Relationships: Behind Every Good Woman is a Gaggle of Men?


By Staff Blogger

You have heard the phrase, “Behind every good man there is a good woman.” There is a flip side to this phrase. Maybe it should say, “Behind every good woman there is a gaggle of men.”

wendy-raquel-robinsonThat’s right, a gaggle. A new study suggests that women should keep a vast group of men around in their lives so that they have choices for relationships instead of being around only one or two men as friends and feeling stuck. Don’t bother searching for Mr. Right, but instead surround yourself with a host of potential Mr. Rights.

Jessica Massa has written a book called Gaggle and also runs a website with a partner, Rebecca Wiegand, called WTF Is Up With My Life. They both say that every woman, whether she is single or involved, should have a gaggle of men around her. The men all play different roles. For example, one you may call when you have a problem, one you may call to go shopping with, one you may call to go to a baseball game. Whenever you need someone they are there.

Massa and Wiegand say that having a gaggle is a way of keeping your options open in the dating pool and could lead to a more fulfilling love life as you find out what that perfect match for you really is.

New York dating coach Terri Trespicio says that if you are single, enjoy being single and date a few men at once to see what possibilities are out there. She says that if you date one person you may feel more pressured to commit even if you aren’t particularly happy with that person. According to these women, marriage and the settled life isn’t always for everyone.

Do you agree that this is a healthy approach to relationships?



  1. Renee Aldridge on

    Oh my! this hit my life right on the nail I have a Gaggle of men in my life just for these same reasons as stated and I Love It,and because I am not easy in bed this is why first off. But I will say this,you have to be one hell of a woman to keep it going because mean are just as jealous as women so you will have to handle those type of days too, but babygirls for the most part it is Fabulous!

  2. LOL Let's see how far this gets them. I know I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I do pride myself in not being the dumbest and you will neva, eva, eva have me conjure up or co-sign some nonsense that has already proven not to work. Ho's or however you spell it, O.K. Whores will never have the high quality men. Men know the worth of whores and you will never get our best. Maybe for a second if we are on that B.B.D. tip, you know "I Thought It Was Me", but as soon as we figure it out… you already know. You know you are going to be stuck with the same dudes that you complain about. The same dudes you deserve. LOL Oh, and before I go – pump your brakes! Yes, I did say whore and by whore, in this instance, I am referring to attention whores, but a whore is a whore and as soon as they have served their purpose… and somebody is gettin' in… But I digress.

  3. I am seriously coming to the conclusion that Black women should not take any advice from another Black woman unless a) the adviser has what the advisee wants and/or b) the adviser can prove that it was directly handed down from her Great Grandmamma, with no revisions! This advise, this advise right here in the above article… there is nothing healthy about it. All the wild cats out there today, somebody, usually the woman is going to get hurt in one way or another.

  4. Renee Aldridge on

    Listen Keith yes there are many black woman in this world who are not whores and do not act like whores as for me self. I have not had sex with any of my Gaggle men and do not intend to, just because of the simple fact I have found that none of them fit the making of a real husband so until I find a real man I mean one that does not cheat and that I can trust and believe then I will continue on my mission!!

  5. I didn't even finish reading the article… this is pure foolishness and is not healthy for the woman or the men she is toying with. If you don't want them then let them know so they can quit wasting their time.

    Odds are that if these men know about what you are doing and they stay, they either just want sex or they really love your trifling behind. For the dogs that just want sex, yeah take them for all they got because they have the same intentions for you. But to just lead on someone that really wants the best for you…. shit.. you don't even deserve to have a good man if your heart is that cold.

  6. Renee Aldridge on

    I am going to stick up for the women on this one please don’t be mad because we women now realize that laying and playing don’t get us no husband so we must close the legs and treat you like dogs if you allow it,some of you men been treating us like bitches from day one!

  7. Elizabeth McCoy on

    Idk what angel to take it from. Perhaps the mean if you're just dating, no commitments but if you're committed to anyone then this isn't "healthy." That's why mates don't trust their partners to have opposite sex friends because of this immature ideology.

