Why Our Culture Is Abandoning Monogamy

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downloadBy: Krystle Crossman

When you think about being married, you think about being with one person for the rest of your life right? That is how most of us were brought up. But polyamory (multiple spouses) is something that is becoming more of a trend. Here are some things that you may not know about polyamory.

1. There is nothing that shows that being in a monogamous relationship is better for you in terms of your health and how long you live as opposed to being in a polyamorous relationship. For some people monogamy just feels like the better choice for them while other people feel that they are better off with multiple partners in their lives.

2. Monogamy used to be about inheritances and protecting the wife and kids if something should happen to the husband because women weren’t really out in the workforce like they are today. Now women are becoming much more self-sufficient so that logic is no longer needed. These days it is not so much that women feel they should definitely be in a monogamous relationship but more that they want to be treated with respect and not lied to about an affair.

3. Gay men practice non-monogamous relationships often but still struggle with jealousy issues while they are in these relationships. Jealousy is a part of all of us, no matter what our orientation is.

4. Children in polyamorous relationships do just as well as those in strictly monogamous families. Their families need to be open to discussion with the children and answer with what is appropriate for their ages, but shouldn’t hide the relationship that they are in as it could be confusing.

5. Polyamory is not easy. It takes a lot of hard work and an emotionally strong person. There are going to be feelings of jealousy, but as long as the person knows how to keep those feelings at a level where it is not destroying the relationship, they can work through it.

Would you consider abandoning monogamy?

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24 Comments

  1. Absolute “Garbage” only a small High profile & vocal minority of our community have embraced this “perverse” lifestyle primarily those in the Entertainment & Hip Hop community, that many wrongly believe represents the African-American community as a whole. There are the majority of “Every day people, successful Business, Academics & Professionals members of our community along with Clergy & Politicians who embrace, support & promote an traditional, conventional lifestyle & do so happily & with contentment

    • I believe you are living and thinking in a traditional bubble. You are right in stating that a lot of alternative lifestyles are in the entertainment industries. But there are millions of “regular” folk who live their lives differently. I think I can rightly assume you live in a traditional working class neighbor therefore you that is all you see. Go out into the world and you will be amazed at the different lifestyle in the Black community. Black practice different religions, cultures and views. Don’t delude yourself. There is a BIG United States out there.

      • You couldn’t be more off, I have a Master’s degree in engineering as an undergrad. I was a member of the football team & am a 26 year member of a “Black Fraternity” speak fluent Spanish, am a Marines Corps Veteran of “Desert Shield/Storm” & have been on 5 of the 7 continents, my business partner & best friend is a German National. The human animal is a emotionally selfish animal those sexually plural lifestyles fail & fail miserably, there is a active minority culture of that here in the Black Chicago Culture have been invited to participate because I’m a 6’2″ very athletic Bhuddist vegetarian Marathon runner & declined. You surround yourself with “Flowers” you see the world as a garden, you surround yourself with feces you see it as a toilet, you find perversion because you choose to & most likely what you are. My Parents & Grand Parents were together “till death do us part” as a Fraternity Member & a Marine I’ve slept with women all over the US, Europe & Australia & have 1 son with my Ex-Wife, that’s my “Garden”

  2. traditional. ..ummm no not for Africans living on the contenent, what you refer to , hadiya, is traditional for the europeans, of course if we ignore Henry the 8th and that bunch, but getting back to our tradition, it was done for a reason, to make sur all women and children were taken care of in our society. It is even mentioned several times in your bible when ever a husband was killed or died his brother would take his wife as his own and the children, get it…no food stamps or welfare
    My husband and I have several friends and acquaintance es who live the life. all of the women have “chosen a role , stay at home mom, home school, busuness or job, all contribute to the welfare and income of the family and they have all been successful. like the writer of thos piece said, you have to be of strong mind and emotions must be manageable. this is not for the faint of heart…my husband and I have spoken abou
    it, he has left it up to me, , still growing so, we’ll see.

