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Why Women Cheat On The Men They Love

sb10064861z-001Cultural stereotypes have caused many people to believe that men are far more likely to cheat than women but clinical research tells a completely different story. In fact, nearly as many women as men cheat. According to s-x expert, Robert Weiss, the reasons why many people think that it is men who do much more cheating are as follows:

  1. Western cultural stereotypes are more forgiving of a man having recreational s-e-x (stud) versus how we tend to view a woman doing the same (s-l-u-t).
  2. The generally more fragile male ego leads men’s thoughts away from even considering they may be cheated upon.
  3. Men engage in more s*xu@l offenses than do women, perhaps giving the suggestion that men in general are more likely to sexually act out.
  4. Women are better at cheating and hiding it then men.
  5. Men are more likely to get caught when cheating (see #4 above).

Now that it has been established that women are far more likely to cheat than most people think they are, here are the reasons why they do it:

Why Women Cheat:

Women who step out on a husband or significant other — male or female — do so for any number of reasons, the five most common of which are listed below:

  1. She feels underappreciated, neglected, or ignored. A woman who feels more like a housekeeper, financial provider, or nanny than a wife or girlfriend is more vulnerable to finding an external situation that brings attention and appreciation for who she is rather than the functions she performs.
  2. She craves intimacy. More so than men, women feel valued and connected to their relationship partner through non-s*xu@l emotional interaction such as touching, kissing, cuddling, gift-giving, being remembered, and most of all meaningful communication. Women who aren’t getting their intimacy needs met by a primary partner may look elsewhere, trying to meet those needs through s*xu@l/romantic relationships. Some of these same women may also engage in alcohol/drug abuse, compulsive spending, binge or consistent overeating, etc., to compensate for the emptiness they feel.
  3. She is bored and/or lonely. Women who find themselves alone at home for long periods of time, perhaps when caring for young children or even after children are grown and gone, can feel that their lives lack meaning, and they may use casual s-e-x or deeper romantic affairs to fill the void. Women who have spouses or partners who are absent for long periods of time related to work (military service, for example) may also turn to s-e-x and affairs to fill what feels like an untenable emptiness.
  4. She never feels fully loved and appreciated. Some women have unrealistic expectations about what a long-term spouse or partner should offer them emotionally and in other ways. Those who are more narcissistic and emotionally immature may expect a significant other to meet their every single need, and also to be a mind-reader in terms of knowing what those needs are. When their human and imperfect partner inevitably fails them, they feel justified in seeking attention elsewhere.
  5. She has an intimacy disorder. Early childhood trauma and/or s-e-xual abuse often lead women (and men) in adult life to problems with addictive s-e-x and/or serial cheating. Such women repeatedly seek emotional intensity rather than relational intimacy. Women with unresolved childhood trauma as well as those with emotional instability — women who carry an uneven and disjointed sense of self — can seek consistency and feelings of importance through intensity-based romantic and/or s-e-xual activity.

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28 Responses to Why Women Cheat On The Men They Love

  1. Montely Reply

    February 4, 2013 at 8:50 pm

    Nomalanga, today’s article coupled with yesterday’s article leads me to believe that ladies are going to start treating you like men are starting to treat Steve Harvey. Your breaking the code and giving up the secrets. For me, this is a testament that you genuinely care about black relationships, and although some may find fault with some of the points you present, I personally think that anything that makes a person think is worth the undertaking. Solid work!

  2. carol54 Reply

    February 5, 2013 at 9:49 am

    More men need to read these articles and maybe women won’t have to carry on in these manners.

    • Ben-it Reply

      February 10, 2013 at 2:52 pm

      I maybe a good idea for men to read these articles, but to me this is information that men should already know and women likewise.

  3. bsbfankaren Reply

    February 5, 2013 at 10:36 am

    It took me two decades and intensive therapy to understand what is written here. I wish someone had said these things to me a long time ago. It would have saved me a lot of time, and perhaps I’d be in healthy relationship now, you see since some of us choose not to repeat past, harmful and hurtful behaviors.

