Secrets from Men: Things that Will Make a Man NEVER Want to Marry You

180

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by X-Man

My male friends and I were talking the other day about marriage.  We don’t talk about it the way women do, fantasizing and getting all excited about our wedding day.  Instead, we talk about it like picking a career – you know you’re going to be stuck with it, it can be enjoyable, but you had better tread lightly or it could end up in disaster.

I thought I’d share with women a few things that my friends said we did NOT want in a wife.  Take it or leave it, but here’s what most of us really do dislike:

1) A high-maintenance woman.  It might be okay to be a little bit of a gold digger, but high maintenance means that nothing is ever good enough.  You buy her something that costs $1,000 dollars, she barely says thank you.  She might also be the kind of emotional black hole who is never satisfied or happy no matter what he says or does to make things better.  That’s draining for men, and flat out horrible.

2) A woman who is bad with kids.  A woman’s beauty is captured in her ability to nurture.  The woman who says “I hate kids” is seen as less of a woman in the eyes of a lot of men.  It also makes her look selfish.

3) A woman who doesn’t support you.  If a man is going through things, he wants to believe his woman has his back through thick and thin.  You want to feel beautiful, he wants to feel like a king.  If he’s ridiculed or his dreams aren’t supported, then he will probably gravitate toward the woman who helps boost his ego, listens to him and encourages him, just like his mother used to do.

4) A woman who emasculates you or doesn’t respect gender roles:  Feminism is nice, but  a lot of hardcore feminists are either gay or single.  You can have power in your household and still allow the man to be a man.  If you’re constantly ordering him around or not respecting his manhood, then he will feel that you don’t need him.  So, the strong, independent woman who “don’t need no man” may lose her man because he is convinced that she “don’t need him” just like she said.

5) Bad in the bedroom.  If you ask a man what time it is, he’s probably going to say, “It’s sexx o’clock.”  Men are physical creatures, and good loving can make a man do pretty much whatever you want.  But being frigid, disinterested, unenthusiastic or not concerned about his physical needs will make other women look that much more inviting.  He definitely won’t want to lock himself into a relationship with you, that’s for sure.  It would be miserable for him.

6) Doesn’t get along with your family.  No man wants to bring home a woman that his family hates; she becomes like a virus.  Smile, be nice, be helpful, try to get along with everyone if you can and that makes him envision you as a regular visitor to his family gatherings.  If you can’t do that, then find another man with a better family.

7) Really mean and overly moody/b*tchy.  Most of my friends hate women who don’t smile or are always mad about everything.  It sucks.  A smiling woman who listens to his problems, tells him that he’s special, has his back and drops it ferociously in the bedroom can get him hooked.  You want to be that woman.

Take it or leave it, this is what we said.  What you do with this information is entirely up to you.

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180 Comments

  1. Most of this is probably true,but i feel that all of this is mostly in the natural since,not spiritual @ all,we can b bad n the bedroom if u r already my husband,if u dont show any interest of tryin to marry u,especially if wehave been together a long time,mayb he can get what he wants as well if he go ahead & put a ring on it.

  2. I feel the same about men…must get family oriented…love children(always have my grandchild) I might look high-maintenance but I am not at all…I want a man as the hear of the household…cant deal with low self-esteem (controlling)…we can help each other in the bedroom…we must support each other..#1 must know God…

    • This article is “PATHETIC”…..

      Good for you Renee Aldridge for listening and not post so quick. We still have some focused black folks around here.

      • The Husband Should Work to Provide for the Physical Needs of the Family.
        Many men leave their wives and children without the necessities of life because they quit their jobs for frivolous reasons or waste their income selfishly.
        Genesis 3:17-19 — The man was required to labor despite hardships in order to have food. (Cf. 2 Thess. 3:10.)
        1 Timothy 5:8 — As the head of the family (see next point), a man should provide, not just for himself, but for his whole household. The Bible gives many examples of men having occupations or businesses outside the home. Many Bible examples show men employed away from the home in such occupations as shepherd, carpenter, physician, fisherman, merchant, farmer, sailor, preacher, tentmaker, etc. (See also Eph. 5:28,29).
        This is the God-given duty of the husband. No passage instructs the wife to do this. Man should not neglect his other responsibilities by over-emphasizing work. Yet one who neglects working, expecting his wife or other people to provide income for his family, is worse than an infidel.
        The Husband Should Be the Head of the Family.
        Some claim that man should not exercise authority over his wife or that his authority should be limited to just certain areas. In practice, women are often the leaders in making family decisions. But note:
        Ephesians 5:22-24 — The husband is head of his wife as Christ is head of the church (see other verses below). Neither his wife nor their parents are the authority in his family (cf. Gen. 2:24).
        Love will lead a husband to consider the needs and desires of the wife and children. He will make decisions for the good of the whole group, not just to please himself. This requires discussion at times to understand the views of others.
        However, the husband does have the final authority, and will give account to God for his decisions. Often this responsibility is not a privilege but a burden. He needs the courage to stand for what he is convinced is best, even when the wife or children disagree.
        If the wife fails to fulfill her duties, this does not justify the husband in failing to fulfill his duties (Romans 12:17-21; Luke 6:27-35).

  3. E Foreva'young Hardy on

    BUT ISN'T THAT LIKE BUYING A PIG IN A POKE? IF YOU DON'T TRY IT OUT HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS GOING TO BE LIKE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. I SAY, TEST AND THEN WITHHOLD. HE WILL WANT IT AGAIN.

  4. Malika ProudGemini Flowers on

    PLEASE! Women with all of these qualities are a dime a dozen. And I've seen many a high maintenance ***** be married to some poor soul who spends his whole life trying to please her. These things may work IN THEORY, but believe me you can be all of this and more and be just as single as they come.

  5. A lot of women have been giving it up and still not getting a ring as well,just allowing men to test and test and poke and poke.Waiting has worked for a lot of women,including me!

  6. And further more have you ever eaten a live pig walking around.I am sure many have never tested it while it was walking around..Alot of people haven't,it first has to be caught,slaughtered,seasoned then eaten.That is the whole act of the dating and waiting plan,which will eventually for MOST lead to marriage.The old way still works.

  7. Malika ProudGemini Flowers on

    Because I've been in some really effed up situations and I learned a lot from my journey. Jerk.

    • @CARLOS BROOKS /
      X-MAN AKA:PERPERTRAITOR FROM THE HEART /
      & EVERY LAST BLACKMAN SITTING AT THE ROUND-TABLE

      Yall take “HEED” this day…

      Any self-respecting, strong, whole, wellrounded, spiritually-grounded, educated, intelligent, intellectual, financially stable, mentally strong rooted and ground blackwomen would even look your way for 1 second. Because these type of blackwomen are only attracted to strong blackmen of “INTEGRITY” like (MR CAMBIE)…

      Blackmen like you couldn’t even half-way park in my drive-way because I would immediately cuss your donkey-a$$es out or call the white police on your selfish selfcentered ignorant sexu@lly perverted egotistical militant educated-fool dumb-founded and don’t know no better / because you don’t wanna know any better.

      To all blackwomen: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE / THESE ARE THE TYPE OF BLACKMEN WHO MAKE BABIES AND DON’T FATHER THEM BECAUSE THEY HAVE NOT REACHED A REAL BLACKMANS POTENTIAL OR BEING A REAL-MAN… THESE BLACKMEN ARE WHAT YOU CALL (whimps & woosies), still got mamas ******* in their d@mn mouth.

      My sons have more integrity then all of you have in your little pinky finger. My daughters and nieces better not bring home a jigga like you cause auntie is going straight on her knees to God and yall a$$es got to go ASAP! / PASS GO & AND NEVER COME BACK..

      Its blackmen like you who are the “MAIN SUBJECT / MAIN REASON” good blackwomen have gone and found beautiful lives inside the rainbow.
      Let me tell you so-smart a$$ suckers a real fact, Blackwomen who have crossed over don’t give a d@mn about blackmen anymore, and its nolonger an attitude of bitterness and anger because they are over you completely. People who are “HIGH OFF POSITIVE ENDORFINS” don’t sitting around pouting and worrying about “THE BLACKMEN DON’T LOVE US ANYMORE”… Once most blackwomen cross over to the otherside they will never look back to the blackman ever again in life. Nobody’s losing sleep but the blackmen.

      Blackmen like “CAMBIE” will always be honored amongst blackwomen period because they are real blackmen of integrity, so keep pushing = keep walking cause we don’t want none period.