  3. I believe most people have just settled out of exhaustion while dealing with the trust,love relationship battles..to each his or her own, but when does it get tiring to deal with your girl or guy knowing that there is additional parties involved, so your mates problem is not just about him or her, its about him,her and the other attachments..one on one is good enough for me personally.

    • Kiesha your not alone, when a man is mature & secure & content with himself so does he, do you get the faintest impression that; P-Diddy, Lil Wayne or Rhianna are happy people as compared to Married; Ice Cube, LL Cool J or Snoop Dogg

      • C’mon man. I’m mature, secure and content and haven’t been in a monogamous relationship in almost 4 years.
        I’m a 6’2, athletic, educated, and a 17 year member of a certain golden fraternity myself. Marriage and family life has eluded me and not because of a lack of effort so I’ve learned to embrace my polygamous life as I go along.
        To each his own.

        • I actually feel sorry for you, by the time I was a senior undergraduate student I had grown bored with the “conquest” & cheating on my girlfriend “never stopped” but did marry her & father my now 18 year old Freshmen son. My Father was 1 of the happiest most secure men I’ve ever known or had the blessing to have known & was with my Mother till the day he died & never was pleased with my “Doggish” ways. If your still an active “Greek” & an professional then your well aware that the “senior” & most “successful” members of your profession, tend to live & advocate a stable, mature, responsible example on manhood @ all times & in every aspect of life & keep in mind your 17 years as a Brother is far short of my 26 @ 32 years of age I was divorced professional & foolish all over again but I grew up again & finally

          • No need to feel sorry for me brother…As I said, I’m content.
            I do need to correct myself though. I completely misused the word polygamy. I’ve never been close to being married so what I meant to say was that I have an active single life with no exclusive partner at the moment.
            I do realize that most of the biggest success stories/happy people (across the board and not just black folks) are married/family men but there are some of us out here doing pretty well for ourselves while single.
            I think a lot of married/family men and women tend to assume their good fortune (meeting the right person) happens to everyone and that’s simply not the case all the time.
            I can honestly say that I haven’t made any major mistakes or have any real regrets about my social life thus far.

          • al things worked out pretty well for you.but it is not easy to sit down with one chick for 40 yrs, i think that is bs to think most of us will be that lucky and in our community it is luck

          • It has worked for my Parents, Grand Parents & most of my Aunts, Uncles & Cousins, that I’ve shared my 44 years with. Relationships aren’t about luck there about work & sacrifice. My Father taught me that life isn’t about just being happy but sacrifice, obligation & responsibility & that’s what being a “Man” is, then one day you die. So many of you young Brothers & Sisters have not had this since of family & responsibility @ the core of your life & I’m so sorry. If you keep believing a enduring solid relationship is “luck” the issue isn’t relationships or the other person its “You”

  4. Again?! It’s obvious that you maintain a polyamorous relationship with your husband, Krystle, Nomalanga, whomever pulls the strings of this “lifestyle” blog. Our sons and daughters are drenched in a culture telling them to revel in meaningless orgies and dysfunctional relationships. You want to call yourself an enlightening source for women’s empowerment…You might as well be Rick Ross, go somewhere else with this monogamy is dead bs; those of us who have the emotional strength to sustain a monogamous relationship will not miss you.

  5. And this is why we are leading in out of wedlock births, STD’s and HIV/AIDS, fatherless boys who, having having had no strong, fatherly love and “man training”, will grow up to be weak, feminized males; or overly aggressive, angry criminals who will indiscriminately kill members of their own community, sell drugs and turn their communities into cesspools…. while the girls, not having had the love, attention and nurturing of a loving father, will become baby mamas, dyck chasers and will let random dudes treat their puzzies like a trash can, just letting random dudes dump all up and in us. And we wonder why collectively, we are at the bottom of the barrel in every aspect of life, while new immigrants come to this country every day, and surpass us in all aspects of life, as will the other ethnic groups who are already here and succeeding. What do they know that we do know but don’t give a fukk about? The importance of mariage and the traditional, intact, two parent family. Believe it or not we were more well off during JIM CROW and the CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT because we had two very important institutions…the institutions of marriage, intact families and the Black Church to sustain us…along with basic morals and values. Congrats, Black Community, for working so hard to put us and keep us at the bottom rung of life’s ladder.

