Why You Should Skip Marriage

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downloadBy: Krystle Crossman

Do you constantly feel pressure from your friends to tie the knot? Some people just don’t want to get married and there is nothing wrong with that. Here are six reasons that marriage is not for everyone.

1. You can still have security without a spouse. Just because you aren’t married doesn’t mean that there isn’t support and love all around you. If you have kids, you will have support from them no matter what. If you have a boyfriend, they will still understand your needs just as much as if they were your husband.

2. If you say you aren’t married, often times people automatically assume that means that you are alone in life. You could be completely in love with someone, be with them for years and years, and yet people still think that you will end up alone if you aren’t married. This is not true and should not be a reason to get married if you really don’t want to.

3. It is easier to break up when you are not married. Divorce is messy. No matter how civil it is, it is still messy and expensive. Breaking up with a longtime partner is much simpler.

4. You can always get married if you choose to. Marriage has no age limit. At this point in your life you just may not be ready for it, but down the road you may want to tie the knot. You don’t have to rush into it if you really don’t think it’s the right time.

5. Love is mysterious and ever-changing. Marriage is a like a contract that you and your spouse will stay the same for life.

6. You can still have your ring even if you are not married. A lot of people in long-term relationships opt to get engagement and wedding rings anyway, even if they aren’t going through the actual act of getting married. It still symbolizes that you will be together for life.

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47 Comments

  1. This is all bs… Women have convinced themselves they don’t want to be married because they have no prospects and they don’t wanna do the work it takes to put themselves out there. Who wants to be alone for the rest if their life and not leave a family legacy?

    • WOW Monica!!!
      You do have a point, but time has changed, people see it differently now. Marriage is being looked at differently now, so it depends on the individual.
      My youngest daughter is 29 yrs old… I watched her go threw 2 bad relationships since high-school, so many changes wanting to be married and have children because she saw all her friends getting married and having kids. One of her companions got his X pregnant, she forgave him and lived threw it… but then she started playing the step-mama… coming home from work taking care of some other womans child, cooking and cleaning and all of the above… and his azz gave her rules concerning his child… really!!! I had to step back and allow my daughter to see if she was really ready for the marriage game… LMAO she just made a 90 degree turn over 24 hrs, walked away from the relationship and decided she doesn’t want to be married, don’t want no children, does not want to be in a relationship at all… She chose life!!! and I’m happy for her… I have no grand babies and no (son or Daughter-in-laws, but I’m not lonely either… I was married for 18 yrs, started at age 18… I’m free with a better understanding and I taught my children the same values… They need to learn how to enjoy their life first before giving it away to marriage /serious relationship drama… children are with you for life and being black in America is a bytch… I love being single just as long as I’m doing what I wanna do… Loneliness doesn’t live here anymore for a very very long time now, but wisdom does live here. Yes one day I might get married again, but why! if I’m happy with my lifestyle and I don’t have to answer to no man…

      • Your right Redbone;

        ” if I’m happy with my lifestyle and I don’t have to answer to no man…”

        if I’m happy with my lifestyle and I don’t have to answer to no women either….:)

        • WINK!!!!
          You got that right girlfriend, because life is the best teacher, and some people be talking clueless azz bullshyt and they haven’t walk or experienced a damn thing. But they find room to judge and make funky rules and assumptions about how everybody should lead their lives… just a bunch of damn religious demonic-church-chicken-fried-control-freaks…LMAO Land of the f*kn lost / blind leading the blind…

    • Monica you are 1000% right… But since your gonna be politically correct about it, let me add just a little of the tuff love, hard truth.. Its laziness, ignorance, mentally challenged, selfishness, overemotional/drama seeking, wanting to wear the pants and the dress (but only when convenient), older, but are little spoiled girls. Theyll rather live a lie then admit the truth, because the truth will force reality, reality will force a change, and a change is too much work for those that are conditioned and stubborn in their ways. So its easier to embrace denial by talking crap that sounds good… Not all but many….

      • And how old are you RJay!! and what experiences have you walked through in your life that even qualifies you… huh REALLY!!! You sound like your still drinking baby milk. and I hope your not Brandy’s brother RayJ cause then you really need to shut it down BOO BOO..

        • Cindie!!!

          LMBO!!! Cindie just laugh this BS off because these are just clueless babies with no wisdom at all running their mouth’s off. Life will be their best teacher…wink!!