      Redbone

    • You can have a PHD and all the d@mn wealth in the world that your money can buy and still be a d@mn no-good nut-cracker on the inside and behind closed doors / because if your not a “MAN AFTER GODS OWN HEART” and have no spiritual connection then you haven’t even reached your “FULL POTENTIAL”, in my book that equals *(your not a real strong man yet), so your not potentially good for no blackwomen or women of any other race.., The same goes for the women too.

      Sorry to say blackman (MOST BLACKWOMEN GOT THE JUMP ON YALL TODAY) & and “JODY’S GOT YOU GIRL AND GONE”…WINK!!!

    • @X-Man…

      For some reason you have just been on my mind and in my spirit. You know” you don’t necessarily have to be a man. You could be posting this article as a man and in all actualality be a women because of so much back-lash recieved from strong black-females behind N. Muhammads 2 articles posted “APOLOGY TO BLACKMEN & ACCOUNTABILITY”.
      So to me its like your trying to sneak-in through the back-door so to speak… coming in through a more subtle way. If this is the fact “YOU NEED TO STOP” and get polished.

      Have any of you every stop to think that this “DIVIDE” that’s going down between “BLACKMEN & BLACKWOMEN” has all been “ORCHESTRATED BY GOD”… meaning: God is the one who is in all actualality “TURNING AWAY THE (HEARTS OF (HIS) BLACKWOMEN) from the affections of the blackman because they have walked away from their (SEED).
      Don’t you realize there is a “LAW” under the Ten Commandments that come against the blackmans actions for casting his “SEED AWAY”..?

      MATTHEW 18:1-6 The Greatest In The Kingdom

      1.About that time the disciples came to “JESUS” and asked, “which of us is greatest in the kingdom in the kingdom of heaven?

      2.Jesus called a “(SMALL CHILD)” over to him and put the (CHILD / CHILDREN / SEED) among them. 3.Then He /Jesus said, “I assure you, unless you turn from your sins and become as (LITTLE CHILDREN aka: not tainted), you will (NEVER) get into the kingdom of heaven.
      4.Therefore, anyone who becomes as (HUMBLE) as this “LITTLE CHILD” is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5.And anyone who (WELCOMES A LITTLE CHILD) like this on my(JESUS) behalf is welcoming me/JESUS.

      6. BUT IF ANYONE CAUSES ONE/1 OF THESE LITTLE ONES WHO TRUST IN ME TO LOSE FAITH, IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR THAT PERSON TO BE (thrown into the sea) WITH A (millstone) tied around around the neck.

      Take your mouths off the single blackwomen / parents raising their children alone.. God has been watching and taking every note from the hearts of blackmen and blackwomen concerning his (BABIES / LITTLE CHILDREN). Yes blackman!! that blackwomen open her wound up to you.. and you could have been a strong responsible blackman of integrity like “ADAM” should have been in the garden of eve (ATTENTIVE) and (NOT) (PENETRAITED) the blackwomens wound. You should have been strong enough to guide her in a right decision instead of thinking about your dyck and how you were going to (SCORE) some pu$$y… just fkn jacking and drippin everywhere you wanted to lay your filthy head.
      You say you wanna be the king of your castle!! then take all your sorry lame-brain-weak-donkey-a$$ to the “MOST HIGH GOD /AKA: YOUR CREATOR”, fall down on your knees and “REPENT” for the destruction of your own “SEED” with the spirit of humbleness and humility unto God, because it is “HE / GOD” who can turn the hearts of “HIS BLACKWOMAN” back to the blackman. If blackmen refuse the call of obedience to God concerning the blackwoman then your lives shall become numberless / die-out through time and another generation will come forth out of the heaven through the womb of the blackwomen.

      Note Blackman: It has already begun…!

      Redbone

  8. I agree with somethings said but it’s a two way streak. Its not all about the man in the issue of being married.
    It seems the goal is set to satisfying the man and I didnt really here anything about him being pleasing, nice and loving as well.
    Or how he should be the leader, strength, and head of the home.
    Men can open there mouths allowing the words if she don’t open her legs she will get married, But reality is that there are a lot of virgins out there and they are not married and have not found that husband.

    I say both parties has a big play, everyone has roles and positions in a relationship. I say be yourself because there is someone for everyone out there. Remember If this man or woman doesn’t like something about you someone else will.
    God first and the rest will fall in place. God will send your Boaz.

    Lastly, Ladies don’t think your any better then the next women just because you say you haven’t gave up the goodies. I’m married and yes I did have *** before but that was my choice.
    And I’m married to my high school sweetheart. A man is going to be just that a man, and If he isn’t married by the age of 35 he probably isn’t planning on it. And it has nothing to do with the woman

    • The **** with being involved with any American woman. They all have a shroud of divorce, economic disparity surrounding their existence. Nothing last long like a married or relationship with them. The long term aftermath that a man to with is financial depletion. In other words dealing with most of them is bad economic investment for a man.

    • The **** with being involved with any American woman. They all have a shroud of divorce, economic disparity surrounding their existence. Nothing last long like a married or relationship with them. The long term aftermath that a man has to deal with is financial depletion. In other words dealing with most of them is bad economic investment for a man.

    • The **** with being involved with any American woman. They all have a shroud of divorce, child support and economic disparity surrounding their existence. Nothing last long like a marriage or relationship with them. The long term aftermath that a man has to deal with is financial depletion. 80% of the percentage of divorce rate is initiated by the female. In other words dealing with most of them is bad economic investment for a man.

  9. Ari Dreadfully'Beautiful Tiamiyu on

    People still get married??? Gee, I guess that'd be nice. Guess you have to get past DATING first and any single adult (man OR woman) can say the dating game is absolute bullsh*t nowadays.

  10. I agree with everything except for the whole getting along with family part. You can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family. Not everyone has a tolerable dysfunctional family (because everyone's family is dysfunctional in some ways, but not all are tolerable).

  11. I agree this applies both ways. you got some men that want their women to be this, but they are not playing the man role.

  12. Crystal Staneane on

    Where is the article that tells me what to do to get and keep a woman? I am so sick of seeing this kind of ****. **** written to tell US what to do to get and keep a **** man. Kick rocks.

  13. WELL, WOMEN WANTING TO KNOW WHERE THIER HUSBANDS ARE AT NEED TO TAKE THE ADVICE OF WHAT THESE MEN ARE LOOKING FOR IF AND SNCE THEY WANT ONE BAD ENOUGH. IF NOT KEEP LIVING MISERABLY AND SINGLE FOR THE REST OF THIER LIVES. SOMETIME WE WOMEN NEED TO HUMBLE OURSELVES JUST A BIT. I DON’T MEAN BE A DOOR MAT NOW, BUT IF WE CAN LEARN TO TONE THINGS DOWN A BIT WE MIGHT GET OUR PRINCE CHARMING FOR THIS LIFE PLUS BEING HUMBLE WILL HAVE GOD TO GIVE YOU YOUR PERFECT MATCH. I BEEN SINGLE SINCE AUG 2010 AND LOVIN THE TIME FOR ME AND GOD WHAT I COULD NOT DO WHEN MARRIED OR LIVING IN SIN. NOW VISITING IN HAWAII FOR THE SUMMER, I THINK I MAY HAVE FOUND MY FUTURE. WE WILL SEE. CAUSE IT SURELY HASN’T BEEN NOTHING LIKE THE PAST. PLUS I HAVE O GO BACK TO THE MAINLAND IN AUGUST. I JUST FEEL IT IS GOING TO BE THE ONE. AND GUESS WHAT NO *** BEEN INVOLVED AND WON’T UNTIL I GET THAT BLING. NO BLING…NO GIVIN UP THE THING. AT BEING OVER THE AGE OF 50 *** CAN BE MORE W/LOVING, CUDDLEY AND COMMUNICATION TO MAKING EACH OTHER HAPPY. AND IF THE *** IS NOT WHAT IS EXPECTED OH WELL…THEY GOT A WHOLE LOT OF FREAK TOYS FOR MARRIED COMMITTED COUPLES. DON’T NEED A LOT FOR THAT ULTIMATE FEELING. **** HIS 3 FINGERS TO A FIST WILL DO ONCE ITS UP IN THERE. LOL I AM JUST SICK OF THE PAST LYING DECEIVING DONT WANT TO WORK MEN. WHO THE **** DO THEY THINK THEY ARE? THE BIBLE SAYS WHEN ONE DON’T WORK THEN ONE DON’T EAT. I WAS A FOOL TWICE BY DECEPTION AFTER FEELINGS GOT INVOLVED BUT NEVER AGAIN IN THIS LIFE!
    T NEED

    • Well said Kim. However, most black women I know will rather question the messenger than heed to the message. You seem like an exception sister, and for that I salute you!

