What To Do When Your Man Won’t Marry You

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sad brideBy Krystle Crossman

Dr. Sherry Blake is a well-known celebrity clinical psychiatrist. She has people send in questions and she answers them in a column with Essence magazine. One of the most recent questions came from a 33 year old woman who says she has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for three years. She said that they moved in together a year after being together and she asked him to marry her.

The woman stated that her man laughed at her the first time she asked him to marry her. She waited another year and then asked him again. This time he told her “no” and listed out some reasons as to why they couldn’t get married with one of the reasons being that she asked him. She is now thinking of leaving him because she does not want to be a girlfriend forever. She asks Dr. Sherry if she is moving too fast or if leaving is the right thing to do.

Dr. Sherry responded that it was time to pack her things and go. She says that with all of the time that has been put into the relationship and he still didn’t ask her to marry him and also said “no” to her, it showed that he was not ready to be a husband and may never be. Dr. Sherry says that when he laughed at the woman the first time that she asked him it showed a lot of disrespect. She feels that there is no relationship that is worth the kind of trouble that this woman is going through right now.

Dr. Sherry asks the woman why she would want to marry somebody that obviously doesn’t want to marry her? She suggests that the woma go to  a therapist and work out any self-esteem issues that she may be having as it will seem like she is begging for marriage from someone that doesn’t want it if she stays with him. She tells the anonymous woman that she deserves more and hopefully she will see that once she leaves.

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16 Comments

  1. Move on with your life. You should have never moved in with the man-child in the first place. Why pay for the cow if you can get the milk for free.
    Turn your head the opposite direction walk away and don’t look back. Laughing at you was the bottom-line, that laugh said many many things running through his mind especially in this day and time.
    Pray to God to severe “SOULTIE CONNECTIONS” so that you won’t be constanly drawn back and forth in that negative relationship especially when you know from your gut its not going anywhere. You must also understand you don’t have the problem, you were just in a so-called one-sided committed relationship with a man that never loved you, so us it as a lesson / stepping stone to something better for your life. Change your phone number / email address, do whatever it takes to be free of the drama, drop out of sight til you get the totally you back, then login into the “Interracial Dating Central.com” and have some real fun with men of other colors who are all looking for blackwoman with long lasting relationships and marriage as a final outcome. I guarantee you they won’t ever laugh at you or drag you for years, but they will respect you 100% because you deserve it… Be anxious for nothing, drink wine and pray to your God for your freedom. PEACE

  2. *** Where the real fun begins……………………yeah!!!!! Black women are having the times of their life, just login and see…

    Redbone

  3. Thats the reason we are doing the show this Sunday. Love Addiction, Women who love too much. http://Www.nolovedrama.com lets talk about it more…its so common for women to feel that moving in seals the deal. Women feeling like the man is the prize is a major problem that points to self value and the value placed on a relationship that obviously is not on one accord.

  4. SweetTweet on

    Redbone, I agree with you totally. She should not have “shacked”. When he laughed in her face after “she” asked him to marry her, her feelings should have been hurt (I believe her feelings were hurt). She wasn’t strong enough to leave immediately.

    • @SweetTweet..

      Her feelings were hurt, and underneath he’s a real perpertrating dog / user. She moved in with a “FRAUD” and started acting like a “WIFE / aka: free pu$$y, financial ease, and the bytch who washes his clothes and cooks his dinner, and I bet you everything you have in your pockets “HE WAS NOT FAITHFUL TO HER”…

      There’s just something about that (LAUGH) that wrote a “BOOK of A THOUSAND WORDS”..

      Many many black-men drag good black-women.
      Redbone steps on a lot of toes these days but its time for black-women to start opening our eyes up and being realistic, a (GREAT PERCENTAGE) of black-men (DO NOT) want to be in relationships with black-women.
      Black Women are the most colorful beautifullest shapely women on the planet, just because black-mens eyes have been tainted against the black-women does not mean our lives have come to an end.
      God’ our creator “DID NOT MAKE A (MISTAKE) WITH OUR CREATION” and God is (our) “GREATEST LOVER”, and yes most women don’t wanna hear those words because they are so caught up into what we have been taught as little girls /Barbie & Ken.

