Nomalanga: Why Kelly Had Jealousy Issues With Beyonce

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kelly and beyBy Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

I’ve been seeing (peripherally) a few stories that say that Kelly Rowland was dealing with a lot of jealousy regarding her “sister” Beyonce Knowles. Kelly even went as far as making this disclosure in a song. I even read that Kelly had a minor emotional break-down while performing this particular song.

Kelly being jealous of Beyonce comes as no surprise to me. Here are three reasons why:

1. Beyonce is light skinned and Kelly is dark skinned

Now, just so we are clear; I do not think that being light skinned is “better” than being dark skinned. That being said, it is unfortunate that far too many Black people buy into the lie that if someone is lighter, then they are better looking. (And please, refrain from in-boxing me nasty messages because you’re having an emotional reaction to that fact).

2. Kelly Lived With Beyonce’s Family

Kelly lived with Beyonce’s parents and they served as her guardians, when she was a little girl. Now, I know first hand that you can live with people and they can love you and care for you but no matter how well meaning they are, there is always a feeling of being “secondary”. What I mean by this is that even though the Knowles family probably gave Kelly a lot of love and affection, the fact remains that she was not their child and Beyonce was. Its human nature to have more of an attachment to your biological child than to one who is not your biological child.

3.  Beyonce is a Powerhouse

Honestly, I am not that big of a Beyonce fan. I’m not a hater-I just happen to not be her audience. That being said, I do recognize and absolutely appreciate that she is a Powerhouse! Her husband is a mogul, she has (as far as we can see) a wonderful marriage and a beautiful baby girl and as if that were not enough, she has a powerhouse career of her own. In fact, some might say she is also a mogul, just like her husband. In short, Beyonce is extremely accomplished and appears to “have it all”. Even the most spiritually evolved and emotionally healthy of us would experience some feelings of inadequacy and maybe even jealousy if we had to live in close quarters with Beyonce.

I applaud Kelly for her honesty and emotional transparency. I actually believe that those are her keys to a more successful career as an artist. I don’t judge Kelly for being jealous; I appreciate her honesty.

Nomalanga helps Black women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , a former College Professor and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s Facebook page or Follow her on Twitter  

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31 Comments

  1. I agree 100% with the article. I came to the same conclusions myself when I first read about how Kelly Rowland felt. One can be jealous of another without disliking that person.

  2. She came up in a group who was managed by Beyonces daddy. He groomed Beyonce over the other ladies to be a star…….

  3. Honestly I like B but Kelly voice is better. I wish ppl would embrace their blackness and stop letting others define you. Dark skinned ppl r just as beautiful

  4. My best friend had a streak of success when I was not successful. I was successful when she wasn't. We each envied each other, but also wanted the best for each other. It's natural. I don't know why this was blown into such a big story. I also don't understand why some people act as if something is wrong with Kelly. Who wouldn't be jealous of Beyonce? She's got a lot to envy? Kelly handled her situation very well. She always spoke positive of "B" and has been one of her most consistent cheerleaders. Kelly took time off after her first engagement and does not appear to be grinding with the same intensity as Beyonce. That is her choice. It means that she has achieved a different level of stardom. She had the platform to step out there after Destiny's Child and to a degree squandered some of that opportunity. Brandy Norwood (also dark-skinned) for example, has been out of the game for at least a decade, had a mental break down, accidentally killed someone, etc., yet has stepped back in the game and has already eclipsed Kelly in music, tv and film. At the end of the day we all have our own lives to live. It's all good.

  5. Kelly u rock baby girl for your loyalty style grace talent and now honesty…I grew up being jealous of my cousins who were light skinned and had longer hair then me and I didn't get any attention until I was 16 cause all of a sudden I had the best body an personality and I felt good to be noticed during that time but I never stopped loving either one of them like u. I always felt that Beyoncé was #1 in the group but I felt that u were #2 god made it that way not her daddy continue to be blessed and I would like to see you pick up some real movie roles cause I think your the better actor and I love u both! amen

  6. Lorrie Irby Jackson on

    It also could have to do with the fact that Mathew was paid to be the manager of EVERY member of Destiny's Child, yet only fully represented one. It's disturbing that no other members of Kelly's family were deemed more fit than non-blood relatives, they could've made a difference in fostering higher levels of self-esteem.

  7. Black people, particularly (black) American's are so far gone from their natural selves and is so lost in Euros ways of living it saddens me. Hair, skin, speech, black women hate themselves so much they are willing to die over it. Beyonce called Gwyneth parlor her best friend wow.

  8. That, s nonsense, i know these women personally and it bothers me that people can write and say anything they please without repercussions.When you gossip you hurt three people.the ones talked about and yourself.Be more disceit when making accusations that are hurtful.

