this is what African American really look like from coast to coast from the Whitehouse to the 4 wall (RELIGIOUS) churches to the top leaders of all our communities… I became hurt, embarrassed, ashamed and angry, bottomline totally disappointed with black America, just disappointed in America period, especially along with all the Treyvon Martin issues going on and the tremendous sufferings of all our black youth. I even thought about all the African American men I’ve seen lately, homeless hungry and sleeping out on the streets in the 107 degree or hotter weather in the city of Las Vegas… I thought about my son locked away in prison getting ready to be released in just a matter of months and all the other inmates who have been released before him and others on their way out on a daily basis, and OMG! what is awaiting them on their release…

    HELP ME LORD TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SEEING, BECAUSE MY EYES ARE HURTING…….
    God began to minister / aka: down-poor to my spirit… He said: Even though it was a terrible thing that happen to Treyvon Martin *(my people in the African American communities still don’t have (MY UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IN THEIR HEARTS AND SPIRITS FOR THEIR OWN PEOPLE)… God said: *we can give his poor and needy provisions etc… provide any and everything they will ever need to survive and change… but if we have not his unconditional love for each person as an individual no matter how they are presented to us (aka: problems and issues) then all our work is invain / dead-works: *DEPART FROM ME YOU WORKERS OF ENIQUITY…
    The 4-wall (RELIGIOUS) churches in our own communities are the biggest mass murderers and assassinators of our own kind behind the demonic spirits of (GREED, CONTROL INFLUENCE /aka: Brainwashed, FALSE WORKS, FALSE OWNERSHIP OF OUR SOULS THROUGH THE PULPITS aka: (Black Americanized slavery by our own so called spiritual leaders), and FALSE PROPHETS TOO)… America is not my home, it never was… Blessed is the man who have eyes to see, ears to hear and an open heart to the spirit of your God can receive these messages… *When I observed the black foreigners vrs African americans: I saw host of unclean spirits on black America / America period… which equals bondage… *If our God does not set black America free they will never see what we see so they’ll never leave America and find the real place called HOME… now I truly understand why Africans and other people of color from the outside countries don’t like Americans… contamination and stupidity equals death and a life with no prosperity in the natural realm and the spiritual realm also… Materialist African America / aka: Religious idolatry ridden black folks appear to foreigners as lazy sale-outs to the world because they live and act like they have no God… *The spirit of Idolatry rules in America Period…

    ***For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul…
    ***(Seek) Yea *(first) *(the kingdom of God) and all his righteousness and *(ALL) his riches shall be (ADDED UNTO YOU)…

    God riches are first spiritual through the healing and cleansing of our souls and spirits from the inside out… *(NOT) from the outside in…. *A spiritual shift of the Apostolic Movement has began, its been going on for a while now… all of the outside countries are shifting, but America is not…. *woe unto America and its inhabitants… *where do you stand… *when will you stop playing church… *when will you pick-up your cross and follow Christ without any (compromise)… *forsaken all others, father, mother, brother and sisters Amen / Thank You God…

  17. Seems like the more appropriate questions is, how can you stop men from abandoning the children they helped create?! Always blaming the single mother. What choice do they have? They’re stepping up and doing the best that they can. Sure, some may not be, but what are you doing to change that? Improvements need to be made in education, the culture of sex and relationships, objectification and marginalization of women and girls, including full scientific sexual education, and helping women achieve self esteem through their intelligence and self worth not men or sex. Judge not.

    • Amen Sarita!
      I’m so d*nm sick & tired of listening to m&tha-f*krs who still have milk on their breath, haven’t even had a baby or probably can’t even have one at all, so all they know how to do is FOAM-AT-THE-F*kn-MOUTH making up all their own funky-a$$ d*mn rules about somebody elses life. I’m sick of f*kn foul-mouth stupid-a$$ BUFFOON-Bytches who say that blackwomen are the ones who shape the blackmen in our black communities. And these weak-a$$ link of black brothers who keep poppin their sorry a$$ head in on this article and posting their weak-a$$ comments.
      Just because yo dumb-a$$ use a f&kn condom or birth-control still don’t prove that black-a$$ donkey m*tha-f*kr love yo black educated-fool a$$. All you have become is EASY-PU$$Y /tape that thang cause it ain’t gonna produce nothing / get yo feel brothers…LOL Now Scroong on that bytch along with the black-a$$ weak-link who posted that comment!!! Sarita’s got the floor now, hopefully she can teach yo a$$ something they didn’t teach you in college or that so-called upscale-HOOD you live in.

