Four Simple Ways To Get and Keep a Black Man


proposingBy Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

I was reading what appeared to be a rather touchy blog post entitled Men Reveal Why They Stop Being $exually Attracted To Their Wives.

To summarize it, it basically suggested that maybe the reason that men lose interest in their wives as they age is that they are no longer young and fertile and this is just a natural process as men should be attracted to women who look like they can bear them children.

Naturally, this post created quite a stir and I have to admit that the comments responding and reacting to the post made quite an interesting read. I was able to look across the Facebook pages on which the post was shared as well as the ones on the post and from what I saw, there was a trend in terms of what Black men say it takes to hold their attention. The following are the four ways to get and keep a Black man:

1. Love him – Many people mistakenly think that love is something that you feel but it is much more than that; it is actually in your words and actions. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses and loving someone means that you treat them with love and kindness though it all.

2. Feed him – We’ve all heard the cliche “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. Well, it seems that even though modern relationships leave a lot of room for a lot of flexibility in gender roles, a lot of men still appreciate it when their woman puts on an apron and gets busy in the kitchen.

3. Respect him – I have heard it said over and over again that men need respect the way that women need security. Of course women need more than just security and men need more than just respect but respect is certainly one of the most important things that a man needs from a women if he is going to invest in a long term relationship with her.

4. Go above and beyond “in the bedroom” – To say that women should go above and beyond “in the bedroom” is my polite way of translating some of the comments that I saw, but I think we all get the point. Intimacy is certainly a huge part of any romantic relationship but unfortunately, when women juggle work, kids and other aspects of their lives, they tend to “drop the ball” on this very important area.

I’m always interested to hear what men have to say when it comes to relationships and what they desire in marriage. It was great to see so many men respond and be clear about what it takes to keep their attention. Ladies, you may agree or disagree with the above information, but you can’t claim you don’t know what men want. Of course there is more but I would say the above four points are a great place to start!

Nomalanga helps Black women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , a former College Professor and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s Facebook page or Follow her on Twitter



  1. *yawn*

    That’s with ANY MAN! And no thanks to the article.

    One-sided loyalty is for suckas and mammies like the writer of this piece…

  2. Pingback: 4 simple ways to get and keep a black man | YNaija

  3. Those were so generic. Try these:

    1) Protect your womanhood!
    Don’t have kids by guys that you are not married to.

    2) Clean up your attitude and behavior!
    No man wants a woman who is always keep up a rift with her man.

    3) Love yourself, including your natural hair!
    Many of the behavioral issues of black women have to do with their insecurities. Get some therapy and become more self-aware. Oh and your hair is naturally beautiful. Overtly obvious hair pieces (wigs and extentions) look nasty and likely carry odor and will cause scalp erosion.

    4) Stop allowing media personalities to entertain you and stop accepting their concepts of “beauty.”
    Real men are less likely to be attracted to women who watch reality shows that depict the ratchetness of black culture and black women ie. Basketball wives, any show that starts with “The Real…….” Scandal, ect.

  4. I agree with the four suggestions above, but Vaughn hit the nail on the head…Vaughn’s suggestions ties In with my husband’s and I’ve been happily married to my husband now just shy of 3 days it’ll be five years. Im natural…hair, nails, body and all, if ur not r eal with self, how can u be real with someone else!!!
    ~love and care for self, then u’ll be able to appreciate loving someone else, and receiving love from others~***RESPECT URSELF***

Leave A Reply