Relationships: When The “Abuser” Is a Woman and the “Victim” Is a Man

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Upset young woman shouting at a manBy: Krystle Crossman

In the news we hear about domestic violence against women but rarely ever against men. It happens more than you would think and is every bit as bad as when a woman is beaten up. William Conley was a victim of domestic violence. Here is his story:

Conley spent 14 years in an on again off again marriage. She believed that he was cheating on her even though he had never done anything to break her trust. She would yell at him all the time for having a wandering eye when it came to other women. He said that from his side of the story there are no other women that he would rather look at and felt that her insecurities were her own. Things changed drastically for the couple on February 4th, 2011.

They were at a dance recital for their youngest daughter. One of the children had to go to the bathroom at intermission so instead of making his wife get up he brought their daughter to the bathroom instead. When they got back he was met with a cold shoulder. His wife refused to hold his hand or talk to him. They went through the rest of the recital in silence. He knew that something was wrong but was not sure what. When the show was over she accused him or staring at another woman’s behind while they were walking away. She refused to let him sleep in their bedroom that night which happened often. When he had gotten settled into the bed that he was to be sleeping in she came bursting through the door and continued yelling and screaming.

Just as Conley finally took the step to stand up to her, she attacked. She threw punches at his head, shoulders, and neck. He tried to run to the door but she guarded it, determined not to let him go. She continued punching him. He finally managed to escape and went to a hotel. He wrote down the entire incident and filed a police report the next day. She was arrested and pled guilty to assault charges. Conley filed a protective order so that they could not have contact.

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17 Comments

  1. Good for you guy, what took you so long!! she carries abusive baggage from her childhood…
    But now your also stained with “CO-DEPENDENT BEHAVIOR” for allowing yourself to be drawn back and forth into the relationship, you need therapy now so that you will not accuse other black-women for one black-woman’s issues…
    Without therapy you will continue to be drawn to that type of woman, same issue different face no matter if she white black blue or gold other women like her are out there.

    Everybody falls short of something in-life….

  2. Robin Curry on

    I have a friend who is divorced. His X is very abusive, uses profanity like a drunken sailor,physically abuses him. He had a restraining order placed on her; she disobeys it always. Shows up to his home and continues to disrespect him to the fullest. My heart bleeds for him. He has a clean record, he’s an older man she is younger and he said he feels sorry for her because if he reports the incident she could be locked up. I am so afraid for him because one day I feel she could really hurt him. They need to have laws to protect men too from abusive women.

    • @MICHELLE…

      Girlfriend you are so right! Where is the rest of the story… becuz it really does take 2… and why is he attracting women like her, and what does his boogers look like! LMBO!

  3. There’re a lot of females who have mental issues with males period.. from their father not being there to being molested sexually or just being verbally abused by males ..and these females need to see a counselor and the sooner the better as result to what may have affected them.. and if not..any male the longer he stays is such a relationship with a female abuser is subjected to domestic violence demonstrated by a female onto that male in that relationship.

    I don’t know where males get the idea if a female is physically abusive to you as a male; that you as that male don’t have the RIGHT to defend yourself? The law is there to protect you if you do. It’s called felony assault which is not bias ONLY to males and more males need to put that charge on these females who THINK its OK to put their hands on a male simply becuz she’s madd at him..that will stop her THINKING its OK to do this becuz she’s female.(smh)

    In the words of Martin Lawrence, “I won’t fight a LADY..but a biotch? I’ll beat her a&&.” In other words a REAL WOMAN won’t fight a man.. but a biotch will and if she gets a beat down as result?..oh well!

    • @Pharaoh…

      There are many many blackmen who were raised up watching their fathers beat the shyt out of their mothers everyday of the week, they are also damaged goods and totally in-need of counseling & therapy…wink!!

      • The overwhelming majority of abused young men in this country are abused by the person who primarily raise them “their Mothers” & no one advocates or protects them & give ready on the spot excuses to their abusers, even after they become abusers their Mother’s are given justification

  4. My X was very abusive although I’d admit that I refused to be put down and thus arguments ensued often. One night we got into it over something that happen days ago and she just wouldn’t let up so I did what I found as an acceptable way of removing myself from the argument by going into the spare bedroom and waiting for her to cool down only this time she forced the door open on me and at the time I was healing from surgery that caused nerve damaged to one of my arms. After she abruptly shoved the door into my arm I instantly reacted by pushing her away from me she hit the floor and I felt stunned since I had never put my hands on her before. I felt compelled to leave the house and call for help. As I was attempting to grab my phone I noticed that she was grabbing a long sharp kitchen knife and was heading in my direction. I immediately left the house and called for help. When help arrived the authorities did what they always do in the black community and that is arrest ever body. While waiting in the police car I tried to apologize for allowing her to take to that place and I expressed my disappoint that not only did I allow her to take me there but I most likely would lose my employment, house, car and God only knows what else it was one of the worse days of my life after 15 years of marriage during which time she had filed for divorce 4X but never went through with it I finally filed this time. I don’t believe in divorce but she left me no choice the relationship had become to toxic, and verbally/mentally abusive.

    • @DAWOOD…

      It’s really sad isn’t it!!! But it’s on both sides of the fence. This type of sick behavior comes straight from childhood abuse… and its a mental illiness. Some women have this behavior because they we brought up watching their mothers get beat by their fathers or other men. It is what it is, but let that be a lesson to you to wait on God to chose your wife for you… (A man who findeth a (WIFE) have favor with God). All women are not wives, and most women are not ready for marriage because they are damaged goods. That type of healing and deliverance can only come from God, and might I add (I SAID NOTHING ABOUT THE [email protected] 4-WALL CHURCH INSTITUTION)…. there is a difference.

    • @Universaldjsun…

      Don’t get caught up into statistics because you’d be surprise to know that most blackwomen don’t think like that… that’s nothing but “MEDIA HYPE”… I have a sister with a real bad temper tiny as all get out, will go toe to toe with a man… the more you hit her the worse she gets and she don’t give a [email protected] about the police…wink!
      My father was a professional lightweight boxer until he busted a knuckle, boxing was his favorite pass-time… he taught her how to box.

      @Pharoah…

      It is a two way street… and your right about some blackwomen have been physically abused by blackmen, but the real word is: (“MANY) HAVE BEEN PHYSICALLY ABUSED and MOLESTED RAPED”) the whole 9 yards… Their not bytches / their called battered and abused women who have never experienced what its like to encounter a “GOOD TRUST-WORTHY HONORABLE BLACKMAN”… Today its almost like you guys don’t exist anymore… I guess you guys are hiding-out like all the “GOOD BLACKWOMEN”…WINK!!

      GOOD BLACKWOMEN ARE SWIMMING IN THE RAINBOWS NOW..

  5. First time making a comment on this issue. Society needs to quit telling women that they can jump on men without facing any negative results!!!

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