    • Sarita women have been whining about this sheit for years. If a woman [email protected]@k a man that doesnt love her, respect her, doesnt see her as his future wife and mother of his kids, nine times out of ten he’s not going to want the kid why is it so hard to understand that so hard to understand and why dont women learn from other womens mistakes? And yeah yall can drag his ass to family court and get thst child support but TRUST that he’ll just resent the baby mama and he’ll never love or want baby. And the nucca will probably meet woman he reaally does love and respect, might wife her up and have a kid with her and love that kid because it came from him AND the wife he loves and respects. Solution: stop having babies with nuccas who dont love or respect you and make no moves to make you his wife. Cant believe grown azz women dont understand this. The naivete of some women just dblows my mind. REAL TALK – I REALLY TRULY WISH that every black woman had a daddy like mine. My moms taught me what I needed to know to protect myself, but it was my daddy who sat my azz down from the age of 14 and gave me the low down on men from A to Z raw and real. TWO of the many things he taught me, [email protected] no matter HOW GOOD it feels to a man doesnt make him fall in love with a woman because men separate sex from emotion, its STRICTLY physical with men and 2-NEVER be impressed with the material sheit men give a woman, hes just trying to get the drawls, any dude can spend money and buy a woman sheit, judge him by the things he does for you and kindess he extends to you, that doesnt cost him a cent most times and will he be by your side through difficulty and hard times. Say for example yall are [email protected]@king. Your car needs fixing. You dont have the money to fix it but he’s good at fixing cars, will he spend the time and energy to fix your car? Or will he make excuses about why he cant but later he shows up to get some [email protected] If you’re sick in the hospital does he come and sit by your side, talk to you, bring you flowers even if you’re too sick to lift your head and talk to you? Will he help you at home with your recovery, cook and clean a little for you? Or is he MIA until youre fully recovered, THEN he shows up for pucci? If you lose a loved one does he tell you he wants to be with you at thd funeral, or at least offer to be there? Or does he show up trying to get [email protected] while youre grieving…or does even call to see how youre holding up. If snow is azzhole deep and its freezing outside does he call to see how youre holding up or if youre at work does he call and say baby hang tight Im coming to get you, or at least ASK if you need a ride? Or does he not even think about if youre okay and when he thinks youre okay slips and slides to your house so he can slip and slide inside you? If you lose your job and unemployment doesnt cover all your bills does he help you out; offer to buy groceries for you or pay a couple of bills for you? Help you in your job search or help you fine tune your resume? Does he fill up your gas tank so you can get back and forth to interviews? Or does he just come over to [email protected]@k and eat up your food knowing your funds are limited to keep buying groceries? Does he know your family? Does the fam like him and likewise he likes them? Does attend family functions and is he welcome? Or everytime you mention a family function he makes another excuse to bow out. Do the two of you ever go out sometimes whether to dinner, movies, a nice club or hell just hang out at the sports bar to have a beer and watch the game? Or do yall just get some takeout or the wesd spot and head back to your place to eat smoke and [email protected]@k. And does he even have his own crib? Have you seen it because if not either hes married and not wearing his ring or he lives in his mamas basement. This post is really for all ladies. I know I come off as harsh sometimes, well all the time LOL but this mess is hurting the kids who dont have fathers it hurts them MORE than the parents especially the the fathers who dont really care in the first place. Not trying to dictate who women [email protected]@k, just saying please stop having babies with men who dont love and respect you, just wanna [email protected]@k you and see no possibility of a future with you as wife or at least a common law wife. But I know most listen, some black women for some reason are drawn to men who dont treat them right. I dont understand that.

      • There’s nothing wrong with what you said Devon, its how you were presenting yourself to my sisters.
        Every women in here has not been as fortunate as you have to have had the up-bringing in the perfect black family in an up-scale neighborhood. You don’t know any of these women on a personal-level at all to be judging them so harshly, especially when many of them are so much older then you are. You were down right dis-respectful. This is one of the biggest reasons why sisters can’t move forward into sisterhood so we can start helping one another pick each other up. All of us are hurting. When I see my sisters get hurt by a blackman it hurts me too. I don’t have to know her face because I am her too. We are all of one body fitly join together as one, if one finger hurt the whole damn body hurts.

