So you are divorced…what comes next? How do you even begin to pick the pieces back up and start to be open to finding someone new? It is a tough road to build your heart back up to where you are available to love someone again after going through a tough divorce. Here are some tips from Rebecca Lammersen of elephantjournal.com, someone who is divorced herself on how to rebuild the road to finding new love:
1. Have s*x again: You need to feel desired and need to desire someone else’s touch. It’s time to get a little frisky. You still have needs even though your heart is not ready for a relationship. Go on dates but keep things casual. Get those butterflies back in your stomach.
“It is important to fulfill your most fundamental and primal needs without the burden of a relationship as you are healing and reclaiming your individuality,” says Lammersen.
2. After you have dated, it is time to be celibate. Take some alone time and really focus on you. If you still have some urges, get some toys. Take time to reconnect with yourself and learn how to be alone for a while. This will help with the healing.
3. Take a trip alone. Go on a mini-vacation, or even a long week. If you have kids, get someone to watch them. It is your time to get away from everything and be by yourself to relax. Make some new friends on your adventure.
4. Learn a new skill or hobby. Go get the degree that you have always wanted to have. Now that you don’t have to take care of another person you have the time to learn.
5. Expand your horizons and meet new people. Make new friends, go out with new people, and create new memories. This is your time, there is no one holding you back.
6. Try a relationship out to see if you are ready. Test the waters. Don’t compare them to your past relationships or else things will go sour quickly.
7. Start therapy sessions. You need someone to talk to who is not biased. This will help you to get unresolved feelings out so that you can put the past behind you and move on.
8. Don’t define who you want to love. If you have always said that you won’t date this person or would never be with that person, throw those notions out the window. You could open yourself to finding the person who you are meant to be with.