What Every Woman Needs to Ask Herself Before Leaving Her Husband For a Lover


downloadBy: Krystle Crossman

You are married, but you also have a lover. You feel that your lover is your soul-mate despite the fact that you are committed to another person. You are ready to get that divorce, take the shackles off and be with the person that you feel you are really meant to be with. But should this be the route that you go? Ask yourself these questions before you make a decision that will change your life forever.

1. How well do you really know your lover? When everything is new in a relationship, nothing else seems to matter. When you are in this stage however, it is not reality. Don’t discredit the fact that you are with this person who knows that you are married and yet they are okay with lying and adultery.

2. How real is it? Is it just a fling? You are always showing your best side in the fleeting time that you have with your lover, but is that what they are really like out from under the covers?

3. Are you really looking at your marriage objectively? The excitement of having a lover could be clouding your perception of your marriage and only make you focus on the bad, and none of the good.

4. Are you being honest about what you bring to the marriage? Do you really feel that you are the best partner and your husband is the one who is ruining everything You have to ask yourself if you are you taking a hard look at some issues that you may be the cause of.

5. If you have children, is your happiness more important than theirs? Should you disrupt their lives and turn everything upside down for what may turn out to be just a fling?

6. Are you aware of the fact that this fling will probably never turn into a sustainable relationship? Even if it does turn into something serious, who’s to say that you won’t do this again?

7. Are you prepared for the backlash? Friends and family will be shocked and most likely displeased at your choice. Be prepared to lose some friendships or be scolded by family.



  1. This is the classic case of having the cake and trying to eat it, too. How could anybody trust a male or female who is willing to stray from a committed relationship? Marriage is sacred and serious. The inability or refusal of anybody married to honor his/her vows indicates a serious character flaw. Many single males cheat with married women because they are immature, selfish, evil brats who are afraid of responsibility. They can “hit” it and leave (so they think). Cemetaries are littered with bodies of players who got caught. Married women who cheat are no better. Most got married for the wrong reasons and they don’t love their husbands. Almost all of them have unresolved personal issues usually resulting from them not being loved themselves. You can’t love others unless you love yourself first. A woman who leaves her husband for a lover is a wicked, misguided and immature fool. Likewise for a “man” who entertains married women.
    Brothers, be responsible. Be a real man so you can truly love a woman and have an intact family that produces sane, healthy,loving and productive children. Sisters, grow up and realize that commitment to a greater cause (your family) is more important than a possible temporary thrill. Most of you are frigid anyway. God intended for us to have families, Brothers and Sisters. Look at the carnage that is resulting from our disobedience. In concluding, Brothers and Sisters, GROW UP!

  2. Evelyn G. Jackson on

    One simple and all encompassing word for this type of behavior is SIN, and the wages of sin is death–morally, spiritually, and physically-one or all three! We can’t escape the payment. The available way out starts with the heart, a clean heart, genuine honesty, and the elimination of deceit. People struggle with the attractive “demons” that involve selfishness regularly. No one is immune, but the CHOICE always remains the same–When I do/don’t do this, am I 0k with the consequences?

  3. Well said Ronnie. Our Black community has to get back to righteous living and raise our kids in a loving two parent home.

    Keep speaking the truth brotha!

  4. This question should be asked of both Men and Women because I think that Men are more proned too do this more so than Women however it happens on both sides and usually as the article states it ends up in disapointment, regret,and torn families.This is why we are admoinished not too defile our beds because it brings untold sorry and misery that will not go away in a short period of time sometimes it takes a lifetime for one to realize the damage and harm that can come from one act of adultery.

    • I agree wholeheartedly, when we do things that stroke the ego,we are asking for trouble these are the last days and we need to stop being lovers of ourselves selfishly, easing God out.

  5. The best question is GOD’s commandment: Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery…can u afford the price tag? GOD is not one to cross the line with! Obey his commands!

  6. A man cheats and all you get is what a lowlife scumbag he is. A woman cheats and she gets articles with sound advice on how to weigh her options before moving forward. This is a clear double-standard. Cheating is wrong no matter who does it.

  7. I am just amazed at some of the commentary on this particular article. While I do believe that some of what is being stated is true, it seems to come from a very judgmental point of view. God is the only judge. It says that when your brother/sister has been overtaken in a fault, restore such a one. You have no idea on why people cheat, so don’t pretend to know. Teach people the Word of God, prayer and supplication. And let the Lord do the rest. We want people to hear the Word of God before they are expected to live the Word of God.
    Get a clue!

  8. Eric, the statement you made is so true “A moment of pleasure can bring a lifetime of pain.” The grass always looks greener because you both are at your best when sneaking around and this goes both ways for women and men. Neither gets to see the other at their worse. There are things you don’t know about this man such as, does he beat his wife? Does he stay out all night? Does he help around the house or is she working and taking care of home too? This is just the tip of the iceberg as for questions you don’t know the answers to. If his life is that bad at home, why didn’t he get a divorce first before having an affair? Do you think you are the only one he is seeing? NOT!!

  9. blessed and highly favored on


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