I happened across the reality show “The Houstons: On Our Own” and while I reckon I probably won’t watch it again, I was very touched by some of what I saw Bobbi Kristina (The late Whitney Houston’s daughter from her marriage with Bobby Brown) going through. She was having a moment where she was crying and telling the person she was confiding in that she was hurt because she felt like the people who paid a tribute to her mother at the “BET Awards” are now saying that they are celebrating her but she remembers them judging her mother and criticizing her when she was alive.
It got me thinking about the people that we surround ourselves with and how we know who we can and cannot trust. For us “ordinary” people, when we have friends and family who want to be around us, they generally don’t have ulterior motives. When people acquire wealth and fame, however, they may enjoy a lavish lifestyle but they don’t have the same luxury that we “ordinary” people have, where we can generally assume that the people who say they love us actually do.
So the question then comes up: How do you know who you can trust? While we are not celebrities with luxurious lifestyles, we still do encounter people who may have ulterior motives. What if the person with the ulterior motive isn’t someone who”s after your fame and fortune and you’re a woman,maybe a young woman, who is hopeful that she will meet “Mr. right,” fall hopelessly in love, get married and live happily ever after but you run into “Mr. Wrong”? What if you’re a stand up guy who’s trying to do the right thing and some woman sees you as a walking paycheck that she can collect through the child support system?
The answer is really simple-you have to trust your instincts. Your instincts are often that little whisper in the back of your mind or in your gut that tells you that something doesn’t feel right. It may look right, but there is a small nudging that tells you different.
If you start to listen to your instincts and let them guide your decisions, you will get better at listening to them and trusting them.
Some people are a little more suspicious or paranoid than the average person and should not trust what they think is their instinct. Sometimes fear can be mistaken for instincts. The way to tell your fears from your instincts is by looking at the situation and being honest about whether or not you’re re-living a past hurt or pain. If, for example, you have a pain associated with a co-worker, you may start a new job and then start to suspect most, if not all of your co-workers of doing something hurtful to you.
It is wise to speak to someone who can be objective and who cares about you so that they can help you think through situations and remove your fears from your daily interactions and then you can start to learn how to decipher your inner voice and separate it from your fears. As you learn to trust your instincts, you will be better able to discern who you can and cannot trust. You will also begin to know when you’re being fearful and can then work through your fears without them taking over and causing you to make the wrong decisions.
As for young Bobbi Kritina, from what I can see, she has some wisdom because she can recognize that not everyone who says they love you and care about you actually does. It may be harder for her to discern who the “real” people in her life are, but I can appreciate that she has the wisdom to question people’s motives; do they love her or do they love the millions that her mother left for her? That will always be the lingering question and I hope she will be able to make the right decisions by trusting her instincts.
Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s Facebook page or Follow her on Twitter