      • I also agree with Kim. When you find a GOOD man and you take care and nurture his needs, there is nothing he won’t do for you. This is coming from a woman that is divorced with two kids, and found the man of my dreams that not only loves me, he also loves my two children as his own (he doesn’t have any yet). As a woman you don’t know how much power you have in a relationship, good or bad. A woman’s role is the neck to the head (her man); although underneath the head, without the neck the head doesn’t move, and the neck tells the head which way to turn working together in harmony.

        • I would agree with you if you were talking about a God-man, because a God-man is the Good-Man, he flows with everything and God does not release him to a God-women / Good-women until both are a finished product. Most people in here posting don’t even know what real unconditional love is.

  14. A woman can have all of those qualities and it could still not be enough. I love to communicate verbally and physically but with certain that gets on their nerve. There are some good men out there as well as good women, however ……

  15. Yes!!! Wise head Rena Marie. Another wise thing to consider: We always hear: "Each spouse must give 50-50." Let's add: 50%+50%= 50%. Now, each spouse giving 100%+100% = 100%. The KEY is to "MAKE THE RIGHT CONNECTION." How? 1st. Make your Divine connection or connect with the Source of your purpose for being created. It's me P.

  16. Yep! Tameca Beneby. "The old way still works." Once is all that matter. Most guys just plainly want a SAMPLE of as many as they possibly can run through to BRAG. Most men know that: "honey after the moon connects-is not only the right was; but, "IT it is the earned and highly respected way." Just recently I over heard 2 guys speaking about women. One of them said: "If women only join heads and LOCK THEIR LEGS. Men will be forced to do the right thing." The women"s Lib. founder also said that. I say:True that. "EASY COME. EASY GO." So Sisters: Let's lock the legs tight while we prepare and train each man to be "King to one Queen for life like our President and First Lady." Me P.

  17. This really wasn’t anything new that most women already didn’t know. I’m in agreement with most with the exception of getting along with a man’s family. She’s not marrying your family, she’s marrying you. LEAVE & CLEAVE!!!! Besides, his family may be crazy as ****!!!! We all know this! Individually, “everyone has their own issues” & their own opinions & their own ideas about any & everything. On a family level dealing with folks & their foolishness…AIN’T nobody got tome for all of that. Be cordial & keep it moving!

  18. It doesn’t matter how good you are at all these things if you are keeping score while doing them. Do I do these things on the list? **** yes,with a smile on my face because I love my man. No lie, I had to kiss many a frog before I doing I found mine, but that lead to being able to appreciate him even more. I knew what I wanted and what I didn’t want. So did he. Plus I throw down in the kitchen, I’m about saving money and spending time! Lol!
    Signed,
    Woman with a Ring

  19. These articles are getting so stupid and old. Be yourself and if it's right he will marry you. Im so tired of seeing the subservient how to please a man articles! Kiss my A.. marriage is give n take. I have friends that are all that n more and they still single so Please! And im qualified to give advice because ive been married to a good black man for 10.5 years…Thanks!

  20. @ Eddie shamshoun Davenport you dont have to try to come up with a way to justify black men marrying white women. Most of them that do simply have self hatred issues and cannot handle a black woman. So dont blame the self loathing of the black man on the black female. She has the lowest marriage rate for many reasons. Maby you should watch the documentary "Dark Girls". Now peace be with you and the white woman you choose my Brotha!

  21. This was from a man’s perspective. For all those women that are still not married, just listen and take notes. It wasn’t meant for your critique.

    • Thanks Sharon – this article is informational, and not meant for a critique. We have Two ears and One mouth, so we should listen more than we speak. Not every man is marriage material, and neither is every woman-despite what many women may think. Listen and learn, if you have all the anwers already then good for you.

  22. LaLa32caramel on

    It doesn’t matter most men don’t know what they want. I didn’t give up the goods and was cheated on because he had to have ***. I don’t nag, I’m a very good listner, joke around, don’t stalk his phone or where he is going. Because why waist my time if I don’t trust him on his phone or to leave the house? I still have a hard tine. From my observations and it makes me angry. I see the ones who give up ***, get the man. Why wait when he can get it from the next woman. Not saying I’m a virgin. I chose to have *** and not going into details but very active in the bedroom. Still the same results. I’m not ugly attract many men. I could have been married when I was young and in college but I chose to wait because I wasn’t ready. Now I’m ready and its not happening. I refuse to settle for less.

    • Timing is everything. You can do the right thing for the wrong person. Pay more attention to what we do and less to what we say. witholding *** is never the answer. If a man is used to getting it then you may want to continue that trend. There is a such thing as too soon but that may be a month. After that its time to deliver. That you have to earn it mentality went out the window with the resurrection of the side chick! Tread lightly my sista

  23. Theartistformerlyknownas Heifersaywhat Johnson on

    #7 is poo Especially the last sentence. A woman not smiling doesn't mean she's mad. Furthermore I don't see men esp Black men walking around smiling and no one mistakes them for being mad or angry. Cut the bs.

    Furthermore that last sentence says you want a Stepford wife and not a life mate. Who doesn't want someone supportive or tells them that they are special? A daily requirement of these things however would be silly and I know several people want this.

    But it's kind of annoying to continue to see men make these type of demands but offer not even half of what they so called require. It's equally annoying when the women do it. How about become what you wish to attract!

  24. Michelle Dugar Jones on

    While I appreciate the article, I totally agree with Crystal. That said, 15 REASONS SHE WON’T MARRY YOU
    1. You do not seem to know your purpose; you lack direction.
    2. You act like a certified satisfied mediocre.
    3. You behave irresponsibly.
    4. You do not take her seriously.
    5. You always avoid discussing both of you together or any other issues that bother on commitment.
    6. You do not pride in her, hardly want to introduce her to the people in your life .
    7. You do not treat her any different than the other ladies.
    8. You treat her in disrespect and disregard.
    9. You ignore her corrections.
    10. You won’t ask her opinion; you want to make every decision for her.
    11. You show little or no concerns for the things that concern her.
    12. You make her buy into your dreams and visions but will not give hers a thought.
    13. You have not given her reason to feel secure in your love.
    14. You are more interested in “having” her than loving and marrying her.
    15. You are not just the one for her, or she is not seeing from God’s perspective!

  25. Dennis TheMenace on

    when women or men turn something around to the other gender, their at fault. men and women require different treatment so this doesn't apply both ways

  26. Tanisha Keepsitreal Nute on

    U men seem to go for the high maintenance ones us women that hot our **** together we get blocked.

  27. And for the women who disagree this perhaps why you are not married or. Unhappy in ur marriage the problem is u dont listen to ur man wants besides he is the man of the house , ive bn with my hubby for 18 yrs very happy , four kids same man and im 34 weve never broken up ,its because im not ashame to say my hubby is the man and i treat him as such

  28. What I surmised when I read this ‘article:’

    Dear Woman, Get back in the kitchen, take care of our kids and me. I’m a sensitive punk *** insecure negro who has no basis of reality today.
    This keeps us in a very narrow minded view of gender roles and societal expectations, when we should be steadily evolving to create a better world. If anything I think we need to sit down with these men in effort to further explore where their ideals come from, this is no longer 1920.

    And by the way ‘feminism is nice’ is so incredibly patronizing.
    Sorry X-Man, I will leave it, until you grow up.

  29. Do men understand that when they are not kind to the women in their lives, it effects how she feels in the bedroom. And by "kind", I don't mean "buying her whatever she wants". I mean apologizing when she tells you she's hurt by somethingyou did or said.

  30. We need to ask ourselves why bw black are the least likely group of women to get married, out of all ethnic groups. Let’s be honest, bw aren’t exactly the most likeable or personable women. Quick to “throw shade” or “check a *****” or “tell it like it T-I-S”, obesity problem and calling it “phat” when it’s just “fat”, jealousy and throwing shade at beautiful, slim black women, out of wedlock kids, then expecting some dude who isn’t the father of their broods to come and rescue them from their ****** irresponsibility, and overall loud, combative, ignorant, combative behavior, or the ones who think a degree and a salary a couple of thousand dollars more than a man is making, thinking that qualifies them as a mate, talking about what they ain’t gonna do, wearing those godawful hair hats (weaves)…sorry ladies, you aren’t married because you are simply unappealing to decent black men. Which is why they’re checking for the white women, latinas and other non black women. Clean up your act and maybe a good brother will “put a ring on it”.

