Why Having a Boyfriend Is Really Not That Great

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downloadBy: Krystle Crossman

There are some people who are perfectly happy with being single. Then there are some people termed “boyfriend girls” who never seem to be single. As soon as they end one relationship they are right back in another one with a new person. Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily, but it can change who you are and how you view your relationships in the future.

Writer Rebecca Santiago tells her story of how after always have a boyfriend at one time or another through high school, she wanted to make the most out of being single when she was at college. She would go to parties with her single friends, hook up with guys, but not make anything serious out of it. She only made it four months and then found another boyfriend. She began to question her personality and who she was when she was with someone as opposed to when she was single.

She considers herself a “boyfriend girl” because she always feels the need to have one. But when she does have one it consumes her life. She says that she is a fairly independent person and is fine with doing things alone like going out to eat, but at the end of the day she has this all-consuming need to have someone around to answer her text messages, come over if she needs support, and to make her feel loved. All of this has left her feeling needy and clingy and yet she still is in relationships constantly.

She is currently in a relationship and says that she does not want to get out of it by any means but she also wonders if she would be better off single for a year or two. She wonders if she could fill the voids in her life by being single and finding things to do other than getting a new boyfried.

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10 Comments

  1. That’s a very understandable feeling. I too am a ‘boyfriend girl’ (what I call a ‘relationship person’) but I must say the best thing I ever did was spend time being single. Deny yourself that desire long enough to learn to be content alone. It will teach you not only more about yourself but also how not to settle. It wouldn’t hurt to try it.

  2. Wow From The Heart!!

    What is she so afraid of? She has “Co-Dependent Behavior”… Co-dependent behaviors are about negative infirmities in our lives, in our make-up / DNA (generational curses), areas in our lives that need healing and cleansing.
    This type of healing and cleansing cannot be gained from a 4-wall church institution, nor by any natural means, only by a personal relationship with your God, seeking & knocking / journaling letters to your God, written from your true heart and soul, believing with patience that you do have an expected end.
    It also entales some personal stripping of oneself, so its really about how “DEEP” do (YOU) wanna go to be all you can be to become a “WHOLE HEALTHY WELL-ROUNDED WOMAN IN HEART & SPIRIT”…

    *There is a book called: *[Co-Dependent No More].

    She should be able to find it on Amazon used books, its also not a boring read, and its very very informative.

    T.D. Jakes also have a book that’s been out for a while called: [The Lady, Her Lover, and Her Lord], a fantastic read, very very funny and witty.
    T.D. raps to the black-woman…wink!!

    The other books are called:
    *Women Thou Art Loose
    *So You Call Yourself A Man
    *Loose That Man and Let Him Go

    Many people talk a lot of BS about Dr. Jakes, but when it comes to God’s business concerning his people getting to where they need to be God has given Dr. Jakes the RX for total healing of oneself with God always as the center piece and the creme on the top, you’ll never go wrong, *REDBONE PROMISE and I will stand on it from my own personal experiences… Be blessed my sister!!

  3. When we walk into a store to make a purchase, don’t we always *(READ THE LABEL)… *(CHECK THE PRICE)… *(TAKE OUR TIME) before we make the purchase…
    So why not start allowing your God to become your “PARTISAN”… Your God will never allow you to marry a mate who is less then he has created you to be, unless you have asked him for such a thing.
    God has his “WILL” & his “PERMITTED WILL”, there is a difference.

    A great definition for “God’s Permitted Will” is: You know not what you ask…wink! CAREFUL!!!!

  4. I’m not seeing fear nor codependency. What MAY be happening is an interplay between Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, the need to belong and the need to self actualize, which is often difficult to accomplish when we’re involved with someone.

    Nonetheless it’s about discovering what’s going to make this young lady happy at the end of the day. From the article this is not known. How is it known she believes in God. To place a label or classification on anyone without complete information is very dangerous.

    In my practice the goal is to assist clients to discover solutions for themselves. It’s called self empowerment. Labels and classifations are to put people in nice neat boxes and billing.