    • Devon, you hit all the major points! Moreover, let’s not leave out the Rap and Hip Hop songs that degrade women and family values. It also encourages our children to not conform to the white man’s or act white if they want to be good people and get an education. Last but not least, these grown men glorify a criminal mindset and encourage a disregard to human life.

  6. Overwhelmingly blind acceptance of relational conditioning has molded 80% of those who LIMIT pursuit/attaining of happiness/success to being in a monogamous relationship.

    Prior to the infusion of SECULAR RELIGIONS and even within said RELIGIONS intimate long-term relationships were LESS than MONOGAMOUS. Ex. Abraham had permission from Sarah his wife (and half sister) WHILE married to have sexual relations with their help maid. Later Sarah also had relations with another man while still married. Adam and Eve were the ONLY 2 people on the planet prior to their children (I’m not advocating incest). How did propagation transpire if there were ONLY their children immediately succeeding them? Was Jesus virgin when he passed on? We have no record of the 20 (manly) years of his life. Kind David “a man after God’s own heart” was an avid adulterer… Solomon had 700 or more wifes. Tamar… Judah????

    One is not “BLESSED” (happy/successful) because of their lifestyle choices. Rather they are blessed based on the deeds of their life in accordance with the path they choose to follow.

    I’m sure the “Holier than thous” will bash all that I have said when all I am doing is saying THINK about what you LIVE by or BELIEVE instead of BLINDLY going along with things.

    Construction of a RULE/LIMITATION is usually done because what it is inhibiting tends not to be inherently NATURAL.

    I’m just saying THINK before you PREACH. Research before you follow.

    Don’t impose your choices or bash others. “…judge lest not you be…” “…He who is without sin…” If you follow those 2 scriptures closer than you follow what you perceive to be wrong in the lives of others, your heart and mind would be much less burdened or bothered with unnecessary wasting of energy…

    • To guage the development of man by scripture is like doing an anthropological study of 19th century society by examining “comic strips”. During the biblical era & in that part of the world & parts to this day women were viewed as property. There is no mention of “Marriage” in the Bible but “taking a wife” “Marriage” is an 18th century advent. Taking a wife in that part of the world @ that time was similiar to the current process of purchasing a “Used Car”. Anyone who has been through a divorce can tell you its an legal agreement between 2 people & the state just how it was designed, not a spiritual, moral or religious one. Man developed into an monogamous animal because we are an emotionally possesive & selfish animal. There are documented cases of Mormon women abandoning polygamous marriages & even Mormon men even couples with in those polygamous marriages abandoning the marriages & the church. There is also a reason that jealousy as developed into the #1 motive for murder but do cling to your scripture with its dicotomy of Morale standings & ever so confusing & contradictory teachings. When & if you ever find true love you will know, there isn’t room in your heart or Soul for anyone else & the satisfaction in you when you see the pride in your parents eyes when you dress your child & drive over for a visit or occasion as a family

      • I am NOT a religious or biblical person however I am well aware that MOST people who follow these RULES (IMPOSED upon them) tend to ASSOCIATE them with their ASSUMED origin and how/where it was introduced to them in their mental development. This tends to be RELIGION for most no matter how incorrect it may be. People TODAY have based their perspectives on homosexual interactivity on what the religion has dictated to them.

        I’d never base my relational perspective on what OTHERS think or find acceptable. That in itself would be burdensome and at the least illogical. “satisfaction in you when you see the pride in your parents eyes when you dress your child & drive over for a visit or occasion as a family” Really? I would/should be satisfied with my intimate selections based on the PRIDE of my parents? Hmmm. If a person gets into a relationship because of other people regardless of the type of relationship chances are it wont last too long because THEY wont be happy trying to KEEP UP APPEARANCES on account of those other people. If that makes sense to other readers. Wowwwwww….

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