    • Devon your comment was HALARIOUS you have a great sense of humor you should be on stage. I’ve been proposed to FOUR times and married THREE! Unfortunately, my husband recently passed away and he was the BEST man I ever had. He was 17 years older and he loved his PYT. He thought the world to me and I likewise. Before we married I told him he would be the LAST man I’d married. I’d hope we both would live to be old but that did not happen. My husband not only left me financially stable but heartbroken because he was the love of my life and it took THREE husbands to get there and I don’t think I’ll EVER find that again and I’m not looking for it. I just want to see my husband again in heaven. When I nursed my husband when he got sick, changing his diapers, bathing him and watching him die. I don’t ever want to got through that again with another husband. It is so painful to watch a love one die. My husband was so good to me and I likewise. I could become a NUN and it wouldn’t matter. My husband left a mark that CANNOT be erased.

    • JkfarriaReply
      November 10, 2013 at 11:19 am
      Your comment is awaiting moderation.

      I have never commented on this topic, as this issue has never impacted me personally, but I have an observation that I’d like to mention . Black women are loved, admired, adored and sought after in other countries, such as Spain, France, UK, Africa, and many others I haven’t mentioned. It is only in America where men have the idea of looking down on a black woman. I think that has a lot to do with the history of black America, and the roles of the black man and the black woman. We can’t change history, but we can change our future. I want black women to think outside of the box. Do not limit yourselves to black men. There are many other cultures who embrace our difference, and will go out of their way to make us happy and fulfill their role as a man. This is the observation of a woman who’s fiancé is from Cameroon, and lives in London, but is going to relocate to America to be with his beautiful, black, educated, young lady. But in the meantime, I’m thrilled and waiting until Friday to catch my plane to London, to visit my African love! My point for the women is explore your options!

  31. Crystal Staneane on

    Michelle, I love that list. I would add to it but that would make me an angry man hating black woman.

  32. Most of the comments are so sad to hear. The guy was not ******* women, he was giving an opinion about marriage qualities and some women have bombed him right off the page. Unfortunately this seems to happen every time an article about Black relationship is printed. Some of these commentators need to throw out the mirror-mirror-on-the-wall!!

  33. When does the brother tell the sister he will not marry her. Is it after he sleeps with her. Many of the comments here are sexist, racist and reflect a certain disrespect of black women.

    I have been married to a sister for 17 years. I love my wife respect her and feel blessed to have her in my life. Unfortunately, too many successful black men have bought into the lie that there are no good black women out there. My wife and I fought to survive together early in our marriage. Money was very tight. I worked two jobs to make ends meet. Through luck and grace we have been able to pay off our school loans and now can buy whatever we want , within reason.

    A woman is not a robot to satisfy every want and desire of a man. A man who is looking for a woman todo that will be disappointed. Marriage is a partnership. One hand washes the other.

    The truth is that black women are doing better than black men. Many highly educated black woman cannot find a suitable mate because of the high incarceration rates, drug addiction and generally unsuitable black men out there. Black women may have to look to other races to find a suitable match.

    The tone of this article bothers me. It sounds like the brothers are doing a woman a favor by marrying her. Black men need to grow up and smell the coffee. We need to support our children and stop trying to get as much *** as we can get before we die. There is more to life than ***. The truth is some of us act like we cannot survive without a woman. We are players but at the same time seem unable to face life on our own.

    Mean spirited articles like this one serve no good purpose.

    Many of the problems in the black family rest on the shoulders of us, black men.

    Women of all races can be overweight,angry or just difficult to deal with.

      • Y’know, Cosmo and similar magazines publish articles like this all the time, with mostly positive feedback. Which is why they continue to publish them. But try to tell a Black woman what a Black man is looking for, and they lose their minds. How is telling you what I’m looking for disrespectful to you? How is having the courage to express what I’m looking for in a mate somehow synonymous with being “an insecure punk ***”, as one angry sister above put it. Hey ya’ll like throw the Bible around, even as you ignore the parts that don’t fit your agenda, so try this on: “cast not your pearls before swine” meaning don’t waste wisdom on those determined to remain ignorant. Stay single, if you want. Spend your life shifting the blame on Black men, for your inability to maintain a relationship, if you want. Hey, shout down anybody who tries to express a dissenting opinion, why not? This is directed not so much at one particular woman as most of the responses above. Clearly, no one can tell you anything, but maybe, just maybe, the fact that 70% of Black women are unmarried has something to do with what Black women are doing, or failing to do. Or you can believe that all the rich brothers are with white women because they ain’t man enough for you, if that makes you feel better. Whatever.

    • Thanks for your post it was so refreshing. And you are right I was married to a man who told me several times that he was doing me a favor and was trying to get all the a** he could get. He thought with the bad rap that black men get he was doing me a favor. Wow smh.

    • @Cambie, Brother to put it succinctly: you got blessed. It’s important when one is as blessed as you to maintain both gratitude and humility. You are lecturing brothers as if what you have is readily available. What you have is rare. What you have is what I’ve been looking for since I allowed God into my life in 1999. Maybe you have been out of circulation too long to really be aware of how awful it is these days. My last misadventure was 2 1/2 years with a sister who was supposedly in recovery, supposedly on the same spiritual path I was on, but who turned out to be at best a compulsive liar, and at worst maybe an out and out sociopath. And she has lots of friends who agree with her that it’s alright to be in someone’s life for years taking all you can get, and then to start staying out all night, lying about it, and finally declaring “I don’t have to tell you anything” Okay, well the punchline is I’m supposed to continue to hang in there for her, and when I chose to move on-I’m wrong. Yeah, I wish you many more years in what you have brother. But don’t get it twisted: you got blessed. God did that for you. You don’t have the experience to lecture those who have been in the trenches. But we’ll keep fighting the good fight for you.

    • Speak! I was immediately disgusted by this article and felt like it took Black women back 50 years. If a man doesn’t want a woman who is his equal than he isn’t worth having. Someone needs to be a voice to let Black women know that they are enough just the way they are and perfect the way they were born. And that they don’t have to try to look up to this tired sexist viewpoint of what it is to be a woman.

    • Thank you for taking the time to post your comment. It means a lot, coming from a brother. I wish you many more years of happy matrimony.

  34. Kendra Maples on

    Who is going to back up our dreams? Who is going to respect us..most of the time when your going toward those dreams,you want us to support you in you forget we even exist.

  35. I don't hate kids, I just don't want to be bothered with someone else's. I hate when men have baby mama drama. It doesn't make me less nurturing. I don't and shouldn't have to share my man with his past relationships! So if you have small children, more than likely all we can be are friends…

  36. Chris Stephens on

    I made the mistake of overlooking the high maintenance & bitchiness in my 1st wife. Trust me, guys, you better think long & hard about what you are getting into!

  37. u women need to STOP gettin upset with this article, bcuz for every article that addresses the man's side, there's at least 10-15 articles that addresses it from the woman's side.. so stop bein upset and just read it.. bcuz I'm sure there's at least ONE thing on that list your going to agree with! sheesh..

  38. EverFabulous Andrea Payne on

    I would love to know how most men determine that a woman is 'high maintenence.' I've heard from men who I went out with a couple of times that I come across as high maintenence and I find it comical actually. I am not a label queen and don't even own a designer handbag. I am very practical and frugal when it comes to spending money and I actually own my own home, own my car (and have no car note) and my finances are in order and I have never been the type to demand money or expensive gifts from a man. I do dress well, and as one family member put it, I "know how to make broke look real good." I tend to buy things of higher quality when I do spend my money, because they last longer…especially when they are well maintained. I know other women like me, who dress nicely, have good careers, own homes, but they meet men who are quick to call them 'high maintenece,' because it appears that these guys are somehow threatened because they don't have homes, and some of them have credit and financial issues and its easier to say the woman is high maintenence than admit that they need some self improvement in their own money management.

  39. This made me laugh! Though I am now a widow, my husband was NOTHING like this nor was I like this fantasy “momma you can screw” that your friends describe. Dude, you need to get new friends because those guys are VERY emotionally immature, childish and insecure.

    Grown men should NEVER in the same sentence, thought or in any other way reference a woman they are ******** with their MOMMA. Your woman is not your mother and should never be expected to treat you like she is. Do you know how silly that makes you sound?