        • Okay I hear you on how I word my comments but Im angry and frustrated with this mess. These kids are being sired sloppy, people so caught up in their own lust and selfishness and no one is thinking or caring about the possibility of children being born into a situation where they wont have the most important thing they need…a loving father AND a loving mother in the home. Children NEED a good father who loves them AND who loved their mothers enough to marry them. I dont believe for a minute that men who truly love their women and children are just jumping up one day and dipping out on their families. Women are laying with men who dont love them, then expecting these dudes to love and provide for the kids they never wanted with them, because they never loved, respected or wanted them as wives and dont want the kids they sired. Come on now, we’re all grown azz women in this country and we KNOW the kind of men we lay up with, we KNOW what we’re working with. The same women who talk about their baby daddy “aint sheit” knew DAYUM WELL that man wasn’t sheit when they laid down with him. So you tell me, what sense does it make to lay down with a man that aint sheit, be careless and get pregnant by men they KNOW aint sheit? Then get mad when he puts the final “aint sheit” nail in the coffin by walking away from the kid he has no love for, because he never loved the woman he was making that baby with? Do we understand that the depth of love a man feels for his baby…in MOST cases…is DIRECTLY tied to the depth of love he feels for the mother of his child? Do women really not know this? Or are they selfishly throwing caution to the wind and HOPING the sperm donors will have a change of heart? That is a VERY DANGEROUS game to play with the lives of children, and its just SELFISH. Can we handle the truth about fatherless black children in this country and how it affects not only the kids but black america? Can we ALL as adult men and women do the TWO simple but effective things to slow this down…women use effective birth control correctly and men use condoms correctly? Have yall ever talked to adults who never had a father? And do yall understand what its like to not know the other half of yourself and how that can mess with your life? I know people who grew up without their fathers,its sad to see and theyre still affected by their absence. Did yall see ocho sinco, a grown azz man, on his reality show? sobbing over his father who left him? And did yall see his fathers reaction? He HAD no reaction, just lame azz excuses as to why he wasnt there, no emotion at all and his biotch azz lived in the same neigborhood as ochos mother. And did yall see what a sheitty father ocho turned out to be? Three kids with three baby mamas and he repeated the sins of his father
          And there his black azz was on Dr. Phil along with the three baby mamas, all of them trifling as hell, with this fat azz white man making them ALL look like fools. The baby mamas knew dayum well the kind of man they were working with and they saw $$$ signs. Ocho was their meal ticket and they were still beggimg for more money even when the man was broke. So now you got three kids, a lousy father and three chicks who know dayum well they wanted to get pregnant and ochos azz was too dayum stupid to wear a condom. It was EMBARRASSING to watch this white man scolding four black adults for being so irresponsible. And this mess is going on all over America and nobody seems to give much of a dayum about protecting the unborn. So Im gonna wrap things up like this…I dont care what any woman says on these comment. Black women…WE are the first line of defense in protecting OUR reproductive ability…AND…our ability to reproduce should never be entrusted to some random azz dude…the ONLY man who is worthy of us entrusting it to is to a man who has proven he is WORTHY of it, because our ability to reproduce is our greatest asset.

          IF you cant trust a man with your other “assets” or things of value, if we cant trust him with the keys to your homes and access to all the contents…including whatever money or expensive sheit is lying around; if you cant trust him with the keys to your your car and trust him to drive it; if you cant trust him to have access to your bank accounts or the pin # to your atm; your social security #, and other pesonal information, including where you work, what you do for a living and your salary; and your cellphone and your email and social media accounts; if you cant trust him to have access to your full medical history including std history, hiv/aids status AND if you carry the sickle cell trait or sickle cell anemia …….and if he CANT or WONT allow YOU the SAME access to ALL of the his SAME information…

          …and if one or neither of you has an interest in a future together as husband and wife AND raising a child together…PLEASE dont bring a child into that situation. PLEASE use effective birth control AND condoms.

