When you fall madly in love with someone you tend to think about marriage. As the relationship progresses you want to get married even sooner and don’t think about how the relationship will change after a few years of marriage. But before jumping head-first into a commitment such as that, there is some advice that s*x therapists, Dr. Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman M.A. say you should pay attention to.
1. You cannot go back to “the way it used to be”. There is no going back. Once you have become comfortable with each other and have settled down after the “honeymoon” phase, you cannot go back to that period. You can however work hard at maintain a strong and healthy relationship. If you wish you could go back to the earlier years you will only make yourself miserable.
2. Couples cheat. Have an open and honest discussion with your spouse if you develop feelings for someone else. This may hurt them at first, but it is better than sneaking around with someone behind their back. They can help you to work through it and to get rid of those feelings.
3. Everyone changes. It is a fact of life. People never stay the same and as they grow older and wiser, things about them will change.
4. There is no “making it work”. It either works or it doesn’t. Have open communication with your spouse about your needs and feelings and why you are feeling like you need to “make” the relationship work.
5. Your spouse will never be exactly who you want them to be. You will never find that “perfect” person because no one is perfect. Do not try to mold your spouse into the perfect person because it will frustrate them and could lead to the end of your marriage.
6. Many people compromise too much in a marriage. They are afraid that their spouse will leave them if they aren’t accommodating enough so they will try to give in to whatever they can in order to make their spouse happy.
7. If you want a happy marriage you need to fight fairly. Before you even get married talk about how you want to get through an argument. Blaming and judging is no way to go about it. Talking rationally is.