    And to keep referencing your need to have your ego constantly built up… that’s just sad. That weakness of spirit is one chief reason men are so easily manipulated and not deemed trustworthy by black women. Though she loves you, she is not confident of your behavior and actions because your sense of self as a man is so shaky and fragile.

    Lastly, since I’ve been single, married, widowed and single again, I can tell you that marriage is really NOT ALL THAT for women. Men benefit far more from it than women ever could unless dude is a big baller millionaire and she has nannies and maids.

    Cooking, cleaning, taking care of his snot nosed brats from his baby mommas, listening to him whine about his problems, pumping him up all the time, meeting all his ****** needs while he thinks him marrying you means he is doing you a favor, expected to be grinning all the **** time like a fool no matter what you do or say to her, watching you sit on the couch after work and relax while she rushes around with kids and housework for hours = exhausted and resentful women that really don’t see any benefit to being married to your butts.

    Young single black men need to wake up. Yall are living a dream if you think all those foreign women are lining up to marry your spoiled behinds. And remember, for every black woman that has never been married, there is an equivalent number of black man that have never been married either. Check US Census reports and you’ll see the %ages are neck and neck.

    Black women may be the least married race of female, but black men are also the least married race of male!

    Isn’t that cute how that works? So people that want to throw that in women’s faces like its something to be ashamed of need to check the mirror. Cause you talking about yourself.

    A wife is not a servant, she is a partner and a blessing that you need to be grateful to have instead of acting like you are entitled. What you expect to get you need to be prepared to give and a lot more if you want to be respected as a husband, a father, and a leader in your communities.

  40. The real telling point is to see who gets "Mad" over an article like this. It's not written to make you mad. It's pointing out issues which most men think are true. Don't worry, there are plenty of articles and movies bashing no-good men…

  41. Karnesha Slaughter on

    Lmao yes then the non black women they marry take em for alllll they got as soon as the timing is right. Bravo!!

  42. Karnesha Slaughter on

    But a friendship is the basis of a relationship…no? Its up to men to figure out how to show a woman that he wants to be more than that!

  43. Karnesha Slaughter on

    Nicholas King Marshall or maybe "he" is in the friend zone because she's not attracted to him. Do you really want a woman that deep down doesn't want you?

  44. Kenyatte Wilson on

    15 reasons? It's more like 15 opinions of a bratty woman who isn't getting what she wants in the relationship.

  45. Kameka Thickebeauti Ellzey on

    This article is accurate to a great degree. I been married 13 years… And my husband says all these things about me. The only other thing is I am neat and clean & I can cook my *** off! Lol…

  46. It always astounds me when a topic is gender specific, in this case about how men feel, and someone always has to dilute it by saying that it applies to the other gender as well. We KNOW that by just once give a man his say.

    Give the man a fair hearing and learn from what he is saying or disagree with it from HIS point of view.

    Maddening…

  47. It’s funny that anytime someone brings up what MEN don’t like you women go on the defensive saying that’s not true!! How do you figure these aren’t facts if WE keep running from you, breaking up with you, not marrying you, or flat out ignore you? That’s why the majority of you will never get married or even asked to marry because you think you KNOW what we want and desire…. Oh my bad let me guess you are waiting on GOD to put your ideal man in front of you huh??!!! You all kill me with this!!!

  48. High-maintainence, in man-speak, CAN mean that the woman requires a lot of financial and emotional input from the man. In your case, it probably means, "Oh ****! I'll have to get off my behind and put in a bit of EFFORT with this one!" All power to you!

  49. What you missed Donny and Bobby is that WOMEN DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK OR WANT. No woman with good sense is trying to marry you. Run if you want to, nobody will chase you. Ignore us if you please, saves us from wasting our time with some spoiled male who has a false belief of his superiority.

    At some point you guys have to realize that marrying you is NOT A PRIZE TO COMPETE FOR. The mentality projected in this piece indicates males that are selfish, immature, and silly. Marriage to such a man is a joke… nothing but slavery by another name for women.

    The Cons of Marriage – Why Women Should Not Get Married

    • With respect, my friend, I never offered an opinion on what he wrote one way or the other.

      All I said was that if a man or a woman posts something about themselves, invariably someone comes along and dilutes it by saying that it applies to the other gender as well. As I said, we KNOW that but why can’t people just stick to the topic at hand without digressing into other areas. It’s akin to mothers taking credit on Father’s Day conundrum.

      As for what he says about what men think, he’s entitled to his opinion and I don’t think he’s trying to appear superior at all. It is what he and his friends think that women should know. To not give him the room to think and say that is myopic in my view. Because one may not agree with what he says doesn’t make him wrong. They’re just his thoughts from his point of view.

      I also think that no matter how strong a woman is, or says she is, she would want HER man to be as strong or stronger than she is in the context of their relationship. If that’s not true, then she can be perfectly happy without such a relationship and the matter is moot. That’s just my opinion

      Thanks for responding…be blessed.

    • No Deborah, BLACK women don’t care what we want. Or maybe that’s just you. Nah, it’s more than you, believe me. But your ideas about the weaknesses of Black men are kinda ridiculous. Of course your statement that marriage only benefits a woman if she marries a “big balla” pretty much sums up your mindset. But I’ll waste a couple of seconds to point out that wanting praise from his woman is an integral part of male psychology. Not Black male, you understand, but all males. You might want to research that if you cared, but you actually used the term “big balla” so I don’t expect too much. That you find all of this so worthy of scorn means you are the woman this article wasn’t intended for. It was intended for those who do care. Since that (as you actually said) isn’t you, why did you care enough to throw some negativity at this? And why should we care about your opinion?

  50. Respect Gender Roles?
    Why?
    I want a guy who's my equal, not some "master", and not my inferior either.

    Yes, I'm a Feminist. Also been married 32 years to my best friend, my equal, my partner. "Roles" belong in TV shows. Guys who are Power-Junkies – you deserve better than that. Girls who are Power-Junkies – no man is going to tolerate that for long, he doesn't deserve it.

  51. Jay Lamothe on

    Crystal Staneane – ahhahhahah lol

    You do recognize that losing you and possibly Michelle is actually a GAIN for brothers right. We can do without you angry souls.

    The typical, yeah I said it. Why are you so **** upset and angry at everything. #7

    I do recognize a trend, however. Not to say that you're unattractive but I find that a great deal of the more than attractive sisters have by far less to no chip on their shoulder.

    Just like UGLY dudes are mean. Ugly chicks are always upset and saying n*gga ain't sh*t! So if that's you, well then you might be uhhhh =/

  52. Interesting article however if the single person does not also delight his/her self in the Lord he/she will not get the desires of his/her heart. Let the word of God be your guide as you wait on the Lord for your mate get to know Him, love Him, and His love for you will truly be the desire of your heart.

  53. Regina Gilmore Heck on

    I second that! I've done and been everything on that list EXCEPT -the family part. He had to accept that I'm his family now & I come 1st especially since I made sure after God he was next in line! We're about to celebrate our 19th yr of marriage.

  54. In many a Black male-female relationship, there is a third party – a White male. In other words, many of the values we prize in our relationships were handed-me-downs. I have obeserved that African marriages tend to remain strong and intact – and without many of the unreasonable expectations or aspirations from each other. Perhaps we should keep it simple by getting back to basics. Why, for example, DO I need a weave to impress a Black man. If I am always trying to Europeanize my hair or features, then am I not ALIENATING Black men, complicit – on a subliminal level – in keeping them distracted by a search for a “Black” woman who most approximates a White female in appearance? Why the need to “perform” in the bedroom or be so highly sexualized, to the exclusion of virtues that are more about GROWTH and developing oneself as a person, not presenting oneself as something to be selected like a product on a shelf or out of a catalog. I don’t see much here about seeking SPIRITUAL compatibility, looking for INTELLECTUAL compatibility in a relationship or potential coupling. Personally, I am attracted to a man who is, at “first blush,” warm and intellectually stimulating – a man I feel I can learn a thing or two from. He has to have a mind. For that reason, I have been attracted to a man who was a mathematician and one who was a doctoral candidate in comparative literature – in the former, I found a deep kindness & compassion and the latter an interesting and colorful appreciation for connectivity through stories, ancient, old and new, as well as a love for travel, and in both a appreciation for seeing in life the myriad connections in subtle and not-so-apparent ways. There is something to be said, also, for a man is highly intelligent, has a passion in life or certain intellectual gifts – he is less likely to bring a lot of shallow expectations, or drama into the relationship, less likely be abusive – either emotionally or physically. And I don’t refer to men who are full of themselves because they have “a little education,” or a title, but rather ones who TRULY appreciate knowledge, an incisive or sharp mind, and enjoy learning new things. While physical attractiveness, emotional maturity, and personability or the “absence of a bad attitude” have their place, possessing an intellectually stimulating mind, intellectual curiosity, or seeking opportunities to develop one’s minds together should head the list, as with an intelligent and open mind, one will more likely to get it right on other fronts. This article does not especially set forth that this should be a component, or of concern to men or women, in relationships. There should be beauty/attractiveness in body AND mind. Start there first.