          • Devon
            I hear your frustrations, h*ll all of us are frustrated angry the whole 9 yards. You are only 25 yrs old, you haven’t even began to live yet, but life is the best teacher and when gotta learn that when you start putting your mouth on people and harshly judging things you only see on the surface (judgement will show-up at your own door steps), that the anology of sewing and reaping, what goes up must come down. I have a best friend who has 5 children, 1 boy and 4 girls, and she’s a single parent, smart educated the whole 9 yards. Between all 5 of her children she deals with 4 babies daddies, all of whom wifed her before she got pregnant with their babies. She is a great mom, a hard working black women, does not live off the county at all, and has not been receiving her child-support like she should. She does not do drugs or drink alcohol, neither do the children’s fathers. So now what is your solution against her??? She is just one amongest many black women who have been plagued by our black men, and she had a mother and a father in the home (military brat), up-scale neighborhood / finer things in life but now she’s raising all her children alone.
            Remember how you judge!!!
            I have another friend who has 4 children, all have different fathers. None wifed her, but she is raising her children, have a college degree doing very very well, lives in an up-scale neighborhood and has letters behind her name that even supercede your own personal credentials… So I’m waiting on your reply???

  18. This is a joke right? “Ladies: What We Do To Our Kids When We Raise Them Without Their Fathers”

    the title alone is idiotic. “What WE DO to OUR KIDS”?? Are you serious Krystle Crossman? So the entire blame is on the woman? Should women then just not raise the kids at all then if the man leaves? What about those women whose men just left them after they got pregnant… which ps Krystle it takes two to get pregnant unless you are Mary. You may wanna just have a seat with the article, and the title of the article. Just don’t write anymore. This is incredibly sloppy work.

  19. Ladies take it from me, a black woman, age 25. Whether you like it or don’t, OUR VAGINAS, UTERUS’, OVARIES AND FALLOPIAN TUBES belong to us and us alone. MEN do not own our reproductive ability. ONLY WE DO. How about WE stop sloppily handing our ability to reproduce with random nuccas whose only purpose in life is to pull a HUMPTY DUMPTY on you and bounce on to the next goofy chick that thinks her sex game will endear a man. Yall dont get that MEN can [email protected]@k and nut up in a woman they HATE. Its just DUMB to lay down and get pregnant by a man who doesnt want you as a wife and a mother of his child, just sees you as a [email protected] dumpster. And one mord thing and I know most of you dont want to hear this either, but WE set the standard how we are treated AND you ARE what you attract. People familiar with my post know Im a “no excuses” woman and I dont THINK the way most black women do, I just dont get the “its the man’s fault” blame game when WE have TOTAL CONTROL over who we CHOOSE to let nut all up and in us. The ONLY pass Im giving women is a situation where they were RAPED and got pregnant…where the nucca TOOK what wasnt willfully given now that is a TERRIBLE thing to happen to a woman and in that situation she is not to blame and Ive got nothing but love and sympathy and will have her back whether she aborts the kid, has it and keeps it, or has it and puts it up for adoption. Bet some of yall wouldnt let nuccas yall dont know in your house and apartment, wouldnt let them drive your nice car, wouldnt give the pin # to your atm card or give your checking and savings account numbers or your social security number. But yall will give that nucca access to your MOST VALUABLE ASSET, your ability to REPRODUCE, that makes NO SENSE.

  20. I just read the piece as well as the comments. I am employed with the dept. of social services in my state. I will tell you that the article is on point. It is most imperative that we please take off our blinders, and really SEE how raising children in homes without the love and leadship ability of black fathers is not only affecting whole black communities across the country, but is having a devastating effect on not only our boys and girls. Many men and women who were raised without strong, loving father feel a sense of loss and emptiness that does not heal as time goes by…and a mothers’ love, no matter how deep for her child or children, cannot fulfill or heal that sense of loss or emptiness. This loss and emptiness crosses racial/ethnic lines, educational levels, socio-economic, and income levels. The loss and emptiness, may manifest itself in many ways; sexual promiscuity, long term resentment of the absent father, they deal with long term abandonment issues; an inability to bond with, and form friendships and love relationships with members of the opposite sex. And if they are are able to form frienships or find love, those relationships can sometimes prove stressful for both the abandoned adult, as well as the other party, who finds him or herself spending a great deal of time and energy trying to convince the abandoned person that they are in the frienship or love relationship for the long haul…only to be driven away by the stress and strain of trying to convince a person who has trust issues, to trust them. It is very important that women take a very proacive role in protecting themselves from pregnancy in casual sexual relationships (as well as protecting themselves from stds and the hiv virus) by using effective methods of birth control, and insisting their partner or partners wear condoms. Men must be very proactive in protecting themselves from impregnating women they know they aren’t interested in other than sex. Please wear latex condoms during each sexual encounter. And women please understand that if you become pregnant in casual relationships a man or men who have no emotional connection to you, are more likely to abandon the child or children they sire with you. Yes its wrong but the reality is you cannot force a man to love his child especially when he did not love or have an emotional connection to you. You can force him to provide financially through the courts, however, the courts nor you can force him to love his child or children.