  4. Pingback: Healthy Love: Ever Wonder Why Men Cheat? | Healthy Black Woman

  5. In other words, it’s men’s fault. Apparently, everything is. {{-_-}}

  6. TELLEM Reply

    February 9, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    IF A WOMAN CHEAT WITH A MAN THAT FULLFILL HER LUSTS,WHY RETURN TO A MAN THAT DO NOT FULL FILL HER ****. THE IDEA THAT THE WOMAN COMES BACK TO THE MAN SHE CHEATED ON WOULD BE BASED ON A SELFISH LYING
    ATITUDE THAT A TRUE RELATIONSHIP CANNOT SURVIVE ON.JUST REMEMBER
    WHAT EVER IS IN THE DARK WILL COME TO LIGHT AND KARMA IS A YOU
    KNOW WHAT.

  7. TELLEM Reply

    February 9, 2013 at 6:21 pm

    FIRST OF ALL WHEN A WOMEN DECIDES TO CHEAT IN CONSIDERING SHE IS THE
    EMOTIONAL CREATURE SHE IS,ITS BECAUSE SHE DONT LOVE HIM ANYMORE
    AND IF SHE SAY SHE DOES SHE IS IN DENIAL ABOUT WHAT SHE TRULY FEEL,
    AND DO NOT KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS.SHE IS A DOG JUST LIKE THE REST OF
    THE DOGGISH MEN NO MATTER HOW SHE JUSTIFY IT.

  8. marcus davis Reply

    February 10, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    A bunch of shyte ,women who cheat on the men they claim to love are no different than some men who cheat when they say they love their women.A bunch of self serving hyporcrites either way.If you love someone you won,t cheat end of story.I think some women need to get their heads out of all the soap opera **** they forever get caught up in.

  9. DELORES MAYS Reply

    February 10, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    Maybe it is *** for tat.She is tired of him doing it and decides to get even but whatever you do don’t do that.You see we have a conscience and it hunts you down like a mad dog.Plus you have to pay to the piper[God]for your sin wether in retaliation or not,

  10. Jay Jones Reply

    February 11, 2013 at 3:34 am

    Women don’t respect good guys or Normal guys. They respect players. Guys who do what they wish they could do. As a single guy I can tell you from experience that no one cheats as quick as those who are married. Women take more pride in cheating than men do.

  11. antonio Reply

    February 11, 2013 at 8:10 am

    In Naija, most women cheat in other to meet their economic & personal needs. However, some cheat for d fun of it, esp. in Lagos. Cheating couples are d most angry people on earth.

  12. Ronnie Hughes Reply

    February 11, 2013 at 9:11 am

    One of the main reasons Black men and Black women cheat on each other is because of a lack of love and respect. How can you really love and really respect somebody and cheat on them? That’s almost impossible. Too many people are getting married for the wrong reasons. Too many women are looking for “security”. Too many men are marrying “good looks” and in today’s market, they too are marrying for “security”. I have heard a lot of women say they will marry a man they don’t love and “learn to love him”. But sisters, have you considered this? You can learn to hate him, too.
    First and foremost, Black men and Black women need to learn to love and respect themselves first before they even consider marrying somebody. Marry yourself first. Love yourself first, then it will be much easier to love somebody else. Respect yourself first, then it will be easy to respect somebody else. Also, Black women and Black men should work out their **** with their parents before they marry anybody. Too many sisters have too many unresolved issues with their, too often, absentee fathers. Too many brothers, on a deep level, really don’t love and respect their mothers. RESOLVE THAT **** BEFORE YOU MAKE VOWS THAT YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF KEEPING!! The family is the foundation of all civilized societies. Messed up familes PRODUCE messed up people and messed up people PRODUCE messed up “families”. The authors of the aritcle should be very careful about how they use words. Love and cheating is almost an oxymoron. My little piece of advice: GROW UP Y’ALL!

    • Ms Sophia Reply

      February 18, 2013 at 8:31 pm

      Mr Hughes, I totally agree with every single word you posted & I’m so glad someone has stepped up and told it like it T-I is!
      Because me personally, when the love & respect was completely gone in my long-term marriage …I left & never looked back!

    • willie gibbs jr Reply

      February 22, 2013 at 4:22 pm

      mr hughes that was a good comment, told it like it is.