  55. In many a Black male-female relationship, there is a third party – a White male. In other words, many of the values we prize in our relationships were handed-me-downs. I have obeserved that African marriages tend to remain strong and intact – and without many of the unreasonable expectations or aspirations from each other. Perhaps we should keep it simple by getting back to basics. Why, for example, DO I need a weave to impress a Black man. If I am always trying to Europeanize my hair or features, then am I not ALIENATING Black men, complicit – on a subliminal level – in keeping them distracted by a search for a “Black” woman who most approximates a White female in appearance? Why the need to “perform” in the bedroom or be so highly sexualized, to the exclusion of virtues that are more about GROWTH and developing oneself as a person, not presenting oneself as something to be selected like a product on a shelf or out of a catalog. I don’t see much here about seeking SPIRITUAL compatibility, looking for INTELLECTUAL compatibility in a relationship or potential coupling. Personally, I am attracted to a man who is, at “first blush,” warm and intellectually stimulating – a man I feel I can learn a thing or two from. He has to have a mind. For that reason, I have been attracted to a man who was a mathematician and one who was a doctoral candidate in comparative literature – in the former, I found a deep kindness & compassion and the latter an interesting and colorful appreciation for connectivity through stories, ancient, old and new, as well as a love for travel, and in both a appreciation for seeing in life the myriad connections in subtle and not-so-apparent ways. There is something to be said, also, for a man is highly intelligent, has a passion in life or certain intellectual gifts – he is less likely to bring a lot of shallow expectations, or drama into the relationship, less likely be abusive – either emotionally or physically. And I don’t refer to men who are full of themselves because they have “a little education,” or a title, but rather ones who TRULY appreciate knowledge, an incisive or sharp mind, and enjoy learning new things. While physical attractiveness, emotional maturity, and personability or the “absence of a bad attitude” have their place, possessing an intellectually stimulating mind, intellectual curiosity, or seeking opportunities to develop one’s minds together should head the list, as with an intelligent and open mind, one will more likely to get it right on other fronts. This article does not especially set forth that this should be a component, or of concern to men or women, in relationships. There should be beauty/attractiveness in body AND mind, as well as spirit. Start there first.

  56. This is basically correct… because you see those with these type of attributes get married, it doesn't mean that the marriage itself will last once the man actually gets tired of these very same attributes… I was lucky to marry a wonderful woman while I was young… if it wasn't for her, or basically love for your significant other, I literally would not be married due to many of these attributes which comes in this day and age…
    plus the way that marriage is treated and the aftermath which could happen to a man, there is no benefit for men to actually get married since many see that having children out of wedlock is an option, being women are no longer seen as chattel and considered equal in every way (which it should be), with divorce and policies in which alimony are derived after the ending of marriage… it is basically at a man's financial risk to enter into any marital contract.

  57. Well, since its black women having it hard to get married in the first place, or keep a mate, or pick the suitable mate other than the many decisions which may be thought as to being the right person in which is picked… then maybe you should heed the words told…
    because its not black men which stopped getting married, they simply stopped getting married at an alarming rate to sistas… which is the problem.

  58. Spivey L. Gordon on

    Lynnea, your husband may be in jail or dodging the site of you. Often times, women will call the police after an argument have the man who’s the father of their children arrested and walk around if they’re clueless and even have the audacity the ask where are the men. If you are really interested in where are the men, I recommend first you check the jail.

  59. Well the first problem is the high maintenance thing… I'm not at all high maintenance but I've seen many guys marry extremely high maintenance women in fact… They're so demanding that it's their way or the highway, that's how they end up getting married…. With gorgeous ceremonies, btw. Nice easy going girls who go with the flow and give space get pushed to the side or sat at the back burner. That's what I've seen many times. And I wonder if this guy or any of the friends he spoke to are actually married. If not, he really was talking about marriage the way young girls do "MY perfect husband will be this this and this"… Without the faintest idea of what marriage really is or why anyone gets married

  60. Everyone has an opinion, honor that. Word daggers and maliciousness are unneccessary, Malika & Crystal. You usually get what you put into it, unless it's a one-sided relationship…my opinion, take it or leave it and it doesn't make me a "jerk" just because I'm a man either, ladies.

  61. Deborrah Cooper on

    It's obvious that the fellas interviewed for the article are young and single. They have no clue what marriage is about, or what is required to sustain it for decades. This piece contains boyish fantasies, and childish yearnings for nurturing in a parental manner. None of the things on this list are going to guarantee a ring. Young men pick a wife based on how *** appeal – that's it! They try to make it seem like they have all these standards, but they don't. That's why they marry Big Booty Sally, while the girl who goes through changes to get and keep a man is passed over. It's all a Ghetto Jedi mind trick.

  62. Louis German on

    Deborrah the same thing you say about men can be said for women too.—> "That's why they marry Big Booty Sally, while the girl who goes through changes to get and keep a man is passed over. It's all a Ghetto Jedi mind trick."

  63. If every time she is keeping you broke and her vanity issues superseded what is necessary to maintain the home or add to it's development. When it's all about her and that's it. What's so hard to understand about that. Like minister Farrakan said…..this kind of woman will put a man into economic slavery………she would be out of his home because he would not tolerate it. Neither would I and I am a good black man with a good work ethic, education, and stability. I wouldn't let a fool come into my life and destroy that.

  64. Ileah Collins on

    Ok, wow here's my take on this crappy list:
    1. relevant concern..unless of course you ACTUALLY want a broke dude.
    2. you must want kids because I want them eff how you feel or if you can conceive!
    3. I'm kind of a wimp and constantly need you to stroke my ego. Oh and I never grew up past the age of 2.
    4. I'm a sexist ***** and need you to act like my personal slave. Oh and remember, no man of another race wants you so take it!
    5. if the *** is bad it's your fault!
    6. You can't control this…but it's your fault too! I want everything easy!
    7. I want you to to have no emotional depth as a person. Remember, you must be like a Stepford wife.

  65. Malika CutebutCrazy Flowers on

    Carlos, I just reread what Crystal and I said and at no point did I see a bit of maliciousness or name calling. All we stated was that these things work in theory, but in the real world, there are way more dynamics that go into keeping a relationship going.

  66. Crystal Staneane on

    it doesn't matter what I say if I'm not praising the black man then I am angry black woman in their eyes…. like Malika Flowers just said neither of us said anything malicious or gave any name calling, but I was called an angry black woman and it was implied that I was ugly because I had an opinion…. I never said I gave up on black men I just said that my boyfriend just happens to be white…. I only offered this information after a black man said that black men were still getting married just not to black women…

  67. Crystal Staneane on

    Kali…did you even read what Eddie wrote to me before you responded to my post? Im sure you didnt.

  68. Nope. The women I've seen get married the quickest – and multiples times – are guilty of most everything on this list. But they look like a "hottie" per westernized standards, and so the men go for them. I have three gorgeous BFF's who fit the list to a T, and are single.

  69. Michelle Dugar Jones all that goes for women too. TF u talking about??? i know to many women that you just explained right their. and most think they are special. TF mr. rogers got yall on that your special just because your you complex.

  70. It figures.. Instead of the women just taking heed of some general advice about what men want in their relationships the comments just turn bitter and condescending toward black men. It is truly sad to see how 400+ years of white supremacy and the resulting slave mentality has gripped us to the point that we can’t have constructive conversations anymore without finger pointing. And you religious freaks are the worst, worshiping your blue eyed white jesus on Sundays and talking about how “black men ain’t ****” the rest of the week. Well, I’m about to add #8 to the list and **** people off even more. #8 A lot of women need to push away from the table and learn to like salads and fruits. A fit body is more attractive than an obese one. No matter how “good” of a woman you think you are most men don’t want women who are big enough to play in the NFL.

