The Lie That Couples Who Live Together Believe


moving in togetherBy Krystle Crossman

Moving in with a significant other is a big step in a relationship. Many view it as a strong indicator of a long-term commitment, however this may not be as true as we think.

Research was conducted by RAND Corporation on this subject. The leaders of the project were sociologists Michael Pollard and Kathleen Mullan Harris. The research showed that a number of people that were living with their significant others were not confident in the longevity of the relationship.

Data from the Wave III of the Add Health survey was used for this research. They studied 15,197 men and women that ranged in ages from 18-26 years old. Among the couples that lived with their partner, 39% of the women and 52% of the men said that they were not certain that the relationship was permanent. Married couples dropped to 19% for both men and women.

This study indicates that over half of men that move in with their partner do not believe that it means that the relationship is permanent. In fact, 41% of men said they were not completely committed to their partner, while only 26% of women said the same.

Even though these numbers may seem high, it certainly has not stopped the numbers of couples moving in together. A report put out by the CDC in April of 2013 showed that more and more couples were living together and that the relationships were lasting longer. The report used data from the National Survey of Family Growth. Telephone interviews were conducted on 12,000 women between 2006 and 2010. Of these women, 48% were living unmarried with a partner and 40% of those became marriages within the first three years. This tells us that living together does not necessarily mean that they are headed for marriage.



  1. Some people move in for economic reasons. I NEVER considered moving in with anyone UNTIL my second divorce. My boyfriend asked me to marry him before we moved in together so we knew we would marry. When I helped him get his VA benefits we began planning the wedding and were married six months later. We got married when we wanted NOT when others said we should have and we were happily married!

  2. Marriage is a dying institution. Living together makes sense because in some ways it keeps couples honest knowing that at any moment they’re partner could decide to leave. In marriage it becomes very easy to take one another for granted and due to the difficulty of a divorce unhappy couples find themselves staying together. Also the divorce laws are vastly unfair and need to change. The divorce settlements given to women in the majority of the cases are absolutely ridiculous. If you bring nothing but the clothes on your back and your behind you shouldn’t leave with a kings ransom. Living together does away with all that BS. And my God you don’t want to get lawyers involved because they aren’t serving you and their only interest is to bleed you both dry. Bottom line when she lawyers up you have to lawyer up and then the kabooki dance begins. Forget a prenuptial agreement they mean nothing and can be challenged. All the more reason to forget marriage especially so if your assets far out weigh your partners. And men don’t fall for that BS line “if you loved me you’d marry me” being able to get a hold of your assets in the event the marriage fails is what motivates women and if they say it isn’t so they’re a liar.

  3. Some folks live together and never marry, because they do not want a “permanent commitment.” It is easy to live with someone and not be married, because you can, LITERALLY walk out of the relationship. I know divorce can be “messy” but I just don’t see spending 20+ years with someone, pooling our resources and monies together, but we don’t make it official. People who are together, who are REALLY in LOVE with one another, get married, not just live with each other for 100 years.

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