Sometimes, my female friends have difficulty determining if a relationship is real or if it’s not. Finding something steady is like seeking a job in your field: You’d like to know if the job is permanent or a temp position. Not knowing the difference can be a problem, since a high paying temporary position might cause you to pass over something that pays less, but offers more security. This is one of the biggest mistakes I see my female friends make, who can’t tell the difference between a man who views them as a sexual conquest, vs a man who sees them as a long-term mate.
If you’re not seeking commitment, then ignore this. But if you are, here are a few ways to know if your situation might be the real deal:
1) He calls you consistently, every day – When a man establishes a pattern with you, that means that you’ve gained some territorial rights in his life. He is thinking about you every day and looks forward to talking to you at night. He sees his time with you as an oasis to get away from the stress he has been feeling that day. You’re becoming his pillow and his rock.
2) He seeks you out on holidays – Holidays don’t lie, especially Valentine’s Day. If he doesn’t seek you out on the day meant for lovers, then he doesn’t love you and probably has no plans to do so. But Christmas and Thanksgiving can tell a lot too, since he might at least want to connect in meaningful way, even if he won’t yet bring you around his family.
3) He is open and honest when you ask questions about other women – Ask your “man” this simple question: ‘When’s the last time you slept with anyone else?” If he dodges the question or gives a vague answer, that means that he has info he doesn’t want you to know. A man who sees you as commitment-worthy is going to communicate with you in some important kind of way. A “playa” knows how to keep his business quiet. If you don’t ask questions, he won’t volunteer any information.
4) He gives you plenty of his time – A man can give money to a lot of women, but he only has so much time. Don’t measure his love by how much he spends on you, measure it based on whether he gives you plenty of time, without acting as though he always has something to do. A person who values you wants to be around you, no matter how busy they may be.
5) He doesn’t go AWOL – One sign of a true playa is that he disappears for long periods of time. If you heard from him last Thursday and he pops back up on Monday, that most likely means he was with another woman. Text messages don’t count, since you can text anyone from anywhere. Also, short phone calls in transit don’t count, since he may be trying to call you while he’s away from his girlfriend. If you go more than three days without more than 30 minutes on the phone, that could be a problem.