      God is not telling black-women not to desire a husband, but God has been calling the black-women for years to the understanding that “HE / GOD” our daddy should have been the “FIRST RELATIONSHIP” the black-woman ever entered into before the flesh of a natural man. God is the only entity who created the black-woman, so why wouldn’t God be the one to teach black-women what a true relationship looks like…

      We have (ALL) made mistakes and bad judgements when it comes to black-men, that doesn’t mean we continue to wallow in the BS. Our God created all things on the face of this earth even “red yellow white pink and blue men” so stop denying yourselves to life behind (A BLACK MAN). Redbone don’t hate black men, but reality is reality and its been staring all black-women in the face for a long time. White women ain’t trippin, so why are black women trippin!!!
      Black-women want a man who will cherish her, open up the doors for her, treat her to dinner to the best cuisines, take you around the world, take you on a cruise, its endless. Don’t get me twisted, its not about the things that the men of other colors will do for the black-women, its about the bottomline at the top (LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY), don’t any of you “BELEIVE YOU DESERVE BETTER”???

  5. Why are you guys blocking out my message???

    Log onto: “Interracial Dating Central” and look at all your black sisters living real life, getting married, mixing and blending all over the world, taking their horizons to a higher level…

    What do any of us have to lose? Are you tired of being the beautiful shapely black-women who’s been dragged day-in and day-out by one specific color of man because he (LOOKS) like he has it all, and all it is is just (LOOKS) waiting to swallow your donkeys up because your all stagnated in your mindset to be militant / black to the core, which might I add is losing the battles right now like so many other racist mentality whites…

    Black-woman!! all white people and other races of people are not all haters of the black race.

    Again login to: Interracial Dating Central and go have some fun because those men don’t waste their time playing games. They don’t beat you down mentally or “castrate” your low selfesteem by killing off the true woman that your God created in you…

    Interracial Dating Central

  6. A lot of GOOD Black women have wasted decades on Black men who have given countless reasons why they won’t marry you. If you are grown and established in your career, move on Sister after (2) years max!

    • Two years these days is too long. It should not take a woman that long to figure out if a man is worth her time and if he is marriage material.

      All you have to do is ask God to reveal him to you in such a way it can’t be ignored. Prayer is a good thing, but talking to God is “GREAT”, just be specific in your request down to the bone and visa versa….

  7. Ida Byrd-Hill on

    I would never move in with a man without a marriage license. Remember the old saying “why buy the cow when when the milk is free?” Women move in with men thinking it gets them to marriage faster. They cook, clean, build a house, have sex, birth children etc. Why would a man marry a woman who already is serving as his wife?

    In reality women have degraded themselves. Men still have a vision of what they consider a marrying type women and a live in girlfriend does not fit that vision.

  8. I am sorry this young lady had to endure this. This should be a lesson to all women out there in a similar situation. I do not condone “shacking”. Many times it just leads to turmoil. If a guy is really serious about marrying a woman, most times the guy knows within a year or two whether he want to take the relationship to the next level.

  9. Though I’m a man, I’m convinced that some very young women, even my youngest sister who’s not even 30 yet, could have figured this one out.

    The answer is… “get away from this man and get your life together”, period!

    In addition to making the wrong decision to move in with the guy to convince him to marry her, too many men AND women fall for the false notion that living together will help you determine if you want marriage. Of all the folks I know who’ve lived together, none of them were more prepared for marriage as a result.

    Additionally, this guy was getting all he wanted…all the benefits of marriage without any of the assumed liabilities and responsibilities.

    This lady needs to concentrate on putting God first, and not placing unrequired burdens upon herself, thus enabling any more men from getting all the benefits of marriage from her without the commitment.

    As a brother who’s been married 16 years, I know that marriage requires a certain amount of selflessness and self-sacrificing of ones individual will every now and then. If a man is not willing to do this for a woman, he should not get married. The same is true for women who behave this way. They are not marriage material. As we live in a society that is increasingly immoral, and more selfish, we unfortunately will see less marriages, less happy marriage, and more divorces. However, the 33 year old sister, if she gets life together, doesn’t have to fall into these 3 categories.

    peace.

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