  71. Ok I am very happily married 24 years and dated my ride or die 5 years prior to her making me the happiest man in the world with three adult children, college educated and a grand on the way. I believe I can safely say. Listen and take heed its simply insight! Keep in mind nothing is 100% perfect. My wife and I have argued, fussed and said we are getting divorced a 1000 times in 29 almost 30 years. Just got in a heated fight week before last about our kids. But she knows, loves and accepts me for the imperfect person that I am and I her. Once this is practiced and learned everything else falls into place.

    What really weighs in the balance for us is are we willing or even able to sit down and be vulnerable, communicate true thoughts, feelings and then be willing to embrace one another’s vulnerabilities, thoughts, needs and desires and live up to, sacrifice for, and simply “be” what your Husband, Wife or significant other wants, needs and desires.

    If you can/will you’ll probably on your way to living happily ever after and if you can’t or won’t you won’t.

    I do believe that when we respect each other as human beings and truly seek truthfulness, honesty, and most importantly vulnerability we can’t help but find the happiness we seek. We all are seeking the same thing. When we listen/embrace what I refer to as toxic expert advice sometimes even from respected publications, images from media, talk shows, movies, tv and refuse to live out ones true lives, ultimately the behavior ends up similar to what is played out on TV and in media (We’ve got more divorces, separations of friends and family to prove it). Understand we live in an imperfect world and we are imperfect people.

    Happiness is there you gotta work your *** off for it though! Nothing good comes easy… Just remember the fight I had two weeks ago. It only brought us closer. I Love That Woman!!!!

    Peace At Lest!

    A Loving Husband & Father

    • No offense to the other people that have commented AND MADE SENSE. But, I got to say that this Brother (Alex) has hit the nail so solidly on the head, that he drove it through the wood. In the words of my old Pastor, “What’s love got to do with it. You fall in love, out of love, and if you hold out you’ll fall back in love again.” But something he said basically sums up Alex’s position, and that is, “If you keep on fighting and keep on loving, your going to make it.” It’s going to take LOVE and COMMITMENT, for when one fails the other needs to be present until the both of you get back on track.

  72. I am single and have never been married. After reading much of these responses, I see that this is still a subject that needes to be discussed in our community. I am especially concerned with the comments made by “Devon”, which is the opinion of the media about Black Women, being fed to the black community.

    It is wonderful that Men are discussing these issues and women are being informed.

    I have taken the time in my singleness to love who I am, where I am. I have learned what I want in a relationship, what I will and will not tolerate and that I have to make the CHOICE. At this time, I have chosen to learn how to communicate, listen, and humble myself.

    It takes loving yourself, knowing who you are and what you want. We have been taught to hate each other for so long, I think it’s time to start treating US with the respect and love that we each deserve. STOP TEARING DOWN AND START BUILDING UP

  73. What I have found out also is that men want a “good woman” some men do NOT know how to find one but they “really” want a “good woman”. What I mean by a “good woman” is a woman who they can trust. What my husband saw in me was “compassion” he knew I was sincere about him. My husband was an older man and perhaps that was what he was looking for—someone who cared about him and wasn’t out for what they could get from him.

  74. Wow!!! Wheww.. i thought i’d never get to the bottom of the page Great! Article. I agree with the guys. The things stated we’re on the Money! I’ve been Married for fifteen years (praise The Lord) and i show! (Not sure) lol remember saying i’m not married to your family, i don’t care if i never saw any of them (sooo not true) because those family outings will arise, you will be required to attend, and you will go! so…. having a great relationship with your Extended family is MOST!!! important. I Adore my extended Family. But I could Not! even Phanthom the thought in this day and age of finding a husband. Oh wait.. yes i could beacuse I would Pray, and Allow God!!!! to send me a Godfearing, Wonderful Husabnd.

  75. After what I just got out of, It’s going to take a miracle for me to care about what a man wants in a wife, girlfriend, hookup – I.do.not.care. A man can have all of that and not be willing to meet a woman halfway on her needs, just want to be appreciated for what he does and forget about what he doesn’t or the myriad of times you’ve forgiven him, and have her turn into a lot of those things in response and in the end, lose her.

    All I can say about #5 is if she wasn’t like that from the beginning, you need to do some self examination to figure out what happened, because there’s a chance that it’s not just her. Stress and unresolved issues can kill anybody’s *** drive.

    I have no problem with giving credit where it’s due, but I am not into ego stroking. Little kids need that and I’m not trying to be with a child. If you can live w/o having someone stroking your ego while you’re single, why in the world do you suddenly need that when a woman comes into your life?

  76. Ginger Peakock on

    I’m a little confused. What are you guys giving back in return. The entire article sounds selfish. Its all about what’s good for you? Satisfying your needs, sounds a little robotic, and controlling. What a joke… Nothing surprising here in this article. A man’s point of view.

  77. Pingback: Ladies: Things That Will Make A Man NEVER Want To Marry You | PositivePressAgency

  78. Ozeilia Reynolds on

    No matter what you do or nit do,if a man wants to cheat,that’s just what he’s going to do. He can have the best woman at home that any man should be honored to have and will still find an excuse to be unfaithful. Then,he wonders why he’s on his way to Divorce Court and/or wonder why he has drama.

  79. Two tears in a bucket. Not everyone wants to be married. I thought I did until I got into a committed relationship. Its really not that bad being single.

  80. Eventhough I can agree with some things here…it all depends on what your position is in the situation. You also want to ask yourself some questions on how you are handling your relationship.

    I was recommended to a website by a friend http://www.becomplete.net It has been an eye opener for me. I never would have thought how much control I could have over a relationship. I hope it helps anyone who it reading this. Good Luck!

  81. “Men are physical creatures”

    here is where i call b/s, there are men out there that want more then just looks and big ****.

    if this is posted by a man: you do not speak for anyone but yourself and the few dumba** people you questioned for your little article!

    if this was posted by a women (which i think is suggested in the opening): i feel sorry for you, i really do. it must be hard for someone to go through life looking at things the way you do…

    what ever happened to, two ppl living together and working to better each other or just being together, because that’s what make em happy. im not going to get into a debate here, mostly, because i don’t care, really…

    people get so hung up on stupid and petty sh*t, that alot of you have lost sight of what really matters!

    you also make it sound like, if you through the pu**y on a man enough he will do what ever you want, we call these types of men, TOOLS!

    …and really, come on now, who loves a tool or a push over.

    but, really, please keep up the b/s, it’s what drives me. laughing at how society is on a steady downward spiral, is what keeps me going…

    LuLz

    Now, go back to shoveling ice cream down you’re throat and wondering why good men don’t want you!

    and please, keep it LuLzY

  82. I have never commented on this topic, as this issue has never impacted me personally, but I have an observation that I’d like to mention . Black women are loved, admired, adored and sought after in other countries, such as Spain, France, UK, Africa, and many others I haven’t mentioned. It is only in America where men have the idea of looking down on a black woman. I think that has a lot to do with the history of black America, and the roles of the black man and the black woman. We can’t change history, but we can change our future. I want black women to think outside of the box. Do not limit yourselves to black men. There are many other cultures who embrace our difference, and will go out of their way to make us happy and fulfill their role as a man. This is the observation of a woman who’s fiancé is from Cameroon, and lives in London, but is going to relocate to America to be with his beautiful, black, educated, young lady. But in the meantime, I’m thrilled and waiting until Friday to catch my plane to London, to visit my African love! My point for the women is explore your options!

    • Jkfarria,
      You are correct. The problem IS specifically with black women in America. Black women of other cultures simply don’t act like the black women in America. They are more respectful, have less masculine energy, don’t do annoying things like cover up their beautiful skin with stupid tattoos that make no sense.

      My theory? Is that American black women were socially engineered this way by the dominant society for the sole purpose as destroying the black family. Black people are no longer needed or wanted in America. Slavery has ended and immigration will provide the necessary low wage population needed to work for the dominant society. If you drive a wedge between the man and woman of a race then not only are they easier to control, but they are easier to destroy.

      No man wants to be with a woman who has been psychologically engineered to hate him. Even if it is a woman of his own race.

      But to your point, if I hope to find a black woman to marry who will be more respectful to me than her “white daddy”, I have come to the realization that I may have to leave this country to find her.

      • You must not have been exposed to much else. Maybe you should broaden your scope of social experience with a different caliber of people. You know what you see, and you speak of your observations. I grew up around successful educated intelligent women. I have my mother, great grandmother, and aunts to thank for the exposure. So I can talk with you about that. Get out of your comfort zone, open your eyes, and get to experiencing something different from what you’re used to. To tell you the truth, all men who have sworn off the option of loving or being loved by a black woman, are at a lost. Good luck with that.