    Most people give advice based on their own experiences and fears, not objective thinking for you. Far better to seek guidance from a wise person or objective counselor or therapist.

    • Desiree James

      You know very well there is nothing at all dangerous about my information posted. However yours is dangerous because you only give her a temporary solution that you learned in a secular chemical science lab, pass this class, do it our way (Whitey) and we’ll give you your credentials. I can tell by your post you live in a fabricated world and you know absolutely nothing about surviving and coming out on top because your baby. If your not a baby then your just blind and uninformed period.

      *STOP!!! giving our young black-women “TEMPORARY SOLUTIONS” that only cure the surface and prolong the agony. If she’s always had a boyfriend all of her life from the beginning of the time that was stated in this article, that means she has slept with many men, and that’s an issue within itself, and I’m not calling her a whore or accusing her of bed hopping so don’t even go there. She hasn’t even walked down the isle with at least one of them, and she doesn’t even know who she is as an individual meaning she has no true spiritual identity, and you yourself can’t even identify with what I’m sharing with you.

      Note: Rebecca Santiago…

      You don’t have to receive what I shared with you, but you should be open minded and not allow yourself or anyone to put you in their box.
      Take the information that I shared with you and put it on your shelf, do some meditation and start reading one of the books I shared with you.
      I guarantee you Rebecca Santiago (THE REAL REBECCA ON THE INSIDE WILL BEGIN TO HAVE AN AWAKENING ON A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL), its about growing, changing and building better character, when does that become dangerous for anybody…wink!

    • Desiree!!!
      What are you afraid of! The real truth will put you out of business because its felling many people because it wasn’t built on a solid foundation…
      I have family members who have private practice, and your point is…
      A lic don’t make you right, neither does it make you “FIT-THE-SCRIPT”, and your point is again…

      Its like this:
      There are teachers who are gifted to teach, then there are teachers who are only there because of the “MONEY STATUS & the LABEL”, which catagory do you fall in! Because its clearly not the gifted one. How do I know? Because of the statement you made about my post being “DANGEROUS”, you are un-learned, and people like redbone are your real challenges in the real world.
      Is your lic solving any issues in our black community concerning black on black relationships and family…

  5. How about when you want to STAY single and men just won’t leave you alone? Unfortunately, this is the case for me. I need to pull out some restraining orders!

    • @FWalker

      I’m really not trying to get into your business, but I’d love to share somethings with you / hip you to somethings that people don’t talk about because either they don’t know or their afraid to talk about the subject because they live in a box.
      There are situations in many women’s lives that cause them to draw negative (relationships, men, etc). I will not go into it in this forum. If your interested email me at: [email protected] if not be bless.

      After today I’m unsubscribing getting back to the real down to earth-world… Cyber world is crazy stuck and loving it.

  6. Being single for more than 2 years now has been the most fearing and heart-opening realization of self and God. And other humans. I am aware of my life. Every moment of it. Ive fallen in love being freeto be. I live my life in good will and strive and thrive in the best of my abilities. Now when I do go into a relationship it will be in awareness of myself, him, our families and friends and the world at large. How does our relationship uplift others as we are uplifted in ourselves. I’m living in love with God …and I invited a man to come my way, through his own spiritual journey in Christ. I dare not go down…ever again looking for any one less than. They cannot appreciate that for which they do not seek and are not ready. Sistah must stop picking up strays and male prostitutes off corners off the block and out of prison, and thinking they can feed them cloth them bankroll them sex them and call it a relationship. Meanwhile children in foster care is on the rise, deviant youth is on the rise and they become broken adults dating other broken adults. Get God in ya life get christed get free get awareness. Wakeup! Peace

    • @Get Christed you said it all… your post and words of encouragement from others advising me to continue on in the battle has helped me a lot in the pass 3 days. I’m just ready to shut it all down, these people are “STUCK”, and some love being stuck. Your post is right over the top and electri-fyed too.

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