  2. Marriage is man-made…leaving a family legacy is easily achieved via childbirth. I can and will admit that to a degree I don’t want to work that hard to maintain a committed relationship with anyone. Marriage to me is a huge responsibility and takes an enormous amount of pressure and work. I am seeking the easiest way to exit a situation that I am tired of or no longer wish to be involved in and that would include a non-marital commitment. So yes marriage is not for everyone and each person’s reasons differ. Marriage for some is a goal and for others a monumental distraction.

    • ****Laughing Out Loud!!!****

      Too Funny!!! but true!, and its also in the word of God that its better to remain SINGLE…wink!!!
      Bottom-line its about choices…

      • ACTUALLY the bible says its better to marry than to burn with lust (1 Corinthians 7:9). But yes, the bible does mention being single is the best choice BUT that means remaining SINGLE and CELIBATE.

        • Anonymous…
          Your right too…LMAO!!! I’ve become very very spiritually strong because I’ve remained CELIBATE, but I did have to grow just to get to this point and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m too scared to lose what I’ve gained just for a cheap one-night-stand or shacking up. Sex is easy to come by, making real love is not.. Real love can only come from God above where the spirit of lust does not exist… I must have the real deal before I ever say (I DO) in this life again… You and your wife are blessed my brother. I did hear the second time around is like walking in the garden eden… enjoy!!! Until God bring him forth I will continue to enjoy my single wild-and-free spoiled woman of God life… *Religion don’t live here…

    • jjjj…

      See!!! redbone have pissed off a lotta people in here… but I keep coming back to your post cuz this baby is too “FUNNY”, but its so darn true too!!! I bet you could write a book on this BS…
      Many adventures in life are nothing but test God want all of us to walk throw for the purpose of growth and character building. I’ve learned how to laugh at a whole lot BS, and brush a lot of BS off my shoulders, but I love somebody who always have a sense of humor. Some people never get passed their anguish… Great Post / Thanks for keeping me laughing…

  3. Fair article written by a single woman. Let’s just hope some guy doesn’t just mistakenly purpose to her without full knowledge of her feelings about the holy union of marriage. Hope you’re happy being alone forever.

      • Nia & Ray I believe you guys hit it right on the head..What I think is the saddest part of all of this is, MOST of our websites and magazines have these type of women as editors and writers. They spew this style of twisted division from their anger and it gets to sometimes 100,000 people. We must all be very careful when reading and/or passing this stuff around. Many times the info isnt coming from a good source, because they can type, use a computer or even have a degree, doesnt mean their psyche or mental state is 100% in order. Gotta always read into it, all between the lines….

  4. Three words: “are you serious”! Ppl really is this what we come to as a society? To find justification for not getting married? So now we just give excuses for not taking responsibility for our downfall. Marriage is for everyone yeah i said it its for everyone the problem is we dont know the true purpose of marriage we partner up with ppl based on false notions they look good the sex is good they have money or access to money and once that factor isnt a factor anymore we automatically thinks marriage is failing. Marriage is a beautiful thing im on my second marriage my first marriage didnt work because i had no idea what it took to ne a husband i didnt know but thought i did what i want in a spouse GOD wasn’t the head of my life let alone my households but guys let me tell you my second time around me and my wife been together a total of 11yrs 8 of them happily married (which today is my 8th anniversary) and it feels like yesterday when we first met. Stop making excuses!

    • teddybarexxx…
      I gotta give it to you on your post. You are correct, but remember what you also said:

      Teddy’s Quote:
      Marriage is a beautiful thing im on my second marriage my first marriage didnt work because i had no idea what it took to be a husband i didnt know but thought i did what i want in a spouse (GOD wasn’t the head of my life let alone my households)…

      Mr Teddy that makes all the difference number 1 at the top of the list. Anytime people step-outside or go beyond God’s rule of thumb marriage and relationships turn into Mr Toads Wild Ride…wink!!!

  5. @Monica & Ray, I love your post. Our society has become so moraless and place little on commitment. Only bitter and scorned women berate the ideals of marriage.

    The only reason many women are gun-shy is possibly because their parents failed to be committed and suffered from the most damaging disease of past and present, I. MY. & ME.

    Shacking-up has been glorified, and people think that one should change mates as they do their underwear.

    • Joyce…
      Your in denial… My parents stayed together until death do you part /my father passed away…wink!!! I’m divorced, happy content and totally not bitter because it has passed… I’m free my sistah, free-spirited and very very wise, and extremely knowledgeable too, and I’m 53 yrs young and proud of it too. I’m a black women spoiled by her God..
      *NOW CAN YOU SAY THE SAME…??????

  6. I understand that everyone may not want to be married but I disagree that it is man made, it was actually created by God to be a lifetime union.