  8. I see nothing wrong with having a 'gaggle' (never heard that term before) of men friends provided they are just FRIENDS! It's alright for you to say it's unhealthy Keith but do you have
    any idea how many single Black women there are? Imagine if she only dates one man at a time and after 6 months/a year or whatever, comes to the conclusion that he is not 'The One'. Meanwhile her biological clock is ticking away…..better to date two or three at a time I say – besides, don't men like a bit of competition? 😉
    Author of Single, Spiritual….AND Sexual!

  9. Great advice!

    I dated up to four men before I choose the right one and he proposed to me. Some of the men knew of my other lovers and they continued to date me. Some did and left me with me for other women. That was a risk, but I wasn’t as heartbroken because I had options.

    I did not have sex with all the men. But I was not exclusive. This turned out to be the best way to find out who was really the right fit.

    My soon to be husband is confident, caring, loving, sexually satisfying and stable. He wants to love me for life.

    I don’t have any desire to cheat because I got to sow my wild oats.

    Women date as many and as much as possible!

  10. A "Gaggle" does not necessarily mean you sleep with "all" of your men friends. I know alot of men who have unprotected sex with real "whores". If these whores aren't worthy(Keith) why do men risk their lives and the lives of their wives and future partners on WHORES! How the hell do YOU think STDS are spread from bad women to good women? Ever thought that maybe too many "men" have a Gaggle of Whores? Too many good women out here looking for Mr. Right and Mr. Right may have his head up some whore's ass. Let's be for real. Ladies keep "alot" of males friend, not to screw but to have male companionship. Dinners, sports games and the male view of things are a good thing. Especially when you have a friend who knows you. And no you don't have to screw every male friend you have. That would truly be whorish….in my humble opinion and with LOVE!

  11. It's really funny that the men don't like this advice but that doesn't keep them from their "Gaggle". Gaggle comes from "what's good for the goose…." and I agree. But unlike men, our Gaggle isn't not about sleeping around! Our "Gaggle" is about opening options of the "World of Men" for us to see which fit!

  12. Men used to be, but women are just as bad these days.. anyways, this is not a competition. I'm simply addressing the bad advice given here. It is hard to find a good mate PERIOD. Male or female, a good spouse is hard to come by these days partially because techniques like this that ruin the "good ones" after their heart has been broken by someone playing games or seeking revenge on an entire demographic.

    If you are single then yes, date more than one person but be a man/woman a tell them that you are.

    But if you are in a relationship, be in that relationship. If they don't know how to make you happy, try teaching them!!! Its that simple! You will find that the human capacity to learn is remarkable. lol. If they still can't make you happy then leave but don't just keep them there while you run around.

    This kind of advice fuels a vicious self destructive cycle for entire generations.

    My first GF had my entire heart. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her and her mom told her something similar to this. Broke my poor little heart back then when I was ready to put a ring on her finger. lol. Then for a few years I did the same thing she did to me. I broke several innocent hearts just as mine had been. Keeping in touch with them I saw how they had changed for the worst to protect their hearts, and I began to see the circle. So I straightened up and got my shit together. I'm speaking from experience.

    Finding and good mate is about the Quality of the ppl you date, not the Quantity.

  13. Nothing is wrong with dating multiple people if everyone involved is informed. That is where the problem comes in. Even women know the stigma of having many male friends. Why is there even a stigma? Is it because we all know what is going to happen? She is willingly going to be sexually involved with more than one. Then how many unwilling (so-called) and even repeatedly? Many women cannot physically protect themselves from men, but place themselves in situations… Seriously, many Black women have unresolved issues from their childhood that they continue to NOT deal with, but instead behave in ways that deepen the unhealthy affect of those still unresolved issues. I don't mind competition, but when a women comes across that one in her gaggle that does not take no for an answer… don't call me. If a woman chooses to deal with multiple men she increases the odds of something unpleasant happening. No need to catch a case for a woman that I'm not special too. I'm just one of the gaggle. If she is too confused to choose right then that is on her. Anyway isn't there a shortage of good Black men? How in one breath there are no good Black men and then in the other women can have a gaggle of Black men? Whutdahellkinda gaggle is a Black woman going to have. O_o Oh… OK… a multiracial gaggle. That's cool. I don't even have an argument. I'm just asking questions born of the issues Black women say they deal with and the results of their efforts. Awholelotta contradiction.

