Woman Married 50 Years Says “If your partner strays, treat it as human frailty”

10

old black coupleBy Krystle Crossman

Marriage is requires work to keep it health and happy. It takes a lot of compromise and negotiation to keep a marriage together. Jane Fearnley-Whittingstall shared 10 tips to help keep a marriage going for fifty years or more at mindbodygreen.com. They are as follows:

1. Face things together. Most couples spend so much time on themselves that they forget about the people in the world around them which is not good for personal relationships.

2. Don’t think that if you marry a man you can NOT change him later. Even if you do manage to change him after you tie the knot you may be wishing for the old personality back.

3. Don’t turn mountains into molehills. Don’t turn the little things into big arguments because ultimately, it will not matter in the long run.

4. If you think you have made a mistake, don’t freak out. You are finally settling in to the idea of being married and being with your partner for life.

5. When you end up having children, make sure you have help from family and friends. You need your alone time as much as couples who do not have children.

6. Talk with your friends and maybe even vent your frustrations and challenges to them so that you don’t take it all out on your partner when they get home.

7. Don’t cheat, no matter what urges you may come across. “Even in the happiest marriages, an urge for extramarital adventure may occur. If you make it past the seven-year itch, it may hit at 14 or even 21 years. If tempted to stray, recognize the urge for what it is: a temporary itch, not to be scratched. If your partner strays, treat it as human frailty. It has nothing to do with your rock-solid marriage.”

8. Try to remember that as you retire, you will begin to spend much more time together and may need some space once in a while. Keep things new and interesting or take some time for yourselves apart from your spouse.

9. Be polite. Manners can make a huge difference even if you don’t think they are that important.

10. Laugh together. Laughter is the best medicine. It is a way to relieve tension and stress and can also help you have fun with your partner.

Share.

10 Comments

  1. Ya think? Me thinks not! LOOK! I'm not asking anymore from a man than what I'm willing to give in a marriage! If I am making the ultimate sacrifice to remain faithful and true to my husband, and putting into the marriage to make it work, I expect the same thing from my husband. So don't give me that, "It's different for a man" crap! We all have needs and we are ALL subject to temptations! But, when you are married, that means you are in a committed relationship with your spouse! Which means that both husband and wife are partners in the marriage together and both need to work together to make the marriage work. And I'm not trying to hear none of that, "You was never there for me" EITHER. No, spouse who cheats in their marriage does so because they are nasty dirty dogs! Not because their spouse was not there for them! And do not assume that your spouse is a mind reader. If there's an issue or concern, you need to communicate that with your partner. Don't make any assumption that they are suppose to be able to read your mind just because you are married to them. Also, I think that married couples should read 1 Corinthians 7:1-7. I think the entire chapter of 1 Corinthians chapter 7 is great. But, verses 1-7 are specifically design regarding what spouses' obligation are in their marriage.

  2. Adrienna Turner on

    GOod points but mom would argue on #5, no help from fam/friends. #7 is my concern, human frailty with infidelity?

  3. Patti Peoples on

    No, it does not. I will say, I was surprised when I saw a “bit-piece” about this almost a year ago
    in another country’s media. However, in this celebrity- marriage, there is longevity, financial resources, that should be more important to protect.If discretion is used,( hahaha, I know)like the wife is not “assailed with gossip” like is obviously happening; a wife will, most definitely, be hurt inside. But, she also might be glad too ! Just a men get tired of the same “old thing,” women do too! Women just don’t have the freedom and
    opportunities to get a partner discreetly, if desired. I’m so sorry that this issue has become public knowledge. I remember when “the Donald Trump-scandal” went viral (as they say now). It did so because the “other woman” couldn’t keep her mouth shut, and accepting the “lies” of her lover, she thought she was smart, taking matters into her own hands. Soon enough she became the ” second-ex” Mrs. Trump, got her”prize,” she quickly got what her predecessor was given by her. Everything fell apart. No woman wants to share her husband with whom she’s had a home and family, and she’s worked as hard, alone, when business calls the “bread-winner” away. Marriage can stand; ask Hillary Clinton !

  4. Girl-Melody Lucas on

    I agree w/ her. I've only been married going on 3 years and HUMAN FRAILTY is not something to be ignored or taken lightly. For someone it may be sex, for someone else it could be alcohol, work, weed, etc. Every person has a struggle and every person will have a time (ESPECIALLY in marriage) where they will be faced w/ battling against themselves NOW and a commitment they made THEN. It takes a special spouse and all of God's grace to FORGIVE and move on from something like infidelity but it CAN be done and a marriage can get 10x stronger.

  5. Girl-Melody Lucas on

    Joan…you're right but I feel the issue is remembering that a person can have all the info, scripture, communication, etc in the world and they still mess up. That's where the lack of forgiveness comes in when it comes to infidelity. There are MANY things, reasons, situations that can cause someone to be unfaithful but it all comes down to a person acknowledging the wrong, asking forgiveness and having a forgiving spouse. Its really not all that black and white. Maybe a spouse just doesnt know how to do what his/her spouse needs/wants/request. That's why people use the excuse "I dont have time to raise someone else's child." Point is: It rare that two personalities just mesh soooo well that they really never have a disagreement to the point they're asking "WTHeck did I get myself into?" And sometimes that question can open a lot of "not the right way" doors. Not an advocate for cheating AT ALL but I cant ignore "human frailty."

  6. Girl-Melody Lucas, I know that none of us is perfect. That's why we need God. Because God did not make us perfect. But, God gives us everything that we need to strive for perfection in Him. And just because God did not create man perfect it does not mean that we should just justify cheating as human errors and give ourselves and our spouses permission to cheat. I honestly believe that the reason why black men especially cheat on their women is because a lot of black women expect that from black men. And that is why a lot of sisters get exactly what they expect! I think that if you are in a relationship you need to know what you are doing or you don't need to be in a relationship in the first place. Therefore, ignorance does not justify cheating either. Because if you are that stupid you should not be in a relationship in the first place. What kind of person would justify a stupid person for cheating except another stupid person?

Leave A Reply