  7. This article shows some good points,but sex before marriage and shacking up is a sin. I know a lot if ppl are doing it. I’m doing it. I’m wondering if God would let us in heaven? I can’t lie this article really is making me think.

    • Felicia…
      I’m laughing at you cuz my spirit says the same-thing…wink!!! But the word of God also says: nothing can seperate us from the love of God. It also says: the wages of sin is death… but I don’t believe God will destroy us, but God’s words are his laws… If we break mans laws we pay, so its the same with God’s laws… there are consequences / pros and cons to every choice we make. Death doesn’t actually always mean 6 ft. under the ground. But certain blessings can be block or hindered. Sewing only to the flesh can only reap to the flesh… but sewing to the spirit reaps farther into FOREVER / ETERNITY…
      Don’t beat yourself up, just ask God to open up your understanding… and for God-sake don’t go ask the damn bishop preachers ministers church-folks one d**n thing… *ASK GOD ONLY

    • FELICIA! AMEN SISTER! THAT IS THE HOLY SPIRIT CONVICTING YOU. I WAS THERE TOO. I KNOW THAT BAD/GUILTY FEELING YOU’RE EXPERIENCING.
      I’m a HAPPILY MARRIED woman now. I’m NOT going BACK to fornication and shacking. I’M A QUEEN AND I SHALL LIVE LIKE ONE FROM NOW ON! #PROMARRAIGE

  8. I love almost everything about this article. I especially loved the title. I am involved with a man who has never been married but wants to marry me. I’ve been married twice. I love the concept of marriage but I am convinced that I am not the marrying kind yet I have had too many proposals. I think marriage is over-rated, and yes you can have the same levels of securities as married couples without being married. So why should I get married again? It makes no sense to me, and I do feel pressured.

    • I feel you Christine… I wanna get married again too… but every-time a blackman gets too close to me I start sabotaging the relationship because I literally don’t trust them… I got married when I was 18yrs old, it lasted for 16yrs too f*kn long / a d**m horror story it was… Now I’ve got my life back and I wanna enjoy it being wild and free as a bird… I don’t have to compromise, I don’t have to cook or clean-up behind no man, be frickn domestic for nobody but myself. Its endless freedom, and horney only last a minute, and we have too many toys at the candy store to handle our business… or maybe we just haven’t really met Mr. RIGHT!

  9. blackviolinist on

    Reason 5 is what is wrong with marriage nowadays people got selfish and lazy instead of communicating and evolving together simple

    – everybody wants to be young
    – dont want the pressure
    – etc…. excuses

    • BlackViolinist…

      Your only speaking for yourself… Redbone was married for 16 yrs and Ms Cindie was married for 21… so show all of us in the room where selfish came into their equasion?
      You sound like Joyce… talking off the top of your head with no experience concerning the marriage game or relationship /companionships period.

    • Let me tell you something, BlackViolinist: I’ve been divorced for almost 20 years, and my ex-husband lives with a schizophrenic woman (who is exactly like his late mother was). When he had a stroke two years ago, guess who he called on the telephone because the schizophrenic woman couldn’t help him — ME — HIS LONG TIME EX-WIFE!

      And still today, if he needs a ride, I give it to him — to buy him and the schizophrenic woman groceries — and our daughter does the same.

      And our daughter isn’t even allowed to carry the groceries in schizo’s house for her father!

      So talk to someone else about being “selfish”, hear?

      • Miss Cindie…

        I am just busting up around here LMAO!!! I’m not old, but some of these clueless people in her make me seem old, but I guess that’s just the wisdom of God speaking and ministering throw me. Wow!! its really something how many of us don’t have ears to hear and eyes to see, but it is what it is. That happens because they worship the spirit of religion more then they worship their God. Anyway your a blessing my sister, and thank you so much for your post (sharing your honesty)… I’m so excited about life /my-freedom and my special relationship with God that’s better then sex… and for those clueless one who are reading this post Dianna is Redbone and I’ve endjoyed some of the best s*x in this whole wide world from the natural to the spiritual so we are all not on the same-level and I’m only 53 yrs young and blessed to the max with 4 grown children.
        Cindie this is my email address: [email protected]… connect with me, I’m in Las Vegas living a blast… I wanna share somethings with you and introduce you to some people who are really living life, partying their a** off and enjoying their relationship with God and everything God has for them because they no-longer live their lives in a box…

      • Wow!!!! Ms Cindie!!!…
        What a strong woman you are… You see people never know who their corresponding with, they only judge blind-fully off the backs of their own donkey..
        Who was it that fell off the damn donkey and went blind (Peter or John)…LMAO!!! Too funny!!!