  14. Immature ideology and trying to go against nature. Adults of the opposite sex are attracted to each other because it is in out nature. Nature ultimately dictates what is going to happen.

  15. Umm… Mr. Right would not be dealing with anyone other than Ms. Right. So Mr. Right with his head up a whore's ass does not compute. I always tell my children to remain calm enough to listen to what people say even in the heat of a debate. Listen the words that people use and you come to one of two conclusions – 1) they do not know the definition of the words or the phrases that they use or 2) they reveal who they really are.

  16. Keith…I agree with you!!! This is not healthy and the reality is doing same behavior of what "bad boys" are known to do, which will get them nothing in the end…but then that may be all they want. Nothing wrong with having a lot of male friends, just as one would with female friends, but it should be seen as a platonic relationship. We all have friends, no matter the gender, who have certain qualities we tend to gravitate to, but we should never be using them for obtaining anything, and rather be giving back in some healthy form too. If you are searching for that special someone, regardless of gender, you we have to set the standards high and if you don't, then you get duds that don't amount to anything.

  17. Wynona Rosebure on

    HAHAHA Men don't like competition ladies. Certain men want you hanging on them exclusively, these men typically have mommy issues and lack self esteem. Then they threaten you with the "whore" label to keep you in line because they either don't trust women or (again) their self esteem is too low to handle several men vying for your attention. Pay very close attention to what the men commenting on this article are saying. Don't be fooled by attempts to equate your worth and value with your sensuality or sexuality ladies. Thinly veiled misogyny is still misogyny.

  18. So let me try to understand this, the writer is trying to convince women to have many “good men” around at her disposal. I guess that it never ocurred to her that a really good man is not going to wait for her while she manipulates a “gaggle” of other men. There are too many other women who are willing to to be patient and get to really know that one guy who is a good man to them. Besides, if I know that I constantly have to compete with other man with the same woman, why in the hell should I take her seriously in the first place? All that she would end up being is a high matenance booty call for all of the men that she is with. Women, don’t fool yourself a confident well-to-do brother is not going to put up with unnessary competition, especially if he know that he does not have to in the first place.

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  22. I totally, totally agree. Ninety percent of my friends are men and I have only one that I sleep with. This is working out great. My guy doesn't see me as needy because I have a life that is fulfilling with other men. Of course, he doesn't really know any of them. Go for it girls,, it's very rewarding.

  23. Dee- The Reality Realtor on

    I believe in dating. The beauty of word is that you can take a word, give it meaning, share that meaning with others, gain their agreement in the communication of the word, and then watch the opinion’s take off! As a woman no longer with a 3rd base (yes, I completely removed the base from my playing field), dating is the only way to find out which ONE man, will be willing to run bases 1 and 2, skipping base 3 to go for the home run (a ring and a wedding of our choice). Base three is available on our honeymoon. (This is an example of defining words at it’s finest. God made us beautiful! We should date until we align with that one beautiful person that likes the meaning in our words and the crease in our smile. Locking yourself up in the closet with God will keep you lonely. Giving away 3rd base to every batter will also keep you lonely. There must be a selection in order to make a selection. The best part is my perspective is mine because God willed that I have the ability to think. Let’s not make each other right or wrong when it comes to perspective especially on dating. Another reminder on why you should date. Some will share your perspective and some won’t! It keeps you on your toes until YOUR DESTINY rounds the bases headed home!GAME OVER!

  24. The key word in this article is date not screw. Before you scrunch your face up read carefully. This is definitely a good way of figuring out who you’d like to be with. Nothing wrong with getting to know folks and weeding out the good ones but when you blur the lines, it starts to sound like something else. Hence alot of the overhead comments.

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