    Out of all the comments I’ve read, the ones that really captured my attention are the ones by Devon. I have to say her “no holds barred, shoot from the hip” approach is a bit off putting, but she is absolutely correct in her comments. It is important that as women, we develop the ability to discern and be realistic about the kind of men as she says, we “give our most valuable asset” to. Looks as if she was taught well and has an understanding of type of man who is worthy of that “asset”, versus the type that is not worthy. Another reason why good fathers are so important in a girls’ life. We focus so much on the father/son dynamic as it relates to absent fathers (I am sometimes guilty of this as well and will focus more on this issue) that we tend to place less focus on the father/daughter dynamic with respect to the absent father, and how girls and women are as greatly affected by an absent father, as boys and men are…some ways are similar while some are different. I’ll share my thoughts on this dynamic soon.

  21. @ No Hope – Im questioning the common sense of any single woman who lays down with four different men and either “accidently” or purposely gets pregnant by four different men. She let four random dudes impregnate her and Ill bet she didt know enough about these men to lay up with them. Bet she didnt know jalf the sheit I said a woman should know about a man and a man should know about a woman. You keep talking about the great shes doing and talking about her education but she f’d up because NONE of her kids have their father necause she CHOSE and PICKED deadbeats to lay up with. This aint HER its about her being selfish. None of those kids got their fathers and dont know their fathers. Your other friend okay well at least the kids know their father but still,Im betting neither of them had their sex partners health checked out before they sexed up those partners. Youre not getting it that other friend, none of their fathers stuck around. Do black women even care about how that emotionally messes with kids, not knowing their father cant you see how selfish it is to do that to black kids, no you dont. You keep talking about how I judge well smart people judge and make good decisons and people make decisions for the future of their unborn. I judge its selfish for me to have babies without marriage. I ll give credit to your divorced friend at least shhe tried.

  22. Brothers and Sisters, we need to stop trying to justify immoral behavior, especially when it is wreking so much havoc in our communities. Sisters, children need their fathers! Are you saying that God didn’t know what He/She/It was doing when He/She/It created men and women? That is the height of arrogance and stupidity. Understand this, those bastard children who turn out to be fine did and do so despite their circumstances, not because of them! Even though they appear fine you don’t know the emotional trauma they had to endure before they worked it out. You don’t know if they are still suffering from being born out of wedlock. Do you completely dismiss the statistics cited in the article? They are probably worse than what is stated. The author did not emphasize the emotional trauma that bastard children experience because it is difficult to measure and quantify that. Often times, illegitimate children blame themselves when their fathers are absent in their lives. What kind of man will they be attracted to, if any man at all? Will they ever trust a man? What does that do the moral fabric of the community? I’ll tell you: millions of mean, frustrated, man-hating Black women who have no respect for themselves and absolutely no respect for any Black man and most of them repeat the cycle. And we wonder why we are not getting married. What does being born out of wedlock do the the male child. I’ll tell you. They end up hating Black women, but try to hide it by pretending to care for all the womnen they have sex with. Acutally, they have contempt for those women because they hate their mothers for not having married their fathers. What do we get: cold, evil, self-hateful males who respect nobody. They are dangerous, but who made them that way? They became monsters when their mothers and fathers conceived them without the benefit of matrimony. You can’t fool life, Brothers and Sisters. The moment the sperm penetrates the egg that new life knows if it is loved and wanted. Brothers and Sisters, and especially to you Sisters, how can you say you love your children and you didn’t love yourself enough to demand a commitment from the scum that impregnated you? No, you don’t love your children. How they turn out is proof of that. It is a supreme act of selfishness to have a kid out of wedlock. It is also defying God to do it. What are the wages of sin? Brothers and Sisters, I know what I am talking about. I have been a bastard for 68 years!

Leave A Reply