  10. I married into a family that had a history (unbeknowst) to me of mental illness. I spent 21 wretched years (the best and most productive ones of my life), in that situation, listening to “churchified” people telling me it was my duty. I’m 60 years old now; too old to do the things I should have done in my 20’s and 30’s.

    So I say to anyone — male or female — it is better to NOT do something that you could live to regret than to BE TRAPPED IN IT.

  11. Thank you Cindie…
    I was trapped in my marriage due to COGIC religious church-folk B.S…. behind family traditions and trying to run away from a demonic controlled environment established by the churches in our own black communities… God is the entity / power-source that rescued me from that tenacious fate… it had totally destroyed and consummed my whole life… now that I have walked threw the fires of he’ll just to get ME back and I’m only a young 53 yrs old too.. I ain’tgiving uup shyt until I know God says its okay /this is the one and I’m in the garden of Eden smiling my as a off because its just that great and its just that good… I also married into a family with mental illness… so I know what your talking about Cindie… dysfunctional drug and alcohol and mental illness… thank God for Jesus dying on the cross me and my children are free for good…

      • Cindie…

        Check-out http://www.pimppreacher.com (Preachers Bureau of Investigation)… Its just so darn overwhelming, but too true. My father was an assistant pastor /elder of the church until he died. When he died his heart was broken behind the COGIC church… But my special prayer for my father was: God please don’t let my daddy die without knowing who you really are. My daddy was a prophet and a good man, he was just blinded by the spirit of religion too long. Some people just can’t come out of the box just to even meet their God half way. Email me /Be Blessed

  12. I don’t agree with this article. Marriage is very important. First off if you believe in Jesus then you know premarital sex is a sin, therefore having children out of wedlock is a sin too. Get married! If you don’t want to be married then don’t do the things that married people do because it’ll lead you to hell. Don’t die in your sins.

  13. Should Black Women only strive to be the Baby Moma? I ask this becuase no other race follows the logic of the writer. Dont let your pride lead you to destruction.

    • Victor…
      So pleasantly said. But if you take a back, step to the side, come out of the box for just one minute, search deep into the hearts of black women who have no mates but are truly worthy of a mate you’ll find its truly (not about pride at all)…
      Bottom-line is many of our black-men are behind bars, unfaithful, not interested in having a strong black-woman for a mate /so their dating outside their race, are on the down-low, have no relationship with their God so they don’t truly understand a woman’s-worth, its just endless accounts.. This is not about pride, although close-minded religious controlling church-folk want to make it about pride and sin. But I say this: Let one with-out SIN cast the first stone / put up or shut up.
      **I totally agree with Cindie Dianna Redbone Anonymous and JJJJ to a certain point..

    • Victor…
      Many black-women are struggling with their biological paternal time clock running out, and for many its become mental. God is not going to destroy or send no woman to hell for being a baby-mama without a husband. The word says: Behold I stand at the doors and knock, but they (RELIGIOUS CHURCH) won’t let me in. So I will go out to the highways and byways and gather up the down-trodden clean them up for the feast. *Sounds like the church will be the last ones to enter into the kingdom of God huh.
      Those are some scary people man / I say run for your life so the rocks don’t fall on you.

        • MS. Cindie…

          Your too funny!!! But your so right on-time.. girlfriend America’s loaded full of damaged black-men. You just can’t trust none of them. Messing around with a blackman these days is like playing with a “Metal Pin-Wheel” with sharp blades on the tip. The only thing that will change the whole messed-up program of the garbage-pale blackmen is God would have to literally erase their exsistence from the face of this earth and start all over again.
          There are some good blackmen, very very very very few in numbers, just not enough to be counted.

    • Most women of color DO NOT WANT TO BE “BABY MOMMAS.”

      It’s this new generation of BLACK MEN who don’t want to marry and raise families with ONE WOMAN….because there are so many more women than men…..they want to run from woman to woman, and they think that makes them MEN!

      I am way too old to be a baby momma. I look back wistfully on the days (1940’s 1950’s, 1960’s, and even the 1970’s), when black men wanted to raise families with black women, and would work hard, hard, hard to insure that their families had the best they could give.

      I know this is true, because my grandfather did it, my father did it, my uncles did it, the neighborhood men did it, my ex-husband did it (I was a “legal wife” — we divorced for other reasons), and today, I have a nephew who is doing it.

      And I am sure that there are other black women who have had the same experience.

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