  83. You must not have been exposed to much else. Maybe you should broaden your scope of social experience with a different caliber of people. You know what you see, and you speak of your observations. I grew up around successful educated intelligent women. I have my mother, great grandmother, and aunts to thank for the exposure. So I can talk with you about that. Get out of your comfort zone, open your eyes, and get to experiencing something different from what you’re used to. To tell you the truth, all men who have sworn off the option of loving or being loved by a black woman, are at a lost. Good luck with that.

  84. This means that to balance the budget, we’d have to raise taxes on this how to find and marry a rich man group
    as well. The people showing this world, you can how to find and marry
    a rich man jump on the platform. You know I’ve met so many people answer to themselves as being of a
    particular type but they kind of select what they want or feel.

  85. What about when you gave him all the love and he was running in the beginning? You tried to be nice to the family, but he spoke ill of you and had the family think badly of you. It’s hard. It’s been a long road. After I stepped back in my relationship, he started to finally see that I am someone special who can be all the things you all say you want in a woman. Just remember, men can kill a woman’s *** drive when he makes her feel bad. Especially if she has tried everything to make him happy.

  86. The only one I truly take issue with is number 2.

    Some women (like me) truly ARE bad with kids. And sorry, but not all of us have a nurturing instinct. “Bad” can be interpreted a number of ways for a woman. Maybe she never wanted kids in the picture. While I recognize the chances of meeting a childless dude are remote –of any color–I’m not exactly interested in the role of stepmom. If the kids are older its much better for me, but I speak for me only
    For myself, and not other black women. Past experience has taught me that ready-made families came with too much dramatics. Kids not liking you because you’re not their mom, their mothers interfering in the relationship, and so on. It reached a point for me where I just stopped f******g with men who had children, period. The truth is I don’t want kids. Ever. I made a deliberate decision not to have any and I recognize this doesn’t sit well with many men. And yes, I accept that. Kids are a deal breaker like religion. If both parties aren’t on the same page about children then this truly will raise serious problems, which is why I let men know from the get-go I am NOT a child person, I really dislike kids and babies, so don’t expect me to coddle them. In the future, should you decide you want to enter fatherhood, I will respect your decision and move on, and I have done this. I’ll only say this: if a woman tells you she is bad with kids believe it. This is preferable to you testing her theory she’ll change her mind…which has happened to me more times than I can count. Do I expect a father to cast his children aside so he’ll focus all of his attention on me? OF COURSE NOT. I’m saying don’t expect me to accompany you and your genetic copies on your family outings.

    I know this is harsh but there is a reason I have none of my own…I’m not interested in playing the role of “mother” to yours.

  87. Black Men seem to not know what they want. I have been around Black Men that seemed intrigued by me because I wasn’t like the other ‘sisters’; I don’t have tattoos, I listen to various genres of music (not just Rap and R&B), I use correct English most of the time when speaking (unless I’m joking with close friends), etc. However, eventually, they end up telling me how much they admire the ‘sisters’ that are half-naked in the club and go after them, leaving me confused.

    Black Men say that they want a ‘sister’ that does not act ‘ghetto’ but in reality, that is what attracts these very men.

    If a Black Man truly wants a respectful, educated ‘sister’ then he needs to wake up and recognize when he is in the presence of one. Otherwise, he will just be a “Baby Daddy” like most American Black Men.

  88. I am a “Proud Blackwomen”, whom today is grieved in spirit to admit, but “NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT” that (many) but *(not all) of my black sisters are involved in the “PRACTICE OF WITCHCRAFT” against many of my innocent black brothers and many of my innocent black sisters.

    Isaiah 8:10
    Take counsel together, and it shall come to naught; (SPEAK THE WORD), and it shall (not stand) for God is with us….

    Many African americans are “AFRAID” to even speak-up or say the word “WITCHCRAFT” because they believe it is some kind of d@mn TABU, or they are use to walking in blindness cluelessness and the spirit of (FEAR)… but Redbone ain’t afraid to bring it to the table because (I) like so many others have been a “VICTIM” of many vicious attacks by my own sisters within our own black communities and inside our black 4-wall institutional churches within the United States America.

    The practice of witchcraft also cross the color-lines, but forget crossing the d@mn color-lines, today I’m talking about my own people who are embedded with so much hatred against each other from the heart that we as African American don’t even realize that our hatred for one another is also a form of “WITCHCRAFT MENTALITY” against our ownselves.
    I’m ashamed and ****** at many of my black sisters who work the craft behind closed doors in secret with other sisters… matter of fact I’m not going to even call you my sisters… because you are all so fkn evil and demented you don’t even deserve to be called: “BLACKWOMAN”, you name is: “DEMONIC COLORED WO-MAN” because as far as I’m concerned you have no “IDENTITY”, because you have lost the “LIGHT” you were created to shine across humanity with, meaning you are now “SEPERATED FROM GOD”, and you stick-out like a soar thumb with your “JEZEBEL SPIRIT”… you evil donkeya$$ bytches are the real definition of the word “RATCHET BYTCHES”, so lets just keep it real from this day forward because its pass time for all of you to be exposed to open shame.

    Because of your “GREED” to have a “BLACKMAN” in your life who will shower you with “MATERIALISTIC BLING AKA: money and everything else that comes along with it that is not even pleasing to your creator because of the evil trickery low-down dirty ways you attained it in the first place, you have stooped so low as to “CAST SPELLS” that:
    Turn the affections of a married blackman against his wife and children…

    Dress your ****** with a wicked substance to get a blackman…

    Put one of your ****** monthly kotex or tampons in a meal specially prepared for our good blackmen of integrity because you dirty bytches really do know how to spot them out in a crowd zoom-in and pick them…. Bam! Bam! Bam! most brothers don’t even realize they have been hit because that is what the curse is designed to do.

    Dress yourself with a wicked substance to draw him in for the kill all for the purpose of money and finances.

    Use your own filthy urine…

    You “Spike or Micki” other peoples drinks, you work your evil donkeya$$ wicked spells everywhere you go because you are a “THIEVING BUNCH OF ADDICTED CONTROL FREAKS” who’s main purpose is to “KILL STEAL and DESTROY” the black community.

    You constantly attack “GOD’S ANOINTED PEOPLE” because you are power-hungry wicked sin-sick double-dealing demons.

    Many of you are caught up into homosexuality and orgys for the purpose of satanic rituals and secred alters of sacrifice.

    You go into your own black sisters house and plant wicked substance to cause the spirit of kaos in her household due to your low-self-esteem and the spirit of “JEALOUSY & COVETNESS…

    You will even stoop so low as to cause your own sister to miscarriage baby, lose her employment, murder, dress her man to make her physically sick when they have ******-intercourse…

    You astro-project into other peoples personal space wee hours of the morning during the bewitching hours. You operate in many gifts that you use the opposite of God, even stepping into someone elses dreamscape for the purpose destruction and murder. The reason you get away with it is because you can’t prove witchcraft in a court of Law because it is of the unseen world and most blackfolk are clueless and lost because they walk in “LACK OF KNOWLEDGE” and they don’t really believe in God like they protest they do so that leaves them vulnerable 24-7.

    Your purchase insurance policys on blackmen, find their weak spots dealing with their health conditions then you go in for the kill like a **** black widow-spider, then you collect on the insurance policy kick back until you stalk your next victim…. and to all my “SHALLOW MINDED” black brothers who really think its all just about $ex… you don’t always know who the fk your donkey’s are sleeping with, this is one of the reasons why God created Laws under the “TEN COMMANDMENTS”, and so it is for the blackwomen also to sustain herself from $exual intercourse outside of marriage. The wages of sin is death, it is the “LAW” of the spirit of God… break it and we become unbalance in nature due to disobedience against our creator and designer.

    Let me put you on notice: There are some blackmen out there who also practice the craft also. But right now I’m addressing you evil demented a$$ colored women who believe your a$$es are so fkn hidden that God won’t expose your dumb-a$$. Let me hip you dirty bytches to something: Ain’t one d@mn thing on the face of this earth hidden to those of us who are called anointed and appointed who walk in the spirit of the living God, and don’t wobble in our fleshly nature. God said your time is up and the “EXIT DOOR” is upon you as we speak.

    Tough Love aka: Unconditional Love / Redbone

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