  9. Haseena Love on

    Dark women need dark friends and role models. You can learn a lot from people unlike you, but you learn the most about self-esteem and how to navigate in the world and respond to how you are treated from people who look like you and people who have done those things successfully.

  10. Warren Johnson on

    I am a big Kelly Rowland fan, but I admire Beyonce; and will always root for her. Chin up Kelly, because you have it going on in more ways than one….

  11. To the writer of this article, it upsets me that the WILLIE LYNCH THEORY is alive and well. During slavery be one dark or light you were still property.

    Kelly had selfesteem issues long before her career, we as people regardless of ethnicity experience issues:
    1. he/she thinks they are better (this thinking is of personal choice)
    2. The are closer to white. Not true, whites have calle Blacks N***ers, big lip, nappy headed, big butt, and so on. However, Kim white girls would love to have you brown skin (they tan weekly). Whites add butts, lips, cheeks, and more to look Black.

    When Black women and men get caught up in jealousy because of their own shortcomings.

    Growing up (Dark & light skinned parents)instilled, “JEALOUSY AND ENVIOUSNESS would DESTROY YOU AND YOUR LIFE”, were Kim to be focused on the God given talents she has, her success may surpass that of Beyonce and anyone else.

  12. Kelly is a pretty young lady and I guess she can sing or she would not have been in Destiny’s Child. I think jealousy is just a form of insecurity. My advice to Kelly is to be grateful for her career. There are many singers out here who are just as talented as Kelly and have not been discovered. Stop whining!! As far as her skin color, if it is bothering her that badly, she should buy some of that shyt that Michael Jackson used and smear it all over body and shut the heck up.

    • I don’t think she was really jealous; I think like you said it was more insecurity. I think she just felt left out after having all the success in DC and then no one was checking for her or so she thought. She’s a very talented young woman who had to grow into her own. That insecurity lies in each of us at some point in our lives…

  13. Kelly Nowland is a Beautiful Sistah in her own Right, But I agreethat anyone could have emotional problems being in a home even alone let alone in a home with natural children around. I did, had problems "comparing myself" to everybody else & Yes I'm dark-skinned!! Darkest of all my siblings yet I never physically lived with them as kids! So I at 60 understand what she might be going through!! I only hope alcohol, drugs & the like don't become her plight in search & research of Answers. Seek professional help, pastoral,spiritual, become a learned consumer of any & ALL suggested drugs, food preparations,etc. Allergies can kill too!! Seek POSITIVE INTENTIONS IN LIVING, GIVING. MAKE YOUR HIGHER POWER YOUR GUIDE!!! BLESSED MAY YOU BE THROUGH LIFE … HAVAHAPPY EVERY DAY!!!

  14. Pattycake, RN on

    I think being jealous at some point in your life is natural for everyone. What is important is what you do with that jealousy. Some may use it as a destructive force, others may use it to motivate themselves and also counteract it.

  15. I think Kelly ok with the skin she is in now. She not only had to deal with not being as famous/succesful as Bey, but also an abusive relationship. That in and of itself is enough make anyone question themselves. That is a powerful syndrome to be in. But once she got out of the abusive relationship, she realized her worth and never looked back. She’s very beautiful and talented and I think she and Bey are closer than ever before. Honesty out of love and coming from the heart is a beautiful thing. Holla!

  16. Why do always pray on negative stories. Why is this a topic of discussions. For centuries that has been a battle of light vs dark. I wish we could talk about Kelly's accomplishments in this story it would have made it a more well rounded article. That's just my opinion.

  17. Nawatha patterson on

    I think she’s more pretty than beyonce , I really think beyonce made her beauty. When you have money anyone can be light skinned! Have a implant butt lift, great teeth etc… Beyonce is pretty, I’m not going to say beautiful , beauty comes from within and out. Kelly I think you are more pretty than beyonce if you can be dark and have this beauty is a wonderful thing. For years where I come from New Orleans we had prejudice within our own race with the light skinned and dark skinned. The light skinned called themselves Creoles which is a lie. Technically the dark skinned are more of the Creoles than the light skinned. Reason being we came from Haitians and they are consider Creoles like now, I have friends that are Haitians they call themselves Creoles and its the truth back in slavery time with the French and the Haitians. I say this beyonce say she was creole but wasn’t born in New Orleans. A lot of people are in deniled . Kelly you are beautiful stay that way.

  18. this is what's wrong with black people, they have self hate, they bleach their skin, spend hundreds of dollars on weaves n laced fronts n giant fake ass eye lashes to make them feel better than themselves, if alot of black people love themselves, love their skin, love n embrace their hair they wouldn't have that issue, alot of black people believe the media standard of beauty, light, bright, all or nearly white sense of beauty, thinking their skin n hair is not beautiful, for some, oh no my hair is nappy let me relax it, straighten it, put a wig on it or weave it instead of embracing n loving their hair n themselves,

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