    • Mrs DW Reply

      May 2, 2013 at 1:00 am

      Appreciate the words of wisdom! Well needed point.

  13. Freddie Laupner Reply

    February 11, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    Jay,

    You the man. You got it right. I’ve had quite a few gals and they are all married. They love the thrill..

  14. Latrice Reply

    February 11, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    Women who cheat are just like men who cheat….just no dam good. Stop making excuses. You don’t go out and sleep with somebody then crawl in the bed with your significant other. Its nasty. You have issues in your relationship, talk, don’t go screw around

  15. stacey shaw Reply

    February 14, 2013 at 9:17 am

    not sugar coating nothing
    A HOE IS GONA BE A HOE
    just like they say there are no good men out there
    THERE ARE NO GOOD WOMEN EITHER
    world is filled with DOGS & HOES
    and brothers if she cut back on u (for an example) from 6 times a week to 3 times a week, it’s not because she’s tired, it’s not because it’s that time of the month, it’s not because she has a headache, or any of the other excuses they use, it’s because JODY has walked into her life and those 3 times ur not getting it is because jody is getting it. Im sick of people saying men are cheaters. Well who are men cheating with? So your’e telling me that everytime a man cheats, he does it with a woman who’s single? Please. ….. He’s cheating with a woman who’s herself out cheating.

    • willie gibbs jr Reply

      February 22, 2013 at 4:19 pm

      mr shaw you hit the nail on the head..no one could have done it better..outstanding comment.

  16. Tony Reply

    March 12, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    It’s really telling to see and read all the comments. Mr Shaw by all means you speak a perspective of the truth. But, if you also look at the other comments. They speak to issues that each of us deals with when these subjects arise. While there are many veiws. As well there should be. Let us not forget, that most. if not ALL of US, have been on one side or the other of these issues. If not on both!! Yes we all do things that others will or will not agree with. But as Adults ,those are conscious choices that we choose to live with. Having the opportunity to air our opinions publically has it’s own brand of “morality” that we all profess. For the obvious reasons. While reading these opinions, it is obvious that alot of them are from pain and unfulfilled opportunities. A lot from pain. I have and probably will in the future do these same things again. Most likely, none of you will be privy to that info. But it will not have any effect on this post. We can not be child like in our opinions ALL our lives!! You are going to be whom ever you are all the rest of your life!! If you are lucky enough to discover who that is. But trying to live in a box , to please people that you don’t know. Or people that probably would not speak to you in a public situation is mere ludicrous!! It’s your day!! Live it as you please!! Understand and remember!! You are not here to please any one but those you choose!!!! Peace,

  17. pharoahe kamau montsho thabiti Reply

    March 24, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    hugh broke it down…for sure we got to love first.learn to love our parents and family…..growing up not havibg a close relationship with my parents,i seen the affects it had on my rel;ationships…that is the first place for love and relationships…

  18. Mrs DW Reply

    May 2, 2013 at 1:14 am

    I’m mArried and think that cheating is wrong. However I don’t think I have the right to call people who do hoes and dogs because there are always more to a person’s story than meets the eye. You never know what a person b.s. is going through and what drove them to that decision and sometimes leaving is not just that cut and dry. I’ve seen it so many times and and at the end of the day people have to do whatever is best for them,they have to be accountable and they need help to get through it or to get out. Just because a person makes a bad decision doesn’t make them a bad person. None f us are perfect and we all make mistakes and hopefully we all learn from them so we can grow as individuals to be a better person,lover,parent ans friend. Ijs!!!

  19. Gman Reply

    May 20, 2013 at 8:23 pm

    When you first meet and you sleep with someone it is due to ****. You later fall in love and marry. That does not mean you you lose the **** for other partners. You respect your spouse enough not to act on it.

  20. Mike Reply

    December 18, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    I recall meeting a pretty 20 something at a club back in the day. She came up to me, bought me drinks and later we had great *** in her car. When I asked for her number to see her again she told me she was married to soldier who was always away. She needed a fix every two to three weeks and would picked up a nice good looking guy to screw. Sadly she told me one of her encounters got her pregnant and she had an abortion. I was just a kid, 19 or 20 at the time and wanted ***. Afterwards I felt pretty bad about sleeping with a married women.

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