The media has certainly done a good job of planting it firmly in our minds that it is next to impossible for a Black woman to get her “happily ever after”. According to main stream media, Black men are to be feared, rather than loved and partnered with to make happy homes and raise children with.
While the media does tend to be overly focused on how Black women can’t “get a man” because there is either something wrong with Black men or Black women themselves, we can not deny that a lot of women do feel that sometimes it is hard to find a good, decent man among our brothers.
There is an increasing voice that suggests that maybe Black women should expand their dating pool and increase their likelihood of finding a man by exploring relationships with men of other races. As long as this “expansion” is not heavily influenced by the belief that there is something wrong or inferior about Black men, I reckon it could be a good idea.
For those women that have explored relationships with men of other races, there is a lot of anger coming from Black men and here is why:
1. America has an ugly history when it comes to race – While some people would rather sweep it under the rug and try to pretend like it never happened or that Black people should be “over it” by now, this country has a very ugly past. Black people were oppressed by White people and there is no denying it. While I certainly don’t get angry at the thought of interracial dating and marriage, I have to admit that when I think about the country’s history, I can understand why it may be hurtful for a man to see his “sister” with what many still perceive as our oppressor.
2. Some Black people hate themselves – I’ll never forget the day when one of my students told me that she wanted to have a baby with either a “white guy” or a light skinned guy because she was dark skinned and could not bear the thought of having a baby that would be dark skinned like her. Of course not everyone who dates outside of the race does so because of self hatred, but there are people why do hate themselves and they date and marry outside of their own race because they want to disassociate themselves with their race and skin tone.
3. They are possessive jerks! – Let’s face it; there are some legitimate reasons to feel a little uneasy about seeing an interracial couple but there are also some people who are not uneasy for legitimate reasons -they are just possessive jerks who think they OWN women just because they belong to the same race. These men will often insult and call women names when they see them dating non-Black men. The funny thing is that many Black men don’t want to get married so you would think they would be indifferent if a woman married someone who wants to get married, regardless of their race.
At the end of the day, while I can certainly see both sides of the “coin”, I think that when it comes to matters of the heart, we would do well to just “live and let live”. There is no sense in having a bad day just because some random woman you saw was not living her life and conducting her love life according to how you have determined she should.
As for the women who want to expand their dating pool and keep an open mind about who they end up marrying, to you, I say: Do you!
Nomalanga helps Black women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , a former College Professor and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s Facebook page or Follow her on Twitter